Revealed...transcript of Trump's Paris speech

[jmowreader]

Thank you for that warm welcome, my French friends.

Today we celebrate Bastille Day, when people from all over France went to the polls to Make France Great Again. Last November we in America had our own Bastille Day, so we know the joy of making things right again.

I have to tell you, I love French food. Your French fries? Just fantastic. Best in the world. Especially when you get 'em with ketchup. And your French toast? Incredible.

Your new president ran on a platform of getting all the Muslims out of France. Wonderful suggestion. We in America will give you all the help you need to accomplish your goals.

I love the French approach to justice. You introduced the guillotine centuries ago and still use it today. My advisors tell me the French people love the guillotins as their greatest national symbol. By the end of my second term we in America will follow France's lead and have guillotines in place all over the United States to give criminals and traitors exactly what they deserve.

But you have to be careful. There are some people who do not support your new president's plan to make France for Frenchmen. These cheese-eating surrender monkeys must be stopped. Use your guillotine to punish them. Five years in a guillotine, that great prison system only the French could have created, will teach them to love France.

I will be here all week learning about your great system. Have a great day, and va te faire enculer.

[BigmanPigman]

1. In reality, he already mentioned the first lady's appearance (twice).

I think he beat his old record of insulting people as far as foreign relations go. "She's in fine physical shape. Beautiful". What an idiotic pig (my apologies to all farm animals out there).

[greatauntoftriplets]

2. I've been musing at the thought of him having to eat a gourmet French meal at the Eiffel Tower.

Unless he makes them order KFC for him. And he probably eats like the pig he is.

[jmowreader]

3. Steak frites counts as a gourmet French meal, and he'd eat that

There's going to be a bit of a kerfuffle in the kitchen...

"Chef, why are we asking Pierre to cook Monsieur President's meal? He can't boil water without burning it."
'Can you think of anyone more suited to cook for Donald Trump?'

[greatauntoftriplets]

4. But the chef might be insulted by the request for ketchup!

Sacre bleu!!!

I'd pay to see him served with a dish of escargot.