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Tue Aug 7, 2012, 12:27 PM

Mrs. V.'s dad is moving to the nursing home today, and he doesn't know it

because he has advanced Alzheimer's.

Mrs. V. is heartbroken. She has never cried over her dad's condition, but she is crying now. She wishes desperately that she were in TN to take him to the home. Her mom will be alone for the first time in over 60 years.

Please keep Mrs. V. and Mamaw V. in your thoughts today. Thank you.

Dear god, I wish I knew of something to do for my beloved.

23 replies, 2572 views

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Reply Mrs. V.'s dad is moving to the nursing home today, and he doesn't know it (Original post)
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 OP
Liberal Veteran Aug 2012 #1
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #22
hedgehog Aug 2012 #2
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #21
Denninmi Aug 2012 #3
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #20
GreenPartyVoter Aug 2012 #4
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #19
turtlerescue1 Aug 2012 #5
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #18
sinkingfeeling Aug 2012 #6
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #17
elleng Aug 2012 #7
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #16
Flaxbee Aug 2012 #8
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #15
Kali Aug 2012 #9
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #14
hay rick Aug 2012 #10
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #13
NYC_SKP Aug 2012 #11
Bertha Venation Aug 2012 #12
Honeycombe8 Aug 2012 #23

Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Tue Aug 7, 2012, 12:34 PM

1. Just being supportive and being there for Mrs. V will help.

It is a sad situation and often there are no good solutions.

I wish I had something I could say that would make things better.

All of you are in my thoughts.

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Response to Liberal Veteran (Reply #1)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:34 AM

22. Lib Vet

Your thoughts are enough. Thank you.

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Tue Aug 7, 2012, 12:37 PM

2. I'm so sorry you both are going through this pain.

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Response to hedgehog (Reply #2)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:33 AM

21. hi, hedgehog

thank you

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Tue Aug 7, 2012, 12:52 PM

3. Yes, just be there for her and them. It's all you can do.

I remember times in my life when I desperately wanted someone to just say to me "it will be ok". And I think it would have made a difference. Not in my life, not in my family, but that's my issue. If you can just give her that reassurance it will make a big difference. It doesn't make it a guarantee, mind you, that the outcome will be OK, but the reassurance helps.

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Response to Denninmi (Reply #3)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:32 AM

20. I do my best, Dennimi

And I know Mrs. V. appreciates it. I just wish I could do more.

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Tue Aug 7, 2012, 12:53 PM

4. Biggest, squeeziest hugs for all of you!

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Reply #4)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:32 AM

19. Thanks, GPV

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Tue Aug 7, 2012, 01:42 PM

5. Some events you never forget.

There is no right way to endure this. This is not a wrong way either. Regrets only eat away at you.

I do remember thinking as I was crying and sobbing, "mom won't even know why its so upsetting". HUGS HUGS and MORE Hugs.

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Response to turtlerescue1 (Reply #5)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:31 AM

18. turtlerescue1

thank you

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Tue Aug 7, 2012, 02:34 PM

6. I'm sorry. Aging parents are hard to deal with. My 93 yr. old mother

just keeps hanging on in her assisted living room.

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Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #6)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:30 AM

17. my best thoughts for your mother, sinkingfeeling

nothing I can say

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 12:55 AM

7. Very difficult,

but he will be getting appropriate attention, no longer reasons to worry about Mamaw V. caring for him herself, and she will be able to rest and relax, presumably with friends around.

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Response to elleng (Reply #7)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:29 AM

16. She does have good friends

Friends stop by everyday. It's really wonderful. And she has her home help people, 38 hours per week. And yes, dad will be properly cared for, and that is a huge relief.

thanks, elleng

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 01:08 AM

8. It really is for the best - it sounds as if Mamaw V was close to the breaking point.

It is very hard not to be there during transitions - Mrs. V just needs some tenderness and understanding, which you doubtless provide to her. And Mamaw V is going to need a lot of attention at first - being alone like that, even if it is a relief, may be hard. Care packages, phone calls, etc. to you all. It is very hard to put a loved one into assisted living or nursing care, even if it's the best and safest thing for their health and well-being. Believe me, I have been through this before.

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Response to Flaxbee (Reply #8)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:28 AM

15. Mamaw has been very close to death a few times in the last two years

On her last hospitalization (she got home last Thursday), she finally, finally conceded that if dad weren't placed very very soon, she would die. Mrs. V. kicked things into high gear and it happened quickly. Mrs. V. and Mamaw talked on the phone last night; she is okay, and was looking forward to a night of uninterrupted sleep.

E.

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 01:30 AM

9. oh that is so sad

you and Mrs. V be good to yourselves.

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Response to Kali (Reply #9)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:26 AM

14. thank you, Kali

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 02:26 AM

10. Best wishes.

My wife took care of her aged uncle with Alzheimer's while he degenerated over a decade or more. She stopped working to take care of him for 6 years.

You can still help Mrs. V's father by being proactive. Visit him when you can and when you do, make sure that he is getting the care that he needs and is entitled to. The harsh truth is that nursing homes and assisted living facilities view patient care as an expense item and they will skimp when and where they can. Do not be tolerant- they will only take advantage.



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Response to hay rick (Reply #10)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:26 AM

13. We won't be able to see him very often

We're in Maryland; the folks are in Tennessee. But your advice is well-taken; thank you.

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 02:37 AM

11. Sending good vibes

 

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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #11)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 10:24 AM

12. thank you, NYC_SKP

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Response to Bertha Venation (Original post)

Wed Aug 8, 2012, 09:39 PM

23. I am so, so sorry this has happened. Be at the ready on the phone for her.

The phone can really be a source of comfort.

Your dad is lucky he has people to make sure he's taken care of. And your mom is lucky that she has you. A lot of people have no one.

Still, it's a sad, sad day. I wish I could make it go away for you.

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