Pat Robertson: God Told Me Who The Next President Will Be

[onehandle]

Christian conservative leader Pat Robertson says he has a secret straight from God: He knows who the next president of the United States will be.

"I think He showed me about the next president, but I'm not supposed to talk about that so I'll leave you in the dark -- probably just as well -- but I think I know who it's gonna be," Robertson said Tuesday on the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club."

Robertson then went on to recite the message he claimed to have been told by God. According to Robertson, God doesn't support President Barack Obama's agenda and says that only "overwhelming prayer" can bring a new leader who will stop the country from "disintegrating":

Your country will be torn apart by internal stress. A house divided cannot stand. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority. Expect chaos and paralysis. Your president holds a view which is at the odds with the majority -- it's a radical view of the future of this country, and so that's why we're having this division. This is a spiritual battle which can only be won by overwhelming prayer. The future of the world is at stake because if America falls, there's no longer a strong champion of freedom and a champion of the oppressed of the world. There must be an urgent call to prayer.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/03/pat-robertson-president-2012-god_n_1181669.html

[Autumn]

2. What a dumb fuck he is. That wasn't from God

Bachman was pranking him.

[rtassi]

12. +1

[indepat]

20. Of those of the modern day, God only spoke directly to

junior so Robertson must not know his ass from a hole in the ground.

[Warpy]

23. He won't tell because he knows it's wrong

but he doesn't want his sheep to realize he's just been talking to himself all these years.

[freshwest]

32. Ouch!

[PatrynXX]

66. he's senile.. just let it go

he's like David Bowie. and Jennifer Connelly.. "You have no power over me"

[LeftofObama]

3. god told me that patsy robertson

is a money grubbing a**hole. I tend to agree

[tonybgood]

115. When is God going to give him the winning lottery numbers?!!!

Then he won't have to come on TV and beg for money!!!

[Angry Dragon]

4. Already posted in GD

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002112238

[oldhippydude]

5. hows that prayer thing

working on the texas drought

[PatrynXX]

67. like asking God to move this mountain in the way

just asking for a spanking... you can pray for people, not material things.... dry lawns is material things. Prayer on material things really is fruitless(thats sports too)

[kenfrequed]

122. you could always ask him...

Why did god tell you to run for office Pat?

[Renew Deal]

6. Why did God choose Obama to be president?

Did God tell Pat what year the next president will be president? He does work in mysterious ways.

[hay rick]

14. God, evidently, has a perverse streak.

Or he has a great sense of humor. Or he just wasn't paying attention. Or he doesn't give a rat's ass about Pat Robertson or anybody else.

[tclambert]

96. What if the God of this particular world is Loki?

whom Marvel Comics says is the God of Mischief. And that right there, "God of Mischief" is a great concept. It sure fits historical events if this world exists to satisfy the whims of a prankster god.

[mwb970]

99. God is the worst political analyst EVER!

He told Palin to run. She lost. He told Angle to run. She lost. He told "Not A Witch" O'Donnell to run. She lost. He told Bachmann to run. She lost. Now he's telling Pat who's going to win? Riiiiight. Nice try, God.

[FloridaJudy]

105. He fucked over Moses

What on earth made these people think He'd treat them any better?

[hay rick]

108. Maybe He can get a job at CNN. nt

[deutsey]

109. He also told Bush to run and look what a disaster that turned out to be. n/t

[treestar]

116. lol

God needs to back off on the political analysis!

[myrna minx]

124. It almost the same accuracy record as wrong way William Kristol.

[freshwest]

33. You got a point there... Did God change his mind?

[Quasimodem]

85. Yes ...

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away,
Flippeth Flopper be the Name of the Lord.

[Kennah]

86. God and Pat don't play for the same team

It's likely Pat is listening to false prophets.

[oldhippydude]

87. false profits?

[Kennah]

90. No, I think those are real, and often soaked in blood.

[freshwest]

88. I think the false prophet he's listening to is himself. Some bad stuff there.

[arely staircase]

7. "but I'm not supposed to talk about that so I'll leave you in the dark" - what the hell, man?

that's so unfair.

[rhett o rick]

10. Apparently God only wants Pat to have the information.

We are so fortunate to have someone amongst us that God likes.

[Mister Ed]

47. No, because He told me too!

But He said I have to keep it a secret until November 7th. Then I can tell everybody! You may doubt me now, but just wait and see!

[alphafemale]

17. Then right it down on a few pieces of paper. Mail a copy to me and and maybe some other people.

With the instructions do not open until such and such date. It will be postmarked before said event.

I've suggested that to some other twits who claimed they could foresee the future in some way...but were withholding the truth (for my own good) or whatever other bullshit reason fell into their mouths at the moment.

OK then mail it to somebody and have them seal in a safety deposit box.

Yeah...right.

Doing that might take away time you need to steal retirement checks from lonesome old ladies.

Pat Robertson has always been an asshole.

[chervilant]

26. Well, now,

all wee Mr. Robertson has to do is write the name of our next prez on a piece of paper and lock it in Al Capone's vault so Geraldo can retrieve it on the day after the election and PROVE the almighty sky god DOES exist and DID disclose the next prez to his loyal sycophant.

They could put it on Pay-Per-View and use all the filthy lucre to build a monolithic cross on the front lawn of the White House...

[freshwest]

34. Under the pictionary entry for 'tease' is his picture.

[Laf.La.Dem.]

8. I wonder if I give him $1000

will he sell out GOD's secret?

[Politicalboi]

9. If that were true

He would say it. Otherwise, he has no clue either. Because if he says it, he will be wrong, so that means his "God" was wrong. And we can't have that. How will Pat fool all the simpleton's out of their hard earned money if his "God" is wrong. I bet he thinks Santorum is going to win. You better pray really really hard Pat. And go see a shrink about those voices you've been hearing in your head. Take Michelle Bachmann with you.

[rhett o rick]

11. Maybe God told him to keep it a secret. You know, Pat and God have a secret.

If there was a God, Pat would have been struck by lightening years ago.

[Speck Tater]

13. We used to play that game when we were 3. I know something that you don't know. nt

[Iliyah]

15. Lord have mercy

on these types of freaks. He gives Christianity a "f" mark for just being plain dumb. He, Perry, Santorum, Bachmann and other zealous nut cases hold onto the Bible and uses it as a cover for their hateful ways.

[Terra Alta]

16. God told me Pat Robertson is full of shit. nt

[47of74]

29. God told me the same.

[Bozita]

89. Same here!

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

18. In the 1970s, Pat predicted the end of the world would occur in 1982

Pat was the original Harold Camping.

[freshwest]

37. No kidding? I couldn't find it when I googled it but look what came up! Yuck!

http://www.teaparty.org/

[KamaAina]

19. I know! It's George Burns.

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

21. I'm going to speculate that God told him that it will be Ron Paul.

You see, the Lord works in mysterious ways. He knows that Paul's drug war policy will make it easier for Mr. Robertson to communicate with him by making whatever it is that he's smoking far more easy to obtain.

[NRaleighLiberal]

22. Pat R is no different than any of the many snake oil salesfolks on night time cable TV...

well, he is probably worse, because he uses religion to induce fear and make money for himself.

Evil dude,he.

[chervilant]

24. There are drugs

for his particular mental disorder...

[madrchsod]

25. well pat.... i called jesus on the mainline.....

&feature=related

i asked him and he told me everything will just fine.....

[thucythucy]

35. I love the version of this

on "Paradise and Lunch."

Everything this man does is stellar.

[Deep13]

27. con artist nt

[Deep13]

28. The funny thing is, when I was still a Christian...

...or at least was trying to be one, I did not believe that God cared who the president was. I did not think he operated on the level of artificial constructs like governments.

[drm604]

30. This is contradictory.

First he says that God knows who the next President will be, but then says that only overwhelming prayer can replace Obama.

So, according to Pat, first God said he knows who will win, then he implied that it's undecided. Which is it?

[Fourier]

48. Gotta love those folks who are sure their god has an immutable eternal plan for everything, then

whenever they see something not going their way, they beg the deity to change that plan just so suit them. If it wasn't protected religion, people like that would rightfully be sent to the funny farm.

[NYC Liberal]

76. What's funnier is that there are people praying for every candidate.

So does god tally up the prayers like American Idol votes and whoever gets the most prayers (does everyone only get one prayer or can we pray multiple times?) wins?

[freshwest]

31. How can he call Obama radical? What's normal to him?

[stonecutter357]

69. white

very white.

[freshwest]

71. 'How paralyzingly dull, boring and tedious.' (Tom Baker)

[The Genealogist]

36. God told me that Pat is a charlatan

I'm sure my grandmother's final years would have been much happier, had he not duped her out of God only knows* how much cash from her social security and tiny little babysitting money. God also told me that Pat loves to hold people hostage spiritually, and that he is radically divorced from reality.


*I say "God only knows" because God told me that Pat is a charlatan, but not how much he had bilked my grandmother out of).

[Cognitive_Resonance]

38. Pat might want to revisit the passages of scripture that detail the fate of false prophets. nt

[JHB]

39. Tsk, tsk, pat. If you want to do a Carnac impression...

...you need the hat!

[spooky3]

40. Does he have a better success rate than my Ouija board?

[and-justice-for-all]

41. What horse shit...

If god existed and this fool had it whispering in his ear, his head would fucking explode.

[independentLiberal]

42. lol

we're still waiting on that Hurricane down here in MIA that he predicted due, to gay marriage. He is garbage

[Gore1FL]

43. I thought God could only speak to us using ancient scrolls

and then only ones containing odd and contradictory statements.


Jeez... three times to edit one sentence...

[EvolveOrConvolve]

44. So Robertson is hearing voices?

When a mom of four murders her kids because god told her to do it, we call it mental illness. When good 'ole Pat hears god telling him who the next president will be, that's somehow normal?

[yellowcanine]

45. Blood Diamond Pat must have gone to sleep with a full stomach again and had some vivid dreams.

[freshwest]

78. He should be sent a DVD of the movie.

[Turbineguy]

46. If he turns out to be right

I'll send him all my fucking money.

[Fourier]

49. If he turns out to be right, he will already have all your money.

BWAHAHAHA

[Wind Dancer]

50. There is medication for hearing voices

in this day and age. Pat Robertson needs help.

[FailureToCommunicate]

51. Wait, Robertson claims that Morgan Freeman does NOT support Obama?!?

Very unlikely.

Also pretty unlikely that God (Freeman) concerns himself with such petty matters as one countries' leader on one little planet.

On the other hand maybe he does: God did end his message to Robertson with this aside: ("Pissst... and your fly is down&quot

[Fearless]

52. And a third of the nation will believe him...

Without proof... Because they trust him.

This is why teaching critical thinking in our schools is important. So that morons like him have no power.

[ashling]

53. Who knew that God

was so redundant

[RoccoR5955]

54. I think Pat's gone a little dyslexic in his old age.

He meant to say that his DOG told him who's going to give him a present.

[unkachuck]

55. what a coincidence....

....God also told me who the next president was going to be and that I could talk about it....

....the next President of the United States will be: Irving R. Levine

[Octafish]

58. Irving R. Levine has always been President of the United States.

Pat "The Liquor Officer" Robertson wouldn't know it, though.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=104&topic_id=1175287&mesg_id=1175359

[The Doctor.]

56. This is part of the division strategy.

Enough people listen to this moron that he's still effective.

[Kablooie]

57. He's dyslexic. It was actually his Dog that told him.

[lib2DaBone]

59. It was the Koch Bros.. it just sounded like God....

[workinclasszero]

61. To rethug teabaggers like Pat

The Koch bros are their god and their savior is the almighty dollar.

[AlbertCat]

60. "...but I'm not supposed to talk about that so..."

so...
Shut the hell up...

Please!


Jesus H. Christ

What a waste of space.

[struggle4progress]

62. i'd laugh at pat but it's really not nice to mock the crazy old guy

[Bossy Monkey]

63. The crazy is strong in this one... n/t

[TomClash]

64. John 4:1

"Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see if they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world."

Some preacher hasn't been reading his scripture.

[Loudmxr]

65. Well if God told you not to talk about it ???... you just did.

Yep you talked about it and when The Almighty tells you NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT... You do it unless .... you are lying.

And to paraphrase another poster "If God wanted you to be President you would be and ex President now"

If God did not want you then why should I want you?? Now.

[izquierdista]

68. God told me the winning LOTTO numbers

....but damn if he didn't tell me I had to guess which week to play them!

[Wash. state Desk Jet]

70. Can he see Russia from his bully pulpit ?

I have no doubt he truely wants to believe,interesting he says he cannot say . All he really said behind his smoke screen is that power is in the numbers.

Simply religious based word play and nothing more.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

72. Pat, that's not God...Your bush is burning again.

[Beacool]

74. If God had really contacted Pat,

it would have been to smack him upside down the head for being such lying sack of sh*t.

[Galraedia]

75. Then the LORD said to me,

"The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divinations, idolatries and the delusions of their own minds." ~Jeremiah 14:14

[LadyInAZ]

77. LOL

Wondering what else will he hear next!!!

[MrMickeysMom]

79. Pat, if God told you to look in the most obvious hide away for answers...

You'd be lost in the crack of your ass for days.

[The Wizard]

80. God lied to one of us

He/She told me it would be Morey Amsterdam.

[MindMover]

81. Someone on the set of CBN shake

the wizard and tell him his great prophecy of economic doom has been playing for at least 2 years and started over 30 years ago.....

Whatever koolaid this mullah is drinking is really some goofy ass stuff.....

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/41483660@N04/6631377637/" title="8424 by pbmus, on Flickr"><img src="" width="312" height="421" alt="8424"></a>

[MsPithy]

82. Couldn't God just throw a lightening bolt at Obama

if He has a problem with Obama's agenda?

[slutticus]

83. And the lord sayeth to Pat...

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,
For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

[DFW]

84. I wish Pat Robertson would stop calling me "God."

All I said was, "The next president has the initials BHO and has identical DNA to the incumbent
president, but don't tell anyone you heard it from me."

I swear, that is all I said. And now he calls me "God."

His hearing aid's battery must have needed replacing, or something.

[Fire Walk With Me]

92. :)

[MADem]

91. If God is in the habit of telling Pat who is gonna be the Prez, why didn't God tell Pat to not

bother running the time that idiot threw his hat in the ring back in the eighties?

What a stupid old tool that guy is--I can't believe anyone pays him any mind anymore.

[badgerpup]

93. Izzit just me...

...or do ALL the pictures taken of this guy look like he's gruntin' on the pot?


The postition of his shoulders, the expression...let's just say 'prophesying' is not the word I would use to describe it.

[Rex]

94. The funny thing is, it has been Satan all along.

Pat is in love with Satan's voice.

[Survivoreesta]

95. One word>

Institutionalization.

[tclambert]

97. I'm sorry, Pat, that's just your schizophrenia talking.

The rule is: If you talk to God, that's cool. If you think God talks back, you're nuts.

[mwb970]

98. This is overwhelmingly stupid.

Our religious nuts are getting even nuttier now. What's the limit?

[dipsydoodle]

100. Who the next President's dog will be ?

[lunatica]

101. God could just fix everything if he ran for all political positions

Who would stop him from winning?

[florida08]

102. Amazing how a heretic is taken for divinity

There's a huge difference between christendom and christianity. Pat is in the first category. All these dissimulators that claim God wants them to be president are the same. The very idea that this man asserts that he knows the heart of the Almighty is an abomination in itself. But to say publically that He doesn't support the current president is not only divisive but malevolent. Which of course is his intention. It's always "look at me..I'm better than you"

Even Stephen Colbert sees through them.

"If America is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it. "

[Javaman]

103. I guess he learned a lesson from harold camping...

instead he uses the old elementary school tactic of "I know something you don't know!"

So now whom ever wins *cough cough* Obama *cough cough*, he can then say, "I knew it all along".

He's really gone around the bend.

[Quantess]

104. Fucking charlatan!

What a snake-oil peddler he is.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

106. He's right! Don't vote. Waste your time praying instead!

I never thought I would agree with that miscreant, but wow, how things have changed with the new year.

[YankeyMCC]

107. That's a very accommodating god he's got

it never seems to contradict Pat's own wants and needs and helps him fill his coffers.

[dmallind]

110. Come on people - deeply held beliefs deserve respect

It's anti-religious bigotry akin to Pol Pot's genocide if you make fun of Christians for being gullible buffoons or shysters..

[DallasNE]

111. "Probably Just As Well" Translation:

President Obama.

But does anybody really believe this is any more than Robertson's gut feeling (or worst fear).

[Corruption Winz]

112. God told him?

Interesting. Love that he has no way of verifying this or putting this little bit of bullshit on the line by actually saying the persons name. Brilliant.

Yes, God told you who the next president will be. Right after that, he told you that he hopes you don't live long enough to see the next president because you're burning in hell.

[snooper2]

113. Isn't he dead yet?

[bobhuntsman]

114. Why, oh why. . .

. . .does this old fool still enjoy tax-exempt status??

Mr. Holder??

[nrjmike]

117. prayer....or

text "prayer" to 53340 on your ATT account. A $10 charge to "Pat Robertson Enterprises" will appear on your next bill.

[L. Coyote]

118. Didn't God decide to put Obama in the White House

or he wouldn't be there now

Doesn't this clown understand that God's will is manifest in all things

[thelordofhell]

119. I can't believe people still fall for this crap

I know who the next President will be...........President Barack Obama. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Pat!

[SoapBox]

120. ...such an asshole.

What a real dick this guy is.

And all Holy and Pious...laughable.

[bemildred]

121. Ask him for a good stock tip, Pat. I know your church can use the money. nt

[Hugabear]

123. Tim Tebow

Nevermind the fact that he's not 35. God will fix that.

[Dr. Strange]

125. And that new leader will be...

you guessed it:

[LiberalLovinLug]

126. "Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country..."

".... which is at odds with the majority"

I can't wait to hear how he reconciles this statement when Obama wins the election. Will he

A. Admit God got it wrong? (Or he just didn't hear him properly)

B. Lie and say that it was Obama all along, and that is God's will? (No doubt to test his sheep in the face of tyranny.)

[auburngrad82]

127. I hope he recorded it

Otherwise he may have paraphrased the crap out of it.

[Downtown Hound]

128. Careful Pat, God told Bush to strike at Saddam too

We all know how that one turned out. Have you ever considered NOT listening to the little voices in your head? Imagine if the Son of Sam killer had decided that listening to a dog telling him to commit murder was a bad idea.

Who knows, you might be happier for it.

[gtar100]

129. That's funny, Pat. Because God told me you're a lying ass who preys on the vulnerable and gullable.

Your God is just as conniving and corrupt as you are. Call what you want "God" but there are plenty of us who see through your bullshit. Better hoard more money because that is all that protects you from the rotten filth you call your soul.