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left-of-center2012

(34,195 posts)
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 11:36 PM Jul 2017

Things That Court Reporters Have Recorded

The Most Hilarious Things That Court Reporters Have Ever Recorded To Be Said In Court

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
.............................................................

LAWYER: What happened then?
WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
LAWYER: Did he kill you?
WITNESS: No.
............................................

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
....................................................

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
....................................

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Things That Court Reporters Have Recorded (Original Post) left-of-center2012 Jul 2017 OP
I laughed out loud at each of the ten. riverbendviewgal Jul 2017 #1
there is 7 pages I think rurallib Jul 2017 #5
This list has been circulating for years - The Velveteen Ocelot Jul 2017 #2
Classics! csziggy Jul 2017 #3
Donald Sterling is still the king of WTF testimony: Blue_Tires Jul 2017 #4

riverbendviewgal

(4,251 posts)
1. I laughed out loud at each of the ten.
Tue Jul 18, 2017, 12:01 AM
Jul 2017

I had tears in my eyes. And to think that these were really said in a courtroom.

rurallib

(62,346 posts)
5. there is 7 pages I think
Wed Jul 19, 2017, 09:34 PM
Jul 2017

I am on page 2 and still laughing my ass off.
ETA scroll down a bit to see the arrow to go further

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,280 posts)
2. This list has been circulating for years -
Tue Jul 18, 2017, 12:39 AM
Jul 2017

I first saw many of these when I was in law school in the late '70s. But it still cracks me up.

csziggy

(34,120 posts)
3. Classics!
Tue Jul 18, 2017, 11:47 PM
Jul 2017

My favorite from that list has always been:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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