"Skippy's List" for the Bronies!
There's a very funny guy in the US Army, named "Skippy," who has a list of things he cannot do:
http://skippyslist.com/list/
Well, on a message board, we've come up with a "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" list like it.
Imagine that the U.S. Army's notorious Skippy (or his kindred spirit Mr. Welch if you prefer) either crosses over to Equestria, probably in equine form, or already has a counterpart there. What must he remind himself not to do? I'll start:
1. I will not attempt to exorcise Luna for using the Royal Canterlot Voice.
2. I will not sneak into the royal palace, wear a giant spotted pileus on my head, and tell passing guards that our princess is in another castle. Even if it's true at the moment.
3. I probably should not host a fight club, but if I do, the third rule (after the obvious first two) will be never to fight within 100 yards of the Discord statue.
4. It's Apple Buck Season, with a B.
5. Zecora is not at all interested in my limericks.
6. I will not take any Diamond Dogs to the dog park.
7. I will not take Cerberus to the dog park.
8. I will not drop things from above on purpose just to watch Pinkie Pie's spasms.
9. I will not string a bungee cord across the path of the Running of the Leaves.
10. I will not encourage marriage between griffons and buffalo in the hopes of seeing buffalo wings.
11. I'm not allowed to sing "You've Got to Share, You've Got to Care." Ever.
12. I'm not allowed to sing "W***** W***-U*". Ever.
13. I will not offer 'free dragon rides' to everyone without said dragon's consent.
14. I will not waste everyone's time with foolish videos about my reaction to the amazing double-rainboom.
15. I will not break the glass on the emergency trombone unless there is an actual emergency.
16. I will not leave out fake gems made of cut glass for Spike to find.
17. I will never point the party cannon at anything I do not intend to shoot.
18. Rule 13 applies to $5 "Deluxe" dragon rides as well.
19. I will not collect feathers for my pegasi pillows before they cease being attached to said pegasi.
20. I am no longer allowed to ask anyone "Why the long face?"
21. I will make the default assumption that no one wants to play "Sneakers" with me.
22. Applejack's cowboy hat is not "The source of her power".
23. I will not attempt to joust with the windmill in town.
24. I will no longer be accepting bets for next year's running of the leaves. Also I will not be offering to lock in 7-to-1 on Fluttershy to place with an Applejack/Rainbow Dash rolling double to cover the spread.
25. If we are attacked by werewolves, the correct response is not "Tie a strip of bacon around Twilight's neck and run".
26. I will not scalp tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala.
27. I will not attempt to "explain" Pinkie Pie to anyone. In that way lies madness.
28. Yankee Doodle Donkey's cart is not "filled with candy" and I should stop telling the foals that.
29. Do not hang things on unicorn horns.
30. Dynamite is not an acceptable means of removing the ice from the lakes at the end of winter.
31. I will not attempt to repel Rarity with a crucifix.
32. I will not test Spike's "fax" power on various objects.
33. I will not tell Spike he won the lottery just to see how big he gets.
34. I will not brew a love poison for any two or more characters. Yep, this all but reverses the usual Rule 34.
35. I will not shave fillies' flanks and invite strangers to bet on which ones had cutie marks.
36. I will not play connect-the-dots on an Ursa Major, or even an Ursa Minor.
37. Despite their self-resurrection power, phoenixes do not make a good choice for mine shaft tests.
38. When low on firewood, I will not spread timber wolf pheromones around and wait.
39. Despite my dreams, I will not ask a pegasus to put clouds in my coffee. (Let's see who gets this.)
40. Poison joke makes a bad brownie ingredient.
41. Scootaloo is not a chicken.
42. There is no book titled "The Egghead's Guide to Running".
43. Rarity does not f**t rainbows.
44. Pinkie Pie does not f**t confetti.
45. Rainbow Dash does NOT dress in style.
46. Applejack is not a silly pony.
47. I will not swipe shoes for good luck.
48. I will not try to influence Twilight Sparkle's dreams to see her sleep-magic.
49. Fluttershy does not approve my hasenpfeffer recipe.
50. Nobody wants to hear my "shoo-be-doo" at the beach.
51. There is no good reason to carry a whip here. Not even -- or perhaps especially not -- for Daring Doo impressions.
52. I am not authorized to sell Smarty Pants knockoffs.
53. I will not accuse the Sugarcube Corner bakers or their offspring of being lies.
54. I am to stop asking any pony what they've "herd."
55. Rainbow Dash does not f**t rainbows.
56. Which also means she is neither jet- nor rocket-powered.
57. Pin the Tail On the Pony is played with paper tails and a poster, not living ponies. If I try to do so again, I will be the only exception to this rule.
58. Winter in Equestria is not defined as being "20% cooler."
59. I will not ask the muscular pegasus for his stash.
60. I will not play drinking games with Berry Punch.
61. Rock farms do not include "that" kind of "rocks."
62. An "eight-bit" arcade game costs less to play but far more than eight bits to buy. Even the methods of Pinkie Pie and Rarity cannot bring it down to that price.
63. Rarity adamantly will not make any of my fantasy outfits. Not even the human suit.
64. I will not ask pegasi to thunderbolt me for kicks.
65. I will not try to learn, nor get someone else to perform, the time travel spell so I can win a bet.
66. Barring an unusual emergency, I must attain consent before milking a cow.
67. I will not doctor any cutie marks in photos, even my own.
68. Unicorn horns are not magic zits.
69. I will not encourage Derpy to use her special fluffy trampolines.
70. I will not start rumors of a severe magic shortage.
71. "Chocolate milk rain" would not make a good music video.
72. Equestria is not Candyland. There is no Candy Cane Forest or Gum Drop Mountain, and I can't meet Queen Frostine or Gramma Nutt.
73. I will not look around Discord for whatever "good s***" he smoked to get so stoned.
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