When someone you love/like is a Trump supporter

[Astraea]

What do you do? Or what did you do when you found out?

This has just happened to me. I like this person, but now I'm thinking I had them all wrong. Part of me says it shouldn't matter, but then the other part of me thinks it says a lot about what kind of person they are. I keep seeing Facebook posts supporting Trump, saying we should praise Trump, and I just go "Ewwwww.."

I could only imagine what would happen if I was married to someone like that.

Has anyone else had this problem?

[luvMIdog]

1. if I was dating them I'd dump their ass

[Persisted]

16. Broke up a 24 year marriage over a man who said to me

in December "Everybody's saying this is terrible... But how bad is Trump really going to be?"

[Warren DeMontague]

24. damn, that's heavy.

[Persisted]

27. Don't worry. Not my marriage. nt

[Warren DeMontague]

30. So you broke up someone else's marriage?

Either bravo or , I guess.

[Persisted]

45. No. His marriage, his responsibility.

I certainly was not his first dalliance.

[Warren DeMontague]

48. ...Those 'family values' Republicans, huh?

[Persisted]

57. It was thw hypocrisy. .. being pro Trump and an utter freak

In the bedroom.

[Loki Liesmith]

53. Wait

You had a "dalliance" with a fellow because he thought Trump was OK?

It's early yet so maybe I misunderstood.

[Persisted]

55. No, the married gentlemen I was seeing

Expressed pro-trump sentiments. And so I knew it had to end.

[RhodeIslandOne]

61. It was barely a pro-Trump sentiment....sounded like a rhetorical question

I mean if someone doesn't know shit about politics, I could see them saying that. In December.

[Persisted]

65. NYPD firefighter, pretty high up theappointments ladder.

Extremely Savvy about politics and about the potential of what Donald Trump could do.

[adigal]

72. Was it my brother in law? He is a Chief in the FDNY and as asshole racist

Said some things he had better hope never get out.

[Persisted]

84. PM me. nt

[Eko]

2. Sorry,

Run, just run.

[hrmjustin]

3. When I post something Political on Facebook I make it so my Trump loving relations can't see it.

[Missn-Hitch]

21. Do they return the favor?

[hrmjustin]

59. No. I see their crap all the time.

I can keep it off my fb timeline but recently I ended that because they slowed down in posting Trump love.

[Missn-Hitch]

66. Then why do you prevent your posts from being seen by them?

I have to see their stupid, ignorant posts too. Things have quieted down, surprisingly.

I have posted 1 per month since the Tragedy of 1/20/17 so I try to preserve only the best, most annoying, most insulting jabs for those. Hell - I would have to say, some of these folks posted 5-7 per day when the last, real President was in office.

[hrmjustin]

67. Because they make comments and my liberal family and friends will make comments to them

and it turns into a mess.

It is just not worth it.

[Missn-Hitch]

68. Yep. Sucks.

My group of people, the larger facebook family, tends to stay off of each other's lawns. I can think of only 1 post where they started piling on and it turned into a large thread of back and forth. It was to let people know I have gay friends and Muslim friends.

I usually won't respond directly. If I see a worthy post, I will find the post from the original source and re-post it with a snarky comment - just hoping the target sees it.

I am glad to have DU.

What a tragedy. Have a good day anyway.

[dalton99a]

4. If it doesn't affect your mental outlook, pretend it's a defect and live with it

if you can

Otherwise, say adios

[RandySF]

5. That would be a deal breaker for me.

I've dated Republicans in my lifetime but it was a much saner era. Anyone who likes Trump after everything he's said and done must have a similar world view.

[Rorey]

6. I don't have to imagine

My husband, who is a life long Democrat, voted for 45. It's been rough.

[furtheradu]

18. "rough"??? I am SO sorry. 💖

I canNOT imagine. It must be like a betrayal.. "who IS this person?" A "life long Democrat"??
You take CARE of YourSelf. & DU can be a Wonder FULL Source of support & Comfort. Let us know if You need anything, to vent, or whatever.
Trust YourSelf. 💖 ALWAYS.

[Rorey]

36. DU and my adult children have gotten me through, so far

Thank you.

I feel like he has joined a cult. I think if 45 is exposed for what he really is, my husband will see the light. He watches Fox News!!! He actually said a few days ago that I should watch it with him because ALL of the other outlets were "fake news".

Last night he watched Kelly's show with Alex Jones on it while I was gone. He was sickened. Then I told him that Jones was one of 45's sources for "news". He seemed pretty surprised. I'm still holding out hope that he'll come to his senses. Divorce would be difficult, but it's not out of the question.

[american_ideals]

39. You hit on it - key is Fox News, not DJT

Forget about the president, focus on persuading him that Fox News lies to him. Show him the recent article that Fox stages their talk segments with the Democrats planned to lose the argument. (It's like the WWE!)
Tell him how Murdoch is a billionaire that wants to destroy the govt to cut his own taxes. Give him Franken's book (Lying Liars Who Lie...).
Tell him about Koch, Bradley, Olin, Scaife foundations.
Didn't Rick Wilson write an article about clickservatives chasing $$?
Buy a hat that says "Fox News Harms America".

You will never change his mind unless he realizes the propaganda media is lying to him. Once he realizes that, he'll come around quickly.

[Rorey]

43. Good advice

He may be too far gone, but I will definitely use your advice. Thanks.

[american_ideals]

49. It's like a cult intervention

It's important to add new information so they can see outside their bubble.

Here's the article about how Fox scripts their shows
https://medium.com/@tobinsmith_95851/how-roger-ailes-fox-news-scammed-americas-la-z-boy-cowboys-for-21-years-1996ee4a6b3e

Charlie Sykes has written a few articles about how conservative radio also knows they are lying.

[RhodeIslandOne]

62. Was he non-politcal before?

It sounds like he didn't care until a celebrity ran for office.

[chowder66]

7. I would say try to get away from computers and tv's and do other things away

from politics and vitriol on the internet. See if that helps. If not, re-evaluate.

[LOL Lib]

8. I have a cousin 2 years younger that voted Trump.

When I found out, I first blamed it on her being influenced by her husband. I couldn't rectify this in my mind that she made the choice to vote trump without some outside persuasion. I love her dearly, like a sister actually. I decided that trump has already cost me lost sleep and some sanity. I refuse to let Trump cost me a relationship that I hold dear. She and I never talk politics much anyway, so I'm determined to ignore that she voted for 2Scoops. She alone did not elect him. I hold out hope that she will one day learn that she voted for the wrong person. She made a mistake, but I'm not going to let it ruin our friendship. However, I do admit that I will never view her the same. Kinda like when you learn that santa is not real. I still love everything else about Christmas, but Christmas is never the same after you learn the truth.

[nocalflea]

25. "I will never view her the same. "

I have become wary of the Trump voter in my life. Part of it is the psychological makeup of some voters and another part is "You are a better/smarter person than that". I do find myself asking "Who is this person? " and now I place less trust in them.

I too refuse to jettison this person from my life. My love for this individual is too deeply rooted for that to happen. We rarely talked politics in the past and don't now.

[adigal]

73. I just can't ignore that family voted for a man who mocked the disabled

Reporter. And women. Minorities. Wanted to kill the children of terrorists. Walked in on 15 year old Miss Teen Universe contestants.
How do you still support someone who supported that with their vote? I just can't get past that. My entire family except for my sister voted for Trump. My husband's entire family..i havent talked to them since Nov, except my 87 year old mother who has cancer. I feel I have to tolerate her. But the rest....I see hate in their souls. I just cant.

[LOL Lib]

85. I understand what you are saying.

It is like you don't really know the person as well as you thought. I was in shock at first.

With my cousin, we are literally like sisters in that we grew up together. I know her deepest secrets, desires, and most importantly her heart. I have to look at her trump vote as an aberration, a one off mistake. If she were to continue a path of supporting a radical racist, I would re-evaluate our friendship.

For now, politics is off the discussion table. I will see how things go when trump is ousted.

[inanna]

9. I'm walking this line a lot actually...

not in the romantic sense (I can't even!) - but both my father and my brother think Trump is A-1.

There's also a co-worker of mine.

Yep. The Trump mindset has affected some here in Canada, and it is quite disturbing.

I just try to avoid talking politics with those I know I will clash with. That's why DU has long been my refuge!

[Pholus]

10. The fault is our own (at least in my case)

For years, I simply presumed that the Trumpettes around me would come around when the weight of evidence made it clear they were in the wrong. So I stayed silent to avoid polarization. That was a mistake. It meant that they took it as my tacit acceptance of their righteousness.

At this point I am highly vocal and critical of Trump and everything GOP. I will never again stop. I am turning the memes and thoughts they expressed about Obama right back at them (for example I posted the "Miss Me Yet" picture of W and said it took nine years and Trump but yeah, I now miss W). I describe in lurid detail exactly how every Trump policy makes the 1%ers rich and screws the working class. I make it plain I have a right to do so because Trump's policies are emptying my pocketbook directly -- and there is no counter to that because they have played the "aggrieved taxpayer" too long to credibly fight the idea. My local Trumpies are dismissive at this point, but I have thrashed them enough times that they don't try to fight me on the details.

In other words, it's the inverse of the Obama years. After a mere five months, my assertions are now completely unchallenged at this point. And I repeat them, every chance I get. I connect GOP buffoonery to every negative bit of news I can. I explain how it can and should be done better.

I will never again let them go unchallenged in the name of politeness. They either can handle that, in which case the discourse is healthy, or they can't and they aren't worth talking to.

[Leith]

12. Good For You!

I'm all for giving people back exactly what they dished out.

[MLAA]

11. Here's how I approached this challenge

Completely disassociated from 4 friends of nearly 30 years. They were the only republicans friends I had. I realized many years ago that I didn't want to make any new friends that were republicans. I tried to grandfather clause them in during the Bush years...but when agent orange hit the scene I couldn't justify spending precious time with people who supported misogyny /racism/ disdain for poor / anti LGBTQ / etc.

[Freedomofspeech]

47. I did the same thing...

With no regrets. We live in SW PA in the middle of trumphumper country. We are blessed with many good liberal friends, so screw these people. Anyone who could watch him mock a handicapped person and say the hideous things he did and vote for him...I cannot forgive them. They are as bad as him as far as I am concerned...no heart or soul...petiod.

[Expecting Rain]

13. Dead to me.

Unequivocally over. Done. Buried. Gone.

[tblue37]

14. Yes. I have found myself automatically disconnecting from a couple of

people because of their support for him. Maybe they regret it now, but I have not checked back with them because it they are still on the Trump train I just do not want to know.

[democratisphere]

15. Time to move on. Supporting drumpf says a lot about who and what they are.

[MFM008]

17. I'm fortunate

I don't know anyone who approves of maggot.
My sister has a libertarian bend but even she hates him.

[progree]

19. 24 million people losing healthcare ...

[No Vested Interest]

20. I just say to myself that this person has poor political judgment, and try to

stay away from the subject of politics.

[bluecollar2]

22. I tried dating a Republican

But in the end our values conflicted too much.

Save yourself the trouble.

End it.

[Warren DeMontague]

23. Weird. I don't see any posts like that on Facebook. Not a single one.

No question, part of the reason is that most of the people I'm friends with are some varietal of Liberal/Progressive/Democrat etc.

And the circle outside that, there might be a few what could be considered "old school" Bob Dole or Poppy Bush Republicans--- who are appalled by the guy.

And I'm also sure there are a few- not many- actual Trump supporters, but they've been staggeringly quiet, especially in recent weeks. Hmmmmmm.

Now, it's not like I'm not willing to be friends with people who hold different viewpoints-- truly. (But I do draw the line at either trying to proselytize me about Jesus or spamming my page with bullshit like Alex Jones videos. I've unfriended people over both of those.)

But as for being in an actual relationship with a Trump supporter, no, in all honesty I don't envision how that would really work very well at this point. There was a girl in college that I had a brief fling with, and I had to end it because she showed up at my dorm room one day wearing an Ollie North t-shirt--- Non-ironically. Just couldn't really do it anymore; "sorry, this isn't gonna work"

[GreenEyedLefty]

26. A friend told me on Friday that her husband voted for DFT

She said that he fits the perfect demographic of a DFT voter... white, early 50s, non-degreed (I hesitate to say uneducated, he's pretty smart)... also said that he bought what DFT was selling.

I asked her how she handles it as a liberal. She said they don't talk about it.

[airmid]

28. I see a lot of "just ignore it" or "don't talk politics". Sorry but I have axed 40 yr friendships

because of Trump. Trump lovers can profess not be racists, or misogynists, bigots, etc., but they have chosen to overlook it in this miserable excuse for a human being and installed him in the highest office. So while someone may profess to be none of these things, the are enablers of it. I want no part of that.

[beachbum bob]

29. basically how do you put up with a raicst or bigot? Its easy, you don't

[FlightRN]

31. This is one area I refuse to budge on

I will no longer speak to my SIL after finding out that not only is she a Trump voter, but a blatant racist. It has strained my relationship with my Dem voting brother, but I don't care since she relegated him to the guest room in his own home. I would give up friendships and I would break off my two year relationship with my boyfriend if he held the views Trump does. I've never felt this strongly about anything in my relatively short time on this earth. Other things I can look past, but not this.

[american_ideals]

41. Agreed. Left alone the president will end American democracy

This is a historic time. These are critically important​ issues.

[louis c]

32. My closest freind is a Trump supporter

He's my cousin and we've known each other for 60 years.

We have shouting matches and awful conversations. we try to stay away from the subject, but we eventually get there every time.

It's awful.

[samnsara]

33. my dear little sister is a true trumper and it has basically split us up

[ileus]

34. All trump supporters are deplorable, lowest of the low if you will.

We should have zero to do with their un-redeemable kind.

As for me and my family we refuse to recognize them as fellow humans.


Fine...

[HopeAgain]

37. Subhuman??? Using that kind of rhetoric...

Does not help anyone. You sound like a leftist Nazi.

[SharonClark]

50. That is a prefectly over the top and cruel statement

I suggest you delete it before some one takes you for something I hope you are not.

[Blue_true]

69. Calling them subhuman is not ok. They are thoughtless assholes, but not subhumans. nt

[HAB911]

35. After a very long letter spelling out what ***** is, I wrote to five friends

I know supported him, ending:

(sent New Year's Day)


I have been struggling with how to address this, get my head around it, and put a stake in the ground regarding it. There was no question in anyone’s mind what this person was and what he stood for while running. Anyone who could vote for him despite all this is not someone with whom I want to be associated in any way. The thought of speaking with a supporter enrages me further as each day’s news breaks with more insane cabinet appointments. At this point, I am disassociating myself from people who voted for the loser of the popular vote.





I have blocked them from even calling me. It is better for all of us.

[Rorey]

42. I admire your bravery

I've written off several people that I thought I admired. Fortunately for me, my adult children are also all haters of 45. Unfortunately, my husband, who is not their father, is still on board with 45. My son tells me I shouldn't let politics ruin my marriage. It remains to be seen if my marriage can be saved. It's forever damaged. But we've been through quite a bit and now he has some health issues. I don't think I have it in me to abandon someone who needs help, no matter who they are or what they believe in. I also have to consider how my decisions would affect others in the family. Very complicated.

But the outsiders, I have no use for them.

[HAB911]

44. My heart goes out to you, between a rock and hard place

I don't discuss politics or religion with family for this reason. Family is impossible to ditch for me.

[adigal]

74. The meanest part of me says to walk out and tell him "Good Luck getting

Healthcare" with the Medicaid cuts. Next, they are coming for Medicare and Soc Security.

It does sound mean, but you know what? It is karma. You reap what you sow.

[FlightRN]

71. Yes I forgot how many of my contacts I've blocked

including a friend of 7 years who is in Georgia 6, while I've donated to Osoff three times. 230 contacts, 25 blocked.


Edit: Sorry Rorey, meant to respond to HAB911

[seaglass]

38. I have a number of Trump voters in my family. Every single one of them is a LIV and dumb. But I am

not ending close family relationships over it.

[american_ideals]

40. Focus on getting them off propaganda media, don't worry about the president

If you can get supporters of the president to realize that Fox News and conservative radio are lying to them, they will come around quickly on the president.

It's a lot like a cult intervention. You have to give people new information to get them out of their bubble. I suggest printing out the recent article describing how Fox rigs their panels so Dems always lose. And also discuss how GOP billionaires use media with aim of destroying government to cut their own taxes.

[FLPanhandle]

46. I live in a deep red area, so I've got friends, neighbors, family members who voted for Trump

It's simple to vilify Trump voters, call them racists, and condemn them all, but I try to understand what GOP topics resonated with them and why.

Once you get away from discussing Trump the man and start discussing issues, it makes it easier to keep emotions in check and conversations don't degenerate into hating each other.

[adigal]

75. So,what motivated them? The racism? Sexism? War on the poor?

The religious hatred? Mocking the disabled?
I dont know that it is wise to try to understand people who voted for hatred.

[hack89]

79. They feel disenfranchised from American society

As they loose everything they worked so hard for. The death of the middle class was also the death of many dreams.

Yes - I have many blue collar family members. The last 10 years has been devastating to them. Desperate people do desperate things. Trump was the only person that spoke to their fears. And no - they are not bigots.

[Cosmocat]

51. Depends on relationship

Probably would be super tough in a marriage/personal relationship. I probably would not have made it to this point with someone so fundamentally different, so fortunately we are OK, there. Wife was no fan of Hillary, chipped away over the course of decades of bullshit thrown at her, but she isn't a moron and saw 45 for what he was plain as day. Comes from a republican family, but ended up with me in part because she had a part of her that was past that.

Family is different for everyone. I don't have much blood relatives, and I can see where there would be other dynamics that could effect it. But, I have a hard time seeing this as the primary driver of blowing up familial relationship. My inlaws are pretty much all low key, but strong conservatives. They are really good people and have accepted me and are really good to me, despite knowing my politics.

We pretty much just don't talk politics - I am good at blending in with pretty much anyone, and they appreciate that despite my not being oriented to their culture, that I show an interest and talk about it with them. That is pretty much where we leave it.

I live in a fairly republican area - again, not super bible thumping, but hunting/fishing/cultural republicans. I am active in the community/civic groups, and just have a LOT of really good people that I like/love/respect who are truly good people that at the same time are full on republicans. Again, everyone knows where I am, and I don't run from it, I tell people flat out BHO was a fine POTUS, Hillary would have been a fine POTUS, 45 is truly horrible. I speak my beliefs on policy as it pops up, but I keep all of it short and simple and don't beat them up.

Honestly, my sense is most of them know the party is wrong, and they don't like what it does a lot of the time, but the programming on the evil liberal boogyman is so damn strong, they just can't get past it. They truly believe it is a battle of good versus evil and just can't bring themselves to do anything that might be perceived as "liberal."

For me, it just is not worth it to blow these relationships up. Just have to accept them, love them, be who I am and hope for the best. Again, it is un-stated, but there a LOT of people in my life who we have this balance with, we just respect and accept one another.

NOW - I do know a good number of crass, selfish, small minded conservatives and I have increasingly given up trying to maintain those acquaintances. Yeah, better to just be civil and decent with all people, but it just got to be too much to hold back, bite my tongue with them. I definitely cleaned up my Facebook page several months ago, too much heartburn. Pretty clear line for me there - I will engage in discussions that other people start, but I very, very rarely make political posts and I unfollowed anyone who litters their page with right wing fuck wittery.

[obamanut2012]

52. Yes, and they are no longer friends of mine

If I work with them, I have to interact, but everyone else, including relatives? Gone from my life. I cannot be friendly with or break bread with people who have such hateful values.

I would never even date someone who is a moderate.

[KingCharlemagne]

54. I dumped a romantic interest of many years on Nov. 8. She tried to stop me

by saying, "We had to put up with Obama for 8 years. Now it's your turn." And a certain amount of "turnabout is fair play" appeals to me. But Trump at the time threatened to be a latter-day Mussolini with a one-party state behind him.

She was a really nice person, except for her politics. Fox and Limbaugh listener.

[Joe941]

60. Had a friend who voted Obama twice, but then voted tRump...

Basically he "found" the Rush Limbaugh program. We are no longer friends.

[mercuryblues]

56. I have been thinking for the past few days

about putting a sign up in my kitchen:

Don't tell me that sexual assault isn't
important
or
to get over it

So I won't have to
kick your ass
and
throw you out.

Too late for one, who is now just starting to talk to me again. I bet he won't ever bring up trump again with me.

[Bettie]

58. My in-laws learned years ago not to bring up politics with me

and my husband.

We won't bring it up, we won't start it, but we WILL end the conversation and it will not be pleasant for anyone.

We also have limited contact with them.

I don't speak with my brothers at all anymore, as they both think 45 is great AND they are Alex Jones devotees.

[Calista241]

63. So I live in District 6 here in Georgia.

And 1/2 my neighborhood has John Ossoff signs, and the other 1/2 has Karen Handel signs.

While I'm not close with any of them, it's sureal to drive down the neighborhood and wave to people in front of their Handel sign and vice versa.

[reflection]

64. My brother, who would have violently retched at the thought of Trump's election,

died about 10 years ago. My sister and father have both self-waterboarded with Fox Kool-Aid and still think he's the greatest thing to come along since the wheel. There was no secret between the three of us about how we felt, and we have since drifted apart.

I was always able to overlook political differences with the ones I love. Even my wife voted for McCain, then Obama the second time around, and now votes straight D. I wore her down like water over a stone. But I can't overlook a Trump voter, the evidence was too overwhelming, the hatred too obvious, the mendacity too crystallized in his icy-cold soul.

I had to get away from them, even though they are family. The anger and sadness I feel toward them is still too powerful. I suspect the converse is true, they are probably wondering how I couldn't vote for him. That incomprehensible thought tempts me to wrap my head in duct tape, lest it explode.

[Kaleva]

70. I'm married to a woman who voted for Trump.

She regrets her decision now.

[WhiteTara]

76. I had a hair cutter who is gay and he is a huge

Trumper. I had to tell him how I thought he is so stupid that I couldn't give him any more money. My new hair cutter costs twice what he did, but at least I don't have to listen to shit...this one hates Trumper (he is also gay)

[no_hypocrisy]

77. My sister voted for Trump and if our father were still alive, he'd be a Trumper.

At least if Dad died now instead of three years ago, I would've known why I was disinherited.

[littlebit]

78. I found out in January

that one of my best friends voted for Trump. I haven't talked to him since.

[MountCleaners]

80. I just want to see I love these threads!

It's good therapy.

NO ONE in my family voted Trump, but my best friend from childhood did, but I think she's upset now because of the Russia stuff. I can't cut her off, we have so many childhood memories together, but politically we became opposites. She's always nice to me, though, and maybe she's learning what scammers these Republicans are.

I know a couple of people from work who supported Trump. One I am just avoiding. Just say "hello" and "good-bye". I think he figured out how I feel. The other has had a lot of personal struggles so I cut her some slack.

Racism is too important to me, and it's really personal, and my life partner has to accept that, and there just isn't any way I could make that kind of compromise and partner with a Trump supporter. If you don't get racism, you don't get me.

[nini]

81. Treat them like any other trump loving moron

Dismiss them for my life . Were taliking people who are ok with dismantling democracy. Its not just a difference of opnion on how to solve common problems. At the very least i go out of my way to avpid them

Were at war with these people - it's that simple

[frogmarch]

82. I live in the Nebraska sticks, and

I met a woman attorney from NYC who left her trump-supporter husband of something like 15 years (also an attorney) because he was a trump supporter. She is now a legal rep for the Lakota tribe on the res.

If my husband (of almost 52 years) turned into a trumpee, I'd kick his ass out. I mean that in the nicest way possible, because he's a sweetie and I love him with all my heart. But I would still kick his ass out.

[Best_man23]

83. Silence

Got three family members who voted for Cheetolini. Haven't spoken to all three since 11/8. No Thanksgiving, no Christmas, missed a graduation for my nephew (pretty certain he voted for Twitler too). Last time I visited his family has blocked every news channel on the TV except Faux.

[Jamaal510]

86. I found out

from my dad that one of my older sisters who lives in FL is one, but they haven't discussed it much as far as I know. I also wound up having a few people from an Oakland A's fanpage send me FB friend requests who happen to also support him, but we don't talk politics at all. I haven't unfriended them, but I did unfollow them. One of them did send me a birthday wish recently. Sometimes I wonder if they notice my anti-Trump posts I make on different pages, though.