Oh noes! I'm about to be prosecuted for money laundering!
I got this email today...
Attention: Beneficiary,
We sincerely apologize for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation. It's due to the urgency and importance of the security information of our citizens. I am David Lance Bowdich the Deputy Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and Field Intelligence Groups (FIGs).
We intercepted two consignment boxes at JFK Airport, New York. The boxes were scanned and they contained large sums of money ($4.1 million), also some backup documents that bear your name as the Beneficiary / Receiver. An investigation was carried out on the diplomat that accompanied the boxes into the United States and he stated that he was to deliver the funds to your residence as an overdue payment owed to you by a foreign country.
After cross-checking all legal documents in the boxes, we found out that your consignment was lacking an important document and we can't release the boxes to the diplomat until the document is found, we have no other option than to confiscate your consignment.
According to Internal Revenue Code (IRC) in Title 26 also contain reporting requirements on a Form 8300, Report of Cash Payment Over $10,000 Received in a Trade or Business, money laundering activity may violate 18 USC §1956, 18 USC 1957, 18 USC 1960, and provision of Title 31, and 26 USC 6050I of the United States Code (USC), this section will discuss only those money laundering and currency violations under the jurisdiction of IRS, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate from the joint team of IRS and IRC, you're requested to reply back immediately for direction on how to procure the fund ownership certificate to avoid being charged for evading the law, which is punishable offense in the United States.
You are required to reply within 72hours or you will be prosecuted in a court of law for money laundering, you are instructed to desist from further contact with any bank(s) or person(s) in any part of the world regarding your payment because your consignment has been confiscated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation here in the United States.
Yours In Service,
David Lance Bowdich
Deputy Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation
Since "evading the law" is "punishable offense in the United States" and it's obvious that I did that even though I can't remember evading the law, I'm going to get hauled off soon. They tell me I can get ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth, or five to ten in Woolworth, for doing this.
And tell me about this "post-mail." Do they only handle fence posts, or can you also send mailbox posts? Maybe they should send me a mailbox post, because it's obvious the only reason they didn't mail this to me like the FBI is supposed to is because my mailbox post has been found lacking.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Thanks for the laugh, JM!
