Would you lend a hand if I told you I was drowning?

[taterguy]

Or would you just write a song about it like that asshole Phil Collins?

[rug]

1. I would if I were a carpenter

and you were a lady.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

2. I'd lend you my ears,

while you sing me a song.

[taterguy]

4. How the fuck could I sing if I was drowning?

[Joe Shlabotnik]

5. Your yodeling sounds more like gargling now.

I'm not even going to listen if you don't try harder.

[panader0]

3. "There is something in the water tonight, oh yeah..."

[NightWatcher]

6. Was that song on the album No (life)Jacket Required?

[In_The_Wind]

7. I would get in the water. I would lend you a hand.

[progressoid]

8. I'd give you this life preserver:

[LiberalElite]

9. Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key nt

[Autumn]

10. I would give you an anchor from a ship, just so you would have

something to hold on to. A person needs that when things are stressful as I imagine drowning would be.

[taterguy]

24. Thanks

[Throd]

11. I would cut off your hands and head to make the corpse harder to identify.

[kwassa]

12. Under the sea, under the sea, darling it's better, down where it's wetter.

Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Under the sea

[antiquie]

13. It would hinge on

what you were drowning in.

[csziggy]

15. Yes - if he were drowning in Malmsey wine

There would be a crowd helping him out!

[UTUSN]

14. I would save you to explain yourself n/t

[Tuesday Afternoon]

16. Good luck with that.

[taterguy]

51. What exactly is it that you don't understand?

[UTUSN]

52. *I* have to explain myself?!1 n/t

[taterguy]

53. No, you just have to tell me what you don't understand about me

I'm egocentric that way.

[UTUSN]

54. Neh, I'll just continue to chuckle with the bits I "get" & traipse on by the ones I don't. n/t

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. If a picture paints a thousand words then why can I sing Bread?

[Corgigal]

18. Asshole Phil Collins?

Give the guy a break, he wrote that song after his first wife dumped him for the interior designer. That he paid for by touring.

He just wrote a song about her, he didn't make her a investigation discovery hour long special.

[monmouth3]

49. Love Phil Collins, anything he sings is fine with me...

[Ron Obvious]

19. I would write a song about it...

... like that asshole Phil Collins.

But, I'll be honest with you. I find it damn hard to get anything to rhyme with 'Taterguy'.

I can't use "I guess I won't be seeing you later, guy" more than once.

[Kaleva]

20. Only if you promise to wear this the next time you go swimming

[taterguy]

23. Boots while swimming?

I don't think so.

[Avalux]

21. I'd throw you a life preserver.

If I lend a hand you might pull me in, and I'm just not ready for that sort of commitment.

[Dr. Strange]

22. I'd lend you Phil Collins' hand.

They're strong--he's a drummer.

[taterguy]

27. Not anymore

He quit drumming because his hands were too fucked up from all the drumming.

You really shouldn't post if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[Dr. Strange]

28. I hadn't heard that his hands were fucked up so bad.

What was the Genesis of that, I wonder?

#AwesomeMusicPun
#PhilCollinsSucks
#WhyDontMoreDUersUseHashtags

[taterguy]

32. Don't quit your day job

Unless your day job is making insipid comments on message boards.

[Wait Wut]

25. Logistically impossible.

If you're drowning, I'm nowhere near you. I hate water. Not to mention, if I was close enough to lend you a hand, you wouldn't need to 'tell' me you were drowning, I'd see you flailing about in the water. I'd definitely tell someone else to lend you a hand, if that helps.

I think your best bet is to stay away from water.

[taterguy]

26. Stay away from water? No can do.

I love the stuff.

Taking a big swig of it right now.

[Kali]

29. sure

how long do you want to borrow it?

[taterguy]

31. Until I'm finished with it

ok?

[nolabear]

30. Shoot, that scene in Risky Business with this song in the background was almost

enough to make me forgive both Tom Cruise AND Phil Collins. Almost.

[taterguy]

33. Know what I'll never forgive Tom Cruise for?

That scene in Days of Thunder that they said took place in Charlotte but was filmed at Junior Johnson's place.

Errors in geography bug the hell out of me.

[Wolf Frankula]

34. I'd Throw you a rope

I can't swim worth shit.

Wolf

[taterguy]

42. I can swim a mile without breaking a sweat

Mostly because it's almost impossible to sweat while swimming.

[Fortinbras Armstrong]

35. What's in it for me?

[taterguy]

37. The knowledge that you didn't just stand there while someone drowned

What else do you want?

[Fortinbras Armstrong]

39. Money, actually

You think I should save people for free?

[taterguy]

41. I'm drowning and you want to negotiate?

You're a contemptible excuse for a human being.

[malthaussen]

47. In regards to that...

In Yangtze Patrol, Kemp Tolley tells us a yarn about an old Chinese gentleman who fell into the river one day. The Yankee gunboat dropped a boat to go pull him out, but before they could get there, a group of young Chinese rowed up to the guy. Tolley says there was considerable argument with the gentleman, and then the young fellows rowed away. When the Yankee boat got there, Tolley asked what all the fuss was about, and the gent replied "Those young gangsters wanted five dollars to rescue me. I'm an old man, I'm not worth five dollars!"

Take it as you will...

-- Mal

[Fortinbras Armstrong]

50. Oh, I'll settle for, say, $100. Cash, not credit cards.

Otherwise, you're on your own.

[IrishAyes]

36. I'd throw you a rope

and then drop my end of it. Like a Repuke, I wouldn't want you to grow parasitic and unwilling to fend for yourself. If you can't swim, you don't eat - or something like that, I forget.

[muriel_volestrangler]

38. Say that again to this guy:

[taterguy]

40. An actor in an ape suit?

Ohhhhhhh, I'm so scared.

[LynneSin]

43. I have to ask you this - what would you do if I sang out of tune?

[taterguy]

45. Tell you to shut the fuck up

Who did you think you were replying to?

[orleans]

44. HEY! he co-wrote (and sang lead vocal) on a GREAT song:

[raptor_rider]

46. I can't answer

I'll get deleted again.

Love ya Tater!!!!

[Xyzse]

48. I'd lend a hand, but I don't know how to swim...

I'd drown too.