Know any jokes that are so dumb that they're actually funny?

[red dog 1]

A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."

[Champion Jack]

1. Did you hear about the Buddhist.....

....who refused Novocain during a root canal?




His goal: transcend dental medication.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

2. A woman calls the fire department screaming that her house is on fire.

The fireman asks “how do we get there”?

The woman says, “why don’t you still have those big fire trucks”?

[underpants]

126. I had to read that three times

[Karadeniz]

3. Thanks for the giggles!

[Rustynaerduwell]

4. This only makes sense when said out loud. What's Irish and stays on the porch all winter?

Patio Furniture.

[TexasBushwhacker]

14. What do they call an Italian suppository?

An innuendo

[mopinko]

55. ahem.

sorry, but you stepped on my fave joke.

q- whats irish and stays outside all night?
a- paddy o'furniture

there, now you can tell it in writing.

[keithbvadu2]

5. Groaners! So bad that you have to repeat them.

Groaners! So bad that you have to repeat them.

[Collimator]

6. What is brown and sticky?

A stick!

[A HERETIC I AM]

72. What's brown and sounds like a bell?

DUUUUNGGGG!

[luvallpeeps]

156. Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You'll get jurassicked.

[MatthewHatesTrump2]

7. What do you give to a sick lemon?

Lemon aid.

[GumboYaYa]

8. What do you call someone else's cheese?

Nacho cheese.

[LeftInTX]

42. I was thinking of this one

It's lame.....

[Floyd R. Turbo]

9. A cat hijacks a plane and demands to be taken to the

Canaries!

[First Speaker]

10. What's the name of an Irish chest disease you catch at a bookie joint...?

...OTB...

[maxrandb]

11. Where did General MacArthur hide his armies?

Up his sleevies!

[red dog 1]

12. What do you call a Hippie's wife?

Mississippi

[backtoblue]

13. Can I tell a dirty joke?

I fell in the mud.

[Harker]

15. That's so funny...

I forgot to laugh.

[backtoblue]

17. Well, I think you're funny...

Funny looking!

[Harker]

18. I want a second opinion!

[backtoblue]

19. As Mama used to say...

Want in one hand and shit in the other....

[Harker]

20. Which hand is which?

Just in case someone introduces us...

[A HERETIC I AM]

73. You smell bad as well.

[Harker]

75. Hey...

You're a little late, but you're also right about that.

[Shermann]

132. You're crazy too!

[Harker]

137. Took you long enough

to figure that out!

[John Fante]

128. The irony is that "I fell in the mud" isn't a joke at all, dirty or otherwise.

Drove me nuts as a kid.

[la-trucker]

16. What did General Washington say to his troops before they crossed the Delaware river?

"Get in the boats"

[underpants]

30. Love it

[patricia92243]

36. lol on this one :)

[red dog 1]

21. Why do they have gates around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

[benld74]

22. I don't have a dad's body,,

I have a father figure

[underpants]

29. That's funny.

[brush]

131. A guy goes to his therapist and says, "Doc, Doc, something's wrong. Sometimes I feel like a teepee..

and sometimes like a wigwam."

The therapist says, "Relax. You're two tents."

[Captain Zero]

182. A guy goes to doctor about a pain in his butt.

Guy explains his butt has been hurting a lot.

The doctor gives him a box of suppositories and says use two of these daily and come and see me in a week. The guy comes back in a week. The doctor asks did the suppositories help ? Guy says No, not at all.

Doctor said hmmm, they should have helped. The guy said, Nope, Doc, for all the good they did, I could have shoved them up my ass.

[brush]

183. That got a legitimate chuckle out of me. Here's another one.

Last edited Sat May 2, 2020, 04:16 PM - Edit history (1)

Guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and there are clocks as far as the eye can see.

He asks what the clocks are for?

St. Peter tells him they're lie clocks for everybody. When someone tells a lie the hands move. We keep track. See that one there that hands haven't moved? That's Mother Teresa's. And that one there where the hands moved one time, that's George Washington's.

The guy asks, since we're talking about president's, where's donald trump's?

St. Peter says, oh that one. Jesus keeps it in his office as a ceiling fan.

[qwlauren35]

193. Dayum

ROTFLMAO.

[red dog 1]

23. Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine?

It was about a weak back!

[Harker]

24. That's about as funny as a fart in a space suit.

[red dog 1]

40. "A fart in a space suit"?

That IS funny!

[True Blue American]

101. All Franken pod cast

Al and Franny stocked up on garbanzo beans. He is now broadcasting from a sealed room the reason is that Franny insisted on it!

[customerserviceguy]

133. One of my favorite sayings is

"You're as subtle as a fart in a space suit."

[Danascot]

146. Farts are always funny

I told my husband that one of the first symptoms is loss of smell. Now he farts every 15 minutes and says, “Just checking!”

[Harker]

148. The hours must fly by...

[edbermac]

25. Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

[underpants]

31. Math! Time!

Love it.

[Tiggeroshii]

26. Did you already hear about the zoo that only has a dog?

It was a Shih-tzu

[AJT]

27. There were two peanuts walking down the Rue Strassa.....

one was a salted(assaulted).........peanut.

[kerouac2]

28. Know why I never take coffee from a vampire?

It’s always de-coffin-ated...

[lastlib]

48. Okay, I gotta pass that one along!

[Varaddem]

32. Grasshopper hops into a bar

Bartender says hey little fella we have a drink named after you. Grasshopper says you got a drink named Theodore?

[Ohiogal]

33. How does an IT person drink coffee?

They install Java!

[56miSSie]

34. How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

[demosincebirth]

35. Not a joke but a saying: He has about as much chance as

One legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

[Captain Zero]

52. Busy as a one-armed paper hanger

Depression era saying.

[demosincebirth]

59. That's depressing

[Brother Buzz]

56. What do you say to a one legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

[demosincebirth]

58. Good one

[Doc_Technical]

38. Bar patron: "Do you know you have no talent?"

Piano Player: "No, but if you hum a few bars I'll try and fake it."

[Wounded Bear]

39. My doctor told me my sugar was too high...

Last edited Fri Jan 24, 2020, 10:13 PM - Edit history (1)

so I went home and moved it to a lower shelf.

[red dog 1]

41. What streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends!

[red dog 1]

43. Today I gave my dead batteries away...They were free of charge.

[blockhead]

44. Q) Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

A) Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

[red dog 1]

45. Q) Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

A) The retail store.

[red dog 1]

46. Q) - What do you call a cow with no legs?

A) - Ground beef.

[red dog 1]

47. Q) - When is a door not a door?

A) - When it is ajar.

[lastlib]

49. Why did the cows go back to the marijuana patch?

The pot called the cattle back....

[liberaltrucker]

117. The steaks were never higher

[red dog 1]

50. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

[tazkcmo]

51. But Mommy, I don't want to go to China!

Hush up and put your other foot in the box!

[customerserviceguy]

135. Reminds me

of an oldie about fifty years ago:

"Aw, Mom, I don't wanna wear a dress!"

"Shut up, Junior, we're almost to the draft board!"

[Marthe48]

53. a grape was rolling on the sidewalk

and someone stepped on it. The grape didn't say a word, just gave a little wine.

[Marthe48]

54. a little long but maybe you'll like it

A solder was getting ready to go into battle, but there was no tank for him. His commander said, "Just walk around and say 'Tank, tank, tankity tank' and you'll do fine.' So the soldier goes onto the battlefield and each time he sees an enemy soldier, he yells, "Tank, tank, tankity tank" and he is doing fine. Until suddenly, an enemy soldier jumps in front of him, with his arms extended, and yells, "Bang, Bang, bangity bang!"

[dixiegrrrrl]

185. Omg

I just had a serious flashback of landing at that joke years ago.

Still like it,too!

[LuckyCharms]

57. Pony walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Holy shit dude, you're hung like a horse".

[red dog 1]

60. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books,

but he's only got his shelf to blame.

[Mendocino]

61. What did the snail tell the turtle?

SLOW DOWN!

[SKKY]

62. My wife asked me if I was ever going to stop singing that Oasis song...

...I said “Maaaayyyybbeeee”.

[SKKY]

63. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you trembling? They’re going to eat me!

[MLAA]

151. 🙂😬

that’s a new one to me!

[red dog 1]

64. How do you tell a boy tuna from a girl tuna?

Wait and see which can they go in.

[red dog 1]

65. A Manic-Depressive goes on vacation & sends back a postcard:

"Having a wonderful time, I wish I were dead."

[red dog 1]

66. Did you hear about the self-help group for people who never stop talking?

It's called "On-and-on-anon"

[red dog 1]

67. A guy goes to church, asks a man if the seat next to him is saved, and the man says

"No, but I'm praying for it."

[red dog 1]

68. What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

"Dam!"

[red dog 1]

69. I remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket

He said: "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

[red dog 1]

70. Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

It was a nice wedding, but the reception was amazing!

[Marthe48]

71. Thought of one and updated it

franklin graham was holding a rally in a small town. He claimed to the audience that he would heal their afflictions. A man stood up and said he wanted his speech impediment cured. graham had him come to the stage and asked his name. "Tham Thompthon" the man said. A woman on crutches stood up and said she wanted to be able to walk without crutches. graham had her come to the stage and asked her name. "Mrs. Smith," she said. graham told both of them to go behind a curtain set up behind the podium. He said, Oh God, heal this man's affliction. Thank you! Amen!" Then he said, "Oh God, heal this woman! Thank you! Amen!" With his eyes still closed, he said, "Mrs. Smith, throw away your left crutch!" He heard a crash as the crutch as it landed on the stage. Then he said, "Mrs. Smith, throw away your right crutch!" And he heard the other crutch hit the stage. Then he heard a huge thump. Without opening his eyes, he said, "Mr. Thompson, tell me what happened!" And Mr. Thompson said, "Mitheth Thmith just fell on her ath!"

[red dog 1]

74. That joke reminds me of the Steve Martin movie "Leap of Faith"

where he plays a traveling preacher with a large road crew that is forced to stay over in a small mid-west town when one of the big-rigs breaks down.

It's a very good movie, with a good cast, including Lolita Davidovich & Liam Neeson.
(Meat Loaf is also in it)

[Marthe48]

78. My Mom or Dad told me the joke

over 50 years ago and it probably had hair on it then I think I saw that movie a long time ago.

[tblue37]

196. Loved that movie. But the female lead was Debra Winger, if I am not mistaken. nt

[Watchfoxheadexplodes]

76. A cop in Vegas

Routine patrol sees a very attractive blonde lady at a soda machine outside a casino. He notices as he gets closer about 20 sodas on the sidewalk near her.

She would put money in, mash button, take soda and sit it on sidewalk. Thinking looked a bit strange he walks up and says excuse me? No response, he now louder says excuse me!, No response, now frustrated he yells EXCUSE ME MAM!!!

Startled she turns to him puts finger to mouth and says, "Shhhh I'm winning"

[First Speaker]

77. What's white and crawls up your leg?

...Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice...

[red dog 1]

79. Why did the moron throw a clock out the window?

Because he wanted to see time fly.

[red dog 1]

80. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

[red dog 1]

81. If trees could kill you, they wood.

[red dog 1]

82. Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

[red dog 1]

83. What crop do they grow at the "Dumb Joke Farm"?

Corn

[red dog 1]

84. I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger....Then it hit me!

[red dog 1]

85. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory...Just 1 byte, and then everything crashed.

[red dog 1]

86. A man walks into a zoo...The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It's a shitzhu.

[kairos12]

87. What type of dog is most related to a bird?

The Bea-gull.

[red dog 1]

88. Two penguins on an ice flow

first penguin says to the second penguin:
"You look like you're wearing a tuxedo!"

Second penguin replies:
"What makes you think I'm not?"

[red dog 1]

89. Q) - What has four wheels and flies?

A) - A garbage truck

[red dog 1]

90. Q) What was a greater invention than the first telephone?

A) The second one.

[red dog 1]

91. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

[red dog 1]

92. Q) What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A) A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.

[red dog 1]

93. Q) How do you make a pirate furious?

A) Remove the P

[red dog 1]

94. Q) What did the 300 pound canary say?

A) "Here kitty kitty!"

[red dog 1]

95. My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas."

[LAS14]

121. Smiling at all, but LOL at this one. nt

[red dog 1]

124. I know...I love this one.

[red dog 1]

96. Q) How do dogcatchers get paid?

A) By the pound.

[red dog 1]

97. Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon.com account?

They were Prime mates.

[red dog 1]

98. (kid) "Dad, how do stars die?"

(father) "Usually an overdose."

[ProfessorGAC]

100. Wow, You're Loaded Up With These

Some of those are darn funny, too.

[ironflange]

99. Q: What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

A: Hey! Where's my tractor?

(only funny when told by a three-year-old)

[DetlefK]

102. What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta!

[Aquaria]

103. Q: Why can't you trust atoms?

A: Because they make up everything.

[Aquaria]

104. Stupid math jokes

Don't ask why I know all of these:

How does a mathematician plow a field?
With a Pro-tractor.

Why couldn't the angle get a loan?
Because its parents wouldn't cosine.

How do you stay warm in a cold room?
Go to the corner because it's always 90 degrees.

What do you call more than one L?
A parallel.

Why did the two fours skip lunch?
Because they already 8.

Have you heard the latest statistics joke?
Probably.

How do you solve any equation?
Multiply both sides by zero.

There are three kinds of people in the world:
Those who count and those who can't.

Did you hear about the world's smartest circle?
It had 360 degrees.

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
But only a fraction would understand.

How are a dollar and a moon alike?
They both have four quarters.

Did you hear about the statistician who drowned in the river?
He thought it was one-foot deep, on average.

What did the mathematician and statistician name their cookbook?
Pi a la Mode

--

I'll stop.

[Disaffected]

203. What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?

Works it out with his pencil.

[JackintheGreen]

105. What's gray and puts out forest fires?

Smoky the Shark

[underpants]

127. Yes!

[red dog 1]

106. Q) Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

A) Because he took a couple of days off.

[red dog 1]

107. Q) How much money does a pirate pay for corn?

A) A buccaneer

[red dog 1]

108. Q) What do you call birds who stick together?

A) Vel-crows

[Kashkakat v.2.0]

109. Jesus on the cross calls out to Paul who

fights his way through the Roman guards who try to beat him down.

Paul, come here Paul, I must tell you

Finally he makes it through the crowd to stand before Jesus on the cross

What is it Lord?

Paul, I can see your house from here!

[red dog 1]

110. Why is it good to save pennies?

Because it makes cents.

[Harker]

111. Name the four Alou brothers.

[red dog 1]

112. I think you're on the wrong thread

But, as a SF Giants fan, I know 3 of them
Felipe
Matty
Jesus

Was there a fourth brother?

[Harker]

114. Boog.

Boog Alou.

[red dog 1]

115. Oh, in that case, you're on the right thread.

[red dog 1]

113. Q) Why aren't dogs good dancers?

A) Because they have two left feet.

[red dog 1]

116. Q) Which superhero hits the most home runs?

A) Batman

[DeminPennswoods]

118. What's green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

[The Magistrate]

119. I Do, Sir, But None Of Them Are Printable Here

Though there is of course the tale of the fellow who walks into a bar with an octopus, which he sets down saying his friend here can play any musical instrument you can name. Bartender produces a guitar, the octopus indeed makes beautiful music on it. Same thing with a violin, the sweetest strains imaginable. Finally someone puts a bag-pipe up on the bar, and the crowd watches expectantly as the octopus picks the thing up, moves it this way and that without making a sound. Finally someone asks the guy, is he gonna play that?

And the octopus says 'Play it? I'm trying to fuck it!'

[Hotler]

120. What's better than roses on your piano

tulips on your organ.

[LAS14]

122. I didn't think they could get worse, but they just...

... kept getting worse! Kept me up past my bedtime cutting and pasting into an e-mail to hubby!!!!

Great diversion from COVID-19!!!!!!!!

[red dog 1]

123. Q) What did one plate whisper to the other plate?

A) Dinner is on me.

[red dog 1]

125. Q) Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

A) Yeah, it runs in your jeans.

[John Fante]

129. What did the male chimp say to the female chimp?

You're the gorilla my dreams.

[LakeArenal]

130. Did you hear Mickey and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce?

Yes. Well, Mikey was at his lawyer’s office.
He said “Mickey I hear you are divorcing Minnie because she’s insane ..
Mickey says, “I didn’t say she’s insane. I said she’s fucking Goofy.”

[red dog 1]

134. Good one!

[customerserviceguy]

136. A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar

The bartender looks up at them and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

[Adsos Letter]

138. Duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for a tube of Chapstick.

Pharmacist gives the duck the Chapstick and asks “How do you want to pay for that?”
Duck replies “Just put it on my bill.”

[kairos12]

139. What do you call fake spaghetti?

Impasta.

[CottonBear]

140. What do you get when you cross a pig with a cow?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
💥 💥 POW!!!! 💥 💥 🐷 🐮 💥

[Vinnie From Indy]

141. I went my doctor the other day and she told me I had to stop maturbating!

I asked why and she said, "because I am trying to exam you!"

[red dog 1]

142. Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

[red dog 1]

143. Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?

The police are looking for hardened criminals.

[red dog 1]

144. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

A private tutor.

[red dog 1]

145. What do ghosts like to drink the most?

Ghoul-ade

[red dog 1]

147. Why did the moron throw butter out the window?

He wanted to see a butterfly

[red dog 1]

149. What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?

Frost-bite

[red dog 1]

150. How do you talk to giants?

Use big words.

[at140]

152. When the side mug shot was shown to a blonde in during a police interview,

she said the suspect had only one ear and one eye.

[JoeOtterbein]

153. What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

[underpants]

160. Love that one

[JoeOtterbein]

161. I think the joke was in...

...bad taste!

[underpants]

162. Oh!

[lapfog_1]

154. What do you call a deer that is blind?

No idea-r?
What do you call a deer that is blind and lost it's legs?
Still no idea-r?
What do you call a deer that is blind, los it's legs and was castrated?
Still no fucking idea-r?

[luvallpeeps]

155. Why did Fats Dominoe sue Elvis Presley?

Cuz his hound dog shit on blueberry hill.

[Jacoby365]

157. What's green and has four red wheels?

Grass. I was lying about the four red wheels.

[DonaldsRump]

158. A man had nightmares and couldn't sleep

Went to his doctor and said "last night I dreamed I was a teepee, and the previous night, I dreamed I was a wigwam."

His doctor said, "your problem is that you're too tense."

[CrispyQ]

159. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

[COLGATE4]

163. Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender looks at him, says "Why the long face?"

[red dog 1]

164. Why was the picture sent to jail?

It was framed.

[red dog 1]

165. What do you call a rich elf?

Welfy

[red dog 1]

166. What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta

[red dog 1]

167. What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree.

[red dog 1]

168. Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?

He didn't have any guts.

[red dog 1]

169. What do you call cheese that's not your cheese?

Nacho-cheese.

[red dog 1]

170. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?

Tooth:hurty!

[red dog 1]

171. Q) Why couldn't Dracula's wife fall asleep?

A) Because of his coffin

[red dog 1]

172. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

[red dog 1]

173. What do you call a magic dog?

A Labracadabrador

[Tom Kitten]

174. A man carrying an octopus walks into a bar

He sets the octopus on a stool, sits down next to him and orders eight shots of whiskey and a ginger ale. The bartender serves him but asks "This sure is a lot of whiskey, are you sure your octopus can handle it?" The man replies "Oh these are for me. He's the designated driver."

[red dog 1]

175. Why do people tell actors to 'break a leg'?

Because every play has a cast.

[Stuart G]

176. About an elderly gentleman with hearing problems...

...An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The hearing aids were placed deep within the ears and could not be seen by anyone..

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the Doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect.
..Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

[Stuart G]

177. The Pope and Rabbi Moishe.....an old one, not mean, just funny...

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy . There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy , if the Pope won, they would have to leave.

The Jewish people picked the aged but wise Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever, and that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue."

Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "How did you win the debate?" they asked.

"I haven't a clue," said Rabbi Moishe. "First the Pope said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, and I let him know we're staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe, "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine

[dixiegrrrrl]

187. I love it!

And somehow have not heard it before.

It's also very clever.

[Stuart G]

178. Nominated for the best short joke of 2008

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'


'Not yet,' she replied.

[Stuart G]

179. A long one, but worth it. This time an elederly lady...

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square. "The president of the bank started to laugh and told the woman that it was not possible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.


That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. Yes, they were clearly round..


Next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with a lawyer, & all agreed the $25,000 bet was made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president of the bank confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.


The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the bank president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president of the bank noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

[LeftInTX]

180. Indian Hills Community Sign always has something corny on it.

https://www.facebook.com/IndianHillsCommunitySign/

Or Google images

https://rb.gy/gs9gql

[LeftInTX]

181. Turning vegan would be a big missed steak

Past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense


It's Jamaican hairstyle day tomorrow. I'm dreading it.


Huge fight at local seafood diner. Battered fish everywhere!


Eating clocks is time consuming!

A joke doesn't become a dad joke until it's full groan

[red dog 1]

184. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

Everything's fine..He woke up.

[Marthe48]

186. There was a small man

He weighed 90 lbs. His testicles weighed 45 lb. People said he was half nuts

[red dog 1]

188. Where does a one-armed man shop?

At a second hand store.

[red dog 1]

189. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

[red dog 1]

190. What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

[red dog 1]

191. How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.

[red dog 1]

192. How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

[red dog 1]

194. What do elves do after school?

Their gnome work

[red dog 1]

195. How many lips does a flower have?

Tu-lips

[Marthe48]

197. Another

In a small town, around midnight, a cop sees a young man wandering down the main street, completely naked. The cop approaches the young man and asks, "What's your story, buddy?"
The young man explains he had just left his parents' farm and had been invited to a party by a pretty young lady. He went to the party, and there was a lot of drinking, loud music, lots of young men and women. About an hour after he got there, and things were in full swing, the hostess stood near the light switch and yelled, "I'm going to shut off the lights. Get naked! Then, I'm going to turn them back on! And then, when I shut them off again, everybody go to town!"

The young man looked around and said, "And it looks like i"m the first one here."

[red dog 1]

198. I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

[red dog 1]

199. How do fish get high?

Seaweed

[red dog 1]

200. Why were the Indians here first?

Because they had reservations.

[red dog 1]

201. Did you hear about the dentist and the manicurist?

They fought tooth and nail.

[red dog 1]

202. Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner?

He got the cold shoulder.

[red dog 1]

204. How do you talk to giants?

Use big words.

[red dog 1]

205. Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

[red dog 1]

206. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto

[red dog 1]

207. What kind of music do mummies listen to?

Wrap music

[Different Drummer]

208. Don't know if this qualifies as "dumb" or not, but here goes.

Silver and Gold walk into a bar. The bartender says, "'Ay u, get outta here!" Gold walks out of the bar.

[burrowowl]

209. Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his friend in the jungle?

[red dog 1]

210. What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay?

A bagel

[red dog 1]

211. How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying?

You rocket.

[red dog 1]

212. Why was the burglar so sensitive?

Because he takes things personally.

[red dog 1]

213. What did the tired toilet say to the plunger?

I'm flushed!