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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsThings That Court Reporters Have Recorded
The Most Hilarious Things That Court Reporters Have Ever Recorded To Be Said In CourtATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral
.............................................................
LAWYER: What happened then?
WITNESS: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
LAWYER: Did he kill you?
WITNESS: No.
............................................
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, Where am I, Cathy?
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
....................................................
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
....................................
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Things That Court Reporters Have Recorded (Original Post)
left-of-center2012
Jul 2017
OP
riverbendviewgal
(4,251 posts)1. I laughed out loud at each of the ten.
I had tears in my eyes. And to think that these were really said in a courtroom.
rurallib
(62,346 posts)5. there is 7 pages I think
I am on page 2 and still laughing my ass off.
ETA scroll down a bit to see the arrow to go further
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,280 posts)2. This list has been circulating for years -
I first saw many of these when I was in law school in the late '70s. But it still cracks me up.
csziggy
(34,120 posts)3. Classics!
My favorite from that list has always been:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)4. Donald Sterling is still the king of WTF testimony: