Newly Discovered Very Illegal Thing...

[babylonsister]

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/newly-discovered-very-illegal-thing-will-finally-bring-down-trump-or-be-another-cute-tile-in-the-mosaic-of-democracys-demise-i-guess?mbid=social_twitter


Newly Discovered Very Illegal Thing Will Finally Bring Down Trump (Or Be Another Cute Tile in the Mosaic of Democracy’s Demise, I Guess)

By Broti Gupta and Karen Chee

June 13, 2017



MAR-A-LAGO BATHROOM, Fla.—According to current and former and probably also future U.S. officials, President Trump is guilty of yet another Very Illegal Thing. It is similar to all the previous Very Illegal Things, but somehow Even Worse. No former President has committed anything like this, let alone within the first term of the Presidency.

This Illegal Action threatens our national security, as well as our relationships with our allies, and will most likely result in nuclear warfare. According to the Constitution, which Trump has “totally read, of course, obviously,” the Commander-in-Chief is not allowed to perform the act that Trump actually performed just now, in the fifteen minutes before his next round of golf. It has been five months since President Trump, who at one point wanted to impress Billy Bush on a bus, took office.

The latest Illegal Action, along with everything else the man has done, provides us with new reasons to suspect that Trump has, yet again, been scheming with the Russians. One of the most compelling pieces of evidence is that Trump was caught openly scheming with the Russians. We are waiting for more reasons to officially declare whether Trump was ever scheming with the Russians.

snip//

In closing, our opinion is that this New Illegal Thing is what will finally bring down Trump. It must be the final straw after, to review, he has already been accused of:


Sexually assaulting multiple women.
Continuing to engage in corrupt business dealings around the world.
Firing the F.B.I. director, James Comey, for investigating Trump’s ties to Russia.
Sharing classified information with the Russian Ambassador and foreign minister.
Trying to eliminate the health-care system.
Building a campaign on racism, Islamophobia, and sexism.
Like, all those things should have really done it by now, right?
How is that not enough??
HOW MUCH WORSE DOES HE NEED TO GET?!
DO WE NEED TO RELEASE THE PEE TAPES?!
HAVE WE GONE INSANE?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT THIS JOB!! DO YOU KNOW HOW DUMB OUR ARTICLES LIKE “MUST-TRY UNDER-THE-RADAR RAMEN RESTAURANTS IN PORTLAND” LOOK RIGHT NOW?? CAN WE NOT CATCH ONE BREAK?? DON’T YOU WANT TO CARE ABOUT RESTAURANTS AGAIN???


All right, well, it looks like this Illegal Thing is just going to be another cute tile. Can’t wait for the next one that will inevitably happen in, like, two hours.

[Pacifist Patriot]

1. No shit, right?

I feel like screaming, "What the fuck is happening?!" every hour on the hour. When did I get sucked into my television set and plonked down in the midst of a dystopian soap opera?