Betsy DeVos Heads to North Korea to Reverse Its Progress in Math and Science (Borowitz)
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is being dispatched to Pyongyang in what the White House is calling a high-stakes mission to reverse North Korea’s years of progress in math and science.
DeVos, who is expected to arrive in Pyongyang later this week, plans to throw a monkey wrench in North Korea’s swiftly advancing nuclear program by replacing its current system of training scientists with a dizzying array of vouchers, sources said.
According to the White House, it is hoped that, after a few weeks in North Korea, DeVos will succeed in returning that nation’s nuclear program to pre-1970 levels.
At a press briefing announcing the mission, the White House deputy press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, called DeVos “our nation’s best bet to stop North Korea.”
“If anyone can get North Korea’s missiles to start blowing up on the launchpad again, it’s Betsy,” Sanders said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/betsy-devos-heads-to-north-korea-to-reverse-its-progress-in-math-and-science
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