Some I got from the young ladies at the Latte stand, others I snatched from the DU Lounge and one I got long ago from an elderly lady who I suspect has passed on by now. I'll start with hers as it was one of her favorites and one of my favorites too.
"What do you get when you kiss a sick bird?" Ans.: Chirpies!...it's a Canarial disease...it's Untweetable. (pause between each for best effect btw which is exactly how the elderly lady told it to me some thirty plus years ago. She was a bartender for much of her life, had a coarse sense of humor so she followed up the Chirpies joke with: "Wanna know how to get gator-aids?"
This one I stole from the DU Lounge recently: What is the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup?
Ans: Most folks know how to roast....beef. (This one sometimes gets a blank stare before the lightbulb goes on and giggles happen).
I generally think blonde jokes are misogynistic but this one is just too cute and has gotten the best giggles out of the girls at the Latte stand: A Russian, an American and a blonde were having a discussion. The Russian bragged; "You know, we Russians were the first ones to venture into space". The American, not to be outdone replied; "Yeah but we Americans were the first ones on the moon". The Blonde wasn't about to be left out of the one-upmanship so she said; "Yeah well we blondes will be the first ones on the sun!" The American burst out laughing but the Russian looked a bit puzzled when he asked the blonde: "...But you DO KNOW that you will burn up if you get anywhere near the sun?" The blonde replied to him: "Shows what you know....we ain't THAT stupid, we'll go at NIGHT!"
I have an even lengthier 'The Blonde gets Even' joke that I follow up with but I'll save it for now.
Some more I got from the gals at the Latte stand:
What kind of bear has no teeth? ans: A Gummy Bear!
What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards? ans: A receding hare-line. What do you call ten rabbits marching backward on top of a blimp? Rush Limbaughs receding hareline.
What do you get from a pampered cow? ans: Spoiled Milk!
nuff for now cause I can't recall the ones we told each other earlier... I will ask them for a refresher. They truly did like your irony joke and I still get a lot of miles out of it. I recently told it to a Republican over at the Discussionist who goes by the name 'Irony'-he laughed at it but sadly that was the only laugh we shared.
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