The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsI haven't worked on this date in 14 years.
in 2004 I had just started the 1st new job I got after my daughter was killed on 19Jul2001. i started the job on the 15th and when the 19th rolled around I thought I cannot take a day off 4 days into the job. so i showed up and as soon as my new boss asked how i was, I fell apart.
"This is a sad anniversary..."
Now my job has required me to be here and working today. I am sitting at the site crying. She's been dead for 17 years and I can't believe she's even DEAD. But she is, she is, and i have to work. Bekah give me the wherewithal to do what i have to do. Love forever.
thanks for the indulgence DU.
janterry
(4,429 posts)You deserve every indulgence. (And then some)
Much love to you
barbtries
(28,787 posts)i'm here but so far it's questionable how much work i'll get done today. gotta stop crying first...
badhair77
(4,214 posts)I wish I could fix your pain but I cant. However I can listen and tell you I support you and Ill keep checking this thread to see how you are holding up today. Time can soften the sharp edges of that pain but it doesnt erase it. I wish you peace.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)it's a very long road and i've come very far. anniversaries can be hard. i have achieved a level of peace with her loss but it floods me today. this day thankfully for me and my family is exceptional any more. i'll try to remember that too.
badhair77
(4,214 posts)It is all understandable. I hope you can find some extra special ways to pamper yourself today. Be extra kind to yourself or do something special in honor of Bekah today.
Borchkins
(724 posts)She is so loved. I wish I had words to make it better.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)thank you. i feel isolated in a city where i don't live and none of my family near let alone her bones which are all the way across the country. Thank you, really!
IADEMO2004
(5,554 posts)Sobbing in a customers backyard on the first wedding anniversary without her I said no more of this. Feelings are part of what makes you you. Be yourself. Wet cheeks here now.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)but circumstances this year left me little choice. I am sorry for your loss
Fla Dem
(23,637 posts)barbtries
(28,787 posts)i'm working on it
demmiblue
(36,838 posts)LeftInTX
(25,219 posts)I can't imagine losing a child......
barbtries
(28,787 posts)never find out.
LeftInTX
(25,219 posts)Duppers
(28,117 posts)It has gotten better for me as the years have passed but there remains that pain in the back of my throat when I try speaking about her. I mostly can't.
I'm so sorry, barbtries.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)i always say that the pain doesn't change, it justs hits less often and for shorter periods of time over the years. but it's still the indescribable inexpressible pain that was felt the day she died.
janterry
(4,429 posts)since it is now tomorrow.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)i got through the day with DU and FB love. wasn't as productive as i wanted to be but i'll forgive myself. still crying a little.
it was like an experiment almost - let's see if i can work on the anniversary of Bekah's death. hadn't even tried since 2004 and i won't do it again voluntarily. i was cast back to 2001 like it was yesterday. now i dust myself off and reenter the current nightmare of my country being lost, but hopefully stronger yet.
thank you!
badhair77
(4,214 posts)Im glad to see you made it thru the day even though you went through a world of emotions. Just remember we care. And that goes for the others who spoke about their loss in this thread. There are DUers here who will listen. I dont have much on advice but I can listen.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)it is a comfort truly