Said on the TeeVee

[Scuba]

Seth Meyers

A new CBS News poll shows Chris Christie is ranked ninth out of all Republican presidential candidates. He's just behind Bobby Jindal and just ahead of a gun wearing a cowboy hat.

Jimmy Fallon

New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there’s no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates.

Letterman

For the fifth year in a row the Academy Award for best animated short went to Tom Cruise.

Jimmy Kimmel

Alaska today officially legalized marijuana for recreational use. I think they did this years ago. That's how the Palin kids ended up with those names, right?