From the Bible

[kentuck]

Last edited Thu Apr 13, 2017, 08:58 PM - Edit history (1)

"And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness."

— Isaiah 34

==============

Fucking unicorns. You think they're all about rainbows and gummy bears, but you just couldn't be more wrong. Everything they touch turns to fucking bloody, dusty, fat.

http://www.dumbshitthebiblesays.com/?dumbshit=7

[Warpy]

1. The only real unicorns are narwhals and rhinos,

and what would happen if they rained from the sky sounds pretty accurate, blood and grease splattering everywhere as they hit the ground.

Sometimes you can take this stuff literally, you know.

[beam me up scottie]

2. Never forget:

RIP unicorns and dinosaurs.

[chimpymustgo]

3. Damn. There's a bunch of b.s. in the bible - but that's pretty special. Thanks for the laugh.

[njhoneybadger]

4. And they wouldn't even get on that ark

"The Unicorn" Lyrics
The Irish Rovers

A long time ago when the earth was green,
There were more kinds of animals than you've ever seen,
They'd run around free while the earth was being born,
But the loveliest of them all was the Unicorn.

There were green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

Now God seen some sinning and it gave Him pain,
And He said "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain."
He said "Hey brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do,
Build me a floating zoo. And take some of them...

Green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
Don't you forget My Unicorn."
Ole Noah was there to answer the call,
And he finished making the ark just as the rain started to fallin.
He marched in the animals two by two,
And he called out as they went through, "Hey Lord, I got your..."

Green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord I'm so forlorn,
I just can't see no Unicorn."

Then Noah looked out through the driving rain,
Them Unicorns were hiding, playing silly games.
Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring down,
Oh them silly Unicorns.

There were green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Noah cried "Close the door, cause the rain is pouring,
And we just can't wait for no Unicorn."

The ark started movin, it drifted with the tide.
Them Unicorns looked up from the rocks and they cried,
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away,
And that's why you'll never seen a Unicorn... to this very day.

You'll see green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
You're never gonna see no Unicorn.