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Behind the Aegis

(53,951 posts)
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 04:25 PM Jun 2017

Thoughts on the death of my grandmother

This morning, around 12:35am CST, I got a text from my mother telling me my grandmother, Nanny, had died. She had been hospitalized earlier in the day, and the diagnosis was grim. She was 69. She was my mom's stepmother, but I grew up with her as my grandmother. She was a retired RN and it was because of this I learned of the immense value of nurses and realized THEY are the ones you want on your side. She was a great Nanny. She attended very wedding, bar mitzvah, graduation, and major event in the lives of her grandchildren (all 9 of us), and her great-grandchildren (18), and even had three great-great-grandchildren. As my husband describes her, she had a very bubbly personality and loved to laugh. She also, like me, loved chihuahuas. My last text exchange with her, a few weeks back, was her thanking me for sending her money and she ended it with, "I love you and (your husband) very much. Love, Nanny".

Nanny was very accepting and open with understanding I was gay. She even tried to set me up once. That didn't take. She absolutely adored my husband and once told me, "You have yourself a good man, honey. You better be good to him and not let him go!". Of course, it all went back to when I was 21, and we were in the Bahamas at a casino, drinking Bahama Mamas, and she just blurted out:

"I love you. And I don't care who you love. You are my grandson and I will always love you!"

After picking my jaw off the ground, we talked for hours. She wanted to know everything. She even commented on the guy I hooked up with down there by saying, "Wow he's got a nice butt! My grandson has great taste." Kinda funny to hear your grandma say something like that!

When she met my then partner, now husband, for the first time, she walked up to him, hugged him, and said, "Call me Nanny. I am your grandmother now." I was always treated with respect by her and she demanded it of others.

While I am very sad, I am still happy that I, at 48yo, still had a grandmother. She was my last grandparent. I will miss her very, very much.

ETA: I wanted to say "Thank you" to each one of you who took the time to respond. It lifted my spirits on a very sad day. I will try again, but know I really appreciate it. (I am having problems with DU not loading correctly after multiple postings.) From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

47 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Thoughts on the death of my grandmother (Original Post) Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 OP
I'm sorry for your loss left-of-center2012 Jun 2017 #1
Condolences leftstreet Jun 2017 #2
Thank you. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #36
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Aegis, and happy you had the joy of her in your life. Hekate Jun 2017 #3
This is such a beautiful eulogy, my dear Behind the Aegis... CaliforniaPeggy Jun 2017 #4
I am happy you have such a wonderful grandmother. I rarely say "I'm sorry for your loss" because in mulsh Jun 2017 #5
Thank you. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #37
What wonderful fortune to have had such a wonderful caring grandmother. Please accept my... NNadir Jun 2017 #6
It's hard to lose the people in our lives that genuinely loved us. luvMIdog Jun 2017 #7
She sounded like a awesome grandmother TEB Jun 2017 #8
Deepest sympathy malaise Jun 2017 #9
Thank you. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #39
Love to you and yours, Aegis. sheshe2 Jun 2017 #10
Sounds like she was such a caring person. democrank Jun 2017 #11
I'm sorry for your loss. DesertRat Jun 2017 #12
Good grandmas are one of the best gifts the universe can give us! My condolences. 🦋 n/t MLAA Jun 2017 #13
She sounds like a one of a kind iamateacher Jun 2017 #14
What a blessing she was to you and your loved ones. TNNurse Jun 2017 #15
I am tearing up...what a lovely caring woman...how lucky you were to have her and how you will miss Demsrule86 Jun 2017 #16
very nice remembrance of your grandmother. m-lekktor Jun 2017 #17
Thanks. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #35
My condolences on your loss. She sounded like a truly amazing person. Nt LostOne4Ever Jun 2017 #18
Grandmas are like that . . . OldRedneck Jun 2017 #19
My sympathy for her passing and your loss. Moostache Jun 2017 #20
My condolences JustAnotherGen Jun 2017 #21
Thank you. She was a great grandmother. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #40
Message of Love, Martin Eden Jun 2017 #22
you are blessed that you had her for so long. mopinko Jun 2017 #23
It really was a blessing. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #41
Your post made me cry. What a lovely tribute to a lovely lady! smirkymonkey Jun 2017 #24
So sorry for your loss. MoonRiver Jun 2017 #25
you were double lucky Kali Jun 2017 #26
My condolences sellitman Jun 2017 #27
Thank you. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #42
memories mehrrh Jun 2017 #28
You're certainly Right about Nurses Doug the Dem Jun 2017 #29
I am so glad you had her in your life. hamsterjill Jun 2017 #30
So am I. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #46
I'm sorry, BtA! Sissyk Jun 2017 #31
Thank you, SissyK. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #38
What a wonderful woman she was, BtA. brer cat Jun 2017 #32
so very very sorry diva77 Jun 2017 #33
Condolences to you and your family. spooky3 Jun 2017 #34
Thank you kindly. Behind the Aegis Jun 2017 #45
So sorry for your loss. NanceGreggs Jun 2017 #43
I'm so sorry for your loss! herding cats Jun 2017 #44
requiescat in pace, good and gentle soul, and peace and comfort to all your loved ones. niyad Jun 2017 #47

CaliforniaPeggy

(149,588 posts)
4. This is such a beautiful eulogy, my dear Behind the Aegis...
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 04:34 PM
Jun 2017

I found myself smiling and nodding all through it.

I am sorry for your loss! But in so many ways, she will always be part of you. Please take care of yourself and remember her always...as if you could do otherwise!

mulsh

(2,959 posts)
5. I am happy you have such a wonderful grandmother. I rarely say "I'm sorry for your loss" because in
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 04:38 PM
Jun 2017

my experience of the past few years where everyone in my family except me I celebrate these, can still hear their voices if I listen carefully, and have wonderful memories. It's also why I'm not using the past tense. Like the memories you and your husband must have.

So of course I feel for you and the grief you'll be going through I hope what I've written will help you to move on and continue to celebrate the wonderful people in your life. Like your grandmother

Behind the Aegis

(53,951 posts)
37. Thank you.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 08:40 PM
Jun 2017

I spent today remembering the things we did together and funny stories. I will miss being able to share things with her, but love that I was able to share things with her.

NNadir

(33,512 posts)
6. What wonderful fortune to have had such a wonderful caring grandmother. Please accept my...
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 04:39 PM
Jun 2017

...condolences which I extend to your whole family.

After my mother died, in my early 20s, my father remarried, and I too, had the joy of a very special step parent, much as your Mom did.

luvMIdog

(2,533 posts)
7. It's hard to lose the people in our lives that genuinely loved us.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 04:41 PM
Jun 2017

I'm sorry for your loss, but glad you have such lovely memories to hold on to. I'm also a big chihuahua lover.


Demsrule86

(68,552 posts)
16. I am tearing up...what a lovely caring woman...how lucky you were to have her and how you will miss
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 06:29 PM
Jun 2017

her...my deepest condolences.

 

OldRedneck

(1,397 posts)
19. Grandmas are like that . . .
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 06:46 PM
Jun 2017

. . . they've seen enough of life to know what really matters.

I never knew my paternal grandparents. Lost my maternal grandfather and grandmother in 1972 and 1983. Not a day goes by that I don't hear their voices.




Moostache

(9,895 posts)
20. My sympathy for her passing and your loss.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 06:47 PM
Jun 2017

Its great to hear of someone who understands "family" at the gut level like she did. May the happy memories last forever and the grief of her loss fade swiftly for you.

mopinko

(70,078 posts)
23. you are blessed that you had her for so long.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 07:00 PM
Jun 2017

i never knew any of my grandparents, really. my dad's mom died when i was about 8, she was the last. both granddads died before i was born.
my kids didnt fair too much better.

she sounds like she was a real peach. i am sorry for you loss.

Behind the Aegis

(53,951 posts)
41. It really was a blessing.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 08:47 PM
Jun 2017

But, I was lucky to have MANY grandparents and great-grandparents growing up. I was always shocked by the number of people in my classes who never even knew their grandparents. When I was born, I had three great-grandfathers, three great-grandmothers, three grandmothers, and three grandfathers. I lost them over the years, but I was in college when I lost a great-grandmother, and was 32 when I lost my last great-grandmother. So, I have been very lucky to have such an extended family and be a part of their lives and them a part of mine.

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
24. Your post made me cry. What a lovely tribute to a lovely lady!
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 07:07 PM
Jun 2017

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you had such a wonderful Nanny and that she loved and accepted you for who you are. She sounds like an absolute gem. My condolences.

 

Doug the Dem

(1,297 posts)
29. You're certainly Right about Nurses
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 07:29 PM
Jun 2017

Like sergeants in an army, nurses keep hospitals running smoothly, while doctors (like generals) get most of the credit.

Sounds like one helluva broad! I'm truly sorry you didn't have more time with her.

hamsterjill

(15,220 posts)
30. I am so glad you had her in your life.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 07:33 PM
Jun 2017

She sounds like she was light years ahead of her time.

It is so wonderful for us to have people such as your Nanny in our lives. Unconditional love is a cherished and rare commodity.

I'm sorry she has left you. I wish you and your family peace and comfort.

brer cat

(24,559 posts)
32. What a wonderful woman she was, BtA.
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 07:49 PM
Jun 2017

I'm sure you will feel a terrible loss, but your memories will be priceless.

My sympathies to you and your family.

diva77

(7,640 posts)
33. so very very sorry
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 07:53 PM
Jun 2017

and so wonderful that you had such a loving grandmother with plenty of moxie to go around!



herding cats

(19,564 posts)
44. I'm so sorry for your loss!
Sun Jun 25, 2017, 09:53 PM
Jun 2017

Your memorial of your Nanny here touched my heart deeply, BtA. She was an all to rare jewel of a person, and my heart is breaking for your loss tonight.

My deepest condolences to you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

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