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(25,163 posts)
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 03:24 AM Jun 2013

MFM update

The sneer is gone from MFM"s lip,
his teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his um, you know...
his bat upon the plate.(OWWIE)
And now the pitcher holds his balls (wtf!!!)
and now he lets them go (ahhhhhh),
And now the air is shattered
by the force of MFM'S blow

Oh, somewhere in this favored land
the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere,
and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing,
and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville —
mighty MFM has struck out.
I broke a facility rule and now they have me on a Tagteam Bedbath restriction --
only one-a-day unless there's an emergency.
Help me, PUH-LEASE!!!!!
Think of some non-sexual emergencies that will help me invoke the exception.
Hurry!!! I'm starting to dry up and crack here.
(sniff) Hurry.

MFM update (Original Post) MiddleFingerMom Jun 2013 OP
I'm beginning to think you are feigning illness Tobin S. Jun 2013 #1
Were you groping the nurses again? BainsBane Jun 2013 #2
I have a plan! All we need is some long hair, a burnoose...and a cat. pinboy3niner Jun 2013 #3
Try sulking lunatica Jun 2013 #4
Here's a pack of wet wipes libodem Jun 2013 #5
You don't want me coming back in here libodem Jun 2013 #6
Kali says to stop encouraging me. MiddleFingerMom Jun 2013 #11
Nurse Knight libodem Jun 2013 #12
I want amour, not armour. MiddleFingerMom Jun 2013 #13
Well, I'd love for you to get better libodem Jun 2013 #14
Good Nurse, Knight! n/t marzipanni Jun 2013 #16
Maple syrup LiberalEsto Jun 2013 #7
What is this? HeiressofBickworth Jun 2013 #8
Well then, THIS sure goes completely beyond the fucking pale.... Systematic Chaos Jun 2013 #9
If you can only have one... GoCubsGo Jun 2013 #10
Careful, or they might send a male nurse for your next sponge bath. Incitatus Jun 2013 #15
Don't be so certain about that. TexasTowelie Jun 2013 #17
... Kali Jun 2013 #18
I think today is the 69th anniversary of the Normandy D-Day Invasion. JustABozoOnThisBus Jun 2013 #19
Guaranteed to get a bed bath.... AnneD Jun 2013 #20

Tobin S.

(10,418 posts)
1. I'm beginning to think you are feigning illness
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 04:16 AM
Jun 2013

to satisfy your twisted sexual fantasies. Well, I wish that was it anyway. I hope they can find a way to keep you well, MFM.


(52,907 posts)
2. Were you groping the nurses again?
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 04:21 AM
Jun 2013
No more baths for you.

The best way to get around it would be incontinence, but that wouldn't exactly endear you with the nurses.


(53,339 posts)
3. I have a plan! All we need is some long hair, a burnoose...and a cat.
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 05:07 AM
Jun 2013

Obviously, with one or two tweaks for your situation, this plan is practically foolproof!


(19,288 posts)
12. Nurse Knight
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 08:06 PM
Jun 2013

Taught me about the technique during bedbaths 101, back in 1976, before I ever knew I was going to end up as a nurse. She was a big square, white haired woman, you didn't want to mess with.


(2,682 posts)
8. What is this?
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 07:20 PM
Jun 2013

I go off DU (real life, you know) for a couple of days and when I came back and saw all your amusing posts, I assumed I merely missed the one that said you are out of the hospital ---------

and now THIS! Have you been in the hospital all this time?

What's up?

And I say this will all affection..................


(5,317 posts)
15. Careful, or they might send a male nurse for your next sponge bath.
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 09:03 PM
Jun 2013

Not that there's anything wrong with a male nurse, or one giving a sponge bath, but I don't think that's your 'cup of tea"


(107,714 posts)
17. Don't be so certain about that.
Wed Jun 5, 2013, 11:50 PM
Jun 2013

He once inquired about a TTBB (TexasTowelie BedBath)!

Get yourself well MFM.


(54,771 posts)
18. ...
Thu Jun 6, 2013, 01:27 AM
Jun 2013

went to the feed store today and while I was waiting to pay, the owner and some guy were talking about bees and exploring caves looking for minerals. I barged in on the conversation and pointed out they generally won't attack when they are getting water, only when their hive is involved.

so tonight on the way to pick up A from work, I was checking waters and went to dunk the little dog to cool her off. what happens? stung by a freaking BEE.

inside of left pinky, half my hand is swollen. gonna itch like hell tomorrow.

and just now a skunk has fired off somewhere close - the fan is blowing stench right at me. did you say your roommate was a pain in the ass?


(23,125 posts)
19. I think today is the 69th anniversary of the Normandy D-Day Invasion.
Thu Jun 6, 2013, 05:13 AM
Jun 2013

Any anniversary with 69 has to be some kind of tag-team sponge-bath emergency.

Good luck


(15,774 posts)
20. Guaranteed to get a bed bath....
Thu Jun 6, 2013, 03:10 PM
Jun 2013

call a Code Brown.

That was what we called it when patients didn't make it to the rest room in time.

Code Yellow.

Foley cath exploded, bring a mop.

Code Blue.

Grad a crash cart, run do not walk.

Code Pink:

Obnoxious Doc chewing out Nurse. Nurses circle the doc and just stare at the offender.

Pt going to Chicago:

Pt circling the drain going for a celestial discharge.

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