What are the dumbest jargon-y phrases and words that annoy you most?

[arbusto_baboso]

Mine is "visioning". Managers in my agency use it a lot when talking about the agency's future course.

I always cringe and want to scream at them, "IT'S NOT A REAL WORD! IT'S EN-VISIONING, YOU DUMB FUCKS!"

But I don't. I need my paycheck.

SIGH

[ohiosmith]

1. Been away from the business world for a while. The ones that annoyed me most were:

"Helicopter it"

"Eat your kill"

[panader0]

35. I thought "Helicopter it" meant twirling your male part.........

[ohiosmith]

38. It does! Woo, woo woo....!

[Archae]

2. Politics is the worst for this.

"Spin."

Real term for "spin" is BULLSHIT.

[Odin2005]

50. But without "spin", we can't call it the "spin cycle"

[HopeHoops]

3. "Marketecture". I liken it to dog shit. Don't step in it.

The asswipe that I first heard use it put together a PowerPoint (of course) with every fucking connection going through it's own CORBA "cloud". He couldn't understand why everyone was laughing. CORBA IS THE FUCKING CLOUD! His excuse was that it was just the "marketecture". He's also the only one you could tell was in the office because the Internet connection would suddenly get slow. Snoop in promiscuous mode always showed the links to the porn sites he was downloading from. I checked out a few of them out of curiosity. He had a really bad concept of what sex was about.

[arcane1]

4. "Shooting" someone an email

My boss, whom I love, always likes to say things like "we need to hire four more bodies"

His boss mispronounces "verbiage" and now everyone here does it. Plus, she speaks entirely in mixed metaphors: we need to hit the ground running on this so we can touch base and knock it out of the park.

"Meme" and "synergy" should probably get a few years of retirement too.

[NJCher]

15. that work environment would be toxic to an English teacher

I wouldn't be able to make it there, not even for half a day.

Before I was an English teacher, I was a marketing executive. I worked for some high profile companies that almost everyone would know.

I noticed this buzz language in all three of the companies I worked for. Finally sick of it, I started a newsletter mocking the current jargon. My newsletter was full of articles on new buzzwords, what buzzwords were out, and how to properly use the words. I even drew up my own cartoons. Of course it was satirical and I had catharsis writing it. I would stay late after work and write it up once a month. Photocopied it on the high-speed copier, and then I distributed it in the mail room.

The irony was they didn't know it was satire. They thought it was for real. I heard people talking about it in the lunchroom, for example, and telling each other that certain buzzwords were "out" and they shouldn't be using them. It was then that I realized my power (evil cackle).


Cher

[Bertha Venation]

32. last para -- sad

They probably wouldn't even know what satire was if it jumped up and bit them.

[bluesbassman]

5. I can't stand "circle back". I ain't got time for circling...

Last edited Wed Jul 11, 2012, 09:14 PM - Edit history (1)

we either go straight back or not at all. Screw all that circling noise.

[kentauros]

53. Do you have time for circle jerks?

[bluesbassman]

61. LOL. Of course!

One of the greatest album names ever.

Never really embraced (is that the right term to use when the Jerks are involved? ) punk all that much, but the Circle Jerks were a good band in the genre.

Good post kentauros!

[NightWatcher]

6. "Touch base". I grew up playing ball and it meant something then

Now it means "I'm bored so I'm calling to see what you can do for me today, even though I haven't called in weeks"

[Populist_Prole]

28. Pretty much spot-on

I get calls from fair weather friends like that, and as soon as the conversation begins to have any gravity whatsoever, it's: "Uh....I gotta go now, the light just turned green". Like they were bored enough so that they wanted to get the next minute or so over with by determining if you were at least still amongst the living.

[redwitch]

7. "Job Creator"

Makes my blood pressure soar.

[HarveyDarkey]

8. God Particle

[caraher]

22. Amen

[kentauros]

54. God Particle

There, I said it, mostly to antagonize and annoy

[Bonobo]

9. "At the end of the day...". nt

[SCantiGOP]

11. beat me to it, bonobo

"at the end of the day" was chosen a couple of years ago as the most annoying new phrase. Also don't like 'tasked' as a verb, as in "I was tasked with preparing the report."

[RebelOne]

26. That phrase is my pet peeve. I cringe when I hear it. n/t

[Mopar151]

52. "I'm down with that"

At the end of the day, it is what it is. I'm down with that. Know what I mean?

Waste 20 words to say nothing.......

[OriginalGeek]

10. I'm getting burnt out on "Doubling down"

on the other hand, 30something years ago I worked in a small family-owned BBQ place in Texas and every time I walked into the kitchen to start my shift I'd groan as my boss would say "What's the dill, pickle?


I miss you Mickey and I would give an awful lot to hear you say that again.


Mickey was a good boss and a good man at a time when I needed both.

[Bertha Venation]

12. For starters, any noun used as a verb.

"We are partnering with . . ." as one example.

Also teeth-gritting:

at the end of the day

we've turned the corner

take it to the next level

Why do people even speak in cliches? Are we that lazy, that unimaginative?

[NJCher]

16. yes

Why do people even speak in cliches? Are we that lazy, that unimaginative?

see my post above, #15, esp. the last paragraph.


Cher

[6000eliot]

34. It's because the corporate world is infused with magical thinking.

If you find the right incantation, then you will achieve success. The higher up you go on the ladder, BTW, the more likely you are to hear this language being spoken. Maybe knowing the language helps justify your obscene salary?

Edited to add "elevate the brand."

[ehrnst]

13. "pulling the trigger" on a project or deal. (nt)

[TrogL]

14. "It is what it is"

Generally spoken by faith-based people avoiding a reality-based situation.

[Rambis]

17. Bingo!

Well it shouldn't fooking be that way!

[FloridaJudy]

59. I hate, hate, hate that one

Usually said by people who are trying to sound profound who have no clue about the real situation.

[geardaddy]

18. "Ask" as a noun.

"What's his ask?"

"He wants $500,000 for the project."

Grrrr! It's a request, or requirement or desired pay or whatever. I HATE that when people say that. "

[Aristus]

19. The managerial-seminar abomination: "My ask of you is that..."

[hifiguy]

20. Any of the obfuscatory, duplicitous bullshit that is used

and taught in business schools. Crimes against the Queen's English, they are!

[Lucy Goosey]

21. "Visioning" is definitely on my shit-list, too

"Due diligence" is way overused where I work, and don't even get me started on all the dolts who still say "think outside the box."

In my office, there also seem to be many perfectly good words being used in incorrect and jargony ways, like "enhance" and "strangthen" as in: "we need to enhance collaboration" and "the new initiative will strengthen accountability." It seems like a way to say something that sounds good but really hardly means anything.

[JBoy]

23. Who's baby is that? What's your angle? I'll buy that.

[kentauros]

55. I'd buy that for a dollar!

[Ron Obvious]

24. 'invite' instead of invitation bugs me...

It saves just one syllable, so what's the attraction of 'invite' over 'invitation'?

I've found that after I'm done punching the inviter in the face a few times in my annoyance over their use of the word, the 'invite' is often retracted for some strange reason.

[driver8]

25. "Having said that" or "That being said..."

Drives me up the fucking wall!!

[sharp_stick]

27. Silo thinking

working outside the silo environment.

Like any of these idiots actually know what the hell a silo is anyway.

I hate all business speak.

[sharp_stick]

29. Lets Take It Offline

"FUCK YOU! I'm wasting time in this meeting and You want me to call you later about it."

Of course I don't say that I just nod and then forget about it like everyone else.

[Kennah]

45. I thought it meant ...

... FUCK YOU, we're not doing that!

[sharp_stick]

48. It can, I forgot about that use

And that has happened in our meetings but the more common one for us is that many, and I do mean many, of our meetings tend to get technical. This is a way to get two people who are yammering endlessly about some minute issue to go away for awhile so the rest of us can get on with the rest of the wasted morning.

[sharp_stick]

30. It Is What It Is

sorry for the multiple posts, I just hate so many of these damned things. Sometimes I'm in a meeting that's just filled with them and I'm sitting there seething and "visioning" different ways of whacking the usual suspects that come up with this shit.

[GCP]

31. 'Thinking outside the box', still annoys me

'Right-sizing' for downsizing.

[Initech]

33. When people use the word "preggers" to describe pregnant women.

Holy crap does that one drive me crazy!

[Populist_Prole]

43. Drives me nuts too, and I'm a man

Sounds coarse and silly at the same time.

[Son of Gob]

47. Or when a couple says "We're" pregnant.

No, she's pregnant.

[GoneOffShore]

51. That's come over from the UK? Haven't heard it here recently

Very popular in the 70's it was.

[MicaelS]

36. "Going forward"...

I hate that with a passion. What's wrong with "From now on"?

[Bonobo]

37. "Em-bed"

As in the reporter is an Em-bed" (noun).

The phrase "embedded" is stupid and annoying enough on a linguistic, sociological and political level, but it is made so much worse be turning it into a noun -"An EM-bed".

Grrr. I hate it.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

39. Synergy

By definition, any combination of two objects that creates something that was not obtainable independently creates synergy. Fucking Nestle Quick and Milk creates synergy. So the hell what?

[Art_from_Ark]

40. I think "synergy" actually refers to a combination of two or more things

that produces something greater than the sum of the individual parts. For example, "Simon and Garfunkle had synergy as a songwriting team, but they sucked as solo musicians".

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

41. I don't think it needs to be greater

Because that would require a subjective assessment. It just has to be unattainable without the other quantity.

And personally I think Art Garfunkle was doing just fine until he hooked up with that no-talent hack...

[Arctic Dave]

42. Paradigm shift"

If you want ax to the melon, say that in a meeting.

[Kennah]

44. Action Item

This one drives me nuts because without "Action Items" then it seems like NOTHING FUCKING GETS DONE! Inaction becomes the default.

[Mopar151]

60. "I'll take that as an action item"

Meant "I'll suffocate it in my briefcase and hope everybody forgets." Wotta tool......

[Son of Gob]

46. Got any cheeeese?

Did I do that?

[Odin2005]

49. "Right-Sizing"

[woo me with science]

56. "Impact" as a verb.

Last edited Sat Jul 14, 2012, 06:18 AM - Edit history (1)

It bleats allegiance to corporate culture and advertises that the user hasn't a clue of the difference between "affect" and "effect."

[raccoon]

57. "win-win" situation, or whatever. Sounds SO phony and contrived. nt

[baldguy]

58. Using the word "interface" when they mean "communicate".

An interface is a physical connection between two bits of hardware. #1 - I am a human being not a piece of hardware, and #2 - that person you want me to "interface" with isn't that attractive (and they're not likely to buy me dinner first, either).

[Kali]

62. one that has cropped up in my world sort of recently

"ecosystem services"

considering the dipshits pushing the term (office/meeting -dwelling agency personnel and high dollar "consultants&quot it started grating on my nerves pretty quickly

[The Magistrate]

63. Bottom Line, Sir? Laser-Focused On A Perfect Storm At The End Of The Day

One day I will snap, and you will read of it in the papers....

"If you could see tomorrow as it looks to us today...."

"Romney loves America like a tick loves a dog."

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

64. It's déjà-vu all over again.