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red dog 1

(27,648 posts)
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 04:46 PM Mar 2020

Do you recall any jokes that one of your teachers told?

In my first semester in college, I remember the Health Education teacher once saying this:
"At 20, the most important thing to a man is a good lay.
At 40, the most important thing is a good steak.
At 60, the most important thing is a good bowl movement."

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Do you recall any jokes that one of your teachers told? (Original Post) red dog 1 Mar 2020 OP
High school Chemistry teacher once put a problem on a test-- lastlib Mar 2020 #1
Good one! empedocles Mar 2020 #4
In 6th grade, the math and science teacher TlalocW Mar 2020 #2
Told by my Econ professor. He told a joke at the very beginning of lectures to get empedocles Mar 2020 #3
One of my junior-high science teachers ... surrealAmerican Mar 2020 #5
I like it! red dog 1 Mar 2020 #11
This isn't a joke. FuzzyRabbit Mar 2020 #6
Well, it got laughs from most of the 100 or so students who were there, including me. red dog 1 Mar 2020 #12
Well, I admit I laughed at it also. FuzzyRabbit Mar 2020 #14
This message was self-deleted by its author geralmar Mar 2020 #7
This was from my Drug and Alcohol NCO instructor jmowreader Mar 2020 #8
My biology teacher once regaled us Codeine Mar 2020 #9
Now THAT'S a good joke! red dog 1 Mar 2020 #13
My English teacher tried to pull a pun with me as the butt of the joke csziggy Mar 2020 #10

lastlib

(22,982 posts)
1. High school Chemistry teacher once put a problem on a test--
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 04:55 PM
Mar 2020

a compound we had to identify: a combination of a flouride, a propyl compound, an ether, and four human stick figures. The answer? A "Flouride-Propyl People Ether"!

TlalocW

(15,359 posts)
2. In 6th grade, the math and science teacher
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 05:58 PM
Mar 2020

Asked us if we wanted to see his Elvis impersonation. When we said yes, he laid on the floor on his back and crossed his arms over his chest.

Apparently college health educators are all jokesters. The one at my university wrote his own "textbook." It was only about 30 to 40 pages, and on a page that talked about common health misconceptions he had listed, "Eating the hearts of your fallen enemies will not imbue you with their strength."

TlalocW

empedocles

(15,751 posts)
3. Told by my Econ professor. He told a joke at the very beginning of lectures to get
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 06:00 PM
Mar 2020

students in on time.

'A once very wealthy, respected corporate executive, was caught red-handed for a number of serious wrongdoings. Lost his career, divorcing wife was taking his remaining assets, he was out on bail. The executive was on a high bridge desperately trying to commit suicide by jumping off the bridge, when an old lady, dressed in black head to toe, walked up to him, surprising the exec.

The lady introduced herself as a witch, who said she could solve his problems if he did as she wished. The tormented exec desperately agreed, and went to a hotel room with the woman, and performed quite extensively, to the witches extensive, sexual commands. When they finished, and were dressing the witch moved to the door. The exec demanded, 'witch, your promise?'

The witch replied as she left, 'Sonny, aren't you a little old to believe in witches?'

[Good trick by that star professor]

surrealAmerican

(11,340 posts)
5. One of my junior-high science teachers ...
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 06:15 PM
Mar 2020

... explaining leaves, introduced a new term to us: stomata.

He knew he could count on a kid to ask, "what's stomata?"

... "What's stomata with you?"

FuzzyRabbit

(1,958 posts)
6. This isn't a joke.
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 06:20 PM
Mar 2020

"At 20, the most important thing to a man is a good lay.
At 40, the most important thing is a good steak.
At 60, the most important thing is a good bowl movement."

This isn't a joke.

Response to red dog 1 (Original post)

jmowreader

(50,453 posts)
8. This was from my Drug and Alcohol NCO instructor
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 07:18 PM
Mar 2020

Sven Svenson was livin' in Sweden in 1939 when he decided the Nazis were a bad thing and needed to be stopped. Unfortunately for Sven, his own country was neutral so he went to England, joined the RAF, learned to fly a Spitfire and shot down 42 enemy fighters. He returned to his hometown as Sweden's greatest fighter ace.

About twenty years later, he was sittin' in church on a sunny Sunday when the minister started talkin' about the need for heroes. "And Sweden's greatest hero is with us here today. That's Sven Svenson, Sweden's Greatest Fighter Ace! Sven, how about you come up here and tell us all about your greatest battle?" He rose to loud applause.

"Ja, I was a flyin' along one day in my Spitfire when I looked through the canopy. I saw fokkers comin' from the left and fokkers comin' from the right and so many fokkers all around me I knew I was done for sure!"

The whole church went silent, aghast at such language being used in front of the Lord.

The minister jumped up. "No! No! You don't understand. Fokkers are one of the planes the Nazis used!"

Sven gave the preacher a dirty look. "These fokkers were flyin' Messerschmitts!"

 

Codeine

(25,586 posts)
9. My biology teacher once regaled us
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 09:22 PM
Mar 2020

with the tale of his first sexual experience in the backseat of his car deep in the woods. It was a scary place, made all the more so by the fact that he was by himself.

csziggy

(34,120 posts)
10. My English teacher tried to pull a pun with me as the butt of the joke
Sun Mar 29, 2020, 10:13 PM
Mar 2020

It was all good natured and he did not mean it in a mean way but it totally back fired on him. I don't remember the exact sentence but he made a comment about something being paramount to me. He knew I owned two horses and that was his intention to joke about them.

Unfortunately, I had developed quite significantly by then and the boys in the class thought he was talking about a couple of my physical attributes that were, umm, prominent. They cracked up completely - and then the poor teacher realized the double entendre he ad inadvertently made. He turned beet red and was very embarrassed.

After class he took me aside to apologize. I guess he was lucky that I found both the pun and the double entendre funny.

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