Cheer me up

[taterguy]

Right fucking now

[GoneOffShore]

1. Oh fuck off.

And have a beer.

[taterguy]

2. I can't drink beer

You're not very good at this are you?

[Tobin S.]

3. My wife says I haven't learned to not take food away from a fat girl

There were a couple of left-over slices of pizza in the fridge that she evidently had her name on, but I ate them. She almost castrated me.

My wife is a bank teller and a 90-something year old customer came in the other day who hadn't been there in a while. He called my wife by her former last name and she told him that she had gotten married to a guy who was a two years younger than her. He said, "What do they call women like that now days? Whores?" Then walked out of the bank. My wife knew he didn't mean that the way most people would mean it. He walked back in a second later and said, "Cougars! That's it! You're a cougar!"

[WillParkinson]

4. HAHAHAHAHAHA..

OK, that made ME laugh.

[bluesbassman]

5. Well, a while back my wife and I bought a tandem bicycle.

Last edited Sat Jun 2, 2012, 08:32 PM - Edit history (1)

We thought it would be a great way to get some exercise and get to spend some time together.

One day we were out for a ride and a cop stopped us. "What've I done, officer?" I asked as he walked up to me. The cop says; "perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back."

"Oh, thank God for that," I replied to him- "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

[MerryBlooms]

6. OTTER SWIM LESSONS - Mother Otter Teaches Her Baby Otters How to Swim

[sakabatou]

7. What you should NOT do in a car wash

[rug]

8. Ok,ok, stop yelling.

[madinmaryland]

9. Happy Fiftieth-fucking birthday, Francis.

dumbass.

[Major Nikon]

10. ...