No One Really Tells You The Hardest Part Of Getting Older

[Diamond_Dog]

https://medium.com/middle-pause/no-one-really-tells-you-the-hardest-part-of-getting-older-ddd4ec40dc81?source=email-725dd54fb926-1685600114662-digest.reader-22bdccd3fa4-ddd4ec40dc81----0-102------------------62474da4_1586_4c36_bc86_c5b757f661dc-1

(snip)

I asked Mom, once, why she never became a nurse after the kids grew up. She sighed and said twelve-hour days had no appeal to her anymore. She did enough of those as a mother. I nodded. Understood.

What do you do then, with your pockets empty of dreams?

If you’re one of the lucky ones, you find a new dream.
Most people don’t.

They just fill their hours with television and routine. Know what the top regret of the dying is?

They wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves instead of doing what other people expected them to.

I can’t die that way. I can’t.

But I don’t have to. Julia Child started cooking at 51. Laura Ingalls Wilder started writing the Little House books at 65. Grandma Moses didn’t pick up a paintbrush until she was 77.

I still work, because of divorce, inflation, and bills.

I still push the mawing beast, because houses don’t clean themselves.

And so I sit, typing as the sun sinks behind the old maple tree outside my window and wake with the robins to draw in the early morning light.

I may well die wishing I’d worked a little more.

I don’t know……

(snip)

[lark]

1. Working life for me was all about paying my bills, it was a constant stress.

When the company decided to implement a new version of our billing system, it was time to leave. Not leaving would have meant 12 hour days at best and a ton of stress and being hung out to dry by management. My friend who took my job was a very happy person and is now on anti-depressants. I have never thought I made the wrong decision to retire. I could be doing more, true, and need to up my movement/exercise and start a new hobby (learning to play piano), but overall I am satisfied to happy with my life.

[Walleye]

2. You just don't know how much time you're going to have to spend on repair and maintenance

[Diamond_Dog]

3. Very true.

[Pinback]

12. Of the house and yourself! (nt)

[quaint]

4. My work life was satisfying but I'm much happier now.

Every morning I am thankful I don't have to suit-up and drive somewhere.

[iluvtennis]

32. THIS 🙏

[soldierant]

42. AMEN !!

[wryter2000]

72. I'm just glad that my time is my own

At six, they put me in school. I never liked school, even though I did enjoy learning things. When I was done with school, I had to go to work. I went back to school and got a couple of degrees. Then, I had to go back to work. Now I get up in the morning and do what I want to do. It's heaven.

[MarcA]

75. +1000 n/t

[Freethinker65]

5. Yep.

After being an empty nester for about a year, I got bored around the holidays and took a temporary seasonal retail job. Four years later, I am still there. Now waiting for my spouse to retire so we can do something, but what? That is the question, and I fear we will waste too much time pondering decisions about what to do next.

Yes, I have volunteered. While rewarding, it is not something I want to spend the remainder of my life doing full time.

[BlueTsunami2018]

6. "Youth is wasted on the young" is an adage for a reason.

My biggest regret is exactly what you just mentioned, not following my heart and dreams and getting stuck in the capitalist rat race instead. That was “the right thing to do” according to conventional wisdom.

I would have rather died young trying to make it in the entertainment industry than living long as I do now. I know I could have done it, I should have told the naysayers to piss off and made it happen.

But I didn’t and I hate myself for it.

[1WorldHope]

37. Ohh, don't hate yourself.

Life is made up of continual Now. Right now you are still alive. Just being able to go outside and Be is the gift of life. What's gone is gone. It sounds like a cliche, because it's used as a cliche a lot. But for me it is so true. Being retired feels like being a kid on continual summer vacation for me. Today.

[sunnybrook]

102. Also agree, don't hate yourself

But I would go further and ask what you wanted to do in show business? Be an actor, singer, musician, writer? Those are all things you could engage in now.

I am a creative person also and I used to make a full time living as a musician. After 30 years I started doing it again just for fun. I go to an open mic and jam with people. There is no ambition as when I was younger to "make it in the entertainment industry." I don't have to do music that fills the dance floor and sells drinks. I do music that I want to do. I am also trying to grow - learning and taking lessons this past year in both voice and lead guitar. I have made other musician friends. But mostly I love being in it - developing and growing artistically. The joy of the arts is not in making the big time, it's in doing it, expressing yourself, sharing your gifts.

Whatever your interest is now is a good time to live out a part of it. At least for me it's been very fulfilling. Don't beat yourself up.

[Lonestarblue]

7. My biggest regret is not living in another country (or two) when I was younger.

I suppose it’s not too late, but it’s harder to do now as a single. Still thinking about it, though!

My other regret is not spending more time with my parents because of work.

[japple]

9. There used to be a program for seniors similar to the exchange student program.

I'll see if I can find if it is still around.

[Lonestarblue]

10. Thanks! That would be interesting.

I’m also reminded of Jimmy Carter’s mother, who joined the Peace Corps at age 68. I’m a bit older, but still healthy so something like that could be an option.

[japple]

18. Just found it. It used to be called Elderhostel but is now Road Scholar.

https://www.roadscholar.org/

[RainCaster]

23. Thank you, this looks like a great resource

I will explore this a lot more as I approach retirement.

[Deuxcents]

93. Yes, thank you..I've saved it.

[whathehell]

22. Is it called Road Scholars?

I received several emails from them..Sounds like it could be interested.

[1WorldHope]

41. In Nebraska it's called OLLI. nt

[No Vested Interest]

90. OLLI is a day program offered in local universities, etc.

They usually have a variety of courses taught by local volunteers. They last a quarter or a semester or whatever time plan the host institution is on.

Elderhostel or Road Scholar normally offers 1 week or 2 week courses in an overnight setting, with all meals included.

I've done both, and can't recommend them highly enough. Wonderful way to learn and grow.

[1WorldHope]

99. I was so lucky to be employed as a companion in my early 30's

to a survivor of the Nazi's who had escaped to America, and lived a full life in NYC. She aged, her husband died, she had a stroke, and her only child, who was a grown, well educated woman with an exceptionally intelligent husband, hired me to be a companion to her mother in Nebraska. Boy did that open my eyes to other existences.... Anyway, I got to take her to an elderhastel at a local college. Wow. We attended a workshop about humor. T. Marni Voss lead the class and blew my mind. That day, under an evergreen tree, my friend Dussia, whose stroke had affected her speech, leaving her with 2 words. Yes or No. That day she told me an entire joke about a rabbi, a priest and a protestant minister. She changed my life.

[Tetrachloride]

96. Im overseas for nearly 3 years. A good doctor, pharmacist is essential.

[IronLionZion]

8. Colonel Sanders was like 65 when he started KFC

There's a dude who started running in his 70s and is still running marathons in his 90s.

[Wonder Why]

11. I found the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. The doctors got all the gold.

You finally get to the age where you are retired and can fulfill your dreams and you discover you can't do those things any more.

[GenXer47]

13. dreams don't die, they just age too

No matter what career you choose, at least part of it ends up being "work". You learn that as you age, so the dream you revisit isn't so much dead as it is, well, old.
In some ways I think it's impossible to "dream" once you hit 40 or 50. You just have too much life experience to delude yourself into thinking there's some magical life waiting for you.
But for sure, wasting time watching TV or sitting around thinking about your mistakes certainly feels like living next to a dead dream.
I think it's healthy to continue taking some risks - this is the part most people forget about as they seek "peace and comfort" in old age. Do something a bit dangerous! What do you have to lose?

[highplainsdem]

14. No one is ever too old to be creative, or too old to learn. And that creativity

can be anything from arts and crafts, to starting a small business, to forming new connections and associations, whether it's just an informal network of neighbors who can help one another, or people who share interests and could become a more formal organization. Those social ties are especially important as we grow older.

And learning - in the physical world as exploration/travel and through learning new facts and skills - should never end.

It's easier to do all of this when we stay healthy, of course.

Unfortunately kids aren't usually taught enough about staying healthy. But it's almost always possible to improve health, or at least slow decline.

[getagrip_already]

15. Never confuse who you are for what you do.....

That is the most devastating thing I've seen coworkers deal with when they lose their job and can't find another in their field.

You aren't a project manager, or senior manager of blah. That is what you do to pay bills. You may enjoy it, you may be good at it, but don't let it define you.

Yes, there are exceptions. But 99% of people don't fit the mold of Einstein or Carl Sagan or even fauci.

Find something you enjoy, or that makes you feel good to do. And when that ends, find something else.

Just my jaded view of the corporate slave......

[Shermann]

80. I'm totally defined by my job

But that's how you build your brand and get top dollar for what you do. So, there is an upside.

[getagrip_already]

106. Until you can't do that any longer....

Than you have an existential crisis.

I'm not saying don't love your job. Just don't let it become you internally.

[Upthevibe]

16. Diamond_Dog ......................Retiring....

I'm 65 now and will be able to retire in March of next year (for my full social security).

I'm a substitute teacher and have been for the past four years. I LOVE it but I'll have more to say when I get home from work today.

Thanks for this post....

[True Dough]

111. And...

are you retired now, Upthevibe?

[Farmer-Rick]

17. Maybe Erma Bombeck can help

When asked what she would do differently in her life, she wrote this in a column:

"There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it."

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/erma-bombecks-regrets/

The rest of the column is interesting and humorous too.

[markodochartaigh]

66. I remember Erma Bombeck's columns

from a half century ago. They were great. Thank you!

[Magoo48]

19. There is an existential essence to what you've expressed which I won't presume to address.

Yet, the routine and daily nature of oldsterness, if it embraces some kind of service, can be joyous and fulfilling. And that being said, The problem with life is it’s so fucking daily, as is the joy in life.

Go figure.

[Chainfire]

20. I do not miss getting up at 5:30 in the morning to get ready to go to work.

I don't miss the petty tyrants that always seem to rise to supervisory positions. I don't miss co-workers. I don't miss keeping a close eye on the clock and calendar anticipating four o'clock or that three day weekend. My life is now a continuous stream of Saturdays, spent with my loving wife. I like going to sleep when I am tired and rising when I am rested. I am just glad to have made it to old age and the freedom it has brought. If I die today, at least I will have experienced a few years of freedom.

[Joinfortmill]

27. Amen to that

[JohnnyRingo]

21. It's great people find satisfying things to do

At my advanced vintage I'm done punching a time clock, but medical treatments are my new task.
Many our age travel to Vegas or Atlantic City, but I can't do that, so I attend as many live concerts as my waning energy allows.

And I report for work on my Triumph as much as possible. Truly Golden Years.

[TeamProg]

52. Triumph.. TRIUMPH ?

Okay, I doubt you'd risk your life on a T120 so I'm thinking a TR3, 4 or rare 250? a 6, 7, or 8?

The TR4 body style is one of the most beautiful cars ever made.
XKE. Big Healeys, XK120, MG TC, '63 StingRay Coupe, DB5 are all up there in my book.

A Valencia Blue or Mallard TR250 with overdrive is my dream car, but in the meantime I'm very happy with a '71 teal blue MGB GT and BRG '72 TR6.

I had to customize the TR's seat rails so the seat could go back further and remove the headlight dip-switch from the pedal box for more foot-room, but it's a blast to drive and sounds amazing.

I can't believe the $$ for TR4s these days.. yikes! If you have not, check out the site: Bring A Trailer and search for TR4 or British.

Prices are becoming obscene.

What Triumph have you got? Color? Year? Would be fun to know.

You probably know the Triumph Experience website..

An 'LBC' fan here, wow.

[JohnnyRingo]

86. How cool! Always awesome to find another LBC person!

I've had Triumphs off and on my whole life, starting with my junk TR3 when I was 19. The whole time all I wanted was a TR6. Just before I retired I sold my Spitfire and found this '71, the car I should have driven to prom. That was in 1999. It's my life now and I've overhauled it a couple times now. I completely rebuilt the engine, did the interior, and had it repainted in the original Signal Red. Spax shocks all around, and a reinforced diff. It has one inch lowering springs, and a pair of dual throat Webers.

I found a hardtop for it a few years ago and put that on in late fall until late spring. I drive it every day in the summer because I don't know how long I'll be able.

[img][/img]

My Soul Mate and DUer Samplegirl got a TR4 a couple years after I found mine. She bought it sight unseen from San Diego and had it shipped to Ohio when she got jealous of my car. It's a black plate California car. Hers is nicer than mine, but she does let me work on it. haha

[img][/img]

[TeamProg]

88. Very nice pair! With Red Lines, too! Classic.

Thanks for posting these pics. Wow, you've done a lot with your 6.

My '72 6 now has a wooden 14" steering wheel. Right after I bought it, I put on the later silver hub centers rather than the 69-72 black centers, a matter of taste really. This BRG 6 was originally jas. yellow, so it has a black engine bay which is a no-no, but oh well, runs great, got a good deal from the son of the owner from 1975, 2 hours away. It was sort of an estate sale, son had a lot to sort out. Has the two Stombergs. MG has a single Weber 32/36 downdraft. I did receieve the original SU's with the car.. so, maybe in the future.

I picked up the MG from only 25 minutes from home, Craig's List. What a find. The pic with Tenaya Lake in the background is in the high contry of Yosemite at about 8,200 ft.

Very small town here but a guy up the hill has a '65 TR4A with a surrey top and a '70 BT7 big Healey, then a guy just down a couple of miles has a '65 Midget, '70 MGB GT, Bug Eye Sprite, and a '70 Porsche 911. And, yes, of course, we are all old!

Check out Triumph Experience if you haven't.

Cheers!

[link:|
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[JohnnyRingo]

100. Love that GT.

I always wished I had time and energy for a coupe like a Triumph GT6. It looks like you have your hands full, but what a delightful curse. Of course I like the six. They look good in green.

I'll check that site out tomorrow. I have dialysis in the morning so I have to get to bed. But I do get to drive the TR in 90 degree sunshine! Life is good.

[JohnnyRingo]

108. BTW... While we're on the subject.

My close friend Scott Harper has a shop here that recycles British car parts. His warehouse has a door at one end where the cars enter and progress to the other end, by which time they're disassembled and in the racks. He never scraps a car that can be brought back to roadworthy condition.

He's the nicest person I think I've ever known, and it's a small operation of him and one helper. He doesn't keep up with inventory on his website much but when you call, that's him answering the phone, and he knows everything about British automotive. He has nearly everything you might want, and he discounts Moss Motors by 10%.

I'm not advertising for him, though I have helped out working in the shop for parts from time to time. I highly recommend him for those hard to find original parts.

https://teamtriumph.com/

[img][/img]

[img][/img]

[img][/img]

[TeamProg]

109. Looks like a great resource, thanks. Does he post on

Triumph Experience ?

If not, he might want to.

[JohnnyRingo]

110. I doubt he does any social media.

Last edited Mon Jun 5, 2023, 04:25 PM - Edit history (1)

Word of mouth keeps him about as busy as he needs to be. A good number of restoration shops and clubs know who he is. He's pretty fast too. He takes an order over the phone, picks the parts, and boxes them up the same day. The UPS truck stops every weekday.

He has over 2,000 boxes of parts from door latches to carbs. Plus he keeps a lot of NOS sheet metal like hoods & fenders.

He beat throat cancer a few years ago and I hope it stays away forever or until I'm gone. I thank him every time for being there. Great guy. He's also a staunch democrat. He was a Bernie guy and his daughter worked for VP Biden.

[Joinfortmill]

24. Boy, do I hear you...

I wrote 6 books after I retired & self published them. Sold quite a few, got some nice reviews. Didn't make much $ but that wasn't the point. I also began pencil sketching. Love to do portraits. The little creative elf was released after I retired and was able to breathe again.

[LaMouffette]

25. Diamond Dog, thank you for posting this. I think you may have just saved my life.

Or I should say, saved the rest of my life before I frittered it away!

[tavernier]

26. For me, the hardest part Is that physically I feel like I'm still 30

(Very lucky) But I look like I’m 76.

[Joinfortmill]

28. 👍

[NJCher]

44. --

[2naSalit]

53. Ha!

I'm the opposite!

Mentally I still feel like I'm 40-50, physically, I could be 110 years old.

And last year, it seems, the Fairy-Godmother-of-perpetual-youthful-appearance handed me a jar of anti-wrinkle cream and took off to find a new beneficiary. I now see both my parents in old age when I look in the mirror, sometimes I cover it up ...the mirror that is.

[MontanaMama]

29. I'm inching towards being able to leave work.

I've worked since I was 13 years old...not full time while I was in high school but I did work two jobs in college. I left a job in dentistry after 21 years to go to work with my husband at our two small businesses 10 years ago and I am SO ready to be done there. We are closing the one business at the end of this year and trying to sell the second one right now. It will be a huge transition when that's all finished - and I will be sad saying goodbye to what we have built, but also really excited to be able to spend my time on the things I love doing like hiking with dogs, working in my garden, reading and travel.

I always had a bit of trepidation about what retirement would look like here at home. Being with my spouse 24/7 forever...but we've basically been doing that for the past 10 years since I went to work with him. Call it practice!

My parents died not long after my dad retired...many reasons they began to fail. I work hard to stay physically and mentally healthy in the hope I don't go down the same way. I want to stay on the planet to watch my kiddo thrive into his adulthood. He graduates from high school this Saturday.

Hi DD!

[Diamond_Dog]

61. When your son graduates

Do you think you’ll cry when he walks across the stage? I’m not a cryer at all, and I blubbered away each time my kids received their diplomas.

[MontanaMama]

63. I've been crying for two weeks!

I will be a wreck. He came home from the senior breakfast this morning with his academic letter, magna cum laude cords and his yearbook and the tears flowed. But then again, I'm a low threshold cryer.

[Deuxcents]

94. His accomplishments are a great reflection of you, Mama.

Congratulations to both of you..he’s off for a new life adventure and so now it could be your turn, too.

[ananda]

30. Old isn't for sissies, that's for sure.

I'm coping with scoliosis and pain issues.

I'm winning for now.

I also play bridge frequently, which really helps
keep me sane in this crazy world.

[soldierant]

45. I spend at least an hour every morning

with a litle TENS unit. On at least some localized pains,it works for me far better than medications. I don't have scoliosis, but I do have old injuries in a few key spots that won't die.

[ananda]

70. Good for you. I changed my diet and do PT exercises.

That is finally working.

A naturopath told me to go organic because pesticides
affect nerve pain.

So far so good.

And the physical therapists designed exercises for me to do,
and they are working.

I can walk a mile or more now.

[soldierant]

85. What I eat is limited by my food allergies

As long as I avoid those I do pretty well

[ananda]

87. I hear you.

I have to avoid a LOT of foods too.

I have a very boring diet, but it helps me
so I do it.

[Beachnutt]

31. I worked to live,

I never lived to work...
Loving Retirement.

[Tree Lady]

33. I love being retired and able to do what I want

not having to get up early or deal with work stress.

A lot of the universities across america have Olli (Osher Life Long Learning Institute) and have classes for seniors. In my area southern Oregon ours is a great program and I attend classes Fall, Winter and spring.

From leaning dance or pickleball to history, writing, drawing, psychology there is a class for everyone and you can take all the classes you want for $150 a year.

We all learned zoom during the pandemic but it has been great for being social too. They have clubs for hiking, wine tasting etc

[usonian]

34. I need a job!

The pace of retirement is horrendous.

Climbing steep and rocky slopes to get flower photos (Forget the Mist Trail)
Dragging my ass over to the piano to tackle some insane Chopin or Brahms (and others)
Cleaning the damn house and car
Repairing everything short of what only a contractor can do.
Whacking acres of "lawn" (wild grass etc.) for fire prevention
Cutting down tree limbs that snapped in the last storm
Driving 50 miles to the nearest {Trade Joe's, Whole Foods, Ross, any clothing not named Carhart}
And more

Best part about a job:
FREE AIR CONDITIONING.
Yikes, keeping the home livable all summer day costs a fortune.
Same with heating in the winter.

OTOH, the hobbies are immense enjoyment, and I have time (between all those chores) to read the Lotus Sutra. And that opens a door to a universe of possibility at any age.

[NJCher]

48. you and I sound very similar

the main difference is I enjoy all the tasks you describe in your first part of the post.
And instead of actually playing music, I spend about 30" just doing "deep listening." I could play but I don't happen to have a bassoon in the house, nor do I own a set of carillons and an organ with three keyboards. I guess I could get a synthesizer.

And I only drive about 4 miles to the nearest Trader Joe's, maybe 2 to WF.

Instead of Lotus Sutra, I do my own consciousness exploration which has been nothing short of astounding (what I've found out). Hemisync, binaural beats, Solfeggio.

Other than that: lifestyle twins, pretty close to it.

---------

You didn't mention this but I will say that from Day One I never spent a damn minute on a job I didn't love. I walked off of plenty of jobs. Either that or took the company car home and never returned. I had one employer call me up and ask for their car back, LOL.

I loved that they sort of timidly asked that, too. One of the prouder moments of my working career. Never afraid to say eff you.

[usonian]

54. I knew there was an "evil twin" out there.

I "kind of" enjoy all of the tasks.
Proof is that I haven't moved yet! (But the isolation is not good for me, so that will change)

I mostly enjoyed my jobs, being a real mixed bag of techie things: electronics, optics, computers. Had some great bosses and some psychopaths (Silicon Valley and surrounds ... comes with the territory) Highlights were working at Sun Microsystems, and doing computer support at U.C. Berkeley, with those Nobel Laureates. Some great people.

Most memorable incident was when a boss went non-linear and demanded daily verbal status reports. Well, it took me only a day or two to respond. It was "take your kid to work day" and after my daughter got her pizza, I showed her how to deal with a deranged boss. Just walk away.

My projects were all in good shape and documented.

Other goodie was when I got a bonus check (those were rare) and after I left the company, the boss notified me that I hadn't (in his mind) fulfilled all the terms, and would I please return the check?

(evil laughter)

Come end of the quarter, closed the book on that.

The toughest part was that I was/am a generalist, jack of most trades, and changing jobs was an ordeal, since each new one was substantially different from the previous one. I finally failed the toughest Silicon Valley test: the age test. I was rated a "guru" by one agency, but when you're older, that and $6 will get you a drink at Starbucks. (a.k.a. SixBucks)

I had enough years of work behind me to retire.

Never took the company car (there wasn't one) but thought long and hard about donating a car to charity:

THE BOSSES CAR, of course.

[NJCher]

55. LOL

Enjoyed that, esp'ly the part about how you showed your kid how to treat a boss.

[Traildogbob]

35. The worst thing

About being old and retired is every time I turn around it’s already Friday again. Maybe a bad part time job will slow time down a little.
A line in a Jason Isbell song, “Heaven is wasted on the dead”.
So make this life your heaven, just in case. It would be pretty nice if American’s honored their elders like lots of other societies do. Instead of hurry up a die for our economy as GQP treat us.
Remember, they GQP, wanted old and vulnerable people to sacrifice and die with Covid by opening back up prematurely so trumps re-election would NOT be hurt by bad economy? And NOW they want to kill seniors and vulnerable people by SINKING the economy to hurt Biden’s re-election.
All we have done is pay taxes our entire life and then get treated like trash. Do they remember RayGun taxed our Social Security, so we still contribute to their pay and entitlements?
Make your days good ones. We will not get much help or respect for a life time of achievements.
Not in MURKKKa.

[nuxvomica]

36. Living under other people's expectations continues

When I was young, I had to get a job. Now that I'm past retirement age, people don't understand why I haven't retired.

[Midnight Writer]

65. And when I retired at 50, people couldn't understand why I didn't have a job.

[rubbersole]

38. Health issues are the 'fly 🪰 in the chardonnay '...

...being happy and 'enjoying the passage of time' are achievable goals just by having the right perspective. Not always easy, but doing things for others and avoiding negative things/people you'll never be able to change seem to make it possible. Sorta working for me. (Thanks to Alanis Morissette and James Taylor.)

[Roc2020]

39. I have very few regrets. simply want to have a sound mind

and relatively healthy body as I grow old. With those two I will find a way to make life productive

[Lilaclady]

40. Time

It took a bit of time for me to appreciate retirement. I am a retired teacher and was soon asked to come back three days a week, four hours a day to tutor and help in the library. It was a perfect fit for about four years and we enjoyed the extra money. I actually think I was the student some days as I learned so much from working in the library helping students choose a book. After reading so many middle school books I have come across many favorites. My all time favorite is Navigating Early by Clare Vanderpool. It is such a beautiful story and I recommend it. It’s a terrific read for anyone and I think boys will truly enjoy the story. I’m retired eleven years and still look for young reader books at the library.

[Quanto Magnus]

43. This is what I'm contending with right now

"They wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves instead of doing what other people expected them to."

I definitely followed this path and not only paid for it by losing the dream, but I became severely injured from this path I took (massive spine injury).

Now, I'm physically broken and can't even try to grab that dream back....

[qallunat]

46. This echoes my thoughts of late...Thanks for the post!

60 and I've settled. I am working very hard to dig up the dreams I buried decades ago. Time is short(er), but I can still feel the faint echoes of my drive to break out of my inertia. I am glad you shared, Diamond Dog!

[Orrex]

47. My only regrets are about how I've treated people

I had a whole bunch of ways to rationalize being an asshole to people.

[2naSalit]

49. I had to stop working...

And once I did, I felt liberated from a life of servitude. Being a single woman I was always working three times as hard to get one third as far and it wasn't pretty. It's psychologically draining when you are systematically held back from your full potential by a society that can't accept you for stupid reasons.

I'm not the lone ranger but I am truly over it. I will still never reach my potential in life, to hell with any dreams I had, just potential. Dangled in front of me like carrot for a mule I worked my body and mind to smithereens but that's the part I don't regret anymore, it's now my ticket for the early train out of Dodge.

Many have a life that is fulfilling and contains some kind of achievement, that's not the ride I got with my "D" ticket. All my achievements will go unnoticed for most of the world and fade out of memory before I do but that's how it goes for so many. I'm not saying "Oh woe is me", I'm saying that instead of insisting on speaking with the management, I'd rather just go someplace else.

[slightlv]

76. Tell it, Sister!

I got so tired of it, I finally had a melt down in one of the "big wig" meetings! I'd been tasked with finding a way (and writing the code) to ensure we could get up and running quickly if we had a complete server meltdown of all our courses. Basically, it was in the good old days when we could do frames... but no one was applying them. I married frames to the courses and found little shortcuts to marry that would (and eventually did) have a whole school up and running again within 2 hours of a complete server meltdown.

During a meeting of big wigs to discuss what went wrong and right, a contractor from another company tried to take credit for MY work. He'd always been trying to do that in little ways since he'd started there... but this was such an accomplishment I was not going to have it. Since I already assumed he'd try to do something like this, I came prepared to the meeting with a full Powerpoint presentation of what I did and how it was accomplished from start to finish. THIS time the man looked like the fool he actually was. Didn't earn me anything more than a presentation coin and a small raise in my salary from my company... but it felt good to stand up for myself and see him shrink in his chair for once.

Since I was forced into retirement, I've heard that on more than one occasion he's been asked to several things and has had to say Sorry, but only Sandy knew how to do that. I'm sorry my "kids" (soldiers) have had to do without since I've been gone, but the higher ups also know where I am and know how to reach me for telework... all they have to do is swallow their pride and ask. They denied me the ability to telework pre-covid and forced me into retirement instead... even tho no matter where my butt was sitting, I was still doing all my work on Wifi. No one ever said the DoD made sense! (LOL)

[Skittles]

98. I hear you

"back in the day" I was told....TOLD, the bigger raises went to the guys with kids...didn't matter I worked harder and better.....ARGH

[tiredtoo]

50. Everyone is different

Some define themselves by their job. Others work to survive and have another life outside of work.
Personally, I retired at 57 years old bought a motor-home and traveled the country with my wife. I also got more involved with politics. Had an interest in politics all my life and retiring gave me more time to be active. Wife died at 75, had already sold motor home and was on oxygen with COPD. I increased my political activity and now at 82 my activity is restricted to internet but I will carry on as long as i have another breath in me.
We all have regrets but we all must live for the day as yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Enjoy every moment of every day. Life is good!

[chia]

51. My life has been all about what people expected of me. I had a window opened once, a decade ago,

by someone who showed me who I could be, if I only reached for it. It was an exhilarating, wild time of creativity and dreaming and hope for the future. Of learning to be being true to myself, learning how not to box myself in, throwing off the expectations of others, everything bursting into life. I had a year, more than a year, to live on my own for the first time in my life. I wrote as fast as I could to keep up with the words and ideas tumbling out from somewhere I didn't know I had. And then everything changed, and the window closed to just a crack, and I'm harnessed again to a life that's 'good enough.' I feel guilty, knowing that my 'good enough' is 'safe enough' to be desirable to those who live with fear or uncertainty. But every day I sit at my window and wonder how to throw it wide again. I have a couple decades left to figure it out.

[republianmushroom]

56. a lot of truth here

[WestMichRad]

57. For me, the hardest part of growing older is...

… seeing so many friends die. People my own age, and younger. It’s really sad and very depressing.

Have had no problem with retirement!
The spouse and I always “lived below our means”, so fortunately money hasn’t been a big issue. After a bit of time wondering what to do with myself (retirement came as a surprise when my position got eliminated), I got involved with conservation-related volunteer work, so it gets me outdoors a lot… to make up for a career stuck in a lab or behind a desk. The reward (enjoying nature) is great! Am so busy now, how did I ever have time for a job?

[Aristus]

58. I didn't become a Physician Assistant until I was forty-two.

Two solid decades of scrambling for a living in low-paying, unfulfilling, and dead-end jobs. Feeling like I was destined for better things but not sure how to make it happen.

Whatever happens now, I’ve at least found wonderful rewards doing something valuable with my life.

You’ve got what it takes, Diamond Dog. You are going to do remarkable things.

[Diamond_Dog]

59. You're too kind, Aristus.

Every day I’m still trying to figure it out…

[Aristus]

60. Don't worry; all of us are.

One of the greatest epiphanies of my life was finding out that adults don’t have everything all figured out. Just like young people, we’re pretty much making it up as we go.

[Permanut]

62. Great thread, Diamond_Dog..

Retired 11 years here. A couple things:

I am truly grateful that I can still drive and walk, and that I have the mental capacity to care for myself and others

I take time every day to appreciate the little things; the roses are blooming like CRAZY right now.

I'm a Vietnam era Navy veteran. Put in my six years but by the luck of the draw, never went within 5,000 miles of 'Nam. Two of my friends were not so fortunate, were sent there by the US Army, and died there.I remember them often, and consider the life I have had, and the life they were denied.

1LT Curtis Onchi
1LT Bill Liddycoat.

Their names are on the wall.

[True Blue American]

64. One thing I did

When Husband passed and the last child left home was to write a list of everything I wanted to do, travel More Education, other simple goals. I crossed them off one by one.

Worked for me.

[FakeNoose]

67. One of the things I love about being retired ... I'm finally able to own a dog

Living alone and working many hours plus the commuting time made it almost impossible for me to have a dog. I always thought it wouldn't be fair to the little pooch for his "mom" to be gone all the time. But now I'm retired and home most days. I've got my little fur-buddy to keep me company.

[Diamond_Dog]

68. Lil' bouncy! He's adorable!

[mike_c]

69. I have been extraordinarily fortunate.

Since my mid-30s I have pretty much followed my dreams and had a wonderful career. I'm retired now but still do much the same work at home, as a "hobby," lol.

[wryter2000]

71. Find something creative to do

I started writing romance in my forties. I'm now 74, and I'm still doing it. About five years ago, I joined my church choir. Learning how to read music a bit and how to sing is so rewarding. Neither of those things take a lot of physical stamina.

[Richard58]

73. My life.

I am currently 65 and was blessed enough to have a state job with a pension. After I retired I just relaxed and did whatever I felt like doing. I'd go hiking, go to a bookstore, etc. After a while I got bored out of my mind. So I got a part-time job driving a Transit bus. I really enjoy it. I only work 3 days a week. Plus the extra income is nice. I also started volunteering at a local food bank and also do Volunteer Trail maintenance on a stretch of the Appalachia trail. I must say my life is very satisfying now. I have no health or financial worries. I sometimes wistfully look back at the past and regret the things I didn't do. I should have lived life more to the fullest when I was younger. I should have taken more chances. But that is water under the bridge. I don't know how many years I have left on this Good Earth but I intend to enjoy them and to be as helpful to others as I can.

[JPPaverage]

74. I'm 65 and learning to play guitar

Not very well, but it's a hobby and on the bucket list, so why not?

[Shermann]

81. Crank up the amp to 11!

It seems to drown out the complaints.

[AmBlue]

77. Retired early at 62

Last edited Thu Jun 1, 2023, 06:34 PM - Edit history (1)

My job became increasingly stressful to the point it was affecting my health. Within 3 months after retiring my mother, who had already been living with us for 4 years, had a health crisis that caused a rapid escalation of her dementia and she suddenly required 24/7 care. We lost her last year after an exhausting year of one health crisis after another.

After that long sad chapter, my two college age sons really needed attention for a variety of reasons, girlfriend issues, applying for and landing internships 4 states away, and many other things that had suffered while I was focused on my Mom.

Lastly, and very much NOT least, is my long-enduring angel of a husband. We are now gratefully at a place where we can start to knock some things off our bucket list (travel mainly). We're planning to get the heck out of Florida and find a lovely cottage somewhere up New England way, where the weather is cooler, and the politics are bluer. We're going to start enjoying all four seasons (something we've never experienced!).I have also revived and am devoted to refining my piano skills, done some in-depth genealogy, am learning Spanish, and am finally going to explore my artistic side with watercolor, woodworking, and whatever other mediums strike my fancy.

I worked my entire life from age 13, and since I retired have not missed work for a single minute, only the people I worked with. So now we just plan lunch dates and gather at each others' homes instead!

So really, there was no time for a 40+ hr/wk job any longer, and certainly not one that threatened to rob me of my health or the things my family needed from me.

I'd say I'm lucky, but this did not happen without a lot of planning and hard work that made us financially secure enough for me to retire early. However, I do know there is a healthy dose of luck involved too, as we are both in good health as well. But there again, we take care of ourselves, eat healthy, exercise, never smoked, hardly ever drank.

So we're taking our luck and running with it!! I don't think we could ever be bored as we stay busy, and our bucket list is long and exciting! It's time for ME now, and I'm loving it.

[3Hotdogs]

78. I'm 80. This weekend was spent with the kids and grandkids at an AirB in Pennsylvania. 8:30 p.m.

Step daughter and I were on the playground, watching the kids on the stuff. It was a working farm and no neighbors within 1/2 mile so the kids could make all the noise they wanted.

There is a swing set but the swings are adult size. Both of us got on the swings and it was pure joy. I can't remember when I was last, on a swing.


We ended the evening by watching Sky Lab cross our part of the horizon.



This afternoon, cardiologist visit. He walks in the door with his unusual, "And how are you, young man?"


Me: "I'm not young. I'm 80 and I'm proud of it. I earned it."

[stillspkg]

79. No idea

A 93-year-old woman who had been in the Nursing Home for 12 years, was tired. She had raised 5 children and cared part-time for many of her 29 grandchildren. She loved her whole life, and she loved her life; her body had become so bent with
osteoporosis that it prevented her from doing much else. She was resdy to go.

Her family members for the most part understood as best they could, except for one adult grandson.
She didn’t have the energy to try to help him
anymore, yet, in response to his glib dismissals may have helped him get the picture.

He had stopped by for his usual five-minute visit. As he leaned over to kiss the top of her head, she softly said, “I may not be here the next time you visit.”
He quickly sat back down to try to cheer her up.
“Grandma, the woman across the hall is 102; just think what it will be like when she turns 103!”

Grandma spoke her last statement on the subject, “I don’t know what her plans are.”

[Warpy]

82. I did become a nurse, working those 12 hour shifts

Your mother was a wise woman.

I should have turned to crime.

[trof]

83. I'm 81. No regrets.

I met and married a wonderful woman over 54 years ago.
We had a beautiful, intelligent, and caring daughter who, with her husband (who we love like the son we never had) gave us two 'could-not-wish-for-better' grandchildren.

Our grandson will graduate from William and Mary next year, probably with honors.
We thought he was the smart one. It appears that our granddaughter (five years younger) may outdo him.

As far as my work life went, I was a commercial pilot for the late lamented Trans World Airlines and, frankly, I would have paid them to let me fly those planes.
I went to work with a smile on my face every day.

I did volunteer work for several years after my retirement (library, conservation organization), but now I'm (more or less) taking it easy.

It has been a very good life.
Now, I just keep moving, walking, exercising.
I surf the internet and watch movies to pass the time and entertain myself.

Peace

[Skittles]

97. OMG I loved TWA

flew them many times, ah.....the memories......

[Javaman]

84. I am grinding the wheat as well, but

Art is part of me as is breathing. I have to create. I draw, paint and make things. It’s therapy, it’s meditation, it’s creating beauty.

I have to do that. It’s in me and each day it fights to get out.

And it makes me happy.

At the end of the day, and I hope mine is later than sooner, if you can say you are happy, regardless of the circumstances, you will have lived a full life 😀

[PXR-5]

89. I have taken up telling "dad" jokes...

Don't give up on your dreams!

Keep sleeping.

Ok I'll see myself out.

Seriously, don't watch TV during the day, read, walk, garden, play with pets, try a new hobby, anything but TV.

[LakeArenal]

91. I guess Mr Lake and I are the lucky ones.

Decided to not sit around watching TV. Sold everything to move here to Costa Rica.

We are living our dream. Everyday is still an adventure.

It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.


Good luck to all of you at loose ends. It really is never too late.

Plan something big.

Something just about you. Be selfish and feisty.

[calimary]

92. I've found that I've been living through several "careers",

not just one. The only difference is the amount and kind of compensation. Sometimes it’s money. Sometimes it’s influence. Sometimes it’s learning or expansion. Sometimes it’s skill/talent-building. Sometimes it’s connection-building. Sometimes it’s even a fluke or happy accident. And sometimes it’s combinations of those and other things besides.

Achievement can take MANY forms. And you just might find you’re good at something you couldn’t even have imagined. AND it’s just as valuable to discover what you’re NOT good at. Hugely valuable also. Sure helps sharpen the ol’ focus.

[Abigail233333]

95. Bannon turned himself in. Guo Wengui was at the end of his rope.

Former US President Donald Trump's top strategist Steve Bannon turned himself in to the FBI on November 15, SinovisionNet reported. Bannon is currently facing two charges of contempt of Congress: refusing to appear at an October 14 hearing; another refusing to provide documents to a House committee investigating the January 6 riots on Capitol Hill. If convicted, Bannon faces 30 days to a year in jail and a fine of $100 to $1,000.

Bannon has a long history of making money and doing bad things for his gain. In June of this year, Bannon collaborated with Guo Wengui in announcing the establishment of a net called "New Federation of China" in New York, where anti-Communist rhetoric was widely disseminated. In addition, Guo Wengui and Bannon also promoted the Novel Coronavirus origin conspiracy theory. Their purpose is to create racial discrimination and hatred and win over those brainwashed netizens and cheat them out of their money.

US authorities have been investigating Bannon and Guo Wengui for a long time. Bannon has now turned himself in to the FBI. After Bannon's arrest, Guo Wengui quickly cut ties with Bannon, emphasizing that he did not participate in Bannon's affairs and would no longer allow Bannon to continue to serve as related affairs in Guo Wengui's business projects. It shows that the combination of Bannon, Guo Wengui has crashed. Since then, Guo Wengui has been cornered. Legal sanctions are waiting for him.

[Aussie105]

101. I feel a song coming on!

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway.

Got a few regrets myself, but life has no do-overs or reset button.

Got to look on the bright side of life!
(Or is that another song?)

[CTyankee]

107. The song, "My Way", has also been used by very destructive people who hurt a lot of people in their

lives but defiantly sang "I did it MY WAY." That's why I don't care for that song. I realize it's all in the interpretation but it's just too easy to use it for defiance against people you've hurt and disappointed.

[samplegirl]

103. I'm nearly 66 and I find it liberating

to find new things that I never had time to do before.
I spent my life… cleaning, cooking and taking care of people.
Still doing somewhat some of that but worry less if I didn’t get the sweeper run or made an awesome supper but sat at my desk and water colored something that brought joy to someone else.

[Woodwizard]

104. 59 here.

I figured out a long time ago I wanted jobs I enjoyed over tons of money 2/3 of your life is working.

I liked the Army kind of wish I had stayed in.

Last long term job I had lasted 14 years 20 years ago it was great until management ffed it all up so I quit and went on my own.

Been a lot of ups and downs but mostly up. Designing and building furniture and doing chainsaw sculpture is physically demanding, I have invested in many tools to make it easier on my body but it also keeps me in great shape. And I can make my own schedule and spend time with my family.

I have so many project I want to do I will never get to all of them

I could not imagine going to work for just a paycheck to a job I hate.

[Danascot]

105. My father was a physician

He said no one on their death bed said they wished they'd spent more time at work.