Other Things Mike Pence cannot be alone in a room with
By Ethan Kuperberg April 5, 2017
Two women who are not his wife
One woman who is not his wife, and one man who is short
Photographs containing women who are not his wife
Men who have the same name as his wife
Dictionary open to the page containing “wife,” “sex,” or “vagina”
Curvy lampshade
The Temptations’ “Greatest Hits” album
Sofa with more than two pillows
Sofa with one long, buxom pillow
Peanut butter (smooth)
Shag rugs
“Will & Grace” DVDs
Legislation that benefits women other than his wife
Paintings of ripe fruit
Jared Leto
Garlic, a crucifix, direct sunlight, or a vampire hunter other than his wife
Windows with views of hills that, if you squint, look sort of like sideways breasts
Dogs that are not German shepherds
A blank white wall where an image of a woman other than his wife could be projected
Peanut butter (chunky)
An empty tissue box that he could stick his dick in
Poor people
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/other-things-mike-pence-cannot-be-alone-in-a-room-with?
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I love this! 
