Al-Qaeda Claims U.S. Mass Transportation Infrastructure Must Drastically Improve Before Any Terroris

[madinmaryland]

WASHINGTON—In a 30-minute video released Thursday, al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri criticized the mass transportation infrastructure of the United States, claiming significant repairs and upgrades would need to be implemented before the militant group would consider destroying any roads, bridges, or railways with terrorist attacks.

Reading from a prepared statement, al-Zawahiri blasted the U.S. government for its lack of foresight and admonished its leaders for failing to provide Americans with efficient and reliable modes of public transport to reduce traffic congestion, lower carbon emissions, improve air quality, and supply suitable targets for terrorists.

"The al-Qaeda network is fully prepared to continue the jihad against the American infidels by launching deadly attacks, but your outdated and rusting transportation infrastructure needs to be completely overhauled for those strikes even to be noticed," al-Zawahiri said. "We want to turn your bridges into rubble, but if we claimed credit for making them collapse, nobody would ever believe us."

"We'd really just be doing you a favor because then you'd actually have to rebuild them," al-Zawahiri added.

Read more: http://www.theonion.com/articles/alqaeda-claims-us-mass-transportation-infrastructu,21008/

[dixiegrrrrl]

1. This one is actually pretty clever, I thought.

[madinmaryland]

2. I thought so, too. The whole infrastructure decline here is spot on.

[bemildred]

3. Yep, I was into the 3rd paragraph before I knew it was the Onion. nt

[kenny blankenship]

4. This may finally motivate our Warpig Rulers to invest in America

How can we attract foreign terrorism to our shores, which they always say is vital to our war profiteering based economy, unless we have something good to blow up? If we don't make ourselves attractive, they'll just continue to attack in developing countries.