10 signs for spotting a Sochi-opath

[Snarkoleptic]

Last edited Tue Jan 7, 2014, 08:26 AM - Edit history (2)

#1) Sochiopaths are charming. They'll move into your basement and have you convinced you REALLY need a 80" flat screen to enjoy the Olympics.

#2) Sochiopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people. They'll stage a dangerous torch-lighting ceremony in your back yard, including 8-10 propane tanks, a keg of beer and fireworks.

#3) Sochiopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. You'll wake up in the morning to find your fridge cleared out to make room for iced vodka.

#4) Sochiopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences. They claim to have "subbed in" for Mike Eruzione during the 1980 Men's Hockey Miracle on Ice.

#5) Sochiopaths seek to dominate others and "win" at all costs. Yeah, you won't have any chance of getting ahold of the remote control.

#6) Sochiopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. They'll have you briefly convinced that Curling is a thrill-a-minute sport.

#7) Sochiopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving. Don't expect thanks for the vast amounts of microwave popcorn you'll be making.

#8) Sochiopaths speak poetically. You'll hang on every word as they speed through a factually inaccurate tick-tock of how Vlad used a dancing bear to get the games in Mother Russia.

#9) Sochiopaths never apologize. You should have known better than to serve them taco dip on the new berber.

#10) Sochiopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth. Rush Limbaugh will win a gold medal in Giant Slalom.

[Locut0s]

1. I like the list. Many of them are more subtle than this though...

Many will worm their way into your life and genuinely seem to be your best friend. They may stay your best friend for a long time so long as the relationship suites them. They will indeed seem impulsive and over the top, but not always as much as in the OP. Many of them have very carefully observed human interactions and are very good at mimicking emotions they don't feel. You may be oblivious to their sociopathy. That is until one day they need something from you. Then they will ask you to mortgage your home or endanger your own family just to help them out. "Cause that's what friends do for each other". And when you refuse they will drop you like a ton of bricks.

[Snarkoleptic]

4. I'm going back to update the OP to add a hypen to my newly minted word.

[Locut0s]

6. Fuck... You got me good :P...

I was wondering why all the odd examples but didn't catch on. And I completely glossed over the spelling. Touché my man, touché.

[Snarkoleptic]

7. I think the easter egg was too well hidden this time.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. Sociopaths have only one "h". But that's a good list.

I've known a few people I think are sociopaths, and the descriptions fit.

[Snarkoleptic]

3. Yes, you are correct!

Those referred to in the OP are winter sports obsessed Sochi-opaths.
These unfortunate souls cannot control themselves once the torch lighting ceremony begins, although they rapidly return to normal shortly after the closing ceremonies.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. Ha, good pun, I didn't catch it

because I don't pay attention to the Olympics. Sorry!

[hermetic]

8. Quite funny

and well done! You might want to replay this a few weeks from now when Sochi will be front and center on every news page, whether one follows the Games or not.

[Snarkoleptic]

10. Thanks, hermetic!

I will polish it up and trot it out again in a few weeks.

[Earth_First]

9. #2 sounds like a typical Saturday night...

...regardless of Olympic-fever!

[In_The_Wind]

11. Ah yes. I know them well.