Advice for dealing with an abrasive/combative new co-worker?
Recently I started working at an additional location, after working pretty much alone for over a year, and am starting to remember why I really love being self employed.
Everyone else in my new co-op type situation is ultra easygoing and friendly, but of course there is that one person who is a malcontent. This person seems to have taken an instant dislike to me, and is hypercritical, (and I've noticed often hypocritical) maybe because everyone else, including the "boss", seems to appreciate and notice I am trying hard to please and do everything right.
For whatever the reason she has targeted me, it doesn't really matter, I'm just not wanting to feed into her game, and I have a feeling that no matter what she is determined to try to undermine me and bring down my mood to her level.
I know intellectually it's not really about me, and my initial emotional response isn't really about her, and for now I've been able to just let it roll and remain extra sweet and smiley when dealing with her, "kill them with kindness", right?
I'm afraid that one day I'll be tired, or stressed, or hot, or hungry, or fed up, and snap back at her. Serving no purpose but making myself look less cool and collected, and adult, as I'd like.
Plus I really don't want to start dreading work every day and want to be able to let the negativity roll off me better.
So long story short, I'm wondering if anyone else has successfully dealt with this type of person before, maybe with some humor, snappy comebacks, compassionate questioning. Or simply with time do some people get better, after they see you are an ok person, and I've just got the "new girl" syndrome going on?
(I'm usually easy to get along with, and even when someone started spouting Ron Paul drivel
= new reply since forum marked as read
and / or person who understands you whenever you must be with the obnoxious one, if possible. Otherwise ignore whenever possible.
Love your username. 
suggestion so far, IMO.
Wish I could have had the wisdom to do that myself when I was younger and presented with the occasional bully here and there (and yes, at work also).
Be extra nice to them. Not to change their behavior, although that sometimes happens...but if you're nice to someone who is being an ass to you, then it quickly becomes apparent to others who has the major problem.
Best case scenario, however, is that the bully, who has probably not had a lot of kindness in his or her life, responds in a positive way.
Long ago a mom-person told me- every time a person starts in, to just imagine they are standing there bare naked and grunt to make it real enough inside, that you don't hear a word they say.
Squint like you're paying attention.
Had a college professor who got his Doctorate(In Psychiatrics no less)had to work to feed his family, was a bag boy at a grocery chain. Hated it. He'ld carry the groceries out and load them in the customer's vehicle, and with all the innocence his face could muster he would say:
"F--- you very much". Said if they did a double take, he would get the stupidest smile he could find for them.
There is a way, be creative.
He decided that my doing my job well and doing extra work when I had free time was an attempt to make him look bad.
It started out with him giving me the silent treatment for some imagined slight. The first couple of times he pulled this I genuinely thought I had inadvertently done something to offend and apologized. He would "consider it" and eventually things would go back to normal. The third time he pulled this, I wracked my brain and couldn't think of a single thing I had done that could possibly warrant such an overreaction, so I completely ignored his behavior and acted as if nothing was abnormal. I figured if I had done something he could damn well tell me what was upsetting him or just get over it. I told him point blank when he decided to speak to me again that if I did something that upset him, tell me on the spot so we could resolve it instead of him stewing silently and expecting me just *know* what I had done (because clearly I must have done whatever it was on purpose 
).
That, unfortunately, didn't work and I gave up when I confronted him on yet another bout silent treatment and he snapped "Well, I'm mad at you, so you must have done something!" but he couldn't think of anything I'd actually done. There were lots of other things and he was always careful, for the most part, to avoid doing or saying anything in front of witnesses.
The best you can do is avoid being alone with this person. She will likely not attack you in front of other people. Be as nice to her as you can, don't give her anything to twist into a slight or insult. Ignore her snark as much as possible; she sounds like a miserable person who wants to drag you down and make you as miserable as she is. Lastly, be sweet as pie to everyone else you work with so that when she tries to badmouth you to them (and she will) they'll blow off whatever she says.
From my experience, her goal is to provoke you. She wants a negative response (preferably in front of others) to make herself a victim and you the bad guy. Avoid giving her the kind of attention she wants and it will backfire on her. She will appear to be petty, snarky, and unreasonable and everyone will be on your side.
I stuck it out because I was determined to stay at a job I really liked and not be driven away by this guy. He eventually quit and left for another job; he was fired from that job for sexual harassment. (I know it's wrong of me to gloat about that, but *tee hee*).
Good Luck to you!
