Santa's had his crack at facilitating the kiddies -- why not give Satan a shot?

[TexasTowelie]

You might think that the Prince of Darkness has more important things than answer foolish letters from childen, but apparently not.

"If you really want a job that allows you to make a great deal of money in a fast and unethical way (a rather admirable goal in my opinion), you can go ahead and send me your résumé. I have a number of very close friends at Goldman Sachs."
-- from Satan's reply to a letter from David, who says he wants a computer "so I can do better in school and get a good job and make lots and lots of money"

Now this is an idea. Goodness knows Santa has had the Christmas business pretty much to himself for a long time, and as between "Santa" and "Satan" there's only that slight difference in the arrangement of this tiny handful of letters, and it's an open question which can be thought the truer embodiment of the Christmas spirit.

The kind of confusion this can entail is reflected in the introductory note to the "Children's Holiday Letters to Satan" gathered by Matt Passet in his recent newyorker.com "Daily Shout" piece:

Each year, due mostly to minor misspellings and very poor penmanship, hundreds of children’s letters are sent to Satan, Dark Lord of the Underworld. Always in the market for the souls of innocents, Satan will often take the time to respond.

One obvious difference, if the letters Matt has selected are anything to go by, is that Satan doesn't feel automatically bound by the spirit of commercialism. By which I mean that he doesn't appear bound by any need to put the message "Buy! Buy! Buy!" at the top of his advice-giving principles. Here, for example, is his full reply to David, who you'll recall from above wanted a computer in order to "do better in school and get a good job and make lots and lots of money."

Dear David,

First of all, bravo for not telling me your age. You have no idea how many people are concluding their letters with this random of piece if information. It’s like, “All Best, Satan, Shoe Size 9 ½” or “Regards, Satan, 185 lbs. (190 around the holidays!).”

But, anyway, on to your letter. Being the embodiment of pure evil, I will not get you this computer. I’m not Mark Zuckerberg. (Or am I? Kidding, I’m not.) But if you really want a job that allows you to make a great deal of money in a fast and unethical way (a rather admirable goal in my opinion), you can go ahead and send me your résumé. I have a number of very close friends at Goldman Sachs.

Regards,

Satan, 5? 10? (LOL)

- See more at: http://downwithtyranny.blogspot.com/2014/12/santas-had-his-crack-at-facilitating.html