I saw some drunk redneck armpit-farting at Red Robin today.

[Aristus]

I'm not going back there until they get a velvet rope and a 500-lb guy named Tiny for the front entrance. I realize Red Robin isn't exactly Chez Louis au Provence, but still; you're in public, Dude. Save the stupid shit until you get back to whatever tarpaper shack you're currently crashing in.

[ProudLib72]

1. Was he good at arm farting?

Was he with people who were laughing and encouraging him?

Did other patrons of this fine establishment give him dirty looks or say anything?

Did you ask if he voted for Rump?

[Aristus]

2. No. He was with a group who looked like the cast of 'The Hills Have Eyes',

so they were digging his sub-moronic antics.

I tell you, meth is some serious shit.

My homeless patients are better-groomed and much better-behaved...

[Blue Owl]

3. Well that's enchanting

Somehow armpit-farting should require the offender to wear a MAGA hat during the act...

[Aristus]

4. He was wearing a ball cap, but not that one.

Still, a two-fold sin. Take your hat off indoors, and at the table!

[Sneederbunk]

5. Could be a 1st Amendment thing.

[Aristus]

8. It was a privately-owned establishment.

They could have thrown him out anytime. But it was Auburn, Washington. Brainless hayseeds are likely their target clientele.

From now on, I'm sticking to the Red Robin in Tacoma.

[Arkansas Granny]

6. It wasn't me. I swear, it wasn't me. We don't even have a Red Robin

where I live. (Cracker Barrell might have been a different story.)

[Marie Marie]

7. Well, at least armpit farts don't smell.

Or do they?

[Aristus]

9. Fortunately, he was three tables away.

I didn't get the opportunity to find out. What I could hear was irritating enough...

[littlemissmartypants]

14. Three stables away.

That's what my eyes told my brain!



Bedtime!!

[mbusby]

10. When I fart....

...I don't use an armpit. That is all....

[LuckyCharms]

20. You braggart.

[rusty quoin]

11. I'm sorry, but this story made me laugh,

because I haven’t seen someone armpit fart since I was a kid, and it was my younger brother. He was very good at it.

[LuckyCharms]

21. It did take a certain talent.

[3catwoman3]

12. It really is a pity that procreation does not require any...

...social or intellectual sophitication.

Don't most people get over this type of behavior by about 8th grade?

[littlemissmartypants]

13. Maybe it's time to lower your standards.

Or, yuck Red Robin, eeeewwwweeeee! Never been classy dude. Bag lunch, save money, retire early.

[Hekate]

15. Last guy I saw do that was about 8 yo. He was soooo proud of his accomplishment.

But he was just a little kid. I bet he didn't master belch-music until he was 10.

Don't guys give up loud body-parts performances about the time they get a girlfriend?

[cyclonefence]

17. Don't you have to have skin-to-skin contact to arm-fart?

Did he take his shirt off or just reach his hand up under there? TIA.

[LuckyCharms]

19. See post 18...as kids we just

stuck our hands under our shirts to get the skin to skin contact. We also used to put our palms up to our mouths and blow through our adjoined fingers to get a fart sound.

We thought we invented all of that. We weren't very smart. I think some of the guys were able to do armpit farts behind their knees. They were the talented ones.

[cyclonefence]

22. Rule #1: Farts are *always* funny

I am queen of the fist-fart, and I get extra points because I am a sweet old lady with nothing to lose.

It's important to lick your fingers before you fart through them, for that realistic, juicy, sound.

Plus post 18 doesn't tell me if the guy in the restaurant took his shirt off or just reached up under there. You can do it either way. Mad props if he took his shirt off.

[LuckyCharms]

18. We did that so much in grade school...

that the teacher made all of the boys stay after school do armpit farts for an hour.

A lot of the boys started crying because of the underarm irritation.

That was my first and last experience with armpit farts.