What is the best excuse you've ever heard for leaving work early?

[davsand]

I've been here about a half an hour and I'm pretty much ready to leave. Got any suggestions for what I should tell the harpies if they ask why I'm leaving for the day?

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been "missing" it, Bob.

From the movie Office Space released in 1999

Laura

[eShirl]

1. Tell them you have the burning squirts and don't dare to fart.

[davsand]

2. They probably don't want to pry to much about that sort of thing.

Not sure I'd want to ask any questions if it was somebody else!

I had a boss years ago that used to say he was afraid to fart because there might be lumps in it. He was not the most polished of souls but he was frequently funny.




Laura

[sharp_stick]

4. That's always a good one

As long as you don't try to use it too often nobody will question it.

[pipi_k]

12. Ahem...

that actually happened to me one time.

I had eaten too many mid-morning black olives at my desk, and by noon had contaminated the (communal) bathroom at least three times.

[davsand]

33. Oh no! I've never had that problem with black olives.

Now fig bars, however...






Laura

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

37. Try eating a whole bag of dried apricots someday.

I'll just leave it at that...

[bluedigger]

3. "Wife's getting pregnant, and I'd like to be there."

[davsand]

5. Hmm. Do ya think they'll notice I'm a female?

An interesting approach, for sure, but that might be one that I just can't pull off. They've all met my husband!




Do ya suppose I could pull it off If I claimed my girlfriend was getting pregnant?



Laura

[bluedigger]

15. I never said it was universal, just the best excuse I knew.

I knew it wouldn't work well for women, but now you're just doubling down.

Good luck!

[lastlib]

38. make it your husband's girlfriend.......

the boss'll understand..........

[A HERETIC I AM]

11. Reminds me of a funny bit by the late comedian Dennis Wolfburg;

Something to the effect

"It seems all the rage these days to film the delivery of ones child, but since my wife and I filmed the conception, we thought it would be entirely superfluous!"

[HarveyDarkey]

6. One I called in once as a joke, but it could be modified

"The voices told me to stay home and clean my guns"

[davsand]

8. That may be the ONLY one they'd accept from me.

I'm pretty sure the voices are not real, but they do have some terribly funny ideas sometimes...



Laura

[A HERETIC I AM]

7. "I'm out of hours on my logbook"

I used that today.

It also happens to be true!

[davsand]

9. I don't have to "log" hours at my desk.

Probably a good thing since I took a nap the other day. Woke up with "blotter face."



Laura

[Incitatus]

10. idk, but you do know that if you are using a work computer,

you should assume IT (and your bosses) know every word you type?



You could have a family member or friend in an auto accident or kid get sick at school.

[davsand]

20. Ah yes--the sick kid!

Haven't used that one in a while. I've always liked the old "my kid threw up at school and and have to get her" excuse, but on reflection, maybe I need to say she has thrown up AND has the runs and has to come home immediately. I bet nobody would ever want details of THAT!




Laura

[davsand]

30. My departure is already planned.

My escape plan has already been put in place and it feels like I'm making marks on the wall for every day I have to put in before I can physically depart. May 31 is D day!



Some days are better than others, and the balance of this week is just marking time. After that I'll have a project to actually work on and finish and then I'll just cruise.




Laura

[Agschmid]

39. Thank god for iOS.... n/t

[harmonicon]

13. I think office space more or less gets it right.

A friend of mine worked with a guy who every morning said he had to "go to the bank." Apparently he just left for awhile to get a few drinks in. So, just say you have to go to the bank.

[davsand]

29. Hmm, the BANK! Interesting idea.

Not sure I need the cocktails just yet, but the method of escape is intriguing!



Laura

[In_The_Wind]

14. So? Saying that you forgot to feed the fish won't work?

[davsand]

21. Had to feed the cat!

He's much louder about it if you forget to feed him! The fish just kinda swim there looking pathetic.


Laura

[LiberalEsto]

16. Dentist appointment

always worked for me

[davsand]

22. Would it be bad form to announce I'm gonna go get my teeth drilled and it will probably be more fun?

Do ya think they'd take offense at that?






Laura

[LiberalEsto]

25. Yes. Tell them you're having a root canal

and inform them that THAT will be more fun than work.

[davsand]

31. Oh yeah--root canals are good for at least a couple three Dental visits--right?

Multiple payoffs for using that one! I LIKE how you think!



Laura

[Taverner]

17. Super Secret Homeland Security Training. And you can't reveal any details...

...without at least a 'secret' level clearance

[davsand]

23. If I told you why I'm leaving I'd have to kill you.

Oh--I REALLY like that! It fits in so MANY ways!




Laura

[Major Nikon]

18. I came to work late so I have to leave early to make up for it

[davsand]

26. Alas, I was in on time today. Can't float that one right now.

Will add it to the list of choices for on down the road, however.




Laura

[elleng]

19. Having a baby???

Sorry, guess it wouldn't work for you; did for me, 28 years ago!

[davsand]

24. Hey--I only LOOK pregnant!

Not sure I'd want to go through baby boot camp again either, come to think of it--however that would be a great reason to take naps on my desk for the next few months...




Laura

[Initech]

27. The Simpsons: "Can't come in. It's a religious holiday.The Feast Of Maximum Occupancy."

[davsand]

34. Note to self: Check calenders for ALL religious holidays ever celebrated.

This could be the mother lode of opportunity!






Laura

[davsand]

28. Problem solved for today! I went to a department head meeting and then left for lunch.

Toddled down the hall for a meeting and then left for lunch. Told them I'd see them tomorrow. No excuses, no lies.

I'm now stocked up with some good ideas for how to cope with the next four months until I'm outta there for good, too! Keep 'em coming gang!!!



Laura

[arcane1]

32. I got to leave early once because my head was beshatted by a pigeon

and paper towels just didn't do the job of cleaning my scalp

[davsand]

35. Eww. Never would have thought of that one in a million years!

Wow. Do ya suppose I could use liquid paper to produce a replica?


Laura

[Jokerman]

36. "I left a fire burning and I really should keep an eye on it."

- Bart Simpson

[triguy46]

40. "Its snowing in the panhandle..."

Of Oklahoma. 250 miles away.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

41. I once called in saying my "aunt" had died in a far away state and I needed to give my mother

a ride to the airport (2 hrs away). What was great was I had to pick her up 4 days later!

[monmouth3]

44. OMG, many years ago my younger son hated his job so told them his step-father had died. To make

things worse they sent him flowers. The poor soul did die in November and we sort of (quietly) chuckled about that. I was of course, divorced from him by that time and neither liked each other. Boy, this brings back some memories...LOL..

[Chan790]

42. I had the greatest ever when I was with the bank.

One of my fellow tellers wanted to go home early on a Friday to get an early start on the weekend because his day-off the following week was Monday. So he figured out the exact earliest minute of the day that we would not be able to make it home, shower, change his clothes and make it back before we closed at 5PM. That was 3:41PM. At 3:40, a reminder window pops up that says "Don't forget to batch." (Batching is a common and mundane bank-task, it takes 30seconds and is done to keep the work files small and manageable.)

He puts both arms over his stomach like he's suddenly a bit uncomfortable, lurches half the length of the branch towards the employee bathroom, stops for a second, farts and waddles back to the teller-coordinator's window before loud-whispering:

"I have to go home. I just shit myself."

Because really, who's going to question any such assertion? What boss really wants to check yo' drawers to see if you'd lie about that?

"Should I close my batch and count my till?"

This really sells it because it forces the boss to make a snap-decision...and they don't want your smelly shart stinking on this side of the glass and they certainly don't want it hanging around one second longer than need be. They always say to go home, they'll count-down the drawer.

For that much intentional infliction of humiliation, I hope Kev enjoyed the hell out of that weekend.

[TexasBushwhacker]

43. I've finished everything and it's too late to start something new

I've actually used this excuse, but it was true.

[Wounded Bear]

45. My mother died......

again.

[Xipe Totec]

46. Well, I've had a great day

But today wasn't it.

See you tomorrow.

[Separation]

47. We had a guy in our shop that was always coming up with an excuse to leave.

He used my hot water heater exploded 3 times in 6 months. So that became the "I don't want to be at work excuse, can I go home?" line.

[Art_from_Ark]

48. How about, "A typhoon is coming and I have to get back home

before they shut down the train line"?

[sandy123]

49. Sick is the best reason

I get excuse saying I am sick back in my school days...

[kcass1954]

50. "I came in late, so I have to leave early to balance out my day."

[pauldemmd195j]

51. "I have to turn off the oven, before the roast gets burned"

This was probably the best excuse I've heard so far.

[darkangel218]

52. A few times i just left. Didnt tell anyone and got away with it :p

[Bertha Venation]

53. I work for a great employer but they are extremely tight.

I avoid leaving early if possible. I have cancelled doctor's appointments rather than leave early or arrive late. Midday doctor's appointments are good, though; no one much seems to care how long I am gone. Only problem is that my PCP is near my home, which is an hour and fifteen minutes away in good traffic.

I used this excuse before I moved to the DC area: my cat got hit by a car. I cried all the way home because I thought, jesus, how terrible, what if I have doomed one of them?!

[TrogL]

54. *insert rock group* is in town and has asked me to sit in

"The lead singer's come down with something.

I should probably run through the songs once."

Works best if it's a thrash metal band and you're known to be incapable of carrying a tune in a basket.

[bamacrat]

55. The about to shit yourself is good, but easily remedied at work.

Its best to set it up from the beginning of the day. Start off with something you ate last night or a possibly swollen gland. Then after an hour or so say its too cold in the office, especially if it is really warm. Fake cough in moderation. The over coughers are obviously faking it. Then start in with the clammy cold sweat type of feeling. Periodically rub the back of your neck while slightly groaning. Make sure your boss see's you but don't make it obvious. Then by lunch you can say that you need to just go home because you are afraid you are getting sick and don't want to infect everyone. Come in the next day and say you got a shot from a dock in the box and are beginning to feel better.

Food poisoning is good too because it is hard to disprove.

I have this down to a science. But of course if your work requires doctor's notes then you need to go the food poisoning route..

[Taitertots]

56. I'm too drunk....

Everyone (including the company's owner) was drinking at lunch so it didn't create any problems. Probably not the best idea for you, unless you can get the harpies to start drinking.

I left early one day because it was hot, I had swamp ass, and I wanted to go home and take a shower.

I work at a company where you can pretty much come and go as you please, so I've left to go fishing, camping, hiking, cruise my motorcycle because it was sunny...