Man tries to marry his laptop (again) in attempt to kill same-sex marriage

[DonViejo]

Source: LGBTQ Nation



By Jeff Taylor · Thursday, June 1, 2017

Marriage equality has been the law of the land for almost two years, but not everyone is ready to accept settled law. One man, Chris Sevier, has been trying to defeat same-sex marriage with an ongoing campaign to try to marry his laptop.

In the latest development, the Utah Attorney General’s Office was forced to state in a new court ruling that there is no constitutional right to marry a laptop, KSTU-TV reports. Lawyers for the state asked a federal judge to dismiss the suit, filed against Governor Gary Herbert, Attorney General Sean Reyes, and Utah County Clerk Bryan Thompson.

“These claims are untenable as a matter of law because Plaintiffs lack standing to bring these claims and the right to marry has not been indefinitely expanded, nor should it be. Simply put, marrying a laptop computer or multiple partners are not rights protected by the Constitution,” assistant Utah Attorney General David Wolf wrote in the filing. Wolf noted that a federal judge cannot overturn a Supreme Court ruling, which is not possible, as well as pointing out that a laptop cannot consent to marriage, and that “unless Sevier’s computer has attained the age of fifteen it is too young to marry under Utah law.”

He amended his most recent lawsuit in Utah to include John Gunter, Jr. and Whitney Kohl, who want the right to enter into a polygamous marriage. The state argued that there polygamous communities can bring harm to women and that it “violates norms of gender equality and is rooted in deeply patriarchal principles.”

Read more: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2017/06/man-tries-marry-laptop-yet-attempt-kill-sex-marriage/

[ck4829]

1. Just curious - Did people try this nonsense after Loving v Virginia?

I really doubt all people just accepted it, as racism was and still is a serious issue, but I can't find anything about clerks trying to circumvent the law or people marrying objects as a "protest."

Gosh, maybe we had an uptick in people who are just, for lack of a better word, awful people since then.

[Ken Burch]

2. If they'd had laptops, they would have.

[ck4829]

3. Those sexy laptops

[Ken Burch]

24. with their smooth, slick, hairless...frames

Last edited Thu Jun 1, 2017, 03:50 PM - Edit history (1)

(or so I've heard...I'm just friends with MY laptop, and only type on it with its consent).

[crazycatlady]

45. One guess

This guy's laptop is the source of any 'action' that he gets.

[IronLionZion]

9. They tried lots of nonsense

including the difficulty of enforcing segregation when people are ethnically ambiguous. New Orleans transit gave up because they had too many mixed people.

And some did claim that it was a slippery slope towards the horrifying prospect of same sex marriage, plural marriage, and child marriage. Please, think of the poor suffering children....

One of the biggest reasons against these types of marriages was they really did NOT want non-white spouses to get benefits like veterans benefits, land and property from a deceased spouse, social security, health insurance, etc. The thought of WW2 veterans benefits going to an undeserving black woman bothered a lot of racist idiots.

Similar stuff is behind the opposition to gay marriage. Some bigots are fine with people loving whoever they want, but not have to legally provide them with tax-funded benefits.

[Ken Burch]

30. The families would never get along.

And we'd end up with Bill Gates giving away the "bride".

[politicat]

41. Sort of... at least, there was an attempt to marry a horse in Boulder County.

In 1975. The County Clerk started issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples then, because the state law didn't say she couldn't, and the DA agreed. In protest, some dude came in with his horse. She rejected that one on the grounds that the horse was a minor, eight years old, and would require parental permission.

She wrote an article for Esquire about it: http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a45723/clela-rorex-same-sex-marriage-colorado/

[yuiyoshida]

4. If I were a Judge and he came before me a second time...

I would fine him for wasting taxpayer's money and time, just sayin'!

[geek tragedy]

5. some people are just wired differently nt

[Ken Burch]

31. The guy definitely has a software problem

maybe some malware or a virus.

[forgotmylogin]

39. Heck, let him try.

An inanimate object cannot sign a license, nor give consent.

[keithbvadu2]

34. It seems that conservatives want to marry inanimate objects and animals (Frothy Santorum).

[Still In Wisconsin]

6. What are the odds he spends hours every day jacking off to porn

in front of that very same laptop?

[Marie Marie]

32. Yes, I say let him marry his damn laptop.

It's probably the closet thing to sex he'll ever get.

[forgotmylogin]

40. I just proposed to Siri, on a lark.

Response "I'm not the marrying kind, thanks."

[Doug the Dem]

44. My Thought Exactly

I'd guess about 50% of male ejaculations today occur in front of computer screens.

[Dave Starsky]

7. This explains their proclivity for pedophilia.

They are completely unclear about what a "consenting adult" is.

[Honeycombe8]

8. That's ridiculous. Laptops aren't human beings, or even organic.

Stupid guy wasting the govt's resources on nonsense. Why do people care who other people marry, anyway, as long as it's not a minor and is in accordance with our monogamy laws?

[jmowreader]

13. Honeycombe, you simply do not understand conservatism if you ask that

A Conservative is someone who believes everyone has the absolute right to live the way the Conservative wants them to.

[William769]

10. I say let him marry his laptop.

It will be an electrifying experience.

[Towlie]

11. He should marry an old smart phone; it could consent with the right app installed.

[tazkcmo]

12. Me and my laptop

live in sin.

[Plucketeer]

14. Cortana...

could we just dine in this evening - and then get entwined on the couch afterwards? Cortana?

[trusty elf]

15. A while back some other conservative wanted to marry a lawnmower.

[img][/img]

[SwissTony]

29. Did he ever think about what it would mean to consummate the marriage?

Hurty hurty pain pain.

[Wolf Frankula]

16. Can He Show the Laptop has Given Consent?

Is the laptop old enough to marry? If the answer to both questions is 'No', as I suspect they will be, then he should not be allowed to marry it. It is an underage, non-consenting laptop. He belongs in jail.

Wolf

[xor]

27. I suspect the argument to that would then jump over to polygamy

Where they will ask if that's acceptable since the people involved would be of age and able to consent. The laptop thing is ridiculous and easy to dismiss. I'm not sure it's as easy to be consistent when it comes to polygamy if you desire to keep that illegal. Yes, there are issues of control, gender equality, etc, but those are also issues that come up when speaking of religious dress requirements for women. More specifically with Islam being the most debated and discussed at this time. I think we can all see how this discussion would play out if discussing this someone who isn't just a partisan parrot (as in, they have some ability to debate dynamically)

Touchy subjects that are hard to have on a public forum because not everyone can appreciate having 'hard discussion' in which people explore the topic and learn. And it's hard to untie the touchy topics from each other because they rely on the same underlying principles. I think.

Just to be clear. I believe people should be able to marry any consenting human adult as they wish. That includes gay marriage and even polygamy. Adults can make their own decisions about their lives when it comes to relationships, religion, and politics. That being said, the reality is that some women (and men) will be stuck in these situations, and I think the best hope for them to encourage outside organizations that can help these people escape those situations when they are ready.

Anyway, went off on tangent, didn't I?

[SpankMe]

17. These people are true, conforming assholes

It's not that same sex marriage is specifically protected by the constitution. Rather, marriage equality is largely protected by the "equal protection" clause of the 14th amendment.

If everyone else was allowed to marry their laptops, but this guy was banned from marrying his laptop, then he has a case.

But, since no one may marry a laptop, I'm afraid he's out of luck.

I bet he didn't wait for marriage to have sex with the thing, though.

[athena]

18. Republicans don't realize that women are people.

They insist on seeing women as objects. Or as incubators. Or as robots that do the cooking and cleaning. That's why this person has so much trouble distinguishing a woman from a laptop. I bet his problem is not with two people of the same gender getting married as much as it is with two *people* getting married, or two *objects* getting married.

[Kber]

23. Ah. You've nailed it.

Here I was wondering why this was even an issue when an object is obviously not able to consent. But in their world view a woman's consent is about as relevant as a lawn mower's so what's the difference.

[haele]

19. Laptops can't consent. End of case.

As to his polygamous request - bigamy is a legal nightmare when it comes to property and marital law - how would the law determine the primary spouse(s) responsible for the majority of the property and family relationships? Is the family like a BoD or a personal partnership? How would the law handle "secondary" spouses or some form of lesser partner who ? Who could be held responsible for any offspring, what happens in divorce or when one of the spouses wish to leave the marriage? Does the "divorcing" spouse buy out for breaking the partnership, or does the family buy the divorcing partner out?

Constitutionally, people can't be considered "property" - not children, not employees, not spouses; members of any partnership are not supposed to be property of some determined "senior" partner.
That's one of the reasons that divorce cannot be banned in the U.S, as well as why arranged marriages aren't protected and certainly not sacrosanct under the law should one or both of the people who are were . You can't force someone to remain in servitude just because at one time, they - or their parents if underaged - agreed to it and signed their names on some sort of contract.

All of this is why the states prefer to maintain marriage as a legal dyad - be it between a legally adult and consenting pair comprising of man and woman, man and man, woman and woman. The dyad makes it easy to determine legal equity should something happen to the relationship.

Haele

[maxrandb]

20. Yes, because we all know

that a same sex partner has all the compassion, empathy, understanding and human qualities of a FUCKING laptop

[maxrandb]

21. Sad Freepers

they've been jerking off in front of their computers for years. What are they going to do now?

[maxrandb]

22. This is only rational and defensible

if you see your marriage partner solely as an "object"....errrr, uhhhh, wait....NEVERMIND!

[marylandblue]

25. Utah Assistant AG said if the computer were 15 years old it would reach the age of consent

So that means I can marry my old car! I really loved that car. It must be in some junk heap waiting for me to come back and rescue her.

[Bengus81]

26. What happened to marrying you box turtle. Repukes give up on that one? n/t

[Skittles]

28. did they give up on the box turtle?

[dembotoz]

33. result of a sexy LAP top DANCE

[keithbvadu2]

35. Old cartoon (Shoe?) - He had to give up his laptop. - It got too user friendly.

[Marthe48]

36. Easy to see who has the brains

in this 'relationship'.


Guess he's heard enough "not if you were the last man on Earth."

[surrealAmerican]

37. If he could legally marry his laptop ...

... wouldn't his current ownership and use of the laptop be slavery?

[moonseller66]

38. Oh No!

Maybe he hasn't really thought this out! I mean:

Think of the virus problems.
Pre-existing conditions?
Security concerns?
What about updates?
Battery replacement? Who pays for that health care?
Fading and replacement memory?
Power outages?
Will she/he/it only be used by him? Legality of sharing?
Will he beat on her/him/it if suddenly there's a glitch or he doesn't get his mail?
What about divorce? Who gets custody of what?
Will there be pictures and/or audio to worry about in case of a divorce?

These and many more questions should be looked into by the Utah authorities.

I'm pretty sure this comment was sarcastic.

[Locrian]

42. what operating system is on his laptop?

Oldie but a goodie... a little sexist, but still...


System 7 is like going out on a bad date. Your date is expensive and at the end of the night you don't even get a good-night kiss.

DOS is like going out with an ugly girl except you know what your up against, so you can work around it.

Windows is like going out with the same ugly girl but this time she is wearing make-up.

Linux is like going out with an ugly girl but you tell all your friends she is pretty.

Unix is like going out with a ugly girl but she is good in bed.

OS/2 is like going out with a beautiful girl but you have to be well endowed to get anywhere.

NeXT is like going out with a super model only to find out she speaks another language and only she knows that language.

VMS is like going out with your Mom.

Chicago is like going out on a blind date. All your friends hype her up and say that she is better than anyone else you have dated but in the end she turns out to be ugly.

NT is like trying going out with snobby girl. No matter how endowed and rich you are, it is not enough to get her to go out with you.

[Vinca]

43. Let him marry the laptop. When it dies we can charge him with murder.

[yurbud]

46. the judge should demand he consummate it before granting the license

[roamer65]

47. Sounds like one repressed dude.

He should just go kiss a guy and get all of this hate out of his system.