United sorry for falsely accusing gay father of fondling his child

[n2doc]

(CNN)United Airlines is apologizing again for their treatment of a passenger.

Henry Amador-Batten, a gay father flying to his North Carolina home last Saturday, was accused by United flight attendants of inappropriately touching his son on the flight, setting off a police investigation and angering the boy's fathers.

"This is not how anyone deserves to be treated," Amador-Batten's husband, Joel, wrote in a Facebook post for their gay parenting blog DADsquared.

"This is not something that should have happened in front of my son. This is not something that anyone should have to worry about happening to them on a flight just because someone might not like the looks of them."

more

http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/26/us/united-gay-father-trnd/index.html

[luvMIdog]

1. despicable! fugging bigots imagine and notice what they want to see

[Hassin Bin Sober]

4. Yeah, it was pretty "off" - he had his hand on his son's lap on an airplane

Did you read the fucking article?

[cwydro]

6. "Pretty off"?

Why don't you read the article and explain to us what was "off" in your opinion.

[Ms. Toad]

8. As a lesbian mom, and child sexual abuse survivor,

I can't even begin to tell me how angry your post makes me

No one should ever be afraid to comfort their frightened child out of fear that their gender, apparent age, or sexual orientation makes them a target for false allegations of child abuse.

This man was comforting his 5 year old son, who was afraid of flying, by resting a reassuring hand on the child's leg - something I have done hundreds of times with my daughter (and continue to do now that she is an adult, during painful or frightening medical care). Men, generally, and gay men in particular, are targets of inappropriate reporting merely for engaging in normal parental behavior.

My daughter is well past the age at which I was at risk for being reported for inappropriate behavior - but if you carried through with your threat to report the normal parental comforting behavior that was described in the article (which you apparently believe is "suspicious" or "pretty off&quot in response to my interactions with my child, you would have been facing a lawsuit.

Of course, equally offensive, is the possibility that you didn't bother to read the article and merely jumped on the bigoted "gays want special rights" bandwagon, assuming that this was an instance of a gay man wanting special dispensation to abuse his child without fear of being reported.

Yes, truly suspicious behavior should be reported - regardless of who the potential offender is. But normal comforting behavior by a parent is not suspicious behavior, and should not be used as a weapon against male/gay/older parents.

[hrmjustin]

12. Political correctness? off?

What a crappy post!

[MineralMan]

13. Oh, dear.

I hardly know what to say in reply to that...so I won't. But, please think longer before posting a reply, OK?

[athena]

16. This culture of fear is what is destroying this country.

About ten years ago, when I was a grad student, I was on campus on a Sunday. Just as I was about to enter the building where I had my office, a woman came up to me and said she had seen a man drag a child into that building and was concerned that a kidnapping was taking place. I vaguely remembered that I had seen one of my colleagues enter the building ahead of me; he was divorced and spent the weekends with his daughter. I told her it was no problem, that I knew him, and that he had a daughter. If I hadn't been around, she would probably have called the campus police on him.

What the woman did was disgusting: she assumed that a man spending time with his daughter was a dangerous situation. If my colleague had been female, the woman would not have been concerned. This kind of behavior is sexist: it perpetuates gender-based roles. It discourages men from spending time with their kids. If it's a woman hanging out with a kid, dragging her, or playing with her, it's fine; but if it's a man, we have to make sure he's not a child molester! A man should be either at work or hanging out with his male buddies; children are women's business!

As horrible a problem as child molestation is, it is not a problem you are going to solve by poking your nose into people's lives. Child molestation does not happen in broad daylight; it is not perpetrated by people who look strange or unusual. It happens in the dark, indoors, and is perpetrated by people -- usually men -- who are believed by everyone around them to be good Christian people, family men, and pillars of their society. Such men appear so virtuous that when a child tries to speak to an adult about what is happening, the adult assumes the child is lying. If you want to do something about child molestation, just be there for the children around you; your children, your relatives' children, and your friends' children; be someone they can trust. (See https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-can-i-protect-my-child-sexual-assault) All you're going to do by "speaking up" in public about people who look suspicious to you is annoy people and hurt them for looking different and defying gender roles.

[angstlessk]

3. How did they know he was gay? I saw nothing in the link? Were they given a heads up?

[nini]

5. I wondered the same

This is one odd story.

[Ms. Toad]

9. As a lesbian parent, who occasionally traveled with our child without my partner,

I can tell you that 5 year olds with two same gender parents haven't yet learned that not everyone has two moms or two dads. Probably every trip she would have (1) called me mom and (2) referred to her other parent as mama.

It's not rocket science.

(However - the reporting may also have been triggered by the fact that it was a male engaged in more stereotypically female comforting behavior, not to mention that he would likely have appeared to the the age of a grandparent, rather than a parent. All of which could have inappropriately factored into the report)

[nini]

15. The whole article leave a bit to be desired the way it was written.

Don't get me wrong.. if this guy was singled out because he was gay that is absolutely unacceptable.

I agree that if it was a woman this probably wouldn't have been thought of twice which is a whole other issue

[gvstn]

24. O/T

I was just reading a book in which one of the characters was not particularly studious. At one point in trying to explain some idea he exclaims, "It's not rocket surgery!". I am chomping at the bit to slip that into conversation sooner rather than later. It cracks me up every time that I think of it. I don't care what people think of me.

[sarah FAILIN]

7. When I comfort my children, I don't do it like that.

I hold their hands, put my arms around their shoulders, hold myself close to them as a shield of sorts to make them feel protected. I think it would look odd to me to see any male or female, gay or straight resting their hands near or on a childs' groin. It doesn't matter the persons sexuality.

[athena]

10. No one has appointed you as the definition of proper behavior.

There are different cultures in the world; many of the behaviors in those cultures are different from yours. Indeed, many of your behaviors would be considered completely inappropriate in other cultures. Try going to Japan without first learning about what is considered polite and what is considered rude there, and you will see how badly your behavior comes across. Even if you spend years studying Japanese culture, you are bound to make major faux-pas and offend people unintentionally, sometimes permanently.

And just because something looks "odd" to you does not mean it is inappropriate. People have their own lives, their own personalities, and their own ways of expressing themselves. There is nothing wrong with a father resting his hand on his son's lap to help him relax and go to sleep. I am sick and tired of Americans sexualizing everything and not realizing that some situations that look sexual to them are not, in fact, sexual at all. I am sick and tired of white Americans who are so uncomfortable with their own emotions that they are not satisfied with suppressing their own emotions; they also have to supress other people's displays of emotion. I am sick and tired of having to live in this country that has been taken over by the culture of fear, in which everything that does not fit a strict definition of proper behavior according to a self-selected group of arbiters is suspect.

[NutmegYankee]

11. +1000 nt

[sarah FAILIN]

19. Well I hope you feel better after all that.

There are people whose job it is to analyze and define proper behavior though and having a hand "near the genitals" as the article states would be odd to them. I asked my husband, who happens to have that job if he would be concerned and he agreed. The words "near the genitals" leaves you to imagine hand on or beside the penis, not much else. We are not talking about using the wrong hand to eat or pointing the wrong way in other countries.

Flight attendants are actually trained to watch out for things that are off with adults as relating to children and young adults to help fight sex slavery. If it looked odd to them, I would believe it was because of the training they have received. Everyone praises the flight attendant when they save a sex slave victim, but not today.

My point is that it looks odd to me no matter the sex or sexuality of the people involved which is where it looks like the post was going as if gay parents were more likely to abuse. I do not think that is true since the action looks equally odd no matter the sex or orientation.

[athena]

22. If you read the article, he had his hand on his child's lap.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. A hand on a lap, by definition, is a hand "near the genitals". Note that no one claimed the man's hand was "on" the child's genitals. This is exactly what I mean by sexualizing something that is not necessarily sexual.

If you and your husband were correct, the man would not have been let go after questioning, and United would not have apologized. But you ignore that fact and presume to know more based on a few words in an article that you don't seem to have read in its entirety than all the people who interviewed the man and his child.

As I posted above, if you really want to do something about child molestation, you should be there for the children in your family and in your friends' families. Thinking that child molestation is something that is carried out by strange-looking men on airplanes shows an amazing level of ignorance about how child molestation really takes place. You are much more likely to find child molesters in your extended family and your circle of friends than among strangers you see on airplanes. And you are much more likely to help by listening to and watching the behavior of the children you know than by watching the behavior of strangers who don't behave in public the way you yourself choose to behave.

[sarah FAILIN]

25. This is what the article says... near the genitals

"The incident began when flight attendants on a flight from Newark to Raleigh-Durham told police they observed a male passenger with his hands resting "near the genitals" of a boy, according to a Raleigh-Durham International Airport police report."

I am not saying that because the father had acted this way meant that the child was being abused, I'm saying the airline was justified for being alarmed by it because it is odd no matter the sex or sexuality.

These flight attendants are trained to look out for this sort of stuff. The father was in the family of the child, not some strange looking man on an airplane like you say. He is actually in a place that is very common to find an abuser, but you don't want to consider that.. If you are talking about ME personally doing something to stop child molestation, I do a lot of paperwork to help my husband in his work and I support him when he comes up on a case that upsets him. He can't do a lot to stop this since he is brought in after the damage has been done. You think you would feel differently if I personally knew the parents in this situation? I doubt you would because you are all hot under the collar that I say touching the genital area is odd in the first place, no matter the sex or sexuality. Maybe if more people thought it was odd, less kids would be abused.

[athena]

33. There is no suggestion that anyone touched anyone's genital area.

A parent putting his hand in a child's lap is, by definition, resting his hand "near the genitals" of the child. That is what the article indicates this person did. What bothers me is that so many people immediately think of child molestation or sexual slavery when they see a man doing something that would not be considered at all odd if a woman did it. You claim you would have been just as alarmed if a woman did it. Really? If a woman rested her hand in her child's lap on an airplane, you would report her to the flight attendants for child abuse? I find that very hard to believe. Indeed, if that's really the case, you must have reported many women to flight attendants and other authorities. I, as a child, used to sit holding my grandmother's hand in my lap all the time, including on airplanes, and no one once reported my grandmother for child molestation. Women are supposed to be the caregivers of children. Men aren't. And this is exactly what this story is about.

What I find disturbing is that so many Americans want to turn the United States into a police state in which people have to watch their public behavior at all times, lest someone report them to the authorities for "odd" behavior according to a very narrow, white, Western, heteronormative, and sexist definition of what constitutes acceptable behavior. You can continue to make offensive insinuations about me for daring to call you out on your insistence on making others behave like you do. The fact remains that you think you're taking a stand against child molestation, when all you're doing is punishing people for being different from you.

ETA: Your claim that flight attendants are trained to recognize child abuse also turns out to be wrong:
http://abc11.com/travel/father-angered-by-united-airlines-accusation-at-rdu/2029460/
Excerpt:

The ABC11 I-Team contacted the International Air and Hospitality Academy to learn more about flight attendant training.

Kimberly Dugger, the lead instructor, explained flight attendants are not mandatory reporters, and thus do not undergo formal training when it comes to child abuse. When it comes to children, flight attendants are more concerned with watching out for children ages 7-11 flying alone.

"We usually keep them at the front of the airplane so we can keep an eye on them," Dugger said. "We'll talk to them and make sure they're not scared or feel alone."

In the Amador-Batten case, of course, 5-year-old Ben was not alone and instead was traveling with his father. Dugger added that flight attendants have no way of knowing people's relationships on board, but that's where communication is key.

[sarah FAILIN]

34. I think your source may not be a reputable one

My link below has different perspectives as there is training going on for this.. We have no idea what trained the staff so we don't know how good their training was.

Now we did not see the way the dad was holding his son, but when I read a report that says someone has their hand near a child's genitals, that is exactly what I think. A hand on the inside of the thigh or anus area. That is never ok no matter if the person is male or female. That is "grooming" behavior. The only person saying lap was the person that had the police called on them. You want to defend someone you don't know though, go right ahead. I'm just saying the staff that saw this is the only ones that know the truth.


http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/flight-attendants-train-spot-human-trafficking-n716181
Airline Ambassadors

It's that kind of intuition that former flight attendant Nancy Rivard, founder of Airline Ambassadors, is trying to instill in airline staff across the nation as she trains them on how to spot the signs of human

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement arrested 2,000 human traffickers and identified 400 victims last year. Since 2009 Airline Ambassadors has been working to make sure that when a trafficker flies with a victim, the flight crew is trained to spot and report them.

Last week Rivard and several of her colleagues flew to Houston to meet with approximately 100 flight attendants who volunteered for the Airline Ambassadors training session on how to recognize human trafficking.

[MineralMan]

14. Different parents; different styles.

Not "groin." "Lap."

[sarah FAILIN]

17. "near the genitals" is what was said

Not lap.

[MineralMan]

18. That's what the worried passenger reported.

Dad said, this:

"Amador-Batten, 53, was pulled aside and questioned by police when the flight landed. He told police that his son was afraid of flying and that he had his hand on the boy's lap to help him feel secure and go to sleep, according to the police report."

The deal is that the "lap" is "near the genitals." Intentions are what matter. How many times have you seen a parent pick up a toddler-aged kid by the crotch area? I see it all the time, with both mothers and fathers scooping up their giggling kid that way. That's "near the genitals," too.

For pete's sake, the police talked to the father. He explained and they told him to have a nice day. Nothing wrong happened here, except that some other passenger got all squidgy about something and just had to tell someone about that squidgy feeling.

Feh!

[sarah FAILIN]

20. Flight attendant said..

"The incident began when flight attendants on a flight from Newark to Raleigh-Durham told police they observed a male passenger with his hands resting "near the genitals" of a boy, according to a Raleigh-Durham International Airport police report." It wasn't another passenger that reported it the way I read it

I can honestly say that I can never remember picking up my kids by their groin. I would put my hands on either side of their chest, under the arm, scoop them up and set them on my forearm. That idea of grabbing my kids by the groin is foreign to me. It would be just as foreign for a man or woman no matter the sexuality was my point.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

23. People whe see a parent's hand on a child's lap as sexual give me the creeps.

[sarah FAILIN]

26. This is what the article says... near the genitals

People that touch a child's genitals gives me the creeps.

[Cal Carpenter]

28. Now we've moved to *touching* genitals?

Your imagination is the problem here.

The headline is that the airline apologized for **falsely** accusing the passenger. That's the story here.

Now you've got him not only guilty, but of **touching** the kids genitals in public? That's all you. It says a hell of a lot more about you than it does the father in question.

**html isn't working so I'm using **s for emphasis/bold/italic/...

[sarah FAILIN]

29. Not my imagination.

I am responding to the person that said "hand on a child's lap as sexual give me the creeps". I did not say he was "touching genitals in public", lol. That you are twisting what I said to the other poster to imply that it was about the story says a hell of a lot about you.

They didn't falsely accuse him of anything. They stated what they saw. The corporate offices apologized for something that didn't happen. There is nothing here saying the cops didn't refer the names to the child services department for further investigation even though they let them go at the airport.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

30. Like I said...

[vanlassie]

31. You are kidding. You need to refresh your memory.

Adults pick unruly children up by scooping them any way they can. Often it's one hand between the legs and the other around the chest. Anyone who thinks "genitals" are in any way part if that equation is just overly "concerned."

[sarah FAILIN]

32. Not in my home

Never.

[hunter]

21. Good fathers are supposed to smack their sons and tell them to quit acting like girls.

Comforting children is unmanly.

[democratisphere]

27. Like drumpf, the airlines.have gone completely insane.