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Angleae

(4,482 posts)
Thu Jan 24, 2013, 03:17 AM Jan 2013

Church squirrels

There were five country churches in a small English town:

The Presbyterian Church,
the Baptist Church,
the Methodist Church,
the Catholic Church and
the Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and the Synagogue were overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But the Catholic church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

7 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Church squirrels (Original Post) Angleae Jan 2013 OP
LOL! Passing this one on... Rhiannon12866 Jan 2013 #1
Congratulations on your post #2,000. In_The_Wind Jan 2013 #2
um... orleans Jan 2013 #3
The Unitarian-Universalists, however LiberalEsto Jan 2013 #4
Very cute libodem Jan 2013 #5
When I was only 8 days old... BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2013 #6
Mohels don't get paid much but they... agracie Jan 2013 #7

In_The_Wind

(72,300 posts)
2. Congratulations on your post #2,000.
Thu Jan 24, 2013, 05:22 AM
Jan 2013

[img][/img]

Everyone has a different way of dealing with squirrels. [img][/img]
I feed them.

orleans

(34,050 posts)
3. um...
Thu Jan 24, 2013, 06:28 AM
Jan 2013

i don't think that short service is called "circumcision"

i thought this was going to be a joke about "religious nuts"

 

LiberalEsto

(22,845 posts)
4. The Unitarian-Universalists, however
Thu Jan 24, 2013, 10:51 AM
Jan 2013

met with the squirrels using an English-Squirrel interpreter, invited them to the service and coffee hour afterwards, explained that we are all part of the interdependent web of life, and started learning about the squirrels' own religious practices. Before long the teachings of Squirrelism, including jump-hop-dances to honor Great Mama Squirrel, were incorporated into UU services.

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
6. When I was only 8 days old...
Thu Jan 24, 2013, 04:41 PM
Jan 2013

Hurrah! Hurrah!

The mohel came to my front door.

Hurrah! Hurrah!

He brought with him a big sharp knife,
I thought he came to take my life,

But allll heeee tooooooook was

A little bit off the top.




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