Epic statements you have uttered at times in your life, good or bad.
What have you said to others or just yourself that you will never forget? Epic, weird, or just memorable.
A few of mine:
"What the fuck did you just do? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?" - just this past July, when I discovered I had a habit of running red lights during rush hour traffic, part of my recent crisis. (I'm good now, no worries really. Modern medicine is great.)
"Too bad you can't backdate the paperwork by 3 days" - said to a hospital worker when signing surgical consent forms Oct 3 2009. My insurance changed oct 1st, out of pocket limit went from $500 to $5000. Those 3 days cost me a lot of money for a small hernia repair.
"I brought you a box of frogs" -said to a Circuit Court judge I was interning for in 1996. She and I shared a passion for water gardening, but she was lamenting the fact no frogs ever found her pond. So I caught 5 of the multitude in my pond and brought them to her. She was thrilled, at lunch she drove me to her house a few miles from the courthouse and we put them in the her pond.
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(Oct 5) past the cut-off (September 30th) for entry into the public schools where we were living at the time.
When he was born in California, the entry cut-off date was later in the fall.
I had him in simultaneous 3 and 4 year old pre-school trying to determine whether
he was 'ready' and should go ahead or would be better to hold him back a year.
He seemed to me to 'fit' better with the older kids. I also had him 'tested' by
a child psychologist who told me he was 'ready' to start kindergarten.
I went to the public school system and asked for a waiver to have him start kindergarten
when he was 5 days shy of the birthday cut-off date. Took it all the way to the superintendent
who refused to let him start public school. My comment to him? "If I'd known he would be
starting school in Missouri for kindergarten, I would have had his birth induced on his due
date of September 28th in California where he was born." The superintendent looked at me
like I was crazy. I thought it was a pretty good comment. 
I ended up enrolling him in parochial school and he stayed there through 2nd grade until we moved
out of Missouri.
Don't apologize. I understand your pain. I'm glad you can talk to your wife about it. 
And no problem.
G'night!
I once told an anecdote about this guy "I dated for five minutes." I got the job. 
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Once was in the Army, when a young West Pointer lieutenant whose ego was only eclipsed
by his status as an asshole (I only met one of them who I thought was a decent human
being -- although not so with the non-West Point officers) was giving me grief and said
something "how your mother failed in raising you!"
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It hasn't been true for a long time, but Congress used to issue some sort of proclamation
declaring West Point graduates "officers and gentlemen".
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I told him that my mother had RAISED me to be a gentleman and that it had taken an
Act of Congress to MAKE him one.
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Lucky to get away with that... but he was even known by his peers to be an asshole.
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I think I got it from a little-known but good novel about WWI-era soldiers in Arizona.
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The other line I'm pretty sure I got from Burt Reynolds in "The Longest Yard" (though
it might have been Paul Newman in "Cool Hand Luke"
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For close to a year, I was the ONLY person in the audience at our community radio
station's bi-monthly board meetings. They had done some pretty shaky things because
they were working behind completely closed doors. So I started showing up just to have
SOME sort of "community presence" there -- to observe, scold and educate. Eventually,
a LOT of people came on board (so to speak)... in fact, it's how I met Kali.
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Anyways, one meeting I was about to addressing the Board during the, ahem...
Call-to-Audience. I had learned from experience that they would just stare straight
ahead stonily, not giving an indication of hearing what I was saying, let alone listening.
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I started and stopped right away. "Look... it just doesn't seem fair, me standing here
all by myself facing off with the eight of you."
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"I'd be happy to wait for awhile if you feel like going out and getting some more guys."
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So help me, 3 or 4 of them started to laugh until silenced by a cleared throat and a
glare from the Board prez.
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(I used that line within the last week here on DU... which is probably why I remembered
if for this.)
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