I detest pre-employment personality tests...

[Ron Obvious]

First of all, I'm supposed to react anywhere from "agree strongly" to "disagree strongly" to a series of statements which mostly make me feel completely indifferent. Personally, I wouldn't hire the kind of neurotic who fills in nothing but strong agreements or disagreements, but what I think is irrelevant.

Then there's the "have you stopped beating your wife" type of questions:

"In previous jobs I had trouble coming to work on time, but that problem is behind me now". Agree or disagree?

Next, let's screen out all the honest and reasonable people and make sure we only hire liars and good little corporate soldiers:

"John comes home and finds out that he still has 17 cents in his pocket that belong to his employer. He decides not to worry about it. John is a thief".

"Ralph has a single beer with lunch even though he has to work in the evening driving his employer's truck. Ralph is behaving irresponsibly and should be fired."

Or are they trying to screen out the sort of officious blighters who would strongly agree with those?

"Mary's till comes up 3 cents short. After spending 5 hours of her own time rechecking everything, she finds the missing 3 cents. She has wasted her time."

Get a sodding life, Mary! You need therapy for your OCD!

I was hoping the final question was going to be:

"I think this test is a load of pop-psychology nonsense which reveals nothing whatsoever about my personality": Agree Strongly!

[kentauros]

1. Get a copy of the entire test, and rewrite it.

Then add your answers.

For example:

"John comes home and finds out that he still has a piece of toilet paper stuck to his shoe from the toilet facilities that his employer provides. He decides not to worry about it. John is a thief".

[HappyMe]

3. John is the

reason nobody gets a raise around here.

[Ron Obvious]

5. They wouldn't let me take it out of the building...

I like that idea, but they wouldn't let me take it out of the building!

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

2. Those questions can determine if you're a replicant.

The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

[Duer 157099]

6. Those interviews don't end well

excellent reference

[Ron Obvious]

7. My favourite film!

Last edited Sat Feb 23, 2013, 04:36 PM - Edit history (1)

That's my favourite film. The comparison never struck me before, but the next time I take a test like this I will ask:

"Did you make up these questions, Mr. Holden, or do they write them down for you?"

Then, if he/she smiles in recognition, I will at least know if I want to work for them.

[pipi_k]

4. OK so if it were me...

I probably wouldn't get the job for being a smartass, but I'm not so sure I'd want to work for a bunch of idiots who would ask something like this anyway:

"In previous jobs I had trouble coming to work on time, but that problem is behind me now". Agree or disagree?

Because here what I would do...

I would cross out everything after the word "time" and then circle "disagree".

I never had a problem getting to work on time, so why would I make it look like I did, no matter which choice I made.

The question about Ralph and his single beer with lunch and then having to drive his employer's truck later in the evening...If he's not driving his employer's truck during lunch, he's not being irresponsible. And I would write that in.

Yes/no questions piss me off.

At that point I wouldn't care if I got the job or not, but who knows...maybe that's the type of response they're looking for. Maybe they're looking for someone to challenge stupid test questions...

[Ron Obvious]

10. Who knows what they're testing for..

The thought had occurred to me that this tested for something other than it appeared to be at face value, but I doubt they're as subtle as all that.

You've reminded me of a short story I read years ago. All the test applicants had to wear a blindfold, perform some feat of manual dexterity and then self report their success rate. Several people reported excellent results. One applicant did particularly poorly and upon turning in his results, sighed to the examiner that he didn't think he did very well compared to everyone else.

"You don't know what we're testing for", replied the examiner.

[WhoIsNumberNone]

8. I hate those fucking things too

They always tell you there are no wrong answers- Yeah, just answers that will keep you from getting the job. Just go with the understanding that the company will always be more important than you, and that you should always rat on you coworkers if you want the job.

[alarimer]

9. I wonder what would happen if you answered them randomly?

Would you be arrested? Or hauled off to the hospital?

I'm curious. I'd like to try it with one of those tests one day.

[graywarrior]

11. I answered the questions honestly and they STILL hired me

Apparently taking paper clips home was not a deal breaker.

[davidpdx]

23. You wild beast!

I knew it was you hoarding all those staples. lol

[lunatica]

12. If you answered them honestly they wouldn't hire you for being too honest

Employers don't really want anyone around who can catch them in their lies.

[Shankapotomus]

13. Mary should have just

taken the 3 cents out of her own pocket and got on with her life.

Btw, I want to know why we don't test our prospective employers for ethical deficiencies? If a job is a business transaction going in both directions, why does the interview always seem to go one way? Why does only the "employer" get to control the entire vetting process? We are vetting them as much as they are vetting us. They have us so well trained, we don't even think we can question and test if they're ethically qualified to employ us.

The next time I go for a new job interview, I'm bringing a few copies of an ethics test I write up myself for some of the main operating officers of the company to fill out and hand back to me.

[7wo7rees]

14. +1

I want to look at your Facebook account.
What's your arrest record?
Who decided to put the lobby TV on Fox News?
What investments do the board members have?
If you harmed the community or your customer or employees, and you were sued for something you knew you did, how would you plead?
Describe how you encourage growth in your employees. What is their reward?
How much do you value a healthy work/life balance?

[Shankapotomus]

16. I knew I could count

on DUers to come up with great questions.

Here's another:

How do you handle workplace harassment?

Then hit them with a number of different harassment scenarios.

[7wo7rees]

19. That's what we're here for.

Start a new thread and get some really better questions from the crowd!

[Ron Obvious]

17. I like that idea!

I like how you think -- great idea!

[datasuspect]

15. i would turn to a life of crime

before i'd ever work for a place that would require bullshit like that from me.

fuck that shit.

[Liberal Veteran]

18. A lot of pre-employment hoops are just bizarre.

I had one pre-employment background check that claimed I didn't graduate high school.

I offered to fax them my diploma and that wasn't allowed. I realize they outsource a lot of that stuff, but it seems like they should search for competent firms.

My favorite was applying for a student loan once and they came back and said I wasn't registered with the selective service. Apparently enlisting when I was 17 years old and being a veteran didn't count.

And don't get me started on drug screens. There is something uniquely humiliating about having to piss in a cup for a job.

[midwest irish]

20. Outdated

I took one back in college for a summer job at Kohls. The test must not have been updated for several years. A question asked if my tv broke and someone told me they knew where to get a new one for $100, would I accept or question why the price was so low. I thought, well yeah I know where to get a $100 tv. Just go to Walmart, they have 'em with a vcr built in and everything. What's the ethical issue?!?!? Clearly this test was from a time when a 100 buck tv was most assuredly hot.

I am tempted to go back and apply out of spite and see if they changed it.

[Ron Obvious]

21. I think mine was outdated too

I quoted the questions from memory and I may have not have the dollar amounts exactly right, but they were so tiny I assumed the test was decades old.

[Liberal Veteran]

22. Penny was asked to make five bees in change for a person wanting to take the ferry to Morganville.

She mistakenly gave four bees to the person causing her register to be over by one bee.

Penny should be praised for earning the company an extra 5 cents.

Do you...1 - Strongly disagree --- 5 - Strongly disagree?

[Jasana]

24. K&R

These test are ridiculous.

[Nikia]

25. I failed my ethics/personality test the last time I had to take one

As I mentioned in the other thread. I think that being really unhappy in my job then had something to do with it. When I was in college looking for a summer job, I passed. I am hoping that I never have to take one again.