Werner Heisenberg was out driving one day when he was pulled over by a traffic cop...
Unfortunately, Werner had this bad habit of letting his mind wander while he drove, thinking about some obscure formula or another, and he didn't put enough attention into his driving. So to his surprise, he found himself on an unfamiliar county road, pulled over by a local cop and he had no idea why.
"May I see your license and registration, sir," said the cop to Werner. A visibly confused looking Werner then handed the items to the officer.
Upon looking at the name on the license, the officer instantly recognized it. "You're THE Werner Heisenberg, the famous physicist?" the cop asked.
"Ja, ich bin Werner Heisenberg," said the doctor.
"That's great," replied the officer. "I'm taking physics in night school and we're studying your Uncertainty Principle."
The officer then changed the subject back to the traffic stop. "Do you know why I stopped you, Doctor? Do you even know how fast you were going?"
"Nein," said Heisenberg.
Noticing that Werner was still looking confused and lost, the cop asked a follow up question, "Doctor, do you even know where you are?"
After a pause, a resigned Werner says, "Nein."
The cop, filling out a ticket smiles and tells Werner, "I'm going to help you out here, Doctor, I'm about to give you a piece of paper that will do for you something that you yourself could never do in all of your work with sub atomic particles."
"And what is that, Officer?" asked a curious Werner.
"Well, Doctor, not only am I going to tell you how fast you were going," said the cop as he handed Werner the ticket, "I'm also going to inform you of your exact location at the same time. Have a nice day."
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Totally forget what magazine they were in, though.
-- Mal
The second was on a t-shirt. 
