Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:25 AM Oct 2017

Men who sexually harass or assault women vary rarely do it only once.

Once exposed, their other accusers come out and report similar incidents. How about encouraging everyone to report every incident of such disgusting behavior?

I realize that many people do not report things like that, for fear of job loss or retaliation. However, that also allows the offenders to continue to sexually harass and assault others. Perhaps zero tolerance and reporting of every incident would put an end to the cycle.

Is it risky? Yes, it can be. Should every incident be reported? Absolutely. Stop sexual harassment and assault by reporting promptly if such a thing occurs. Otherwise others will face similar incidents.

20 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Men who sexually harass or assault women vary rarely do it only once. (Original Post) MineralMan Oct 2017 OP
Predation is a behavior. guillaumeb Oct 2017 #1
Especially if they see there are no consequences for their behavior dalton99a Oct 2017 #2
Exactly. MineralMan Oct 2017 #4
Men who are told their friends and co-workers are harassers very rarely believe it. WhiskeyGrinder Oct 2017 #3
Actually, my tendency would be to believe such reports. MineralMan Oct 2017 #6
You're a real peach, MineralMan. WhiskeyGrinder Oct 2017 #8
That culture needs to be changed. MineralMan Oct 2017 #9
Men like you will do a lot to change it. Mariana Oct 2017 #14
+1. Mediumsizedhand Oct 2017 #10
What if the boss/owner is the perp? DURHAM D Oct 2017 #5
Good question. And one for which I have no clear answer. MineralMan Oct 2017 #7
Weve been trying for years ismnotwasm Oct 2017 #11
I agree with you 100% MineralMan Oct 2017 #12
Yeah ismnotwasm Oct 2017 #18
Wasn't one of our top tier Democrats sitting lecturing and dismissing Anita Hill? Mediumsizedhand Oct 2017 #13
how about when they face this: niyad Oct 2017 #15
I'd blow the whistle on whoever did the sexual assault MineralMan Oct 2017 #17
Ain't that the truth? Nt raccoon Oct 2017 #16
This is our new national crisis. Initech Oct 2017 #19
It's probably our least-known national crisis, too. MineralMan Oct 2017 #20

guillaumeb

(42,641 posts)
1. Predation is a behavior.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:30 AM
Oct 2017

And sexual predators seem to continue as long as they are not stopped. Jerry Sandusky, Bill Cosby, Dennis Hastert, and former priest Daniel McCormack are a few notable examples.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
4. Exactly.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:39 AM
Oct 2017

Right now, we're seeing a number of prominent people who are being outed as serial sexual offenders. Once the dam is broken, the flood of complaints flows. Zero tolerance should be the goal, I believe. That will require, however, that victims report the behavior when it occurs, rather than waiting for someone else to do so before coming forward.

I know it's difficult, but I can see no other way to stop offenders from continuing to offend.

WhiskeyGrinder

(22,147 posts)
3. Men who are told their friends and co-workers are harassers very rarely believe it.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:36 AM
Oct 2017

I realize that many people don't like to hear things about their friends or co-workers, for fear of having to take a stand or looking like they believe a possibly irrational, hysterical or overreacting woman. However, that also makes it less likely for the next woman to report it, and also allows offenders to continue to harass and assault others. Perhaps believing women the first time they say something and then taking concrete effective action would put an end to the cycle.

Is it risky? Yes, it can be. You might lose a friend or your standing in a group of friends. Should you believe women when you hear their stories? Gosh, it's important to hear all sides, and sometimes women overreact, you know? And you know that Dave in accounting is generally a pretty good guy...you've never seen him do anything rude to women...

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
6. Actually, my tendency would be to believe such reports.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:42 AM
Oct 2017

Why would I not? If a woman told me that someone had sexually harassed or assaulted her, my reaction would be to believe her. I'm aware that such incidents occur and that some men do such things. Unless there was some clear reason to to believe the reporter, I would begin by assuming that the report was correct.

It's not one of those things that people usually lie about. It's just not.

WhiskeyGrinder

(22,147 posts)
8. You're a real peach, MineralMan.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:46 AM
Oct 2017

Unfortunately, you're also in the minority. Our culture does an excellent job of disbelieving and discounting women who report such things. That's what rape culture is. It takes a multifaceted approach to dismantle it. Reporting is one tactic. Believing women is another. One is rare because the other one is.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
9. That culture needs to be changed.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:52 AM
Oct 2017

It has needed to be changed for a long, long time. When it comes to this type of offense, I can find few reasons not to believe someone who reports that it has happened to her. Clearly, many women are reluctant to report such incidents. There are many reasons for that, so that, alone, makes me more inclined to believe someone who does report it.

I cannot personally imagine ever doing such a thing, but I can certainly imagine many men I know doing it. If a woman tells me that a particular man has sexually harassed or assaulted her, she's almost certainly telling me the truth. I will believe her, in almost every case. I have no reason not to. The better I know the reporter, the more likely I will be to believe.

Mariana

(14,849 posts)
14. Men like you will do a lot to change it.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 02:25 PM
Oct 2017

There aren't enough men like that yet. There are still way too many who just don't see it, even when it happens right in front of them. They don't hear it, even when the men who do it brag about it in their presence. There are too many who assume women are overly emotional and likely to exaggerate when they try to tell what happened. It just doesn't register with way too many men (and frankly, with quite a few women as well).

DURHAM D

(32,596 posts)
5. What if the boss/owner is the perp?
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:40 AM
Oct 2017

Who do you report to?

When I was in college we used to write Professors/Grad Assistants/Administrators names on the mirrors with lipstick in the women's bathrooms. If the janitor was a woman it was left on the mirror, at least for awhile. If the janitor was a man it was removed nightly.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
7. Good question. And one for which I have no clear answer.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 10:44 AM
Oct 2017

In such a situation, reporting it to your own peers is probably the initial way to go. You may discover that others have had the same experiences. Since sexual assault is a crime, perhaps a police report is the appropriate approach.

ismnotwasm

(41,921 posts)
11. Weve been trying for years
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 12:18 PM
Oct 2017

From Anita Hill to hollaback. And before and after.
https://www.ihollaback.org

We’ve been trying.

For this feminist, bemused is the best description of how I feel about these latest reveals that certain men in power—power of any kind, be it the power of a patriarchal society or personal power, abuse it to sexually coerce or assault women with much less power. What did people think feminism was about? What we were sometimes screaming in the streets for? Why we fought against everything unfair laws to ingrained sexist language? Gender equality includes not being constantly afraid of sexual assault because of gender.

The Weinsteins of the world are no surprise. That women, after decades, wait, you know what? Fuck decades, after centuries of fighting, whoops, wait, let’s makes that millennia, when women gather some power of their own, they finally feel able to speak out is no surprise either.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
12. I agree with you 100%
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 01:47 PM
Oct 2017

I have zero tolerance for that crap. Frankly, it's one of the reasons I've been a freelancer and contract writer all my working life. I've never been able to tolerate workplace environments. Part of my privilege is that I have been able to keep myself out of the workplace. Of course, that has also limited my ability to blow the whistle on crap.

It's all just cosmically frustrating.

ismnotwasm

(41,921 posts)
18. Yeah
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 03:09 PM
Oct 2017

I’m married to a good man who doesn’t tolerate that crap either. It is even more frustrating, when it’s presented as a societal norm ala Trump and “locker room talk” —it’s not normal to routinely degrade and abuse the sexuality of anyone because of gender. Yet here we are. Another social illness we need to fix. Republicans want to pretend it has to do with losing rigid gender roles—as though sexual assault didn’t exist in 1955 or something.

 

Mediumsizedhand

(531 posts)
13. Wasn't one of our top tier Democrats sitting lecturing and dismissing Anita Hill?
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 01:49 PM
Oct 2017

I hear you ismnotwasm.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
17. I'd blow the whistle on whoever did the sexual assault
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 02:59 PM
Oct 2017

publicly to the news media and walk away from that internship. Simple. There's no unpaid internship that is worth subjecting yourself to such crap. Period.

That is what I'd do.

Initech

(99,915 posts)
19. This is our new national crisis.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 03:10 PM
Oct 2017

Opioids are a huge problem that definitely needs to be addressed. But the number of cases of sexual assault are growing at a dangerously alarming rate. This is a national crisis that definitely needs to be addressed and dealt with.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
20. It's probably our least-known national crisis, too.
Fri Oct 27, 2017, 03:15 PM
Oct 2017

It's been going on like forever. Once in a while a celebrity case makes the news, as has happened lately. But that kind of harassment and abuse of power goes on constantly and in numbers that are probably completely underestimated.

Many women I know and have known have told me about such incidents. It's too common, by far.

Unless such incidents are reported, they remain unknown in many cases, except by the victim. Until that changes, such abuse will continue, I'm afraid.

Latest Discussions»General Discussion»Men who sexually harass o...