HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Women deal with sexual mi...

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 02:50 PM

Women deal with sexual misconduct at all ages - it isn't limited to young women

About 5 years ago I was groped at a conference my employer asked me to attend in California. I was about 50 at the time. The guy who felt me up is a VERY CLOSE friend and mentor to my boss. They have known each other for more than 25 years. This was the first time we had met, but the groper knew who I was and he knew for whom I work. He did it anyway.

The groper wasn't drunk, not that drunkenness is an excuse. He didn't accidentally brush against me. He very deliberately put his hand on my ass and left it there as he kept talking about whatever he was talking about. My mind went kinda blank. We were with a group of other conference attendees discussing dinner plans about 5:00 pm. I decided not to go. I didn't want to be near this asshole, after he had a few drinks, if he thought it was okay to grope me stone-cold sober.

I have been groped before, when I was younger, but after a certain age, you really don't expect it to happen again. Well, you never really expect it EVER. It just comes out of nowhere and you don't know what to do in the moment. Later you want to kick yourself for not punching the groper in the balls, but you never see it coming.

I am not a flirt, never have been, not that that is an excuse either. My point is, there is no way this jerk could have thought my behavior was anything but professional. And I was wearing business attire (damn, I hate that women have to qualify that they weren't wearing slutty outfits or flirting or 'asking for it' in any way).

I have never told anyone that I work with, including my boss, that this occurred. I am the only female in my company and I am treated with respect by my coworkers and my boss. But I believe that if I ever told my boss what happened, HE WOULD CALL ME A LIAR. I have no doubt about this. If I told my boss what happened but didn't tell him the name of the groper, this man would be one of the last people my boss would suspect.

This is what women deal with EVERY DAMN DAY.

Ladies, what are your experiences with groping or other sexual misconduct? I bet every one of you has a similar tale.

18 replies, 2160 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 18 replies Author Time Post
Reply Women deal with sexual misconduct at all ages - it isn't limited to young women (Original post)
fleur-de-lisa Thursday OP
elehhhhna Thursday #1
fleur-de-lisa Thursday #4
HipChick Thursday #5
fleur-de-lisa Thursday #6
fleur-de-lisa Thursday #8
Demsrule86 Thursday #2
Brainstormy Thursday #3
procon Thursday #7
treestar Thursday #12
IronLionZion Thursday #9
Progressive2020 Thursday #10
pnwmom Thursday #14
LittleGirl Thursday #11
pnwmom Thursday #13
irisblue Thursday #15
Beringia Thursday #16
Staph Thursday #17
Oneironaut Thursday #18

Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 02:53 PM

1. You have to call them out and humiliate them in real time

You have to call them out and humiliate them in real time

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elehhhhna (Reply #1)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 03:29 PM

4. This guy (now retired) held a very powerful position

with the Federal Aviation Administration. If I had publicly humiliated him, he would have made sure my company never got a timely FAA approval again.

And, as I stated, I was too flabergasted to react.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elehhhhna (Reply #1)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 03:30 PM

5. Easier said than done...First Corporate job

Guy, who happened to be the CEO tried to grab my breasts in the elevator...
I didn't know what else to do, so instinctively kicked him in the nuts..

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to HipChick (Reply #5)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 03:31 PM

6. Good for you! You are my hero!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elehhhhna (Reply #1)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 03:39 PM

8. And my boss told me, prior to the conference

that this guy was a long-term PERSONAL FRIEND AND MENTOR! Groper was frequently invited to the home of my boss and his family for dinner. He is almost like an uncle to my employer.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 02:54 PM

2. That happened to me years ago when on an elevator...I complained to my office manager.

She said don't tell anyone else; they will fire you...he is a 'producer'. I was working at an insurance company at the time as a clerk...just before I went back to school. I figured I would not have to put with this but surprise surprise...it happen everywhere.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 03:28 PM

3. My failure to come around the desk

and give my poetry professor a blow job set my PhD back six months. I was 42.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 03:37 PM

7. You're right, it happens to women of any age.

Sexual abuse has nothing to do with age or looks, it's always about power and control. I got groped in a crowded elevator when I was in my 60s. The loser was in his twenties, but he grabbed my butt cheek!

I screeched in surprize, and loudly told him to get his fingers out of my butt. He tried to look so innocent, but several people heard me and they started calling him a pervert. One man grabbed his neck ad said he was going to turn him over to the building security, but he ducked and ran when the doors opened.

We have to speak up! Silence lets the perverts win and only encourages them to go after more women. Maybe that creep will think twice before he tries to grab another woman ad some young girl won't become his next victim.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to procon (Reply #7)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 05:21 PM

12. I read that women who are less attractive conventionally

are the very ones the assaulters pick, because they figure no one will believe her.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 04:24 PM

9. It's not even limited to women

I was in a business meeting years ago where this woman definitely slipped off her shoe and decided to rub her foot up and down my leg the whole time. I was so nervous and was about 25 at the time. When I told my female boss what happened, she had a good hearty contemptuous laugh at my expense and said women deal with this every day and "grow up", "be a man", "stop whining", etc.

We were a tiny little insignificant outfit trying to partner with a large powerful organization and the woman who rubbed my leg was their representative in this meeting so we needed her more than she needed us. My boss was kind of a jerk in that she joked we should set up another meeting with just me and this woman and seal the deal. Thankfully that was just a joke and she wasn't really going to pimp me out.

I've since worked for more professional organizations who provide annual training on this sort of stuff. So a few years ago, I worked on a team where our boss was a very creepy dude who no one trusted and would be very "hands on" with women and sometimes men. When it got really bad with this one female colleague, we plotted to take him down and we would all be witnesses. For some reason she was hesitant to report it even though we were all in our early 30s we got one of our colleagues who was a manager to report it to HR. If she were younger than me, I would have reported it. Dude was fired within a month. It was awesome to see him pack up his desk.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to IronLionZion (Reply #9)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 04:54 PM

10. It Does Also Happen To Men

I am a man and that happened to me. I was in a Hospital overnight for a minor procedure and I woke up in the middle of the night with my (male) roommate hovering over my bed, grabbing my crotch. I bolted upright, ran out, and got the night nurse down the hall. She admonished this guy and I did not know what to do, so I just went back to sleep, freaked out.

When I woke up the next day, the Doctor had been informed. I met with him and he told me they take these sort of things seriously. He asked me if I wanted to file a report. I was confused and distressed and I just wanted it to be over, so I declined. I now wished that I had followed through and pressed charges.

I can understand why some women do not report. It is a confusing and distressing thing to experience, and pressing charges seems to prolong the experience. People who have been abused, men and women, need our support. I worry to this day that the abuser in my case has done it to other people since. I wish now that I had followed through to press charges to send a message to that guy that he needs to stop this type of behavior, or he will land in prison.

So, anyway, this sort of stuff happens to both men and women.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Progressive2020 (Reply #10)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 05:46 PM

14. Yup. And they are very unlikely to report.

My husband was a college student snoozing on a bus. He woke up to find a guy's hand on his crotch.

My brother had a boss who sexually harassed him till he quit. This was decades ago, and since the boss was a guy, I think my shy brother was afraid he somehow had sent the wrong signals. No, the boss was just a jerk.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 05:13 PM

11. I was looking out the door watching it

start to rain when my uncle leaned over me and started to rub my neck and then kiss me. I pushed him away but he was about a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than me.

He put my hand in his pants and if my cousin hadn't come up the driveway, I would have been raped. I was 19. I was hysterical crying and screaming and my cousin took me out in the truck for a drive and I told him everything. He was beside himself in grief for what his father had done to me. He did threaten to kill him for that stunt and I was forever grateful for that timing. I found out when I confessed to another Aunt (not his wife, his sister in law) that he had done the same to her when she was about my age too. He was a serial attacker and I just lucked out. That uncle died a slow painful death from cancer about 20 yrs ago so I feel he was served his hell on earth for what he did to me and my Aunt and anyone else he probably attacked. I hope he rots in hell.

I divorced the husband that raped me because he felt I wasn't giving him enough sex. Honestly, I've lost track of how many times I've been hit on over my 57 yrs and would just like to forget them all.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 05:37 PM

13. I am so sorry. I was lucky that, as a young woman, I told my boss about the gross verbal harassment

I was getting from an executive. He immediately went around and talked to other women who were dealing with the same thing (I found out because they thanked me later), and then he read the riot act to the guy who was involved. He didn't fire him, but he put him on notice.

This was before many eyes were opened during the Anita Hill hearings. I give that executive VP enormous credit for how he handled the situation, especially in retrospect. I just took for granted that he would respond appropriately. Hah!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 05:55 PM

15. Public library as I was studying, I had a thick biology book on the desk

Guy put his right hand on my left thigh. I slammed the book on his forearm as hard as I could, jumped up and screamed fire fire fire.
Drew alot of attention & the librarians threw him out.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 06:00 PM

16. When I was about 19

I worked at a printing company and the boss was sleeping with the manager. Once he came up from behind me and put his hands around my waist, I pulled away in disgust. Later when he found out I was dating one of the guys working there, he fired me.

Another time, when I was at the beach with lots of people, I was sitting up taking in the sun and a guy kind of brushed past me and disrupted me. I thought it was an accident, but then he did it again. I was shaken and got up to leave and when I was at my car I noticed he was following me. I just could not comprehend what was happening. I left in my car. When I think back, I wished I would have yelled pervert at him in public and humiliated him.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 09:52 PM

17. In the early nineties,

I attended a function in the Russell Senate Office Building. I was in charge of the guest book. When Strom Thurmond walked up, I greeted him and had him sign the book. While we waited for a staff member to show up, we chatted . . . and he patted my butt.

I took one step away and turned to face him to chat. I figured I could walk a whole lot faster than a 90-something-year-old man.


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to fleur-de-lisa (Original post)

Thu Oct 12, 2017, 10:32 PM

18. So many stories here. Here's mine.

I met this guy at work who was practically twice my age and seemed really nice. There was nothing creepy about him. I was starting to get to know him better, when he sent me multiple messages by IM asking me to send him naked pics, talking about how he wanted to fuck me, stuff about his penis, etc. Just randomly out of the blue...

I mean, wtf?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread