I used to think if I could live in a different location, I would be so happy, and I’d be different.

[raccoon]

I’d be popular. Oh, and of course, the people there would be different too; they’d be nicer and appreciate me much more than the people in my RL location. My Shangri-La locations then were FL and the Southwest, either NM or AZ.

But somewhere along the line I finally realized that wherever you go, there you are.

And the new place wouldn't be populated with totally nice and friendly people….just people, like the old place.

Sometimes I still wish I could believe everything in my first paragraph above….

[Scuba]

1. My grandmother said that if you want nice neighbors ....

... bring one along when you move in!

[Xyzse]

2. Maybe... I don't particularly have a Shangri-La Location

Mine has always been where there are people I love.

So NM is definitely one of the places I'd love to live in, though I am happy where I am.

[Ron Obvious]

3. Sometimes it does work out...

I was living in Texas, suffering through the heat and a series of low-paying dead-end jobs when I picked Seattle as the perfect place to live. I'd never been there, didn't know anyone within a 1000 miles of the place, and had no job prospects. But I loved the idea of Pacific Northwest, the forests, the mountains, the water, the cycling, the mild climate, and presence of a burgeoning high tech industry.

So I packed the wife, the dog, the cat, my books and records and whatever possessions we could cram into the stationwagon and drove there, driving 28 hours straight from LA because we couldn't afford a motel.

That was over 25 years ago and it worked out spectacularly well for us in the end, but I'd never have the guts to do it today.

[olddots]

4. I have been coming "home " to L.A. for 37 years and it doesn't feel right.

there are places that feel like home out there ,it's a sense of what people seem to want around you .

Hopefully our family can find a place to be proud of someday.

[LiberalEsto]

5. We relocated to Maryland from New Jersey 23 years ago

There are pluses and minuses.

Our kids got a great education in the Montgomery County public schools.
We pay far less in property taxes than we would in NJ.
Our modest house is nicer than anything we could have afforded in NJ

On the other hand, it's 150 miles to the nearest beach
Too many people in the DC suburbs are hypercompetitive

It's not easy making friends here -- people are very transient and tend not to be friendly to strangers. People are too busy to socialize, which was not the case where we lived in NJ. Part of it is definitely me -- I'm introverted by nature. I still have closer friends in NJ than I do in Maryland; the nearest I have to a close friend here is also from NJ.

[hunter]

6. I escaped my home town. It worked out well.

I wouldn't go back for anything.

Yeah, I'm still the same messed up person I always was, but I'm not a Los Angeles commuter living in affluent white republican suburbia. (It wasn't that way when we moved there, it was rural. Then the developers came...)

My parents escaped too a few years after I did.

[Tobin S.]

7. The problem with that kind of thinking, and I used to think like that, too,

is that when we are thinking that way we are usually trying to escape something. That can be good if you are in an abusive situation. But what if what you are trying to escape comes along with you? I'm not talking about a person, but what is in your head- your past, your mind, your emotions.

I became a truck driver when I was 24 and having severe emotional problems. I thought of it as my great escape from where I was. A guaranteed job and miles and miles between here and wherever I wanted to go. And it was great at first. Then it all caught up with me. I was 500 miles from home when I broke down. I had the right idea with putting distance between myself and a bad situation, but I was emotionally and intellectually unprepared to deal with what had happened to my mind.

It turned out that I had bipolar disorder and I eventually got the proper treatment for it. But even after my brain chemistry was under control I still had to deal with those demons. I was 1500 miles away from home when that started to happen.

I think I've got it all under control now. I moved away permanently a few years back and got married. It's different here. It's better. But it's mostly due to me being in a better place inside my head.

[raccoon]

9. Yeah, another way of saying, wherever you go, there you are.

"But it's mostly due to me being in a better place inside my head."

[MrMickeysMom]

8. I just found myself saying this very same thing with my SO

Before we met and married (in the South), we were both from different parts of "the North", and since then, we've returned North to PA. We've recently felt, in large part due to how this community has responded to local issues, that maybe this these harsh realities are best left behind... So, where would we go?

Turns out, wherever we went... etc., etc., etc.

I think the world's about to change its ideas about what "community" is. Perhaps not fast enough for you and I, but shit... that's part of the change, isn't it?

I need a beer, but will cook, work out and then come back here to see if anyone else feels the same way!

Shit!

[In_The_Wind]

10. I dislike the weather here.

The neighbors have started acting friendly. I prefer more privacy but if I can't have what I want ... this will do.
If I had my druthers ... the southeast coast is where I'd live out the rest of my life.

[femmocrat]

11. I have lived in several states and have come back home to PA.

"Bloom where you are planted" is my motto! LOL

Other places just weren't HOME.

[mnhtnbb]

12. I was transplanted from northern NJ to southern CA when I was a teenager in 1965

HATED where we lived--out in the boonies of northern San Diego county--sent by my parents
to a different school district. Had zero social life on the weekend
as a high school student.

Ended up in L.A. at UCLA for college undergrad/grad school. Got married. Got a job. Got divorced.
Never liked it although I lived in Westwood, Santa Monica, Studio City,
Woodland Hills, and Pacific Palisades.

Second hubby and I left L.A. in 1988 and never looked back.
Ended up in MO (St. Joe) for 6 years and then NE (Lincoln)
for 6 years. Hated both places. When our Lincoln neighbors
filed a lawsuit against us to stop us from building a detached
home office on our property for my husband to see patients
(he's a psychiatrist) I convinced him that if we lost the lawsuit
we could move to Chapel Hill. Best damn thing that ever happened
to us was those nasty neighbors! I LOVE Chapel Hill (been here 13 years)
and I finally felt like I've come home. Small town feel, but highly educated
and progressive population (due to the University); nice neighbors; good
restaurants; TERRIFIC public schools for our kids (who graduated 2004 and 2008);
decent shopping; good international airport within 25 minutes; FABULOUS beaches
only 3-4 hours drive away.

Only trouble is, now, that the stupid which has been overtaking
this country since Ronnie Reagan days has taken over the state government in NC.
I'm not going to leave the country--or move elsewhere--now that I'm 62 and hubby
is 70. So here we are. We are, however, glad to see our youngest going to Berlin
for 10 months next year on a Fulbright scholarship. We will be visiting him while he's there--and probably encourage him
to think about the idea of what it might be like to live permanently in Germany,
as opposed to the US.

[trof]

13. I (finally) came home to Alabama.

During my working years as an airline pilot, my job choices pretty much dictated where I lived.

If you wanted to fly international flights, as I did, you had to live within commuting distance of JFK. Not necessarily 'driving' distance. Just a reasonable commute.

We lived in southern NH, a 45 minute drive to Logan in Boston, and then a short hop on the Eastern Airlines (remember them?) commuter to New York.
Oh, and the flight was free if you could score the cockpit jump seat, and cheap if you used a quarter fare (25% of the regular rate) that we had with an interline agreement with Eastern.

When it came time to make the pre-retirement move in the last years of my career, we decided on the Alabama gulf coast. I grew up in Birmingham and spent many vacations there.

In spite of the politics, I like living here.
We've made some very close friends.
There are significant financial benefits for seniors.
I live on a beautiful bay in a waterfront home that I could only have afforded here.

So...there are trade offs.
I'm still a bright blue dot in a very red state.
And life goes on.
At least for a time.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

14. Well I know that coming to Tucson was a big change.

People were different. Yeah we have a large conservative group here. But they are way more liberal than their Joplin Mo counterparts.
Not that they would admit such a thing I'm sure.

I have even heard that you can vote for your mayor here. That was a big change for me. We elect the city council back in Joplin, then from one of them a mayor would be picked. If you were lucky enough to be in the city council room at the time of the vote, you could raise your hand for one of them.

This place and people are/is way different.

[u4ic]

15. Shit happens, wherever you are

but sometimes a change in location can precipitate a huge personal change for the better. I agree with wherever you go, there you are - but in some places, YOU may be much more in tune with the people around you.

I made a radical change last year, got out of a city that I hated for years, and moved to a city where I finally feel like I've come home. The first time in my 40 odd years on the planet that I'm living in a place in which I can see myself settling down. I went from ultra conservative (by Canadian standards, mind you, but I did have my lefty bubble) to a very progressive city. Not that I need to fit in, but I went from being a freak to being 'normal'; these are my people! It's not perfect, but I can do - and have done - far worse.

However, if your true nature is at odds with who you want to be, or want to be seen as, or what society wants you to be - you'll either be untrue to yourself faking it, or realize it's who you are, and leave it at that.