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Wed Dec 13, 2017, 06:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-26: The Senators Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-26: The Senator’s Revenge (Terror In Gadsden) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Come to your local Top 10 dealer today for our Top 10 Winter Solstice Sales Event! Lease a new Top 10 today for $3,999 down with $299 for 36 months with 1.9% APR financing on approved credit. See your salesman for details. We are back everybody! It’s no secret that I love music, as you know by the musical guests we’ve had on this program. So you know our musical guest this week is Noel Gallagher. He’s you know – the other half of Oasis. We already had his brother Liam Gallagher on the show and I love his album. And Noel has been kind of a prankster, and don’t get me wrong – I love nonsense. And I love pranks. In fact I’ve got a good one planned for April Fool’s Day this year. So anyway, Noel was out promoting his new album called “Who Built The Moon” which is great. All of the High Flying Birds albums have been great so far. So anyway, Noel did a TV promo for the album that aired in the UK. Well, a critic for the Irish Times – Ian Mulaney - isn’t having any of it. So he posted a one star review of the album where he just trashed it. And I mean man he trashed it good. Some of the choice quotes from the review: “a dried up oasis of dross”, and “There are musical gestures here that would be a cause of embarrassment if you heard them played by a gang of black-clad teenagers at a Saturday afternoon battle of the bands in a rural parish hall.”. Ouch. So what did Noel do? Well let’s show the ad! I love it so much! Yes, he put the one star review in the ad, and it started a whole back and forth between him and Mulvaney! I love a good beef like that! OK that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first, we have to play Weekend Update’s response to Trump declaring Jerusalem as the capital of Isreal:

Number one this week is the Al Franken hit job. Yes – Al Franken resigned. But at what cost? What good is it doing? We will tell you the whole shitty story. So I got to explain the second entry. If Roy Moore had won, we were going to do a People Who Somehow Got Elected. But now that Roy Moore lost, we’re going to add him to “This Fucking Guy”! At number 3 is also Donald Trump (3) because he recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Isreal last week, and the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan, and you know who wins? The Armageddon wing of the Christian right. And that can’t be good. And thanks to Donald Trump’s (4) recklessness, while you weren’t looking, the US lost a crucial ally in Europe as we were denounced by Germany. At number 5 is our weekly sermon of all things holy as we dive into what the Christian right has been up to with “Holy Shit”. This week we’re going to tell you about the Christian rights’ champion Kim Davis and her unexpected challenger. Believe me, this is a good one! At number 6 is the Alt Right (6). So they attempted to get Sam Seder booted from MSNBC, but MSNBC did their due diligence and found out they were wrong! Gee, what a shocker! At number 7, Alex Jones must have been smoking some good Covfefe in the last few days because wait until you hear his latest crackpot theories! In the number 8 slot we got to do this story and I hate this story and everyone in it, but we got to talk about bullied kid Keaton Jones and his mom (8). This story shows exactly what the internet does to a person in less than a day. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re actually going to combine this with an appearance from the Top 10 Home Shopping Network to tell you some gifts that you can get your Trump loving relatives! Finally this week it’s the penultimate stop of the first leg of our World Tour! We are almost done everybody! All of our hosts have been amazing and I want to thank all of them. And so for our next to last stop we’re going to tour the scenic island nation of Cuba! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds. They have a new album out called “Who Built The Moon” that is great. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Al Franken Take Down
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Tonight’s episode: The Senator’s Revenge (Terror In Gadsden). So by now you know that Al Franken was cast out in another edition of America’s Next Top President. And normally this is the Top 10 Conservative Idiots, but this week – it’s off the hook. Both parties were extremely disappointing in how they handled this whole debacle. But Al isn’t alone in this whole debacle. He’s got friends.

WASHINGTON — Sen. Al Franken of Minnesota announced on Thursday that he will resign in the face of multiple allegations of sexual misconduct. On the same day, Arizona Republican Rep. Trent Franks also said he was resigning from Congress over allegations of sexual harassment from two former staffers.

They, along with Rep. John Conyers, D-Mich., all resigned in one week’s time. They join a long list of lawmakers ousted by scandal.

Yes Al you did kick ass! And maybe that’s why the Alt Right is so afraid of you. But you know what? We can’t stoop to their level can we? I mean can we?

Long before he became a senator, Al Franken was a liberal hero for the way he stuck it to Republicans. And so it was perhaps inevitable that, even as he resigned from the Senate in disgrace this week, he couldn’t resist a parting shot.

“I of all people,” Franken said on the Senate floor, “am aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office, and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the Senate with the full support of his party.”

It was a line of reasoning worthy of President Trump: Why am I being persecuted while my political enemy goes unpunished? How is that fair? Franken didn’t apologize — in fact, he cast doubt on his accusers — and the only regret he expressed was for “having to walk away from this job.” But after a political career premised on exposing the depravity of Republicans, Franken himself stood exposed. For years, he had built his brand on always being in the right. Even as he relinquished his Senate seat, he couldn’t let go of his sense of moral superiority.

But seriously, how does Al Franken go but a certain 45th president of the United States still remains in office? The hypocrisy is absolutely mind boggling!

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand called on President Donald Trump to resign over allegations of sexual misconduct on Monday, the latest of five lawmakers in the chamber to do so.

“President Trump should resign,” Gillibrand said during an interview on CNN. “These allegations are credible; they are numerous. I’ve heard these women’s testimony, and many of them are heartbreaking.”

The New York Democrat added that if Trump did not “immediately resign,” Congress “should have appropriate investigations of his behavior and hold him accountable.”

The remarks came on the heels of similar calls by Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.), Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) and Cory Booker (D-N.J.), all of whom urged the president to either step down following the announced resignation of Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) over sexual harassment allegations.

What? It’s not wrong! It’s what happened! I mean this whole thing with Al Franken is beyond insane – and this is the week in which the Christian right threw out morals and supported a pedophile for the US Senate!

It’s hardly surprising that Trump is miffed at Gillibrand. On Monday, the gentlewoman from New York publicly called on the president to step down in light of the multiple accusations of harassment and assault swirling around him. Having long pressed for the military to address its sexual-assault problem, Gillibrand has emerged more recently as a crusader against all manner of sexual misbehavior by political leaders: She was the first Senate Democrat to call on her Minnesota colleague Al Franken to step down, and she contends that elected officials absolutely should be held to higher standards than regular folks.

Understandably, Trump does not appreciate the senator’s focusing a spotlight on his own … vulnerabilities in this area. What powerful man would?

But unlike most men, Trump is not content simply to push back against the substance of the accusations against him. Nor is it enough for him to follow the usual partisan playbook and dismiss Gillibrand as politically motivated—though his “flunky” crack did make that point.

But some good news though is that Franken didn’t exit quietly – he took some parting shots at Trump before making his way out the door:

Sen. Al Franken is officially on his way out the Senate door, resigning in the wake of allegations that he touched women improperly or made unwanted advances.

And in his Thursday announcement, the Minnesota Democrat made sure to take a shot at President Trump and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, both accused of sexual misconduct of their own.

"I, of all people, am aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the Senate with the full support of his party."

Trump has been accused by a dozen women of groping and forced sexual encounters. Moore, who will face voters in next week's Alabama special election, has been accused of sexually harassing and assaulting teenagers while he was in his 30s.

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[font size="8"]Roy Moore
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It’s now time for another installment of:

This week’s This Fucking Guy is Roy Moore. Now come on Christian right, let us have this one! You fucked up! You can’t win them all! And I mean come on, I watched the news last night. You kept saying that if it had been any other candidate, the GOP would have won. And you may be right about that – it is Alabama. They could run Ted Kaczynski and Ted Bundy, but as long as they had an R next to their name and played the Jesus card, they’d win Alabama! And you know what? We said the same thing! So how did Moore celebrate election day?

GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore and his wife will ride horses to their Alabama polling location on Tuesday.

A schedule released by the Moore campaign for the Dec. 12 election includes “Traditional Horseback Ride to their Polling Location."

Moore and his wife, Kayla, typically ride horses to every election where Moore is a candidate. They rode horseback to the Alabama run-off, where Moore beat out Sen. Luther Strange to be the GOP nominee, and to the first round of the GOP primary in August.

Most recent polls have put Moore ahead of opponent Democrat Doug Jones for the Senate seat vacated by Attorney General Jeff Sessions, despite a series of allegations that he sexually assaulted teenage girls.

You know can I just say fuck Roy Moore and the horse he rode in on? Thank you! And he’s got nothing on Sam Elliot, by the way! Sam Elliot is a national treasure. Roy Moore is the exact opposite of that. Well Roy Moore still has a few supporters on the Christian right like our favorite fake football coach Dave Daubenmire:

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire dedicated his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning to analyzing Roy Moore’s loss in the Senate election in Alabama, blaming Christians who were too self-righteous to vote for Moore simply because he may have molested some teenage girls decades ago.

“We had an underbelly that was exposed to us last night,” he said. “If you guys don’t think that we’re in trouble—remember when I was telling you that it’s about the destruction of white Christian male? Do you remember that? This whole thing is all playing out that very thing, the destruction of the white Christian male. And the left, the God-haters, the devil has had tremendous influence in the lives of Christian believers, there is no other way to explain that mess that happened down in Alabama.”

Daubenmire blasted Christians who refused to support Moore simply because he “maybe molested a girl 40 years ago” but were willing to vote for a Democrat “who wants to kill babies.”

Really Dave? You defend molestation but play the "democrats want to kill your babies" card? Really? That's the take away you got from last night's election? But it’s not over, apparently. He vowed revenge! Oh yes – just like a good James Bond villain, or Bowser from the Super Mario Bros games, he will keep coming back for more!

Just when you thought that the seemingly endless Senate race in Alabama was over, the candidate who was long expected to win it has announced that it isn’t.

After Republican Roy Moore’s campaign chairman took to the lectern to assure the candidate’s supporters that declarations of victory for Democrat Doug Jones were premature, Moore himself stepped up to do the same.

“When the vote is this close . . . it’s not over,” Moore said. Why? Well, if a race is within half a percentage point after all the votes are tallied, an automatic recount is triggered that could conceivably flip the result. And with a narrow Jones lead and military ballots still needing to be counted, Moore assured the crowd that some miracle still might happen.

Hey maybe the GOP is like the democrats’ wingman – they are so obsessed with us aren’t they? And hey I’m not complaining! But this is my favorite part of the election – when not even yesterday Roy Moore’s wife made an impassioned plea that – guess what? They’re not racist! And this reason is too good not to ignore it!

“Fake news would tell you that we don’t care for Jews. But I’ll tell you all this because I see you all, I just want to set the record straight while they’re here: One of our attorneys is a Jew,” Kayla Moore said, waving towards the back of the room where reporters were gathered. “We have very close friends who are Jewish.”

The comment came towards the end of a testy and sometimes bizarre rally Monday night where she, her deeply controversial husband, Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, and top allies lashed out at all of their enemies, real and imagined: The multiple women who’ve accused him of sexual misconduct towards them when they were teenagers, the “fake news” that covered the women’s claims, the https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYUQQgogVeQY8cMQamhHJcgRepublican establishment that’s recoiled from Moore since the allegations broke, and the Democrats who are hoping to score a shocking victory against him on Tuesday.

It was a fitting capstone for one of the most bizarre elections in recent memory.

Yeah… that is exactly saying I’m not racist but… and then going and saying something completely racist! So we got to play this clip for a minute and bask in its’ insane glory and I think it would sound better with the Sad Hulk Music behind it:

So they say they’re not racist because one of their lawyers is a Jew. Remember back during the 2012 election when Mitt Romney said that some of his best friends are NASCAR owners? Yeah it’s kind of like that. But really – they are racists! Hey Christian right – we’ll stop calling you racists when you stop saying and doing racist shit! How about that?

Amid all the controversy that has recently surrounded Alabama U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore for his alleged activities with teenagers in the 1970s, the Republican nominee’s ties to individuals and groups who admire and praise the Confederate States of America -- a breakaway republic founded on slavery -- have received significantly less attention.

Moore, who is facing Democrat Doug Jones in a special election on Tuesday, has insisted that he is not a racist. This week, Moore’s campaign called him “a champion of civil rights.” On Monday, he told Christian nationalist radio host Sandy Rios that he had a “great amount of support in the community.”

“This issue of racism is completely ridiculous,” Moore said. “I’m not a racist. I don’t stand against people because of the color of their skin. I believe that our founding documents quite clearly point out God made us all equal and created us in his own image.”

Yeah so there is that. But guess what? His brother vowed revenge! Mmm… yes… Mmmm… yes my pretties! It is on!

Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore refused to concede after losing to Democratic opponent Doug Jones Tuesday night, and it appears he is not the only member of his family who is bitter about the defeat.

Jerry Moore, the former judge-cum-accused child predator’s brother, reportedly told NPR’s Debbie Elliott that: “”It might not happen on this earth right now, but Doug Jones will pay for what he’s saying.”

There you have it – they’re literally saying “You’ll live to regret this!”. That’s Roy Moore – this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Enough about Roy Moore for now. So last week Donald Trump took a step closer to killing us all in a fiery nuclear blaze last week. How did he do it? By declaring Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Yes, by doing so he managed to piss off three of the world’s foremost major religions – all of which claim Israel as its’ capital. So here’s what happened.

At ground zero, by Jerusalem's Old City walls, reaction to President Trump's declaration that the United States now recognizes the city as being Israel's capital is both mixed and muted.
A small group of Palestinian women sat chanting outside the ancient Damascus Gate and youths who in other cities might be described as feral baited police, in an almost ritualized ebb and flow of bravado.
There was no violence and Israel Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld told me the gathering was "relatively small ... we've dealt with much larger."

He would be there again Friday as Palestinians streamed home following their most important prayers of the week. It was the moment many had feared could turn to ugly violence.

No stop it. We’re not going to die just yet. But the proverbial shit is hitting the fan. And why is Trump doing this? To please his hardcore base of end times fanatics. But you know who is pleased with this? Israel!

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has defended US President Donald Trump's controversial plan to relocate the US embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, saying Monday that he believed European countries would follow suit.
Speaking in Brussels, where he is meeting European Union foreign ministers, Netanyahu said Trump's announcement was based on "recognizing reality."
Trump's move Wednesday to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and commit to moving the US embassy to the holy city prompted international criticism and sparked protests across the world.

I already told you! We’re not going to die yet! Stop it! *slaps Fry* So why was this so important and why did Trump wait until just now to realize this? And why should this fucking terrify you? *cue horror music* Thank you sound effects guy!

Both Israelis and Palestinians claim the city as their political capital and as a sacred religious site. Israel controls the entirety of the city. Any peace deal would need to resolve that.

The city’s status has been disputed, at least officially, since the 1948 Arab-Israeli War. Before that, the United Nations had designated Jerusalem as a special international zone. During the war, Israel seized the city’s western half. It seized the eastern half during the next Arab-Israeli war, in 1967.

Most foresee a peace deal that gives western Jerusalem to Israel and eastern Jerusalem to a future Palestinian state.

The United States, in order to present itself as a dispassionate broker, long considered Jerusalem’s status to be a conflict issue that was up to Israelis and Palestinians to decide. Mr. Trump is breaking with that traditional neutrality.

Yeah that’s what we should have done – left the whole damn thing alone. But nope – we have Trump and the far right Christian cult in charge! And we haven’t even got to Holy Shit yet this week! It seems we are in the end times. I mean Kevin Feige even said the Avengers is going to have a series finale and in comic book movies that almost never happens! So what’s the series finale for earth going to look like?

The relish with which Donald Trump signed the declaration recognising Jerusalem as the capital of Israel left me with a sense of cold resignation at the obduracy of the man. He was almost gleeful; the power he now wields enables him with the stroke of a pen to bring about historical changes to our suffering world. But I was neither surprised nor angry – those emotions having long since been spent.

I have lived under Israel’s occupation for 50 years and listened to many empty declarations while witnessing the Jewish settlements expand, destroying our beautiful landscape and rendering us Palestinians strangers in our own land. Israel has never had to be concerned about the formal positions that the US observed, which considered it an occupier of the territories, including East Jerusalem, it has held since 1967, nor by the oft-repeated position that the Israeli settlements are illegal. This was because these formal positions were never followed by any implementation on the part of the US.

OK maybe we are all gonna die! So Trump gave the religious right a huge gift. And they’re the last people who need gifts. I mean what’s next? Are we going to give the billionaires more money? We already did that? Shit! Oh and by the way – Trump’s actions last week revealed yet another piece of the puzzle in the Russian collusion investigation:

WASHINGTON — The classified intelligence that President Trump disclosed in a meeting last week with Russian officials at the White House was provided by Israel, according to a current and a former American official familiar with how the United States obtained the information. The revelation adds a potential diplomatic complication to an episode that has renewed questions about how the White House handles sensitive intelligence.

Israel is one of the United States’ most important allies and runs one of the most active espionage networks in the Middle East. Mr. Trump’s boasting about some of Israel’s most sensitive information to the Russians could damage the relationship between the two countries and raises the possibility that the information could be passed to Iran, Russia’s close ally and Israel’s main threat in the region.

Israeli officials would not confirm that they were the source of the information that Mr. Trump shared, which was about an Islamic State plot. In a statement emailed to The New York Times, Ron Dermer, the Israeli ambassador to the United States, reaffirmed that the two countries would maintain a close counterterrorism relationship.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Seriously, we live in a weird fucking time right now. Any other day this would be a major front page headline and get 24/7 coverage: “President Accuses Senator Of Begging For Money”. But nope, we live in a world where Donald Trump is our president and he does something batshit crazy in about once an hour.

WASHINGTON — President Trump aggressively returned to the issue of sexual harassment on Tuesday, again dismissing his own accusers as fabricators and attacking a female Democratic senator as a “lightweight” who “would do anything” for campaign contributions.

The president’s attacks came in early morning Twitter posts after three of the accusers had come forward on Monday to renew their charges from last year that Mr. Trump had sexually assaulted them before he entered politics, and after the senator, Kirsten Gillibrand of New York, had called for him to resign.

Well… she’s got you there, asshole. I mean seriously we’re going to hell at an alarming rate and our descent to the bottom is fast approaching. But then there’s Alex Jones who said this about Trump’s accusers:

Today on Infowars, Jones theorized that Democrats forced a few of their own to step down from powerful roles after sexual assault allegations were made with the plan to then “go after Trump with their made-up stuff.”

“They have Megyn Kelly with these women that say that he asked them out or tried to give them their number, or one had been rude to him on an airplane so he called her the C-word, in one case 30 years ago,” Jones said. “Another woman says, this is like 11 or 12 years ago, he asked for her phone number.”

Jones then focused on the women’s looks.

“And I’m sorry. She’s not Trump’s type. I do not think these women are attractive. Trump is a complete perfectionist when it comes to women and just none of it fits,” Jones said.

Seriously Alex, you’re not helping. What do you think is Trump’s type? Women who look exactly like Ivanka? Thank you! But the good thing is that the women of Donald T (see: Top 10 #45 ) are starting to come forward and speak about their encounters with Mr. Trump:

Four women who have previously accused President Donald Trump of sexual misconduct before he took office called on Congress to investigate the allegations as America's watershed #MeToo moment continues to unfold.

Jessica Leeds, Samantha Holvey and Rachel Crooks, appearing together on "Megyn Kelly Today" on Monday, described separate interactions with the president in years past, with one of the allegations dating back several decades. Lisa Boyne, who also came forward last year, joined the others via phone for a news conference hours later.

Holvey said when she competed in Trump’s Miss USA pageant in 2006, Trump came backstage unexpectedly when she and other contestants were wearing nothing but robes and he personally inspected the contestants.

“I just felt so gross,” she said. "Just looking me over like I was a piece of meat.”

You know just try to picture Trump oogling over a woman like he stares at the sixth Big Mac that he eats in the course of a day. It can’t be done can it??? But of course Trump is going to lie about it! I mean these people lie like it’s a bodily function!

Videos and photos showing President Trump with some of the women who have accused him of sexual misconduct are resurfacing after Trump in a tweet Tuesday said his accusers are "women who I don’t know and/or have never met."

"Despite thousands of hours wasted and many millions of dollars spent, the Democrats have been unable to show any collusion with Russia — so now they are moving on to the false accusations and fabricated stories of women who I don’t know and/or have never met. FAKE NEWS!" Trump tweeted Tuesday.

People magazine published a photo later in the day showing Trump standing alongside Natasha Stoynoff, a former foreign correspondent for the magazine, while at Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in 2005. People said that the photo was taken the same day that Stoynoff, in 2016, accused Trump of forcibly kissing her.

Another photo surfaced following Trump's tweet Tuesday showing him with another accuser, Jill Harth.


He’s got the mannerisms and vocabulary of a valley girl doesn’t he? Like you know whatever! Wrong! Sad! Unbelievable! Totally! Frank Zappa could have had a field day with this guy back in the 80s. But getting back to the subject at hand – more women have come forward! Sad!

The #MeToo sexual harassment movement roiling the nation reached the doors of the White House on Monday, when three women who last year accused President Trump of sexual misconduct began a renewed public push to gain attention for their allegations.

The three accusers were among more than a dozen who had initially come forward during the 2016 presidential campaign. The three reinvigorated their stories this week with an appearance on Megyn Kelly’s NBC show — their first joint interview — and a subsequent news conference in Manhattan, in which they also called on Congress to investigate their claims.

Their appeal occurs on the eve of a closely fought special U.S. Senate election in Alabama, where Roy Moore, the Republican nominee whom Trump has endorsed, is facing multiple accusations of sexual misconduct, and as four Senate Democrats have called on Trump to resign amid the allegations of harassment against him.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate friends! Yay, and in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us! But even then we realize that the holiest among us are full of…

Welcome, welcome! Have a seat in the pew! How is my fine congregation doing on this fair Wednesday evening? You know how great is our Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up! But you know we gather here each and every week to honor the lord our god, creator of all that is good and holy, and we praise the name of baby Jesus while figuring out why his followers are so batshit fucking crazy. Can I get an amen? So as you know there is an election this week that will see whether or not Roy Moore becomes our next senator, and well there’s a lot of controversy.

Former Donald Trump campaign adviser Frank Amedia sent a video message to his “brothers and sisters of the Christian faith” in Alabama last week urging them to be “God’s deplorables” and vote for Roy Moore in Tuesday’s U.S. Senate election. “We need to make sure that we get at least two more Supreme Court justices appointed that have conservative Christian values on the court,” Amedia said.

Amedia founded and heads POTUS Shield, a network of dominionist “apostles” and “prophets” who believe Trump was divinely anointed to bring America back to God and speed the return of Christ to earth. In his new video, Amedia told Alabama Christians that Moore is needed to continue the “reformation” that began with Trump’s election.

Spiritual revival is important, Amedia said, but it’s only a first step toward returning America to God and abolishing abortion, same-sex marriage, and “transgender bathrooms.”

“Reformation is that which occurs as we occupy those areas that God gives us and makes a way for us to take authority in,” he said. And, he added, there’s a lot of “authority” vested in the Senate seat Moore is seeking.

Seriously if there isn’t a band starting tomorrow called “God’s Deplorables”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! But speaking of elections, there is one coming up in Kentucky that has largely gone unnoticed until now! I’m of course talking about a small position of county clerk.

A Kentucky man who was denied a license to marry his male partner by county Clerk Kim Davis in 2015 has announced that he is challenging her for her seat next year.

David Ermold and his now-husband, David Moore, were among the same-sex couples denied a license by Davis in defiance of a Supreme Court decision. Davis, the chief clerk of Rowan County, cited “God’s authority” and said her stance was motivated by her beliefs as an Apostolic Christian.

On Wednesday, Ermold filed in Morehead, the county seat, to run for the position — to “restore the confidence of the people” in the office.

“I think we need to deal with the circumstances and the consequences of what happened,” Ermold 43, an English professor at the University of Pikeville and the leader of the local gay rights organization Morehead Pride, told the Associated Press. “I don’t think the other candidates are looking at a larger message. I have an obligation here, really, to do this and to set things right.”

Yes – Sister Kim has a challenger, and it is a man who she denied a marriage license to, twice! But Kim Davis still divides America, and a divided America cannot stand for it is a SIN!!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED!!!! In the name of all things good and holy! Can I get an amen???

MOREHEAD, Ky. (AP) — The last place Lincoln Caudill expected to see his eastern Kentucky hometown was on a television in a Philadelphia restaurant, yet there it was in the summer of 2015, flickering back at him from a newscast about a defiant county clerk refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples.

The U.S. Supreme Court had just declared same-sex marriage legal. But Kim Davis, the local clerk, denied some gay couples licenses because she said it violated her religious beliefs to have her name on them. For the next few months, satellite trucks, Bibles and bullhorns would dominate Morehead, Kentucky, as it became the focus of fierce national debate.

Two years later, Caudill is back in Morehead, campaigning for the county’s top elected office and trying to talk to as many people as he can. But like many people in town, he doesn’t want to talk about Davis.


Hey it isn’t a mere facepalm – if the good lord Jesus does it it’s a face psalm! Can we pass the collection plate please? Don’t be afraid to give, it is better to give than receive! But you know the Christian right loves to put their own people on a pedestal. Like Kim Davis for instance. And with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Kim Davis, the county clerk from Kentucky who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples after the U.S. Supreme Court’s marriage equality decision, spent nine days in October on a tour of Romania to boost religious conservatives’ push for a referendum to put a ban on same-sex couples marrying into the country’s constitution. Davis traveled with Liberty Counsel Vice President Harry Mihet, who was born in Romania. Mihet discussed the trip last week with Liberty Counsel president Mat Staver on Faith and Freedom, the group’s weekly radio show.

Staver said that Mihet and Davis met with “four out of the six top archbishops of the Orthodox Church” as well as evangelical leaders and heads of “pro-family” organizations. Mihet said they spoke to “several hundred people” in six of the country’s largest cities, with “thousands” more watching online.

Staver said that Davis made the trip to tell her story as a warning about “the implications” of a country going “the wrong way on marriage.” Mihet said Davis gave a “powerful” message about the need to define marriage in the constitution to prevent the kind of “devastating” impact on people of faith experienced in the United States because of “judicial activism and judicial overreach.”

Bruh seriously even the good lord thinks this is deranged! I mean right now the Christian right is running two of its’ most insane people – Roy Moore and Kim Davis. And speaking of Brother Moore, why don’t we let a fake coach tell you what we should believe in?

On his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning, Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire said that Roy Moore has no obligation to tell the truth regarding multiple allegations that he pursued sexual relationships with teenage girls when he was in his 30s and that, in fact, it is better for him to lie about it if doing so will help to advance the kingdom of God.

Daubenmire, who has been an ardent Moore supporter for years and even interviewed Moore on his program back in 2013, likened Moore’s efforts to become a U.S. senator from Alabama to using misdirection in a football game, employing subterfuge during a military battle or hiding Jews from the Nazis, saying that deception and dishonesty in such endeavors is acceptable because doing so furthers a greater good.

“When I hear people say, ‘Well, Judge Moore is not worthy of the office if he’s lying about what he did,’ I want to grab ’em and I want to slap ’em upside the stinking head,” Daubenmire said. “Judge Moore is trying to infiltrate an ungodly system and the stakes in this campaign are so great for the cause of Christ and Judge Moore is being lambasted by the holier-than-thou Christians who think [the Bible] says we can never lie.”

“It’s best to lie if it advances the kingdom of God,” Daubenmire stated. “There, I said it.”

Why Brother David… you do know lying is one of the original DEADLY SINS, right? It is one of the most egregious of sins and the sin must be cleansed!!! In the name of all that is good and holy. Can I get an amen??? And if this is the Lord’s agenda I would hate to see what Satan’s agenda is! Especially if they’re the ones who are a little too jolly during the Christmas season!

Family Research Council executive vice president Jerry Boykin claimed in a recent fundraising email that not only is President Trump “separating himself from the left-wing legacy of Barack Obama,” who “avoided mentioning Christmas whenever possible,” “secularist liberals around the nation are upset that our president is honoring this blessed time of year” and “are more determined than ever to strip away our rights to celebrate our faith— and the true meaning of our most treasured and joyous holidays— in the public square.”

There you go folks, that is the agenda the Christofascists are trying to protect – baby Jesus in the town square! That is the take away from today’s sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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Hey everybody, want to play a game of “The Biggest Loser”? Well there’s only one loser this week and it’s the Alt Right. Catfishing. When big fat guys live out their fantasies online as hot women. I’m not saying all big fat guys do this, but conservatives do have weird fantasies and fetishes. So here’s what happened – Sam Seder of MSNBC was duped by some high ranking Alt Right people (*COUGH* Cernovich*) into making some horrible rape jokes on Twitter and got called out for it.

In the good old days of 2009, when public figures felt (slightly) less shame about warmly embracing sexual predators, a number of filmmakers and celebrities came forth to say that Roman Polanski deserved lenience in part because of his artistic contributions. Apparently revolted by this obscene logic, the comedian and radio host Sam Seder tweeted, “Don’t care re Polanski, but I hope if my daughter is ever raped it is by an older truly talented man w/a great sense of mise en scene.” Cut to 2017: MSNBC just announced that it was severing its relationship with Seder, a network contributor, because a number of extreme right-wingers (including the ubiquitous troll Mike Cernovich) had attacked him for the tweet, which they disingenuously said was a defense of horrific behavior against women.

Dude, really? It’s 2017 – the year of sexual harassment. The year of #MeToo. The year that Time Magazine put “The Silence Breakers” on the cover. Oh and yeah it’s pretty obvious that Trump troll and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich was the one behind this nonsense!

How a tweet from 2009 created a 2017 controversy

Sam Seder is a liberal political commentator who hosts the Majority Report podcast. An iteration of the show began on the liberal radio network Air America, where he co-hosted with Janeane Garofalo; it now operates as a daily political podcast. He’s got acting, writing, and directing credits to his name, in addition to working as a commentator for MSNBC. Seder told the Post that he’s appeared on the network for at least a decade, and became a paid commentator within the past few years.

In 2009, Seder posted this tweet: “Dont care re Polanski, but i hope if my daughter is ever raped it is by an older truly talented man w/ a great sense of mise en scene.”


Seder told the Post that after Cernovich started circulating the tweet, Errol Cockfield, senior vice president of communications at MSNBC, contacted him and asked about Cernovich. Seder got a message the next day saying the network was cutting ties.

Oh come on you know it’s pretty bad when Sly does it! But you know how the Alt Right are the biggest losers in this whole equation? That’s right – MSNBC hired back Mr. Seder after finding out that they were wrong about this one!

MSNBC pulled an abrupt about-face on Thursday, announcing that it had rehired a contributor just days after it fired him when far-right activists drew attention to an inflammatory tweet he posted in 2009.

“Sometimes you just get one wrong — and that’s what happened here,” Phil Griffin, the cable network’s president said in a statement on Thursday announcing that the cable network had rehired Sam Seder, a political commentator and host of the “Majority Report” podcast.

The episode began late last month when Mike Cernovich, the far-right activist, resurfaced a tweet sent by Mr. Seder in 2009 that was meant to mock supporters of the film director Roman Polanski.

Mr. Seder’s tweet, which has since been deleted, was posted shortly after Mr. Polanski, who pleaded guilty in 1977 to unlawful sexual intercourse with a 13-year-old, was arrested in Switzerland in 2009 in connection with that crime.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Ah man just once I was hoping I wasn’t going to have to talk about Infowars. Fine. make me. But I don’t want to! So the batshit crazy supplement salesman who calls himself a journalist has been completely unhinged the last week or so. And that’s coming from a guy who last week said that lesbians are brain eating dominatrixes. So if that’s rock bottom, I can only imagine that it’s going to go up from there, am I right about that? Well…

Alex Jones claimed today that LGBTQ activists and educators are now teaching children that it is bigoted to not let someone have sex with their cars.

Today on “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones attempted to unmask a supposed hidden LGBTQ agenda to push a new industry of lifelike robotic sex dolls, which he described as “basically blowup dolls that have like an ‘Alexa’ bot program hooked into the central network of the people that produce these.” Jones claimed that tech companies are promoting the robots as “trendy and brave” and that LGBTQ activists are expanding the terminology they use to educate children to include people who have sex with robots.

“They’re now saying sex with machines or sex with cars or sex with appliances—there’s a whole big movement where people are marrying their cars, marrying their toasters, marrying their dogs, their cats, their horses. I’m not kidding,” Jones said.

Jones continued, “They’re catching people in public places—you see it all the time—trying to have sex with a Ferrari or trying to have sex with a ’57 Chevy. And they actually—I’m not going to get into the details of what they do, but they lube up the tailpipe and everything and then the police come up and there’s a guy hunching your car.”

Really Alex? Is that why people get so turned on at car shows? Cause you know when people see those chrome polished exhaust pipes, you know some shit is about to go down! And by the way Alex, even Futurama knows the dangers of dating robots!

You heard the man! Don’t date robots! Don’t do it! Alex really must be smoking some good Covfefe lately, or ingesting too many products from the Infowars Store! But this isn’t the craziest thing he’s said this week and that’s saying a lot! There’s also this.

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who created Infowars, compared the hosts of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” to demonic aliens in the Netflix series “Stranger Things” and performed a demonic impression of co-host Mika Brzezinski.

Today, Jones said that co-hosts Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough were “parasites” who “will be removed” once Jones and his followers save America from the globalists.

“They’re both like horrible foot-long tapeworms, man. I’m telling you. Tapeworms that we vomited out and crapped out and they’re just trying to force-feed themselves back into our lives. They’re like gonorrhea or syphilis, I mean they are just—they’re like HIV. They’re like cancer. They are just—I mean you have to understand, folks, they literally want to destroy you,” Jones said. ”God, they’re evil. Do you realize how evil these people are?”

He then homed in on Brzezinski, claiming that people who have been at dinner parties with the duo have told him “she is just so evil and so into herself like her evil father that she just sits there and goes—“

Ah remember the God Warrior? Those were good times! Maybe she can find a spirit animal in Alex Jones. Because the two of them really are obsessed with demons aren’t they? But have no fear! You know what the key to defeating the evil globalist agenda is? That’s right – Jesus!!!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist and supplement salesperson who heads Infowars, told listeners today they can look to Jesus Christ and Lazarus for inspiration fighting the supposed globalist liberal elites that want to destroy them, claiming that those who are defeated in the battle will see their spirits ascend to a higher power.

During his broadcast today, Jones claimed that the latest round of sexual assault allegations purging powerful men from their positions in media was proof the “house of cards” concealing the unlawful behavior of liberal elites was crumbling down. Jones warned that he and some of his supporters may suffer collateral damage to their own livelihoods, but urged viewers to look to Jesus Christ for inspiration.

“Of course, as allegories and clichés tend to be true, metaphysically you tend to fall with your great nemesis. But through the fall, you ascend. Evil falls and is destroyed when it hits the bottom. When we fall, we rise even stronger,” Jones said.

Oh come on, we just did Holy Shit! But yeah really… holy shit! But you know when you get a bunch of frothing at the mouth insane conspiracy theorists in a room, you know, they’re going to conspiracy theory!

Breitbart editor Aaron Klein teamed up with Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist supplement salesman who heads Infowars, to further the site’s larger campaign to discredit and smear the women who have claimed that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore sexually assaulted them when they were teenagers and he was in his 30s.

Klein appeared on Infowars today to defend Moore against claims that he sexually assaulted teenage girls by claiming that the women who have come forward have credibility issues and that one was deemed “psychiatrically unstable.” Klein said the mainstream media committed “journalistic malpractice” by not reporting on what he believed to be “bombshells” that question the credibility of the women making the accusations.

Klein repeated to Jones many of the same claims he made last week on a special edition of “Breitbart News Tonight” with Steve Bannon. Klein claimed that the “D.A.” initials following a yearbook signature put forward as evidence for one accusation against Moore indicates that the note may be a forgery and that the woman’s ex-boyfriend “says she’s a liar” and her son “says she’s a liar.” The woman, Beverly Young Nelson, has since said that she added the “D.A.” as an annotation to Moore’s inscription, which Breitbart bizarrely claimed is evidence that the whole thing was “forged.”

I like that one! And by the way another thing Trump did while you weren’t looking is that he decided that we need private intelligence services. You kind of like Kingsman, except even more fucked up. And do you really want this guy deciding who is a threat to Trump? I know I don’t! I mean making fun of him is half our show, damn it!

ALEX JONES (HOST): I had the Secret Service call me yesterday, and it wasn’t a secret meeting, but they want to come here and -- it’s total twilight zone -- and want me to brief them on all the data we’ve collated on whose setting up a plan to kill the president. And so I’m going to develop that plan; and video clips, articles, all of it. And I’m also going to present the plan here. Secret Service didn’t care if I kept it secret. They said that’s fine. They were directed by the Secret Service in D.C. to make contact and they want to see our analysis of this. Well, I mean Phil Mudd’s on TV saying they’re going to kill the president and he’s the former deputy director of the CIA and you’ve got [James] Clapper, the former head of the CIA, and Brennan saying Trump will be gone this year extrajudicially. And the Secret Service guy’s like, “No, we know about that. Yes, yes. Well do you know about a specific how they are going to do it?” And I said, “No, but we should meet about it.” So that’s how crazy all of this has gotten.

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[font size="8"]The Rise & Fall Of Keaton Jones
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Look, I get it. It sucks to be bullied. I was a victim. I’m sure there’s other victims out there. But really, the anti bullying movement died this week. I don’t even want to talk about this story really. Fuck this story and everyone in it. So not even a span of 12 hours we were introduced to Keaton Jones from Knoxville, Tennessee. *DISCLAIMER*: And before we get into this, I assure everybody that we are not making fun of the kid. We are making fun of his extremely horrible mother for doing this. Please note – we are not making fun of any people involved here, we are only making fun of the news. we are also not excusing the bullying – it is not OK in any way, shape or form. So here’s what happened.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Keaton Jones has a lot of new friends.

Among them: UFC President Dana White, Captain America actor Chris Evans, Dr. Phil, Millie Bobby Brown aka "Eleven" from Stranger Things, Fox News host Sean Hannity, rapper Snoop Dogg, a slew of professional athletes in various sports, and countless people on the Internet, apparently.

Keaton, a student at Horace Maynard Middle School in Maynardville in Union County, Tenn., sparked a national conversation about bullying after a video of him went viral over the weekend.

Keaton's mother, Kimberly Jones, filmed him crying in the passenger seat of a vehicle after she said she picked him up from school "AGAIN" because he was afraid to go to lunch. "Keaton asked to do this," Jones wrote in a Facebook post.

Yeah so we’re going to use Nelson clips during this entry. I mean it sucks for people who are real victims of bullying but it sounds like the real bully is the one who poor Keaton calls “mom”.

MAYNARDVILLE, Tenn. — A middle school student's video about being bullied in the lunchroom went viral over the weekend, leading to dozens of stories in national and international media outlets and calls for Union County Public Schools to do more to address bullying.

"I'm surprised this hasn't happened before now, because I know several parents that have gone to the school with the same problem, and not just the middle school, but all the schools," said Amanda Hensley, a parent with two students in the school district who said she is a neighbor of Horace Maynard Middle School student Keaton Jones.

"I know several people who have gone over there and it's the same old story," Hensley said. "Somebody's going to end up getting hurt if they don't get it under control."

Jones' video, in which he describes having milk poured on him and ham put down his clothes at lunch, was posted by his mother Kimberly Jones, on her Facebook page Friday.

But really, Chris Evans, are you still onboard with this kid? Have you read the news? I think even Captain America might be disappointed here!

Since then, the video has gone viral – within 24 hours the post had been viewed more than 10 million times and is closing in on 20 million.

Many celebrities have reached out to the young man too…

“Little buddy,” wrote Mark Ruffalo, “I was bullied when I was a kid. You are right #ItGetsBetter! You are my own personal super hero. Protect Yo Heart. You got a pal in the Hulk.”

Chris Evans, on the other hand, just invited Keaton to next year’s Los Angeles premiere of Avengers: Infinity War. “Stay strong, Keaton,” tweeted Chris Evans. “Don’t let them make you turn cold. I promise it gets better. While those punks at your school are deciding what kind of people they want to be in this world, how would you and your mom like to come to the Avengers premiere in LA next year?

Yeah so I think even the Cap would have a problem with the evidence being presented here. Oh and you know the real reason behind this whole thing? Oh his mom says those photos are “supposed to be ironic”. Because ha ha ha ha ha… hatred is so funny!

Kim Jones, the mother of Keaton Jones, appeared Tuesday on ABC News’ Good Morning America and CBS This Morning, to respond to the controversy sparked after social media revealed photos of Jones, and her children, including Keaton, posing with Confederate flags.

“The only two photos on my entire planet that I am anywhere near a Confederate flag,” she insisted in an interview on CBS This Morning, calling it “ironic” and “funny.”

Asked if the photos showed “racist intent” she responded, “No. Absolutely not,” and insisted she too has been “bullied and judged” because she ”wasn’t racist.”

“I feel like anybody who wants to take the time to ask anybody who I am or even troll through some other pictures, I mean I feel like we’re not racist,” Jones told ABC News. “I mean, people that know us, know that.”

By the way, in case you’re wondering, Go Fund Me ceased the account that was set up has subsequently been frozen. So yeah this is not going to end well and we will keep an eye on it.

Keaton, who has gained the support of Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and other prominent individuals, also says in one bullying incident he had milk poured on him and ham put down his shirt.

But the GoFundMe page - which has amassed $57,000 in donations - has now been put on hold.

Joseph Lam, who set up the page, was insistent his reasoning for doing so was wholly unrelated to the accusations of racism Keaton’s mother Ms Jones has received.

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[font size="8"]Alt Right Gift Guide
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It’s now time for:

And man do I need a drink. We’re almost done for this season can you believe it everybody! So what can I get to drink around here? I know! It’s the holiday season, how about a nice glass of Egg Nog – and don’t skimp on the brandy! Yeah that’s good shit right there! Well we’re going to do something unprecedented and combine two things – “I Need A Drink” and the Top 10 Home Shopping Network. I mean what better way to express your feelings for your friends and family than with some gifts for every Trump fan on your list!

Hello shoppers and welcome to the Top 10 Home Shopping Network! We are in the holiday spirit here at TTHSN! For starters you know we have to say Merry Christmas around here because that’s what our grand exalted leader Premier Trump would want!

President Trump reignited the "war on Christmas” on Friday, telling a crowd of supporters that "we're saying merry Christmas again" now that he's president.

Speaking to a packed crowd at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C., Trump argued political correctness has gotten in the way of celebrating the holiday.

“We’re getting near that beautiful Christmas season that people don’t talk about anymore. They don’t use the word Christmas because it’s not politically correct," he said to strong applause and cheers from the audience at the Christian public policy conference, sponsored by the Family Research Council.

“You go to department stores and they’ll say 'Happy New Year,' or they’ll say other things and it’ll be red, they’ll have it painted. But they don’t say — well guess what? We’re saying merry Christmas again.”

Yes because apparently only snowflake liberals who need safe spaces are the ones who want us to say “Happy Holidays” and are removing all instances of the Baby Jesus from the town square! So what do you get the Trump worshipping fans on your Christmas list? How about this beautiful MAGA ornament?

‘Tis the season to mock President Trump on all possible platforms.

While much of the #resistance can be found trolling Trump on Twitter, it looks like the movement is now making waves on Amazon as well.

“Shoppers” have unleashed scathing reviews on a pricy Make America Great Again Christmas tree ornament being sold by several retailers on Amazon’s website.

The 14 karat gold-finished collectable ornament of Trump’s signature MAGA red cap — the pricing for which starts at $94.28 — has 141 customer reviews and only 2 stars, with users leaving tongue-in-cheek comments criticizing the president’s controversial policies and statements.

Yes Mr. Trump – your ornament apparently tried to build a wall around my ornaments! But now we’re going to dig a bit deeper into the MAGA gift giving occasion. Because… MAGA! How about this Trump themed bottle of wine for the wine enthusiast on your list?

Gift shops at the Shenandoah National Park were selling Trump Wine, E&E News reported on Tuesday.

"If this is the level of Trumpism at national parks, what other policy issues have that level of Trumpism?" Bill Snape, senior counsel at the Center for Biological Diversity, told E&E. "It just raises a number of disturbing and intriguing conflict-of-interest issues."

However, the National Parks Service provided a reasonable explanation for the wine.

A spokesperson told Business Insider that the wine in question was not sold by Shenandoah National Park, but instead by the park's concessioner, Delaware North Corporation.

"The concessioner has been selling wine from the distributor of this particular winery in Virginia for years," a spokesperson said in an email.

Or maybe you’re not experiencing the Christmas spirit enough! After all, it is Jesus’ birthday! Why not celebrate your love of the Baby Jesus with this Christmas themed MAGA hat which you can get for – wait for it – double the price!

Jesus, as they say, is the reason for the season. Which is why some people are puzzled by a Christmas-themed MAGA hat being sold by President Donald Trump. For the Trump supporter-slash-Christmas warrior in your life, you can buy a Christmas-themed "Make America Great Again" hat just in time for Dec. 25. Decked with colored lights and an all-caps "Merry Christmas" on the back, the hat costs $45 — almost double the price of regular MAGA hats, which sell for $25.

Part of Trump's online store, the Christmas-themed MAGA hat is one of several seasonal gifts available for purchase. The Trump store is also selling a $45 collective MAGA hat ornament, which is "finished in 24-karat gold." Similarly, the Trump store offered a $45 Jack-o-Lantern themed MAGA hat for Halloween, which was roasted for the eerie similarity to Trump's orange visage, but has, according to the store, sold out.

That is right, Mr. President! You can celebrate your MAGA pride with MAGA themed hats for all different holidays year around! Because… MAGA! How about some gifts for the conspiracy lover in your life?

2017 was the year of the “red pill,” a term used first used online by men’s rights activists that alludes to a scene in the sci-fi movie “The Matrix” where the protagonist must decide between taking a “blue pill” that will allow him to continue living in blissful ignorance or a “red pill” that will awaken him to the bitter realities of the world. Online, recruits to the alt-right swallow metaphorical “red pills” when they finally internalize an alternate reality where Jewish people operate conspiracies to control humanity, white people are victims of modern racism, and immigration is destroying Western culture. Infowars architect Alex Jones recently co-opted the phrase to sell a heart-healthy supplement that promises to promote “healthy aging and cognitive function,” which should help combat the constant stress the conspiracy-minded among us must be under.

Yes – all of these items are on a first come first served basis. Made in China with pride! Please call our hotline and we will take any and all credit cards and gift cards. You heard me! Call 1-800-FUT-RUMP! I love that number! And just remember you can get gifts for anyone on your list – even those ultra paranoid end times lovers!

This year we saw the desperate and shameless extremes that End Times pastor Jim Bakker will go to sell his food buckets, which now have a full-time home on a private shopping network resembling QVC. Give a loved one the gift of more than 19 years of emergency food to help them ride out the impending End of Days, while providing them a viable alternative to cannibalism and protecting them from the wrath of God. The buckets come with 14 Christmas ornaments, which to our knowledge are not edible.

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #26: Cuba
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge, and Canada is well… Canada. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Cuba[/font]

Welcome to Havana everybody! Excuse me while I enjoy this nice Cuban sandwich with ham, pork, cheese and mustard. Now that is good eating! Cuba is one of the most beautiful and intriguing countries in the world. Of course everyone associates it with murderous dictator Fidel Castro. Cuba consists of the main island of the country and some much smaller islands. It’s where the corner of three different oceans – the Atlantic Ocean, the Gulf Of Mexico, and the Carribean Sea. Cuba is also the home of Salsa Music, and its’ sister – reggaetón!

Yes that style of music originated in Cuba! So we are going to be honoring it by sprinkling our favorite reggaetón horn throughout this piece! However, while Obama made it easier to travel to Cuba, it’s not exactly an ideal place to move to at the moment. Because of the trade embargo – which we will get to in a minute. Another thing about Cuba is cars. You may have seen movies like the Fate Of The Furious where people in Cuba are driving cars not seen since the 1950s and 60s. And this is true – most of the cars that are available in Havana are cars like the Bel Air and original Corvettes and Mustangs. But what else is Cuba the home of? Well there’s a lot of travel restrictions in Cuba for one thing, thanks Trump!

Travel to the Cuba of old (before 2014) was expensive and difficult for Americans traveling independently because they were required to apply for a license in one of a dozen or so categories.

Individuals could travel to the island nation, but a group tour operated by travel and Cuba pros was better because they knew the rules and probably were not going to run afoul of them.

Many of those group trips were in a “people-to-people” category in which there were learning experiences each day.

In December 2014 President Obama eased restrictions on travel to Cuba. A physical license was no longer needed, but travelers had to meet conditions (a license, as it were). The trip had to be, say, for a humanitarian project or educational purposes or must provide “support for the Cuban people.” It couldn’t involve beach time designed to improve your tan.

Excuse me a minute… But supposedly there’s been an attack on American diplomats living in the tropical paradise. But was it the work of a ruthless dictator?

(WASHINGTON) — Doctors treating the U.S. Embassy victims of mysterious, invisible attacks in Cuba have discovered brain abnormalities as they search for clues to explain the hearing, vision, balance and memory damage, The Associated Press has learned.

It’s the most specific finding to date about physical damage, showing that whatever it was that harmed the Americans, it led to perceptible changes in their brains. The finding is also one of several factors fueling growing skepticism that some kind of sonic weapon was involved.

Medical testing has revealed the embassy workers developed changes to the white matter tracts that let different parts of the brain communicate, several U.S. officials said, describing a growing consensus held by university and government physicians researching the attacks. White matter acts like information highways between brain cells.

No it wasn’t the work of a ruthless dictator. No attacks. Nothing. Instead you know what it was? Apparently our diplomats are just being worked to death!

HAVANA—After a 9-month probe hampered by lack of access to medical records, a panel of Cuban scientists today declared that U.S. diplomats here likely suffered a “collective psychogenic disorder” earlier this year, not the deliberate “health attack” that the U.S. Department of State has claimed.

Based on media reports about the mysterious symptoms, including hearing loss, nausea, vertigo, and memory lapses, some U.S. scientists had already reached similar conclusions. Stanley Fahn, a neurologist at Columbia University who has seen a summary of the Cuban report, agrees that “it could certainly all be psychogenic.” That a panel appointed by the Cuban government dismisses the U.S. claims may not be surprising, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation is still leading what State Department officials have described as a “vigorous” multiagency investigation. But the Cuban report summary, obtained by ScienceInsider, reveals intriguing details. For instance, a high-frequency noise that some had identified as a possible “sonic weapon” may have been crickets chirping.

The State Department declined to comment on the Cuban findings. “We continue to cooperate with the Cubans in this regard within appropriate channels,” a spokesperson told ScienceInsider. At present, the spokesperson said, “We do not have definitive answers on the source or cause of the attacks.”

And by the way there was speculation that… *cue the horror music* the members of the state department were poisoned!

On Sept. 29, the State Department recalled 21 employees of the American Embassy in Havana, Cuba. The group (along with three Canadians) were all suffering from an odd combination of symptoms: “hearing loss, dizziness, headache, fatigue, cognitive issues, and difficulty sleeping,” Secretary of State Rex Tillerson ticked off in an official statement.

On Wednesday, an upcoming report to be published in the Journal of the American Medical Association by doctors at the University of Miami, the University of Pennsylvania, and government medical experts was reported by the AP to include evidence that the 24 victims showed clear patterns of brain abnormalities.

(The Daily Beast reached out to doctors at the University of Miami’s otolaryngology department and University of Pennsylvania’s otorhinolaryngology department—the medical divisions most likely to be considering the effects of ear and brain abnormalities—for comment. The University of Miami did not return calls; a doctor at the University of Pennsylvania refused to comment.)

The symptoms were clear. The reason, though? Not so much.

That doesn’t mean people haven’t tried. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said he’s “convinced these were targeted attacks,” but Cuba has contradicted any reports of its involvement. An alleged sonic attack on the American Embassy in Uzbekistan also raised suspicion that Russia has some involvement in the Cuban mystery. The phrase “sonic attack” caught on quickly after employees reported having heard a constant high-pitched, tinny hum emanating from certain corners of the embassy that would become inaudible if a person moved just a few feet away.

Uh no, that’s not what a “sonic attack” is. Oh and then by the way of course you know Mr. Art Of The Deal himself had that huge trip to Asia a couple of weeks ago, but when China wins you know who loses? That’s right!

On Wednesday, November 8, just as President Trump was clinching new business deals with the repressive Communist government of China, the Trump administration announced its new rules rolling back President Obama’s opening with Cuba. The new regulations restricting travel and trade with the Caribbean island will make it once again illegal for Americans to travel to Cuba without a special license from the Treasury Department and will dramatically reduce the number of Americans traveling there.

The regulations, which include a list of 180 banned entities, are supposed to punish hotels, stores and other businesses tied to the Cuban military and instead direct economic activity toward businesses controlled by regular Cuban citizens. But during our visit to the island on a 40-person delegation organized by the peace group CODEPINK, we found that Cuba’s small private businesses, the very sector that the

Trump administration wants to encourage, are already feeling the blow.

In 2014 President Obama announced a new opening with Cuba. While the U.S. sanctions imposed on the island following the 1959 revolution can only be lifted by Congress, Obama used his executive power to renew diplomatic relations and relax restrictions on travel and trade. Cuba, which already has a large tourist sector with guests from Europe and Canada, geared up for a “tsunami” of American visitors coming on newly authorized commercial flights and cruise ships.

At least Cuba doesn’t have *THAT* guy as their president. And guess what? While there were some major strides made during the Obama administration that brought Cuba into the spotlight and made it somewhat safe to travel there again, Trump is going to roll it all back because… reasons!

A little more than a year ago, Cubans were exulting in the normalization of relations between their country and the United States after decades of trade and travel barriers. But on a recent trip to Havana, I found Cubans dismayed by President Trump’s reversal of the détente started by his predecessor, Barack Obama.

Mr. Trump had appealed to older Cuban-Americans by taking a tough stance against the Castro regime on the campaign trail, and they helped him carry the Florida in the 2016 election. In August, reports surfaced of American and Canadian diplomats in Havana experiencing mysterious ailments that resulted in hearing losses and cognitive problems. The illnesses, which the United States government has suggested were caused by a “sonic weapon,” appear to have given Mr. Trump the pretext to fulfill his campaign promise and take a harder line on Cuba.

The result is a return to a Cold War mentality and a set of failed policies that will do little to improve human rights in Cuba or to hasten the end of the Castro regime. The embargo imposed by the United States for more than 55 years only strengthened Cuba’s authoritarian government by restricting people’s access to opportunities to better their lives. With a return to Cold War-era policies, it is the Cuban people — not their government — who will suffer.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

It may be safer to travel to Cuba now that Obama laxed some of the restrictions but Trump is rolling back all of that and is about to make it more difficult. Travel while you can, but don’t move there. It gets high marks on liberal appeal though.

Tourism: C-
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D+
Liberal Appeal: B

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

It’s the grand finale of the first leg of our 2017 World Tour as save our presidents’ favorite country for last – we are heading south of the border to Mexico!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we already had one half of Oasis – Liam Gallagher on the Top 10 two weeks ago, now we got the other half of Oasis! Playing his song “Holy Mountain” from his album “Who Built The Moon” – give it up for Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
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Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds Appear Courtesy Of: Universal Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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