Is friendship different in the 21st century?

[Bertha Venation]

Or is this just the way this particular friendship works?

My friend Lisa and I became friends because we both worked (at different times) as legal secretary to the same major super-asshole. I left that firm but we have remained friends. Since then our friendship has consisted of emails, phone calls, text messages -- and we see each other once or twice a year.

Is this odd? Or have things really changed this much?

Do you have any friendships like this with people who live just half an hour away?

[HeiressofBickworth]

1. Sure, there are lots of different kinds of

friendships.

I'm retired. One of my friends is not. She works several different part-time jobs to make ends meet. I see her maybe three or four times a year. We don't exchange emails very often and we don't talk on the phone. But we are friends.

I have another friend who is not retired. We watch DVDs on Friday nights and go to lunch and a movie on the weekend, sometimes more. But we never talk on the phone and other than to name a time/place, we don't email. But we are friends.

A woman who retired from the same engineering company I retired from lives 1 1/2 hour drive from here. I talk with her once a week on the phone. We don't email, I drive to Olympia once a month for a visit. But we are friends.

My best friend has lived in California for the past 35 years. When she first moved there, we wrote each other every single day and talked on the phone on Sundays. All these years later, we talk on the phone once or twice a week, send emails to share genealogy research information. I go to Sacramento once a year to visit. We are still friends.

Because we all lead independent lives, we tend to cross and re-cross our paths over time but we manage to stay in touch and we care about each other. It's not about the amount of time spent with friends, but the quality of time spent with them.

[Bertha Venation]

2. If there were the equivalent of a DUzy for

heartfelt or moving or thanks-inducing or life-affirming* posts, or even Recs buttons for individual posts, I'd be all over it, Heiress. Thank you for what you've written.

I didn't especially need affirmation that my friendship was "all right;" in fact it works well enough for Lisa and me. But I was curious as to whether there were other like friendships. You have assured me that this friendship is just as "normal" (to use a hated word) as any other.

I am glad that you are -- obviously -- thankful for your many unorthodox friendships. Clearly your life is richer for them, as mine is for my friendship with Lisa.

You've made my night. Thank you.

* Your post is all of the above.

[XemaSab]

3. I feel way closer to friends with the internet

Without the internet, I would probably talk to my closest friends for an hour a month. With the internet, I spend a few hours a day interacting with people. Yeah, it's more casual, but it's also more personable in some ways.

It's a good thing.

[Incitatus]

4. Yes, I have friends that I rarely talk to.

But if they ever needed help I would be there in a second and I know they would be for me. I think it's more of a getting older thing. I don't see them as often because I have a job, family and other obligations. I can't visit or go out and party with them as often as I used to, but the friendship is just as strong. Just because your personal situation changes and you can't interact with them as much as you used to, doesn't mean the bond isn't still strong.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. yes, the nature of communicating with friends has evolved given the advancement of

technology. The way we meet and sustain any type of relationship has changed.