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Tue Aug 26, 2014, 08:58 PM

My husband died last night.

His name was Tom. He loved me and animals. He led an interesting life. He was funny and handsome. What initially attracted me to him was he loved women. Not in a romantic way but preferred hanging out with female friends. He was a flaming liberal and a devout catholic In the old school do good works way.
He hadn't felt well for months and went to several doctors all told him he just had acid reflux. He told me he was dying. We went to the er twice and he was sent home. 3 weeks ago he was finally admitted for a work up and he was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer. He never made it home. He died listening to Oscar Peterson and Joe Pass and I was holding him. He got to see his daughter when he was still lucid enough to say what he had to.
He made all the decisions about the end of his life and refused chemo and made himself a dnr. We spent the last 2 weeks talking about stuff. He prayed for his death and thankfully he died without a prolonged process.
Some of the things he said before he died:

I look forward to dying it's going to be spectacular

Tell my girlfriend bookie and drug dealer I can't pay up

I realize I've already done the last things I want to do but didn't know it at the time

Why was I worried about that shit

I'm not afraid
I don't know why we think we're going to live longer.

Please don't let my dick hangout if I can't cover myself up

Get me some pad Thai and throw that crap in the garbage. If I'm going to throw up itight as well taste better going down

There's weed on the shelf on the bookcase. Make me some edibles

Don't worry about me. I am done and it's ok.

I can't wait to die. If people insist on praying tell them to pray I die and get on with it
I hope that cat over there is coming with me(this was a hour before he died there was no cat that I saw)

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Reply My husband died last night. (Original post)
gwheezie Aug 2014 OP
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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:06 PM

1. Very sorry for your loss

I remember the last time I saw my maternal Grandma she wasn't able to speak and I thought she was focused on some other presence in the room besides us. Hope it was Grandpa and others going to take her home.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:08 PM

2. ...

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:09 PM

3. Sorry for your loss...



Sounds like his head and heart were in the right place. I hope that is some comfort for you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:10 PM

4. I am so sorry to read about your beloved husband...

I am so glad you were there, holding him, at the end. Saying goodbye is really important.

Be good to yourself; this came on so quickly that there might be more shock than you expect.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:10 PM

5. I'm so sorry

I hope you have a good support network nearby don't try to do everything yourself.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:15 PM

6. I am very sorry for your loss.

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:15 PM

7. Condolences to you, your family and your friends.

It sounds like he will be missed.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:16 PM

8. Tom sounds like an amazing man.

How wonderful that you had him with you for as long as you did. My heart goes out to you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:24 PM

9. He sounds like a really wonderful man.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope the cat went with him too.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:26 PM

10. So sorry for your loss.

I'm sure the cat went with him.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:27 PM

11. I am so sorry. . .

No matter how much time you had together, it is never enough.

Paula


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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:32 PM

12. A beautiful post..

.... I really don't know what to say but peace to you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:34 PM

13. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't know what else to say.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:46 PM

14. I'm so sorry, gwheezie..

Your husband, Tom, sounds wonderful~

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:46 PM

15. I am so sorry for your great loss

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Response to irisblue (Reply #15)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:59 PM

18. Wow...you both sound like you've dealt with it in

Such a healthy way. He sounded like one of the good guys. My thoughts are with you and family. ..

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:52 PM

16. so sorry for your loss :/

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:56 PM

17. I am so very sorry for your loss.

I'll bet that kitty did go with him.

Peace to you and your family.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 09:59 PM

19. ((((Gwheezie)))) I am so so sorry for your loss.

 



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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:00 PM

20. My condolences to you.

He sounds like he was a great guy.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:09 PM

21. we're here for you gwheezie

sounds like he never lost his sense of humor

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:10 PM

22. My condolences. . .

I know. . .

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:16 PM

23. I am so sorry, gwheezie.

His courage at the end is very inspirational. He sounds like a wonderful person.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:16 PM

24. So sorry for your loss.

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:27 PM

25. "Why was I worried about that shit"

 

I wish I knew him.

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Response to rug (Reply #25)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:45 PM

63. So do I.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:27 PM

26. peace to you, gwheezie

i am so sorry for your loss

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:30 PM

27. May your husband rest in peace. Hugs.

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:30 PM

28. I'm very sorry for your loss

You and your family have my sympathy.

May he rest in peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:31 PM

29. So, so sorry. I hope he went peacefully without much pain. n/t

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:32 PM

30. Very sorry. I know it doesn't help, but sounds like quite a friend/husband. Take care.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:34 PM

31. Oh, my, gwsheezie…

You sure left an impression on me. Thank you so much for sharing this. May you have comfort with the loss of your dear Tom.

You said so much. How perceptive and clear your husband seemed near death. It was so clear and not at all self-centered. I just wonder if the way Tom saw this was perhaps due to a long established "tie to the universe". Only one other person in my life seems to be like this. I wish that I was… I feel so tied to life itself, mainly because of the people I might leave behind. But, as I've been reminded once again, we don't understand it.

MMM

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:40 PM

32. A beautiful post. So sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:41 PM

33. Oh, gwheezie.

so sad to hear of the loss of your beloved Tom.

Love and peace to you and yours~

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:41 PM

34. Pretty speechless.....

amazing post. Light and love to you....

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:42 PM

35. Sorry for your loss, but thank you so much for sharing with us. (nfm)

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:43 PM

36. ()

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:44 PM

37. Tom sounds like a wonderful husband. May he rest in peace.





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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:45 PM

38. So sorry for your loss, gwheezie

 



Peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:50 PM

39. So sorry for your loss

What a wise, wonderful man.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:54 PM

40. I hope that someone writes as nice an epitaph for me

 

What you wrote, it's love. Pure love.

Peace to you and to all.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:54 PM

41. Tom's belief in god and science

It's funny. We would have long discussions about his strong belief in god and my atheism. We always wound up closer than we started.
I believe we have no way of understanding what happens after we die but I firmly don't believe on god or Jesus etc or other prophets. Tom believed 2 things at once. He was a catholic and figured it was as good as any way to feel connected to the bigger thing. He believed that heaven happens to people when their energy joined the energy that powers the universe. He called that god. He believed in prophets and enlightened people who tried to present the idea we are here forever. He believed that as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end is a scientific theory about energy and fits perfectly with our limited knowledge of the physical world.
So when he was dying I knew things you know about people you loved for 35 years and I told him he was forgiven he kept saying he was sorry. I don't know why he was sorry about being Human but he was forgiven. I told him when he let go of his energy it would shoot out of him into the universe. I told him yes it would be spectacular.

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Response to gwheezie (Reply #41)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:19 PM

51. Dr. King said it simplest and best as always:

Religion tells us why, science tells us how.

Or words to that effect. At my age I can't be entirely trusted to remember everything perfectly.

But I did a great deal of hospice work in my time, and it was the most rewarding work of my life. Made a better person of me, and I saw and learned so much. Stayed the last night with a lady who'd been comatose 2 or 3 days already. But as usual I spoke to her a little and let her know how honored I was to be there as she prepared to take her journey. Around midnight I could sense her mind come awake; she turned her head slowly, gave me a beautiful smile, and said these exact words: "I'm leaving now." And she did. Out of personal tradition I opened a window to bid her soul bon voyage. (People used to do that because they feared otherwise the person's soul might be trapped.)

I'd bet my bottom dollar the cat WAS there, too. As the veil between this world and the next opens to receive someone, they can see things we can't.

May I add what Steve Jobs' sister said about her brother's last words? She said just before he passed, he got a look of wonder on his face and said, "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow."

May you be comforted by memory of Tom's love for you. At some point when least expected, you may get a sense of his arms enfolding you; don't worry, you're not tripping. It's real.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #51)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:25 PM

53. I did open the window.

I did home care hospice years ago. That experience helped me more than I think I helped anyone. And Tom was a medic in the army and civilian life as well. We both understood death is normal. Tom had more open mind than I do I think. He was more willing to wonder about stuff.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #51)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:12 PM

173. About the cat- I have heard this from a hospice worker too . Also for a friends mom

another hospice worker nside their home asked the family if they wanted to turn the bed facing towards the walls near the end. They said their experience it was better as they see the other side and they can focus on leaving . The family did do it but with little knowledge then she did focus on the wall and they saw it helped her well , die as she felt she was being drawn towards something

I guess whether it be a force or a brain function many folks as they die see someone or something guiding them or bringing them over
and some recognize that entity and to some it is totally unknown who they are seeing .

I never believed any of these things of the spirit leaving etc. until I heard from the hospice worker 's stories and then the friend with a mom who talked to the wall at the end. She also was one of those who announced I'm leaving now . I will add that entire family is big time atheist so for them to be moved by this ' being brought over ' has nothing to do with religion.
So I now believe the is something some but maybe not all experience.

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Response to lunasun (Reply #173)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:58 PM

182. I'm sure you're aware of the debate that swirls around the nature of

near death experiences. One surgeon - you know they don't tend to be crackpot fundies - said that once before he operated on a man who had little chance of surviving, he hid some small object on top of the ceiling bar light, where nobody standing on the floor or lying on a gurney could see it. Sure enough, the patient died and remained so for several minutes real time until revived. Later the patient described floating out of his body and hovering above, where he could also see what the doctor had hidden. To me that's the most convincing proof of the spirit/soul surviving outside the body.

I've never had a problem with atheism myself. It's the crackpot fundies who bother me. Although I consider myself fully RC, at the same time I have an unusually strong dose of animist and universalist too. Main thing is that I try to avoid making God in my own image, and I feel no imperative whatever to shove my theology down anyone else's throat.

This might sound off topic at first, but it really isn't: lately I've been re-reading the collected letters of CS Lewis, who was a pretty deep thinker. It's fascinating to trace his personal development over the years, as shown by the heavy correspondence people of that era maintained. Anyway, somewhere into his mid to late 20's he'd decided that Buddhism was a fair approximation of his newly found Christianity and that the West should basically leave them be. That's interesting to me partly because many liberal educated Christians believe the gap in the written record between Jesus' childhood and his 30's may well reflect time spent in Asia absorbing Buddhism.

Last departure story here is about a dear friend living in a nursing home where I worked. One night when I was off duty her daughter called to tell me that Joy had passed, and with it came a remarkable story. Joy had all her marbles; she was just too frail to live alone and the daughter had to work. But they talked on the phone every night.

That particular night they were chatting happily away when all of a sudden Joy asked her daughter, "Who are all these people?" Knowing her mother had a private room and visitors were discouraged at that late hour, the daughter asked "What do you mean, Mom?" Joy exclaimed, "The room is FULL of the most beautiful people!" And then she dropped the phone because she was gone. That happened at least 30 years ago and still gives me a happy tingle when I think about it.

What grieves me now and then is that I can't volunteer with area hospice where I retired in an extremely remote area of the Bible Belt. People here are xenophobic as geese. It took almost 6 years before I could even approach a table at a carry-in w/o clearing the bench. Well, I was on tv a few months after moving here, rebutting the station manager's obtuse editorial, and I write letters to area newspapers as well, so most people consider me a socialist/pinko/commie damnYankee heretic invader. Things eventually got a little better, at least so most people would sit with me in the cafeteria and at church, but basically every other door is still slammed shut and locked to me. I've made about 3 real friends, and the rest who speak to me now are no more than congenial acquaintances if that. It's partly fear of association. After some of my better letters to the editor of our local paper, which enjoys an extremely wide regional circulation, I've received letters of congratulation - unsigned!

So I eventually caved on the notion of doing hospice volunteer work because it would absolutely devastate me if a family refused my services at such a time. I've got a pretty thick skin but know my limits, and that would be an all too likely result which would really break my heart. Only recently have I managed to convince people to eat what I bring to carry-ins; I'll be ready for hospice myself before they'll be ready to let me volunteer in that capacity.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #182)

Thu Aug 28, 2014, 12:45 AM

183. Interesting story of near death . No I am not very familiar but as I said there appears

To be a common phenomenon of both known and unknown entities being acknowledged at the time of death.
When I had the friend tell me about the hospice worker telling them to turn the bed for their mother, and what happened I was ears up when I later met a hospice worker with stories
Keep doing your part with LTTEs it helps all

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Response to gwheezie (Reply #41)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:36 AM

115. energy to energy, yes

We already know it cannot either be created or destroyed...

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Response to gwheezie (Reply #41)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:22 AM

131. Stay strong

So sorry for your loss. Sounds like you two were meant to be together. Glad you were able to be there at the end. Maybe the cat was there to "show him the way"?

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Response to gwheezie (Reply #41)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:48 PM

141. I'm so glad you got to share your lives together.

I'm so thankful that you shared this experience with DU.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 10:57 PM

42. So sorry gwheezie

my heart goes out to you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:00 PM

43. Oh my. I'm really sorry for your loss.

Sounds as if he was a wonderful man. I'm sure you loved each other very much. Thank you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:02 PM

44. Thank you for sharing this picture of Tom with us.

He sounds like a very special guy, and I know you will miss him terribly. Peace be with you gwheezie. Someone will always be here if you need us.

p.s. My mom saw chickens in her room. They apparently went with her.

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Response to brer cat (Reply #44)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:08 PM

46. Lovely

I'm hoping a goat shows up when I die.

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Response to gwheezie (Reply #46)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:14 AM

85. Like these ones?



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Response to Enthusiast (Reply #85)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:23 AM

110. Oh yes

Sweet little goats.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:04 PM

45. What a vivid and memorable picture you have...

...painted of Tom in your 2 posts here. He must have made life interesting. I hope his essence will surround and support you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:09 PM

47. I am so very, very sorry, gwheezie!

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. But please don't give up yet. We need you here and I enjoy your posts.

And I've always meant to tell you how much I appreciate your Shirley Chisholm signature. My father, a lifelong Republican, had the honor of meeting her years ago, spent the entire day with her as her "host" when a group of dignitaries visited our home town (Saratoga Springs, NY). He found her charming, intelligent and funny, always smiled when he spoke of her, became a life long admirer. If only she'd had a little more time with my Dad, she might well have turned him into a Democrat.

Stay well. gwheezie! You have friends here.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Reply #47)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:19 PM

50. Shirley was my 1st hero

You know I told Tom I was going to be fine. I really am. I miss him but it's part of life, love and loss. I had to reassure him I could start over. I think that's what he was sorry about.

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Response to gwheezie (Reply #50)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:22 PM

52. Shirley is a great hero. She was even one to my Republican Dad.

But my Dad wasn't partisan, had good friends in both parties. I know that you're hurting now, but you have to be strong. After all, you promised your wonderful Tom.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Reply #52)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:56 PM

67. I'm insanely jealous of people who got to meet Shirley Chisolm in real life.

I was a youngster during her heyday but thought she was just the coolest lady on the planet.

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Response to IrishAyes (Reply #67)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:04 AM

68. I was just a little kid, but I remember my Dad's stories about his time with her well.

He always smiled when he told them, so I learned to become a lifelong admirer, too.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Reply #47)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:39 PM

156. I do too (appreciate your Shirley Chisholm signature)! She was the first person I voted for,

in the first primaries in which I was old enough to vote. My dad thought I was out of my mind. Well, even back then, I wanted a president who looked at least a little bit like ME (as in = FEMALE). Even back then I didn't have full confidence that old and middle-aged men understood the world the way I saw it. That she was a black woman made her even more interesting to me because I felt it was time that blacks had more of a voice. What if one of them could be president someday? Why not start now? And a black WOMAN - even better!!! Because - Hot Diggity Dog, would that kind of candidate EVER see the world from OUR eyes, for a change!!!! Even back then I saw the world as much more than just a bunch of middle-aged white men. I thought that meant we'd never really get a grip on our nation's many and varied problems as long as we had just only that one main mindset at work on them. We needed OTHER thinking. We still do.

And Dear gwheezie, I'm so sorry for your loss! Your beautiful tribute to your man is so touching. Reaches deep down into all our hearts - into the hearts of ANYONE who would read that. I hope his passing was painless and swift. But I also know only his body has passed from your life. His heart and his spirit are still clearly by your side.

As it goes here on DU, you do not mourn alone.



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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:14 PM

48. i am so sorry for your loss.

big hugs.
so, so sorry.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:17 PM

49. my condolences

Thanks for telling us about him. The cat comment made me smile, that was so sweet. I hope I see dogs. Lots and lots of dogs with waggy tails.



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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:26 PM

54. So sorry. He sounded like a great guy.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:26 PM

55. I'm sorry for your loss, your husbands sounds like a rather amazing person

I will keep you in my thoughts.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:27 PM

56. Thank you for sharing these pearls of wisdom even in your sadness. Interesting...

Take comfort in that it seems he was well prepared to pass.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:31 PM

57. Aw I'm so sorry. Sending you vibes.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:33 PM

58. I'm sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself. It sounds like Tom was a great guy.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:34 PM

59. Tom sounds like a wonderful man

Sounds like he made it easy for you to let him go. I'm so sorry for your loss but I know you have wonderful memories of him that will make you smile in the years ahead.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:35 PM

60. Thank you for your beautiful post, and for sharing your dear husband with us.

What a blessing that you had that time with him at the end of his worldly journey and the beginning of his journey into the wider universe! I know the cat went with him.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:38 PM

61. So very sorry for this loss...

I want to be remembered the away your dear husband is being remembered....


Tikki

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:45 PM

62. I'm so sorry for your loss, gwheezie.

He sounds like he was a very good person.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:46 PM

64. I'm so sorry

Your Husband sound like an amazing guy that I would be proud to have as a friend.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:48 PM

65. I believe one of the greatest blessings one can have is to be present

with your loved when he/she passes.

You had that, gwheezie, and I know you treasure that time and those moments, and you so generously shared them with us.
Take comfort in his words and all the memories of times together that will come back to you over the next days, weeks, months.

Come in and tell us how you are and how things are going for you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Tue Aug 26, 2014, 11:51 PM

66. Thanks for sharing that amazing tribute.

May your great memories of your time together sustain you as you grieve.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:04 AM

69. What an awesome

tribute you have made here. My thoughts are with you and your family. It is good to know that he was able to depart on his terms and that he was not afraid.

He sounds like a wonderful person. I wish you well in your new world and hope for the best for you and yours.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:13 AM

70. .....

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:18 AM

71. Thank you, more than I can express, for sharing this.

I can't explain why, other than to tell you it's brought light.

And I will hold you and Tom in that Light that you brought.

Because I know that so often the one who bears the Light can't necessarily see it themselves, and grief and loss cast a powerful shadow.

May healing come with abundance.

respectfully,
Bright

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:30 AM

72. So sorry to hear of your husband's passing.

It sounds like his beliefs were a lot like mine. It's wonderful that you two could talk about them.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:33 AM

73. I am so sorry

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:35 AM

74. He sounds as though he was amazing.

My sympathy to you, and hope that his mystery cat joined him on his journey.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:41 AM

75. Death Smiles at Us All

Your Husband Smiled Back.

Ultimately, that is a very healthy perspective on Life.

Thank you for sharing.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:19 AM

76. my heart goes out to you

thank you for sharing all this. tom sounds like a great guy with a great sense of humor (as i read his quip about wanting you to tell the girlfriend, bookie & drug dealer he can't pay up).

how terrible that so many doctors managed to misdiagnose an aggressive form of cancer, sending him home from the er on two occasions, claiming he had acid reflux. i'm sorry he had to go through that confusion when he seemed so certain that something was very wrong.

i, too, believe he was seeing a cat--and i'm wondering what the connection was...? it sounds like the cat was waiting to go with him.

in case you're not aware of the bereavement forum on du here is a link:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
someone who was a grief & loss counselor recently posted a thread you may find helpful--"surviving the death of a life partner"
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1234894
and "suggestions for coping with grief"
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1234892

i'm so glad you had some time to talk things through with him. i know those conversations can be very precious. i wish tom spectacular journeys, and much peace and comfort for you and your daughter. i suspect he'll be back to check in on you and watch over you every now and then.

take good care. you're not alone.



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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:32 AM

77. I am so sorry.

I lost my husband in Dec. If you ever need to talk, please pm me. I am so glad you had those weeks to talk it out. (((HUG)))

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:35 AM

78. Via con Dios good man

 

go on ahead and scout the undiscovered country for us.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:47 AM

79. My deepest sympathies.

I thought your post was a nice remembrance of him. He sounds like a pistol.



Your strength is admirable. May you be surrounded by love and support!

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 03:48 AM

80. My heart goes out to you and your family

Not only is there life after death, but it appears that the same people we are close to in this life we have been close to in past lives and will be in future lives. I have been reading "Edgar Cayce: An American Prophet." I grew up and spent a good portion of my life in Virginia Beach. The Cayce Foundation and their activities were part of daily life and I think I took a lot for granted. Now, years later and living in California, the book has helped me rediscover Cayce.



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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 04:56 AM

81. I'm so, so sorry for your loss

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:06 AM

82. Sorry about the loss of your Tom, gwheezie.

It sounds like Tom really had it together. We can only hope to be as cool when faced with approaching death.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:09 AM

83. Beautiful tribute and I am very sorry

for your loss. Sounds like he was a really cool guy.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:09 AM

84. Mercy



Rest in peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:21 AM

86. I'm so very sorry for your loss... I hope you have many warm and fuzzy memories of him

to lift you up, as you go on your journey without him...

He sounds like he was a great guy and had a sense of humor.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:28 AM

87. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:32 AM

88. oh, my dear

 

. . . how very sad.

Take care of yourself and know that you are loved.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:37 AM

89. He sounds as if he was an amazing person...

...who met, and fell in love with, another such person.

So sorry for your loss. Being an animal lover, maybe the cat was his guide......just sayin'.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:40 AM

90. Oh



I know people say 'sorry' in times like this but (especially because I have experienced this) to have such a gift... time with a good person on this earth... Oh...

you are fortunate indeed (as I have been)

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:46 AM

91. What a wonderful tribute you have made for him here.

He sounds like a wonderful man and one with a great sense of humor.

I am so sorry for your loss, but so grateful that you chose to share this here.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:46 AM

92. Sorry for your loss gwheezie

Peace to you and your family and friends.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:51 AM

93. I hope I'm as comfortable w/ my death as your husband was ...

May the joy of all your cherished memories be a balm in your time of sorrow.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:52 AM

94. Sounds like he was a wonderful person.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace to you and your family gwheezie.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:55 AM

95. My sincere condolences

 

on the loss of your true lover and a true, good, human being. May you find peace that he has found peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:02 AM

96. My condolences and sympathies.

May we all pass on with such dignity. I hope that bookcase stays stocked.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:07 AM

97. *hugs* and prayers

so sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:08 AM

98. All our best to you.

Thanks for a peek onto a great life you shared with a great person. Peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:11 AM

99. Peace

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:16 AM

100. You are a blessed being

Courageous people are hard to come by. Sail on.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:24 AM

101. Sounded like a man who knew what and how he wanted his life to be


and was just as strong about how he wanted to close out his last chapter. Thank you for sharing, and so sorry you have lost someone that sounded so vital and present. Sometimes the strongest people around us seem indestructible and their loss can be all the more terrible to bear. I hope you have the strength to lead you forward and recognize that he trusted you enough to share his fears along with his aspirations, and that is so rare a combination in many ways.

I know the loss must be immeasurable and I wish there were words that would mend that terrible loss you must be feeling. My thoughts go out to you, and your friends/family.

And I do have to say that the last line you wrote inspired a smile. I bet that cat he dragged along for the ride never saw it coming. Glad he did not leave alone. True in more ways than one.

<big hugs>


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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:31 AM

102. Wow...What a wonderful man he must have been to see things

the way he did his last days. I lost my husband 7 years ago. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My thoughts and prayers coming your way.

Hugs.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:33 AM

103. Be strong and remember his humour

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:37 AM

104. He sounds like a wonderful man.

May I offer my condolences for your loss and offer him safe passage to whatever lies ahead.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:48 AM

105. So sorry,

When my time comes, I hope I can make my exit as candidly and with as much dignity as your Tom.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:56 AM

106. Wow. That was powerful.

A good man (he liked Oscar Peterson). RIP

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:04 AM

107. God's speed Tom

What a way to go...on his own terms. Hope you find peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:05 AM

108. Peace...


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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:21 AM

109. I'm so sorry for your loss...

"Why was I worried about that shit?"

is quite profound.


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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:23 AM

111. So sorry for your loss. What a wonderful guy!

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:29 AM

112. I am sorry. And thank you for this post.

My father died quickly of cancer 16 years ago. Your post reminded me of the things he said and did in his few days between diagnosis and passing. Thank you for bringing me those memories.

I send you peace.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:31 AM

113. Tom sounds like a wonderful person.

I am very sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:33 AM

114. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:41 AM

116. I'm extremely sorry for the loss of your partner in life.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:16 AM

117. So sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:23 AM

118. I am sorry for your loss and thankful for your post

Now he's in a lot of minds.....

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:31 AM

119. : (

Thank you for sharing his last moments. Inspiring.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:34 AM

120. Your husband sounded like a really great man. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for putting those last words down. It is very comforting to read.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:39 AM

121. Hugs to you gwheezie. Sound like a great guy. Peace to you. nt

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:47 AM

122. {{{{{gwheezie}}}}}

I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I can't get my head around how the doctors didn't order more tests when he initially complained.

When you said he died listening to Oscar Peterson and Joe Pass I started crying...Mr. Dorkzilla was listening to Cakewalk last night and I pictured myself in your position...no words.

I'm going through a lot of stress right now, and his words "Why was I worried about that shit" hit me like a thunderbolt. He was absolutely right. So thank you, Tom, for the gift of the most poignant illustration of how trivial my "problems" are. And thank you for reminding me to hold Mr. Dorkzilla just a little longer tonight.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:48 AM

123. ...

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:48 AM

124. I'm so sorry for your loss.

He sounds like one helluva a guy that it was my misfortune for not having had the opportunity to know.

Peace and comfort to you and your family.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:50 AM

125. "Why was I worried about that shit " - particularly meaningful to me now....

 

Thank you and much love ((((()))))

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:54 AM

126. My heartfelt condolences

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:57 AM

127. sorry for your loss

(((hugs)))

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:10 AM

128. What an amazing man. I am sorry for your loss. nt

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:18 AM

129. Peace be with you -

Sounds like the kind of man that would appreciate the old saying of when people walk past his casket, they'll say - " That guy owed me alot of money".

He sounds like a warrior to be praised rather than grieved.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:22 AM

130. So very sorry to hear this...thoughts are with you...

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:27 AM

132. Hugs to you

Your husband sounds like a lovely man with a great sense of humor. You were lucky to have each other. Be comforted knowing that those who never knew him in life, grieve for you both today.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:31 AM

133. (((((((gwheezie)))))))

 



Peace...

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:48 AM

134. So sorry, Gwheezie.

May your beloved rest in peace, and may you be comforted in your grief.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 11:57 AM

135. Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:07 PM

136. (((hug)

 

It sounds like he was a hot shit.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing a bit of him with us.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:11 PM

137. gwheezie - this post was one of the most touching posts I have ever read.

My outlook is very similar to Tom's and I hope I can remain even half as clever and brave throughout.

(( ))
and peace to you

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:12 PM

138. Sorry for your loss

I hate cancer

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:16 PM

139. I'm so sorry. He sounds like a wonder. May he cross easy.

Those are some wonderful last thoughts. Thank you for sharing them.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:36 PM

140. It's so heartwarming to know

that both of you were with the love of your life. It's so rare these days. Remember to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to mourn and grieve and to celebrate his life and spirit. He'll be with you when you need him most.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 12:49 PM

142. I dont respond

 

I don't usually respond to these statements on DU, but I had too on yours. Your husband sounded like a really down to earth, cool guy. His final statements were heartfelt and (I imagine he was like my father, great sense of humor) humorous to read. I hope you are doing ok, but with memories he gave you, you will be fine.....good luck and if you need to converse...look me up....RT

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:15 PM

143. Tom was obviously a wise and witty man who loved life, his family, and pets. Our deepest

sympathy.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:15 PM

144. So sorry. He sounds like a swell guy. nt

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:16 PM

145. I am sorry for your loss

Your husband sounded like a wonderful man, rare indeed.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:22 PM

146. your husband was obviously a great guy

And I am glad he was a part of your life. You have my most sincere condolences for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:43 PM

147. Sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 01:52 PM

148. I'm very sorry for your loss.

It sounds like he was at peace with it rather than fighting it and that is a good thing.

But I am very sorry that our health care system failed him and you, and that you have lost him.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:10 PM

149. Tom sounds amazing.

And he, through your post, has touched many more people now with his humor. I hope I remember some of those so I can say them, too, when the time comes.

Thanks for posting. Sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:13 PM

150. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:13 PM

151. So sorry for your loss.

I`m glad you had that time with him.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:16 PM

152. So sorry for your loss, gwheezie

It sounds like your husband was alot of fun, and a good man. Hugs and good wishes to you and your family & friends.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:21 PM

153. So sorry for your loss.

Sending comfort and courage.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:22 PM

154. My condolences,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:24 PM

155. I love the things he said before he passed. Great humor and perspective on his

dying process.


And I hope the cat did go with him.









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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:41 PM

157. He sounds like a wonderful man with a great sense of humor.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:48 PM

158. I am sorry for your loss.

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 02:54 PM

159. I am so sad for you.

 

He must have had a great heart given how his personality shines in those quotes.

Peace be with you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 03:01 PM

160. No wonder you loved him so much

What an amazing person he must have been. Although his physical being has left this earth, remember the love never dies. Hold on to that thought.

Peace be with you.

Sam

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 03:11 PM

161. So sorry for your loss

I know how you're feeling now. My wife died two months ago and I'm still hurting.

My sympathies to you.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 03:58 PM

162. It sounds like he had a great attitude

I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 04:59 PM

163. sorry for your loss

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 05:09 PM

164. this was a profound message, gwheezie

I didn't respond for a while because I was thinking about
what you shared. It's very profound, really.....geee... :pondering:


I hope you have all the support you need to navigate this new chapter. Grief is hard...really hard.

I absolutely believe you'll feel your husband's presence in the most meaningful ways.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 05:13 PM

165. My sincere condolences to you, your family and your friends

Very sorry for your loss. Sounds like he did his most to lessen your heartache - what a great guy!

RIP Tom - we've lost a good partner in the struggle.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 05:21 PM

166. i'm so sorry...

You've painted a vivid picture of your husband. I think we would have liked each other.

Life is precious. Life is fragile. Life should never be taken for granted.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 05:40 PM

167. I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like one hell of any interesting

person.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 06:08 PM

168. My sincere condolances

My heart goes out to you. He is at peace, I wish that you find peace too.


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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 06:10 PM

169. I'm very sorry.

 

Those quotes really give us a good idea of your husband's personality and sense of humor.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 06:24 PM

170. Strength and grace to you and your family.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 06:28 PM

171. If there's a way to go

That's the way to do it.

Cracking jokes and letting the people left behind know you're okay with it.

Sorry for your loss.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 06:36 PM

172. Thank you all for your support

I wrote about him of course for myself for my own grief but also I thought damn it there are so many people that will never know what a special person he was and I just wanted a few more people to know about him. It makes me feel better.
Today I finalized the cremation arrangement, it reminded me of his request to cremate him naked. He told me a few weeks ago "for gods sake don't let them talk you into dressing me, it's stupid to dress up a dead guy"
I had to identify is body, it's a law in Virginia before cremation, that was ok. A little hard to do. It hit me hard that it wasn't him anymore. That part, the him part was gone. I hope it was all he wanted it to be when he left this world.
My friend and I had lunch at her farm afterwards, we had margaritas and sat overlooking her pond and horses on a lovely day. He would have wanted to go riding on a day like today. One of the kids came over the day before he died and rode his horse, I watched them go off in the distance through a field and out of sight over a hill. I told him about it, how happy his horse was to be groomed and fussed over, she was his baby and had been neglected for a few months while he was feeling sicker and sicker.
For the last few days he was seeing people in his room, I asked him if he knew any of them and he said no, never saw them before. He said there was one guy there all the time named Harold, he had no idea who he was. He'd say to me Ď Know you think I'm hallucinating but that guy over there talks to me sometimes. It didn't frighten him, he was more amazed than anything.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:18 PM

174. My condolences to you RIP Tom and thanks for letting us know what a

great guy he was and the strength and grace he showed at the end of his life. Hope that cat went with him !

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 07:38 PM

175. He sounds like a very special man. You are so lucky to have had some sort of

a final dialog with him. So happy that he was able to leave on his own terms, at peace, and listening to such great music. This has to be an ideal transition. I'm sure there was a cat waiting for him when he crossed over!! It's no wonder Egyptians worshiped cats.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:12 PM

176. Sending you peace and healing in your loss

 

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:20 PM

177. there are no words anyone can say that mean anything right now. Your husband took

care of that. He was a remarkable sounding man and you have my love. Both of you and your daughter.

Your dad probably did see a cat then that you couldn't see. My dad saw his parents waiting for him to take him to the next life. Your husband won't be far. Talk to him. He's there. I huge you and send you all the love I can find in my soul and I know it means very little right now. Time is your friend. Take care and know you are loved.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:49 PM

178. I'm so sorry.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 08:52 PM

179. Oh I'm so sorry, but I sense some humor in him about his death. Hopefully he brought you much.

Best to you and may you be reunited, if that's your wish, soon.

- Tab

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:15 PM

180. Most impressive tribute I've read at DU. Glad you were there to help him pass. Take care, gwheezi.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Wed Aug 27, 2014, 10:26 PM

181. Thanks for sharing his last thoughts. I've bookmarked this thread.

I especially like, "Why was I worried about that shit"

It's going to be a mantra for me for a while.

I'm sorry for you loss. It sounds like he was a good one.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Thu Aug 28, 2014, 02:48 AM

184. Sounds like a wonderful man

I hope your memories can tide you over for a long time to come.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Thu Aug 28, 2014, 08:56 PM

185. My sincerest condolences for your loss. ='(

 

R.I.P. Tom.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Thu Aug 28, 2014, 11:14 PM

186. what a beautiful goodbye

and a letting go. Thank you for this gift to us.

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Thu Aug 28, 2014, 11:40 PM

187. So sorry

Condolences on the loss of your beloved husband, Tom. He sounds like he was a great guy and had a great attitude about life. (((HUGS)))

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Response to gwheezie (Original post)

Fri Aug 29, 2014, 10:51 AM

188. Tom sounds like a wonderful, wonderful man

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure that cat came to our side to guide him across, and I'm sure his crosssing was easy. Pad Thai is a favorite of mine; clearly he had great taste.

godspeed, Tom.

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