I am Mitt Romney’s haircut. This is my year, and I will not be denied.
SHORT IMAGINED MONOLOGUES
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MITT ROMNEYS HAIRCUT WILL NOT BE DENIED.
BY JESSE ADELMAN
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I know some folks derive a kind of sick enjoyment from the quadrennial pageant of televised intelligence-abatement that is the United States presidential election, but its time to stop the charade. There is no primary. There is no general. There is only this: I am Mitt Romneys haircut. This is my year, and I will not be denied.
Everything about me is presidential. You may not even know why, but youve all thought it, and thats no accident. Ive been designed precisely for this moment. Im a hybrid of every classic American presidential hairstyle since the 1930s. Roosevelts fatherly gray temples. Kennedys insouciant bouffant. Reagans lethal, revolutionary amalgam of feathering and pomade. Think about it this way: what if you could trade in your shitty, 8-year-old Ford Probe for a car that somehow combined the classic flair of a 59 Cadillac and the raw authority of a 68 Mustang? Now imagine ramming that Caddi-stang right through the front doors of the fucking White House. Get the picture? Thats pretty much exactly what Ill be doing on top of Mitt Romneys face on November 6, 2012.
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Now, Barack Obama may be the incumbent, but its only fair to point out that hes at a severe disadvantage. It was a cheap victory, him taking old man John McCain and his pathetic Giuliani comb-over to the woodshed. In 2012 hes up against the greatest ivy league/pompadour hybrid ever seen in American politics. And for this epic battle, the president has equipped himself with a buzz cut? I understand, his options are limited. But lets at least make it interesting. Hit me with a fade, a high-and-tight, a flat-top.
Twenty years from now, Ill be sitting on top of Mitts face, delicately sprinkling in a bit more gray as the two of us eyeball the sunset from the porch of our multi-billion dollar retirement estate. As much as I love to win, Id hate to look back, reflecting on two long terms, and think, That was too easy.
the rest:
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/mitt-romneys-haircut-will-not-be-denied#.TwzBRrOv91w.twitter
zbdent
(35,392 posts)Romney's hair vs. Trump's "natural hair"
to the death
no holds barred
PAY-PER-VIEW!
MADem
(135,425 posts)Fire Walk With Me
(38,893 posts)Perhaps even especially so.
ooglymoogly
(9,502 posts)flirt. All three stooges understood that.