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MineralMan

(146,286 posts)
Thu Jul 27, 2017, 02:20 PM Jul 2017

Breaking: Senate Fast-Tracks New S-2 Visa Program

A bill just introduced by Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) and sent to the Ways and Means Committee would establish a new visa category for foreign workers. The new S-2 Visa (Slavery-2) permits employers to import workers who will take slave-labor jobs most American workers will not apply for. Employers will not be required to pay such workers any wage at all, but must provide basic housing and nutrition. Visa holders, under this program, will not be permitted to travel beyond the boundaries of secure compounds surrounding their workplace, to prevent runaways and any potential conflicts with local residents.

Senator Paul stated, "This bill and the S-2 visa program provides maximum freedom and liberty for our patriotic American industries and will boost domestic manufacturing and improve trade balances internationally. All S-2 workers will be humanely treated and will return to their home nations after they are no longer able to work. We expect most S-2 visas to go to workers from North Korea and other dictatorial nations, and employers will be encouraged to smuggle recruits out of their original countries for direct transport in ventilated cargo containers to work compounds. Since no American worker will be displaced by S-2 visa holders, the impact on local economies will be minimal."

Note: This satirical news story is brought to you in the spirit of satirists worldwide.

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Breaking: Senate Fast-Tracks New S-2 Visa Program (Original Post) MineralMan Jul 2017 OP
Don't give them any ideas! They would probably welcome this one. shraby Jul 2017 #1
No doubt. MineralMan Jul 2017 #3
Had me till near the end of the 1st paragraph. Kaleva Jul 2017 #2
Hmm... MineralMan Jul 2017 #4
You had me for a minute! LeftInTX Jul 2017 #5
You should send this to the Onion! LeftInTX Jul 2017 #6
Nah. I'm an independent, freelance satirist. MineralMan Jul 2017 #7
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