This is why Trump's administration was doomed before it started
Trying to Make the Narcissist Accountable is Keeping You Hooked
As we know narcissists often act in ways that defy all definition of normal. They regularly break the rules, tell lies, break promises, degrade, demean and exhibit unjust, aggressive and abusive behaviour that is inappropriate, childish, without remorse and totally inhuman.
It’s likely, if you have suffered narcissistic abuse, that you have a high level of integrity, and it’s likely you’re known as a person who does the right thing. You have a conscience, and because you do, you’re mindful of considering your environment and other people.
Therefore you will be dismayed, and even regularly incensed by the narcissist’s inability to conduct themselves appropriately, or abide by basic human morality and decency.
It’s likely that you will fight for decency and morality. Before long you’ll find yourself lecturing and prescribing ‘correct behaviour’ as if you were talking to a 5 year old.
YOU act responsibly and uphold your integrity, therefore why shouldn’t THEY?
Life with a narcissist is like a bag of tricks, and a box of chocolates. You never know what will morph out of thin air, or be unwrapped next. You are constantly on edge, walking on broken glass and suffering from high levels of anxiety. Understandably you want the instability and madness to stop…
Forcing accountability logically seems to be the answer, so that the crazy feelings and fear can end.
Your Integrity Is Used Against You
It’s extremely important to know the strength you possess – integrity, is in fact one of the greatest weapons that the narcissist uses against you. Firstly understand the narcissist purposefully targets people who have high levels of integrity.
The reason is he or she knows:
You will take responsibility for cleaning up the messes that the narcissist creates.
You will stoically work overtime on cleaning up these messes.
You are the perfect person to blame, because you vehemently try to prove your integrity to the narcissist, rather than leave, despite the abuse.
By focusing on trying to get the narcissist to act like a responsible and considerate adult you will hand over lots of much needed narcissistic supply (attention).
The narcissist can accuse you of lack of integrity in any area you pride yourself in – (being a good parent, a caring role model, a pet lover, an honest business person etc. etc.) which grants omnipotent delight when the narcissist views how much this maims you.
You will be a partner ‘who loves and cares’, therefore willingly handing over your resources, time, support and money.
By preying on your need for integrity the narcissist has set you up to lose your mind. The more he or she attacks and pillages supply and resources from you as a result of your high levels of integrity – the more you will try to righteously force the narcissist to be accountable. In fact you may go out of your way to prove a point, and do the ‘right thing’ – to set the right example, hoping that the narcissist will learn and start acting like a decent person.
The narcissist by the very definition of what a narcissist is, does not want to be accountable, does not want to ‘play fair’, does not want to conform and does not want to ‘do the right thing.’ A narcissist believes playing by the rules makes him or her like everyone else.
In fact the narcissist watches you doing all of the ‘right things’ and inwardly laughs about how pathetic you are for doing it, and loves it because it gives him or her ample opportunity to keep mining supplies whilst you keep trying to force him or her to be as ‘good’ as you.
The narcissist believes ‘being good’ would mean being reduced to a mere human, swallowed whole and controlled by the system. The narcissist thinks this will create vulnerability and take away his or her ‘edge’ of remaining separate, having the upper hand and securing narcissistic supply. To co-operate means he or she will have no way to steal energy to fill up the empty painful void within – and this would spell emotional annihilation.
The Narcissist Fights Dirty
The need for integrity creates the perfect forum for the narcissist to unleash his or her most powerful arsenal. Within arguments he or she has a wide open playing field with no boundaries. This is like a blood-thirsty game of mortal combat with no rules. The narcissist has no conscience, therefore an endless amount of nasty tools are readily available.
These include:
Outrageous lies in order to gain whatever goal the narcissist has in mind.
Gas-lighting techniques in order to get you to doubt yourself.
Imagined allies to back up his or her claims.
Malicious comments to maim you.
Attacks on your integrity to disarm you.
Expert projection to make what he or she did your fault.
Purposeful outrageous and childish non-sensical comments to incense you.
Refusal to remain on the topic at hand.
Insistence on boundaries within the conversation, granting him or her all the rights to continue speaking, and you none.
Discard and abandonment techniques regardless of the state you are in. (The more distressed you are the more delight in abandoning you).
Attacking you in regard to your distress, hysteria or anger that has occurred within the argument.
The ability to use any of the above (plus more) to purposefully punish you, and create the highest level of anguish possible.
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/trying-to-make-the-narcissist-accountable-is-keeping-you-hooked/
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