I'm an old man. Yesterday I was at a wedding.

[NNadir]

It was the wedding in the family of the owner of the company at which I work.

They are a wonderful family; one I am very proud to know. The founder of the company, who passed away, was one of the finest people I have ever known, smart, scrupulously ethical, fair, balanced and incredibly kind. My grief at his passing was not merely professional; it was deeply personal. I have wept many times at the loss.

While I was at the wedding several people asked me why I haven't retired - I could do so - and I brushed the inquiry off. I like what I do and I'm confident my company values me highly and treats me well. I feel I'm using my experience and knowledge acquired over a lifetime to work to save lives, to participate in discussions designed to develop drugs to treat human diseases that are currently intractable. I will work as long as I can do so.

While we were congregating before the wedding, and later while we were eating food after it, another guest at the wedding, also a friend of the family, to my knowledge a good friend, did something that I found disturbing.

This person came up to me - several times - and tried, not all that subtly, to poach me away from my company - the company owned by our hosts - to join their new start up company.

I have lived too long for this sort of thing. It's nice to be respected in my industry, but the job I have now is the last one I will ever have, a job very much involved in love.

Anyway, we were all guests of the family and somehow it just seemed the wrong place and wrong time to engage me in this way. We've lost a number of people at my company, and I see my duty to do what I can to bridge my company to the future. I owe that to my late boss for who he was.

[Skittles]

1. why don't you just take it as a compliment

just curious

[NNadir]

6. During the event, I was naturally thinking of my late boss a great deal.

It was just something he would have never done in the reverse situation.

On some level, it was a compliment to me as a professional, but it wasn't a compliment to me as a man. What I sort of knew, but what my boss taught, is that who one is as a man or a woman is far more important than one's professional accomplishments or failures.

As it happened, there were many people from the industry at this large wedding, and several took time to me complements on my work. There were even several people who wanted to be introduced to me and were.

However, I wasn't at the wedding for business reasons, nor was I there to solicit anything, complements included. I was there to celebrate a marriage in a family I have grown to love.

I was not even expecting to be noticed, and in many ways didn't even want to be noticed, but this notice, such as it was, seemed disrespectful not to me personally, but rather to my late boss, who he was, who everyone who knew him knows, or should know, he was.

I just expected better.

[Haggis 4 Breakfast]

8. A compliment ?????

WRONG place, WRONG time. Talk about poor manners, lack of class and devoid of grace . . . That this individual had to be told "No" MORE than once borders on harassment. At a wedding no less. For the family of the deceased owner and friend. Geeeez.

What has happened to common courtesy ? What a staggering lack of respect.

[Skittles]

11. LOL

"let's talk about this at a more appropriate time" would have covered that

[stopdiggin]

15. this individual MIGHT have just been

very social obtuse. They are certainly out there (with a certain cross-section of the gifted and intelligent) - and they can often run afoul of 'appropriate' or 'situational' by just simply not getting it.

Or the person could have just been an ass. We seem to have a growing number of people that 'just don't care.' But - a wedding? You can only top that by being a jerk at a funeral.

[Karadeniz]

2. The tacky will always be with us. Shallow people think everyone else is as shallow as they are!

[onecaliberal]

3. Definitely wrong place and time.

Stunning lack of respect for the host.

[Rebl2]

12. Absolutely

[Lochloosa]

4. A simple "can we meet for lunch next week" would have been appropriate.

They went too far, and would have been a red flag for me.

[peacefreak2.0]

5. It's good to know integrity still counts.

If nothing else, it’s an indication of an environment you don’t want to be in.

[Ziggysmom]

7. Companies are having a hard time finding experienced talent. I was headhunted for my current

position and I'm very happy with the outcome. It's become more prevalent recently, but at a wedding??? Definitely tacky behavior, in my opinion. I would let them know how you feel, seems they need lessons in loyalty and manners 😊

[sdfernando]

9. Definitely NOT the time or place for that person to broach this subject.

They could have asked for your contact information and later talked about this.

I would take this as a sign as to how this person would be as a boss and how they would run the company. Even if I was looking to change my employment I would pass on this.

[hay rick]

10. Affection for and loyalty to the deceased and their works is not understood by some.

Thank you for your good example.

[Demobrat]

13. If he would do that

he would backstab his colleagues and employees with impunity and entitlement.

He showed you who he was. Be glad you’re not desperate for a job, or you might have ended up working for a snake.

[multigraincracker]

14. Way to go. Being able to sleep at night and

live with yourself is more important than all the money in the world.

I figured you are a pretty smart person from your post.

[Joinfortmill]

16. They are very lucky to have you!

[RussellCattle]

17. Mr. Nadir - I've read your posts here for quite a while and have had some nice interactions with....

....you as well. You humanity has often been made apparent by your comments, as has your ethics, particularly when you have discussed you son and his journey. Your feelings about this recent encounter, therefore, come as no surprise. When speaking of your job and using the term "love", I'd point out that lots of people never have that experience. As an old man myself, when considering the actions of others, I try to remember my mothers admonition, "It takes all kinds".

[lastlib]

18. WHAT??!? Loyalty to a good employer?? In this day and age??

-*- GASP! -*-




You should've told that person "No, thank you" the first time. The second time, to call you next week, so you could give him the same answer. The third time--"*BUZZ* off. (You can substitute the expression of your choice on that one.)

[GenThePerservering]

19. "Thanks, but no thanks"

and then forget the conversation. Perhaps you've never had people try to poach you - I have. It happens a lot, is nothing new, and the world is full of tacky people. Laugh it off, be glad you're still valued and I hope you enjoyed the wedding.

[NNadir]

20. I've been recruited lots and lots and lots of times.

Usually the effort is professional and carried out in a professional manner. Old as I am, I still get calls from recruiters, and every few days a new one wants a Linkedin connection.

This situation is different, rather like having someone hit on your wife at your birthday party. (This actually happened to me many years ago; my wife and I had a good laugh about it.)

I was recruited for the job I have at a scientific meeting, which is an entirely appropriate place. In fact, most of the jobs I've accepted over the years, for good and for bad, came up because of attendance at meetings or because of a former co-worker convincing his or her superiors to recruit me. There were a number of occasions where I was offered jobs by different companies at the same time.

But I've never had one like this. I was offended.

I did enjoy the wedding except for that part.