Jealous Paul Ryan Asks Legislator With 37% Approval Rating What His Secret Is
WASHINGTONFinding himself unable to contain his jealousy toward his fellow lawmakers latest poll numbers, House Speaker Paul Ryan reportedly pulled aside Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) Friday to ask him what the secret is behind his 37 percent approval rating.
Hey, Joe, youve got to let me in on your secrethow do you manage to pull in such incredible favorability numbers? Seriously, its insane, asked Ryan, cornering his fellow legislator in a Capitol building hallway and offering him increased federal funds for his district in exchange for some insight into the congressmans enviable popularity among more than a third of voters.
I cant even imagine what its like for you, having nearly two in five people approve of your performance. God, that has to feel incredible. If you could just give me a couple of tips on how to make a positive or neutral impression on that many people, Im sure I can take it from there. Please, Joe, help me out.
At press time, a dejected Ryan was reportedly calling his closest corporate donors for some positive reinforcement regarding the job he was doing.
http://www.theonion.com/article/jealous-paul-ryan-asks-legislator-37-approval-rati-55719