MFM Was A Son Of A Bitch
He was a ten foot tall mountain of a man, who used to hunt Bigfoot in the Summer and Yeti in the dead of Winter. That's the only time they're in season.
He once calmed down a colicky baby by breastfeeding her with a chicken.
MFM one time stopped a California wildfire cold by reading Dr. Suess's "The Cat In The Hat" to it.
Did I tell you about the time when MFM ate half of the Catholic Church's College of Cardinals? They were glad to be consumed by MFM, because it turns out that the quickest way to Heaven is through his digestive tract.
MFM was one hellava sexual dynamo. The city of Denver's entire electrical grid was powered by the energy of his pelvic thrusts.
MFM was able to split himself in two, the other half being a beautiful super model. When they had sex, you couldn't help but to cry from the sheer joy of their love for each other.
MFM was a son of a bitch.
Whenever he drove down the street, the traffic lights would flash green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop, and psychedelic for "get the hell outta the way, MFM's comin' through!"
If MFM punched you in the face, that was his way of sobering you up to be a designated driver.
I once saw MFM diving leg drop the Phillies Phanatic. That jerk totally deserved it. MFM kept his head on his wall as a trophy.
MFM's feces was made of pure anti-matter. NASA keeps a batch to power the upcoming manned space flight to Mars.
I once saw MFM shoot down an Argentine airliner by popping a pimple at it. His aim was perfect.
One time MFM ate entire Buick as a before meal snack. It wasn't one of those sedans either, it was a big ass SUV.
Before Elvis died on his toilet, he admitted that MFM was the inspiration for his multi-platinum hit song, "A Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love." Turns out that MFM once gave The King the clap. Elvis was grateful to MFM all the way to the bank.
MFM was a son of a bitch.
His gallstones were used as the national currency of Azerbaijan.
MFM once rescued an entire troop of lost Boy Scouts by eating them whole. They're also in Heaven now.
MFM wrote the original screenplay for "Gods and Monsters." He modeled both on himself.
If you dared him, MFM would eat a Republican.
He invented Beer Pong as way to settle international disputes.
MFM isn't dead, he's just biding his time until the Apocalypse, when he'll eat The Anti-Christ whole and save humanity from destruction.
MFM was a son of a bitch.
= new reply since forum marked as read
You have performed a national service by showing us the accurate record.
He got it from this man...
Who humbly bowed in his presence on all fours.
........simply beautiful.
The trembling of the earth as he swaggers down the road shakes the leaves off the trees....and his return from the girly drink bar, pantsless, thrills the sweet buds of May.
If so, why?
MFM would have loved it.. And since he is really just biding his time.. I am certain he is chuckling still..
