"Arguing with liberals is like playing chess with a pigeon..."

[Atman]

A post from one of my FB "friends" this morning...

He posted: Arguing with liberals is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over all the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around the table looking victorious.

My response: Arguing with conservatives is like playing chess with a six year old. No matter whether you let them win, or kick their ass, at some point they'll throw a tantrum, toss the board in the air, and storm out of the room crying.

.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Well played.

[unblock]

2. hmm, when i play chess with my 6-year old son, he eventually changes the rules

he busts out some dice or a toy dinosaur and starts inventing rules that suit him better.
or he just tells me i can't capture his pieces.

goodness, that DOES sound mighty republican, doesn't it?

[randome]

9. Sounds creative to me! Thinking outside the box!

[unblock]

31. as parents we worry about it more as an attention issue or inability to focus

but yes, perhaps we should take a more positive view....

in any event, he's a delight and very entertaining!

[donquijoterocket]

34. and

At that your six year old sounds more emotionally and intellectually mature than most cons.

[HiPointDem]

59. made me smile -- my nephew does exactly the same thing, down to bringing out the toy

dinosaurs...

kids are a kick, guaranteed to bring belly laughs.

[unblock]

62. if you're looking for a gift for your nephew:

http://www.dinosaurchess.com/website/default.shtml

it's cute and pretty cool.

not only does a dinosaur teach chess, but there are some exercises where you have to move your chess pieces correctly before the dinosaurs attack!

[HiPointDem]

72. thanks!

[johnlal]

3. Like playing on ten chess boards

If you start to win the game, he'll change chess boards and try to play a different game.

[truebrit71]

4. Check and mate I believe...

...

[GoCubsGo]

5. Great reply.

Another would have been:

Arguing with conservatives is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over all the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around the table looking victorious. And, they make sure they hang "Mission Accomplished" signs in the background first.

There. I fixed it for you.

[Atman]

6. +1

Nice!

[Chorophyll]

12. Excellent! nt

[patrice]

53. Cool come back!

At least the liberal will wreck the game and call that what it is, while the conservative will hang that banner and lie.

[Curtland1015]

7. Like it! Here's another:

Arguing with conservatives is like playing chess with a howler monkey. They don't know how to play, or why they're playing. They just screech at the top of their lungs and throw crap at you until you give up and leave.

[SnowCritter]

18. Geez! Good thing I'd finished my coffee

or I'd need to replace a keyboard and monitor!

[NNN0LHI]

24. Coffee? You are lucky

I had to give up coffee due to the heat.

Take one sip and I had beads of sweat pouring out of my forehead.

I am jealous.

Don

[AlbertCat]

39. There's always iced coffee

... or a frapacino

[patrice]

55. Poo-flinging, their ONLY skill. nt

[Rhiannon12866]

79. +1! Nailed it...

[Brigid]

64. DUzy over here! DUzy over here!

[Gidney N Cloyd]

8. Good one! I like Unblock's a lot, too!

[CJCRANE]

10. Projecting pigeons...

Arguing with conservatives is like playing chess with a pigeon that projects all its faults onto its opponent. No matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over all the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around the table looking victorious, then accuse me of doing the same thing.

[RC]

16. You posted the original version. The right-wing nutz do not have the imagination to come up with

anything original by themselves. The best they can do is co-op whatever and claim we copied them.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

36. co-opt

yep that's what they do.




(yes, yes, Grammar Nazi strikes again. I usually try to restrain myself, but since we're being pretty light hearted on this thread.....I'm hoping the general atmosphere protects me from a swift whack to the snout. )

[RC]

49. Thanks. I knew it wasn't correct, but I couldn't think of the correct spelling.

How 'bout a pat on the head, instead?

[BlancheSplanchnik]

50. I'll do better than that:

You should see what I just did on a post that had a Published Headline with a misspelling!!!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1014&pid=170121



I realllllllllllllllllly went nutz with the heavy artillery, but since I was pummeling a media instrument, and not a real-person, fellow DUer, it's OK!

[JHB]

13. Arguing with a conservative is like entering a poorly-ventilated bean-eating marathon...

...They're so used to breathing in their own "atmosphere" they mistake your choking for speechlessness, and your passing out from lack of oxygen as fainting in fear.

[JHB]

15. ...and mistake the disgusted look on your face for elitism.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

40. Another winner!!

"and mistake the disgusted look on your face for elitism..."


You nailed it!

[warrior1]

14. bet he thought he was real clever

coping and pasting from where ever he found it.

[RC]

17. Probably found some quoits from DU somewhere.

[Marr]

19. Am I the only one who thinks his own description makes it sound like

he gets trounced when he tries to debate a liberal? "Knock over all the pieces" sounds like he throws out a series of talking points and his opponent pulls them apart. And why would someone "strut around" unless they had, in fact, made you look like a fool?

It sounds like he's frustrated by the fact that some people aren't as susceptible to bullshit as he is himself.

[JBoy]

26. His liberal opponent keeps objecting when he jumps multiple pieces

and then yells "king me".

[Initech]

20. My response:

"Arguing with conservatives is like talking to a room full of sheep in front of a brick wall. You can repeat all the facts you want - nothing will get through that wall - and the sheep will just keep repeating what they are told by their church leaders and hate radio hosts until they are blue in the face and won't bother to jump over that wall."

[BlancheSplanchnik]

38. Another good one!!

[siligut]

42. Sheep on their way to slaughter

That is the most maddening aspect.

[nichomachus]

21. I would have said

Only a conservative is stupid enough to play chess with a bird.

[randome]

22. Even better!

[SaveAmerica]

23. * Best Response!!! * Ha Ha!!

[lpbk2713]

25. The bird would win two out of three.

My money's on the bird.

[Johonny]

33. He just mad because the bird keeps winning

[sabrina 1]

56. Lol, good one!

[uponit7771]

58. +1

[evilhime]

27. Nicely done!!!

[Drale]

28. O they are just made because

the pigeon is going to win in the end no matter what they do.

[Wounded Bear]

29. Explaining reality to a Tea Bagger is like teaching calculus to a mule...

you won't succeed and it just annoys the mule.

[kentuck]

30. Beats playing checkers with a vulture.

[stupidicus]

32. As a former long time chess addict

I always likened it too playing someone who knows nothing about the game other than what the pieces are, how the pieces move on how many squares, and that I could likely easily beat blindfolded.

It's obviously not what they know that survives scrutiny -- as little as that frequently is more often than not -- that's the source of their problem, but rather what they don't know. For example, if you don't know the diff between a Sicialian and French defense, you really can't call yourself a chess player, much like you can't call yourself a race car driver just because you can drive a car.

Arguing with most cons is like racing against someone too stupid to release their parking brake. They are simply oblivious to the fact that a diet of Faux Views and drudge sludge is bad fuel and oil for a competitive race to the truth, because their breaking down along the way is all but assured.

[ahg]

35. Arguing with a Conservative is like mud wrestling with a pig.

You are going to get dirty, and the pig likes it.

[thucythucy]

37. If it were possible for any human to be beaten

at chess by a pigeon, that human would no doubt be a conservative.

[chknltl]

41. Pigeons are spys from the planet Zenu.

Heard that on The Thom Hartmann Show and he has yet to steer me wrong.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DBXwMu7JFqc4&v=BXwMu7JFqc4&gl=US

[kimbutgar]

43. I had this attack on me at Yahoo that I was so shocked I couldn't reply

db00001 "Now let's get one thing straight--NOTHING that comes out of a comment from San Francisco has any credibility. San Francisco is the Jonestown of Guyana- California. Lunatic central."

I remember when Jonestown happened and it was a sad time in San Francisco, to reply to the creep would have made my blood boil and I would have released some awful venomous words so I passed. But the other side is really going insane.

[Jeff Murdoch]

77. The comments sections at Yahoo

are a full-on RW troll fest for the most part.

I occasionally browse them for the entertainment value, but always have to leave when the stupid begins to burn.

[ErikJ]

44. like playing chess with a robot

Arguing with a conservative is like playing chess with a robot. No matter how good I am at chess, when I make a factual point the robot will just deny and repeat the same programmed moves over and over expecting the same results -

ran out of time, gotta go. Maybe somebody can complete it.

[Walk away]

45. Why would anyone argue with a conservative? At this point it's just a waste of time!

They have long ago lost the ability to think critically and they are proud of it. Their brains are cement.

[Egalitarian Thug]

46. Arguing with conservatives is like playing chess with a six year old;

They're ignorant and honestly believe that they are not only capable of understanding the game, but that they are much better at it than you. No matter how many time you explain the rules they keep trying to jump your pieces.

[Dirty Socialist]

47. His email Is Utter Bullshit

The vast majority of liberals I know are modest. Does he project much?

Good reply, though.

[Downtown Hound]

48. Actually, he's right

because I have no intention of playing some bullshit game by conservative's rules that they themselves make. Now, if they want to play an actual game of chess with me, I'll gladly kick their ass. But I have no intention of letting them spit their craptacular facts and logic out and letting it stand. I'll make a mess of their metaphorical chessboard.

[patrice]

52. Nailed it!

[patrice]

51. He can't imagine someone not playing his game his way. Can't imagine a different game

altogether.

Pigeons can do things he never dreamed of.

[Zalatix]

54. My response is, "And yet you guys get your asses kicked by pigeons".

[2ndAmForComputers]

57. Right-wingers can't even invent their own zingers. Dumbasses.

http://pigeonchess.com/playing-with-pigeons/

[SunSeeker]

63. Nice catch. Right wingers never have an original thought.

The whole pigeon analogy exactly describes righties. It figures that a lefty came up with it to describe creationists. It is a very fitting description for the way right wing religious nuts argue.

[cbrer]

60. When did Pigeons learn

To track facts and policies, assemble cognizant opinions, and maintain a sense of clarity?

Now THAT'S a talented bird!

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

61. So, he lost to a pigeon again?

[ThoughtCriminal]

65. Playing chess against a conservative is tedious

First you have to get past their insistence that they always get the white pieces. Then there's the exhausting argument when they claim that rooks can move diagonally.

No problem. I can make up rules too:

[Zanzoobar]

66. Essentially the same answer.

A pointless exercise.

[hay rick]

67. Obviously your friend doesn't know how to play pigeon chess.

The first one to crap on the board always wins. The chess pieces are just there to confuse the issue.

[cherokeeprogressive]

68. Cool story bro. n/t

[hfojvt]

69. one insulting snark deserves another?

But neither is a real argument.

Here on DU we presumably are arguing with fellow liberals, and my observation is that there is more knocking over pieces, crapping on the board and strutting around than there are chess-like arguments.

Unfortunately, I have far less experience arguing with conservatives. I mean, I do it with LTTEs, but there is no back and forth. I simply make my arguemnt as best I can in a brief letter, but I have no idea how the conservatives respond to what I write. One email exchange I got into with a conservative degenerated into him flinging insults at me, and he stopped talking when I called him on it.

In some ways I think it is too bad we cannot argue with conservatives here. I think an exchange might be more productive than just preaching to the choir and constantly being on troll hunt where arguments involve "you sound like a conservative" accusations.

Of course, then conservatives might take over the board in much the same way that DLCers seem to have.

[SnohoDem]

70. Sure, if you're a worm...

[Art_from_Ark]

71. I would say that arguing with conservatives is like playing chess with Tim Conway

The reference is to a skit on the old Carol Burnett Show where Conway and Harvey Korman are playing a game of chess, and Conway starts doing all sorts of weird things, like eating Korman's queen.

[flvegan]

73. It's still more challenging than playing chess with a Republican.

At least the pigeon has the right and ability to knock over the pieces and crap on the board.

[MattSh]

74. Liberals are smart enough to know...

that pigeons can't play chess.

Cons are such ultra-maroons!

[gtar100]

75. I don't even know where he gets that. Sounds more like projection than an observation about liberals

[MADem]

76. Gee, only a stupid Republican would even try to play chess with a pigeon.

Do they play tic-tac-toe with chickens, too?

[raccoon]

78. Well said, Atman! nt

[Thoreson]

80. Its an old Atheist quote from 96.

That they butchered. Google pigeon chess for details as I am extremely busy.

[hrmjustin]

81. Welcome to DU my friend!

[Kali]

82. yet you were surfing DU and took the time to register?

welcome to DU, I guess

edit to add:

"Pigeon chess" or "like playing chess with a pigeon" is a figure of speech originating from a comment made in March 2005 on Amazon by Scott D. Weitzenhoffer[1] regarding Eugenie Scott's book Evolution Vs. Creationism: An introduction:

"Debating creationists on the topic of evolution is rather like trying to play chess with a pigeon — it knocks the pieces over, craps on the board, and flies back to its flock to claim victory."

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Pigeon_chess