With a huge tip of the hat to the late, great Art Buchwald: Excuses for Trump
Here are handy excuses for Trump backers:
1. Everyone does it.
2. What about Hillary Clinton's emails?
3. A President can't keep track of everything his staff does.
4. The press is blowing the whole thing up.
5. Whatever Trump did was for national security.
6. The Democrats are sore because they lost the election.
7. Are you really going to believe a rat like Jim Comey or the President of the United States?
8. Wait till all the facts come out.
9. What about Hillary Clinton's emails?
10. If you impeach Trump, you get Pence.
11. The only thing wrong about the Russia hacking story is it got leaked to the press.
12. What about Susan Rice unmasking individuals in NSA reports?
13. It happens in Europe all the time.
14. People would be against Trump no matter what he did.
15. I'd rather have a Russian puppet in the White House than a nasty woman.
16. Democrats used to meet with Russian officials all the time.
17. What's the big deal about finding out what your opposition is up to?
18. The President was too inexperienced in politics to know what was going on.
19. What about Hillary Clinton's emails?
20. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
21. Hillary Clinton would have lost anyways.
22. Maybe Jared Kushner went a little too far, but he was just an eager kid.
23. I'm not for breaking the law, but sometimes you have to do it to save the country.
24. Trump made a mistake. He's only human.
25. Do you realize what the Russian hacking scandal is doing to our fight against terrorism?
26. What about Bill Clinton and Whitewater?
27. Barack Obama did a lot worse things.
28. I'm sick and tired of hearing about the Russian hacking story and so is everybody else.
29. This thing should be tried in the courts and not on television.
30. When Trump gives his explanation of what happened, there are going to be a lot of people in this country with egg on their faces.
31. My country, right or wrong.
32. What about Hillary Clinton's emails?
33. I think the people who make all the fuss about the Russian hacking story should be shot.
34. If Democrats had the same contacts with Russia, they would have done the same thing.
35. I never trusted Mike Flynn and Paul Manafort to start with.
36. If you say one more word about the Russian hacking story, I'll punch you in the nose.
A. If the person is bigger than you: "If you say one more word about the Russian hacking story, I'm leaving this house."
B. If it's your own house and the person is bigger than you: "What about Hillary Clinton's emails?"
A link to Buchwald's 1973 Nixon-based original can be found here:
http://www.snopes.com/handy-excuses-nixon-backers/
The saddest thing is that for eleven of those, I didn't even have to change a single word, and yet it's more relevant today than ever.
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