The longer I live alone

[Revanchist]

The more I think it's not worth the difficulty to get out there and meet/interact with people. My wife has been gone for less than two years and I've already decided that a new relationship isn't worth the drama of dating. Am I wrong to think this way?

[elleng]

1. Nothing 'wrong' about feeling that (or ANY way.)

Let life happen.

[katmondoo]

2. I love living alone

I just do whatever I feel like doing.

[PJMcK]

3. Sorry about your loss

I'm about to get married for the third time. Wife #1 died and wife #2 split with me after 20 years. I thought I was done.

Then I started hanging out with an old friend whose husband had died. After a period of time, our future together made a lot of sense to both of us. I've never been happier or more content with her. Third time's the charm, I guess. Alternatively, three strikes and you're out! (wink)

Hang loose, Revanchist. You never know the surprises life will drop on you.

Peace and good luck!

[ailsagirl]

7. Congratulations, PJMcK!

[PJMcK]

11. Thanks, allsagirl!

Courtney and I have been friends and professional colleagues for 35 years and we've found ourselves in the middle of a big and happy surprise.

[Yavin4]

4. In a world of dating apps, you are doing the sane thing.

Dating is UGLY these days.

[Dragonfly64]

5. I couldn't agree more...

I've been divorced a little over 3 years (after being married for 24) and I have zero desire to ever get involved with anyone ever again. My adult children and my dogs/cats bring me all the joy I need.

[ailsagirl]

6. Nothing wrong with living alone

As long as you're happy doing it, no reason to feel compelled to "meet people."

If you're an introvert (take this test if you're not sure), you should be fine.

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

[cynatnite]

8. Just do the things you enjoy...

If you meet someone or just people in general, go with it. Don't go out for that reason. My Mom felt like you did. She never remarried after Dad passed. She went and did the things she liked and enjoyed life. A relationship was the last thing she wanted.

[Frustratedlady]

9. I agree. I'm busy keeping up with life and don't need/want someone else to take care of.

I was happily married, but don't have the energy nor desire to go through that again. I can now follow my own interests and those of my grandchildren, eat when I want, sleep when I want or not. I am lucky to have a wonderful family and that's enough drama for me.

[Hoyt]

10. Felt much the same when in your position. Since it was relatively new technology, I did try on-line

websites and did, in fact, meet someone truly special that I will likely be with until the "end."

I was lucky. It might be worth a try now, or later, IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT. If you don't, I get it completely. One advantage is that you can talk or email with folks awhile to get to know them without having to go out. I think a lot of older people like that. I kind of viewed signing up as an option.

I did get a lot of good laughs out of it, including a number of ladies who said they'd like to meet me if I hadn't indicated I was liberal in politics in my profile. I usually responded, "What, you can't see us walking in the park -- holding hands in our eighties -- yelling at each other over politics."

In any event, there's nothing wrong whatever you do. Take care.

[sinkingfeeling]

13. No. And you don't need to have your feelings validated. I have

lived alone for the last 22 years. Before then, my son lived with me. I divorced in 1973 and haven't had a 'date' since 1986.

[HipChick]

14. Likewise....I have dates...

but no one really that I've felt I need to see again.. Being alone does not bother me enough I guess...

[Solly Mack]

15. If I were to divorce or by some other means of "asunder" be single again...

I already know that I will not, no way, no how, bother with a new relationship.

Just no.

Got my dogs, got my camera, family, some friends. That's all the contact I need. (or want)

[Luciferous]

16. I honestly think I would be fine being alone, but I'm extremely introverted.

[ooky]

17. I agree with you. After my wife was gone I got a dog.

We are very happy together.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

18. I like it.

Last edited Wed Sep 19, 2018, 10:19 PM - Edit history (1)

I've been divorced and have lived alone except for three cats for years, and it suits me just fine. I haven't looked for a new relationship for a long time (and I wouldn't have much luck at my age anyhow), and at this point the idea of sharing my space with someone else kind of creeps me out. It's nice to be able to come and go as I please, make a mess and not clean it up until I feel like it, stay up late watching tv, eat all the ice cream right out of the carton, listen to obscure music, all that stuff. You are not wrong to think the way you are thinking. There is no "wrong." Live whatever way makes you happy.

[ooky]

21. I think that's the best part of it.

Doing whatever you like when you want to do it. Also, the pressure is off from not being in a relationship.

[UTUSN]

19. We have several bachelorettes/bachelors in my family - for me, the Courting Game

is fine the first time around, but after that it's like come-on-let's-not-do-this.

[keithbvadu2]

20. "live alone" - in the house or no personal friends/acquaintances?

"live alone" - in the house or no personal friends/acquaintances?

There is a difference.

[Revanchist]

23. Alone alone

Wife died in 2016 and dog died 9 months later. After I retired from the Navy and finished my Master's we moved back to her Missouri hometown of under 17,000 people so she would have a support network except for her family I know no one here. Currently my life consists of helping my mother-in-law run her family business 6 days a week and spending Sunday doing yard work, laundry, and cooking for the week. I was seeing a therapist until the VA reassigned her and I didn't feel like starting over with another one so that's over now. If I feel up for it I'll go to the gym but it's difficult to find the motivation because I don't see the point in extending my life beyond having to care for my mother-in-law and my parents. No kids so there isn't anything there. About to turn 48 and feel like this is it for me.

[Donkees]

24. It may be that you are drained of energy care-taking others, and need to recharge ...

your own health reserves and creativity.

[FM123]

27. "About to turn 48 and feel like this is it for me."

Oh dear Revanchist, this does not have to be it for you, 48 is still young with many years ahead. Do what makes you happy now (enjoy your alone time, or the company of others or whatever) and later on if something else makes you happy do that thing too.

How you feel right now while you are still grieving "I don't see the point in extending my life beyond having to care for my mother-in-law and my parents" must be a huge and heavy weight - so give yourself all the time you need. Take care.

[smirkymonkey]

22. No, not at all.

I find that the longer I live alone the more I like it. I love coming home to my apartment after a day of work with other people and just being able to do what I want in peace. I find myself making excuses on the weekends to get out of engagements when I just want to go online and watch movies, read, listen to music, etc.

I love being alone. I could still be in the game if I wanted to be and I always feel pressured by friends and family, but I find it such a bother. I just find it to be more of an effort than it is worth. I think some of us are just true introverts/loners. I would love to have a dog and I love running into neighborhood acquaintances and friends for a short chat or even having dinner with a friend here and there, but I don't like spending long periods of time with anyone.

There are a lot of people who are like us. Relationships are kind of a pain in the ass. I will admit that I am lazy and don't feel like making the effort to change for anyone. If you are happy the way you are it's fine, but if you are unhappy, go out and find someone.

[Totally Tunsie]

31. Once again, we are sisters, smirky!

[smirkymonkey]

32. Hey Tunsie!

How are you?

[Totally Tunsie]

33. I'm not stalking you, I promise...

but we always seem to end up in the same place!

Doin' pretty well. And you?

[smirkymonkey]

34. Pretty good - having a hard time getting to sleep.

Don't worry, I didn't think you were stalking me - I always find myself agreeing with your posts too!

[Totally Tunsie]

35. Uh Oh. Here's a great trick to try...it always works for me when I can't turn off life.

Lay on your back with your eyes closed and arms comfortably at your side. Then, starting with your toes and feet, concentrate very hard on that body part and say "good night" to it. Work your way up: shins, knees, thighs, hips, back, tummy chest, fingers/hands, arms, shoulders, neck, chin, eyes. By the time you say good night to the top of your head, you should fall asleep (if not sooner). By concentrating in that way, you shut out everything else on your mind, and off you go!

Hope it works for you too!

[smirkymonkey]

36. Thank you! I'll try that!

Probably doesn't help to keep reading about all the horrible things Trump and the republicans keep doing. I should log off and try your suggestion. Thanks Tunsie!

[MissMillie]

25. Wrong?

Hell no!

You're not doing anything that hurts anyone else. If you jumped into something you're not ready for, you may end up hurting someone.

[Girard442]

26. You might enjoy joining a social group that is not specifically about dating.

Last edited Thu Sep 20, 2018, 08:51 AM - Edit history (1)

It's actually pretty nice hanging out with people of both genders with no pressure to move the ball down the field. Then you go home, put your socks on the coffee table and make all the rude noises you want.

I actually did meet someone, but I would have been cool with things if I hadn't.

On edit: I might add that less than two years is not all that long. I have no interest in pushing you in any particular direction, but I would say that widowed me at 3 years was a different person than me at 1.5.

[Revanchist]

30. Unfortunately, I'm in a county that went over 79% to Trump

While I haven't met everyone yet, it seems like my choices are either bible thumpers, meth addicts, or hypochondriacs (did I mention I work in a health food store?) It would be difficult to find a "social group" that won't make me want to tear my hair out

[WhiteTara]

28. Are you happy, Revanchist?

That's what matters. If you are not happy, that's a place to begin to look for real reasons why.

[demigal]

29. I am alone

and am trying dating sites after being a widow for almost 2 years. Since I am 78 my choices are few and most possibilities are too young, conservative and live too far away. Just need a companion for eating out, conversation and traveling but am surprised about how content I am with keeping up with Trump"s antics, taking care of my dogs, cats and goats. If a good democrat comes along I will be ready.