Trump completely vindicated!
Leading conservatives today are celebrating the fact that Comey's Capitol Hill testimony produced no evidence that President Trump ever sold US nuclear secrets to Vladimir Putin in a pizza parlor basement
"This is good news," said GOP strategist Henri Landru. "We want him to draft an executive order, directing Congress to move on from this pointless nonsense and to open an investigation into Benghazi"
According to reports, Mr Trump spent the day deciding whether his next tweet should be "STFU Spicer" or "Sean should STFU"
White House spokesperson Bathory Erzsebet said Trump had always denied selling classified information to the Russians and preferred to spend his time playing golf
New polling suggests that many voters hope that now Trump can again feel undistracted by national security issues and resume his role as the lazy incompetent narcissist they supported last November
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