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Mon Jun 12, 2017, 08:04 AM

This is why Trump's administration was doomed before it started

Trying to Make the Narcissist Accountable is Keeping You Hooked

As we know narcissists often act in ways that defy all definition of normal. They regularly break the rules, tell lies, break promises, degrade, demean and exhibit unjust, aggressive and abusive behaviour that is inappropriate, childish, without remorse and totally inhuman.

It’s likely, if you have suffered narcissistic abuse, that you have a high level of integrity, and it’s likely you’re known as a person who does the right thing. You have a conscience, and because you do, you’re mindful of considering your environment and other people.

Therefore you will be dismayed, and even regularly incensed by the narcissist’s inability to conduct themselves appropriately, or abide by basic human morality and decency.

It’s likely that you will fight for decency and morality. Before long you’ll find yourself lecturing and prescribing ‘correct behaviour’ as if you were talking to a 5 year old.

YOU act responsibly and uphold your integrity, therefore why shouldn’t THEY?

Life with a narcissist is like a bag of tricks, and a box of chocolates. You never know what will morph out of thin air, or be unwrapped next. You are constantly on edge, walking on broken glass and suffering from high levels of anxiety. Understandably you want the instability and madness to stop…

Forcing accountability logically seems to be the answer, so that the crazy feelings and fear can end.



Your Integrity Is Used Against You

It’s extremely important to know the strength you possess – integrity, is in fact one of the greatest weapons that the narcissist uses against you. Firstly understand the narcissist purposefully targets people who have high levels of integrity.

The reason is he or she knows:

You will take responsibility for cleaning up the messes that the narcissist creates.
You will stoically work overtime on cleaning up these messes.
You are the perfect person to blame, because you vehemently try to prove your integrity to the narcissist, rather than leave, despite the abuse.
By focusing on trying to get the narcissist to act like a responsible and considerate adult you will hand over lots of much needed narcissistic supply (attention).
The narcissist can accuse you of lack of integrity in any area you pride yourself in – (being a good parent, a caring role model, a pet lover, an honest business person etc. etc.) which grants omnipotent delight when the narcissist views how much this maims you.
You will be a partner ‘who loves and cares’, therefore willingly handing over your resources, time, support and money.

By preying on your need for integrity the narcissist has set you up to lose your mind. The more he or she attacks and pillages supply and resources from you as a result of your high levels of integrity – the more you will try to righteously force the narcissist to be accountable. In fact you may go out of your way to prove a point, and do the ‘right thing’ – to set the right example, hoping that the narcissist will learn and start acting like a decent person.

The narcissist by the very definition of what a narcissist is, does not want to be accountable, does not want to ‘play fair’, does not want to conform and does not want to ‘do the right thing.’ A narcissist believes playing by the rules makes him or her like everyone else.

In fact the narcissist watches you doing all of the ‘right things’ and inwardly laughs about how pathetic you are for doing it, and loves it because it gives him or her ample opportunity to keep mining supplies whilst you keep trying to force him or her to be as ‘good’ as you.

The narcissist believes ‘being good’ would mean being reduced to a mere human, swallowed whole and controlled by the system. The narcissist thinks this will create vulnerability and take away his or her ‘edge’ of remaining separate, having the upper hand and securing narcissistic supply. To co-operate means he or she will have no way to steal energy to fill up the empty painful void within – and this would spell emotional annihilation.

The Narcissist Fights Dirty

The need for integrity creates the perfect forum for the narcissist to unleash his or her most powerful arsenal. Within arguments he or she has a wide open playing field with no boundaries. This is like a blood-thirsty game of mortal combat with no rules. The narcissist has no conscience, therefore an endless amount of nasty tools are readily available.



These include:

Outrageous lies in order to gain whatever goal the narcissist has in mind.
Gas-lighting techniques in order to get you to doubt yourself.
Imagined allies to back up his or her claims.
Malicious comments to maim you.
Attacks on your integrity to disarm you.
Expert projection to make what he or she did your fault.
Purposeful outrageous and childish non-sensical comments to incense you.
Refusal to remain on the topic at hand.
Insistence on boundaries within the conversation, granting him or her all the rights to continue speaking, and you none.
Discard and abandonment techniques regardless of the state you are in. (The more distressed you are the more delight in abandoning you).
Attacking you in regard to your distress, hysteria or anger that has occurred within the argument.
The ability to use any of the above (plus more) to purposefully punish you, and create the highest level of anguish possible.

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/trying-to-make-the-narcissist-accountable-is-keeping-you-hooked/

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 08:17 AM

1. Sounds totally accurate. If it's happening in personal life, you can defend yourself by

leaving, refusing to engage. How do we deal with this when it's the government of our country?

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Response to enough (Reply #1)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:17 AM

8. What I was thinking

We have to wait for 2018 or 2020 before we have the resources to get out.

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 08:26 AM

2. See, This Highlights a Giant Mistake

I had a reasonably decent relationship with a raging narcissist for years and the key is a strong sense of self and NOT TRYING TO CHANGE them. It will never happen. My relationship had its ups, which we both enjoyed. But when things got outta hand, "See ya." You have to set yourself in the relationship on your own terms. Decide where your boundaries are, make it clear where they are, and stick to them. Protect yourself always.

One of the big mistakes people made with Trump was, "Oh he'll change when he gets the nom." Nope. "Oh, he'll change now that he's elected." Nope. "He'll definitely change when he gets in office." Nope, nope, nope. Personality is stable in a 70-year-old.

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Response to RobinA (Reply #2)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 08:53 AM

3. This is why I rejected all of the "give him a chance" bullshit

Immediately after he'd stolen the election, the press and Trump's stupid idiot fuckhead supporters began telling us to "respect the president" and "give him a chance."

What those stupid idiot fuckheads either couldn't comprehend or chose not to comprehend is that we saw Trump very clearly, and we knew that every second of his administration would be an unholy disaster, and we were completely correct.

The notion that Trump would change or would surprise us was the pipedream of his idiot fuckhead supporters, but no one with any sense of reality believed it even for a moment.

Of course, the media was desperate to believe in Trump, offering his ever-shifting and inconsistent statements as evidence that his positions were evolving, but that too is an idiot's pipedream.


Trump is not complex, he is not cunning, and he is not a sophisticated thinker. He doesn't even have the alleged "social intelligence" for which Dubya was praised. No, Trump is a manipulator and a bully, and he should be treated like a toddler with a machine gun.

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 09:12 AM

4. Great information, SummerSnow..

Thanks to you for bringing this here, and to Melanie Tonia Evans for the insight into the mind of a narcissist. We are seeing the Gropenfuhrer exhibit these characteristics, which is helpful in developing ways to counter his actions, and those of his sycophants.

On a personal level, this information is also extremely helpful to me in a family situation. I'm seeing these characteristics in a family member, and have been sucked in several times by their tactics. No more.

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 09:35 AM

5. I was targeted by a pathological and very malignant narcissist, at my workplace - I left

I had planned to work another 3 years before retiring, but it wasn't worth the stress. Yes, it was that bad. And, HR wouldn't do anything about it because they didn't want to deal with this individual, either. They had tried, but this individual was so skeevy and evil, they found loopholes in our union contract that, it seems, nobody else ever knew existed.

And the worst thing about this type of person is, weaker individuals find it easier to join, rather than oppose them. Yea, they are all supportive AFTER the attack (if the attacker isn't within hearing range) but during the attack, they are silent as the grave. I learned a whole lot about many of my co-workers lack character, that's for sure.

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Response to Siwsan (Reply #5)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:00 AM

6. Yep I had one too at my work

 

He eventually left on his own.

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:17 AM

7. A person with integrity is dangerous to Narcissists

which is why they get rid of them. Comey may be many things but no one yet has called him a liar, except Trump when he isn't saying that Comey totally vindicated him.

It's gotten much easier for us to understand Trump because he can't find a hole or a rock he can hide under as President. The spotlight he so wantonly craved is what is undoing him.

As for the Republicans in office helping him? Well maybe they have something to hide just like he does. We've been assuming that even though some fishy things come down that basically they're honest. But they aren't. They're as corrupt as he is. That to me has been the takeaway regarding their support of him and their refusal to hold him accountable.

The stench of desperation is everywhere with the Republicans. Paul Ryan made a fool out of himself trying to defend Trump as "not knowing protocol or how Washington does things". His stink pervades. And Sessions is a cesspool also.

May the fumes they ooze choke them.

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:23 AM

9. This description of narcissism...

...characterizes the entire Republican Party, especially members of Congress and right wing media figures.

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Response to Trueblue Texan (Reply #9)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:51 AM

12. I agree and have been saying it all along

I was married to a person with this for 10 years and what the rethugs do is the same, only tRump just does it to a higher level.

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:29 AM

10. Thank GOD he's a narcissist! At least this gives us a chance to defeat Ryan's calm

 

lucid EVIL!

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Response to SummerSnow (Original post)

Mon Jun 12, 2017, 10:36 AM

11. it's unfortunate that it doesn't seem to be easy to isolate narcissists in society.

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